Work Text:
[‘Saudade’ is an untranslatable Portuguese term that refers to the melancholic longing or yearning.]
Kellin was missing his friend that disappeared out of the blue, which made him concerned. Missing so much that sometimes it hurts. The saudade is so much that he caught himself listening to a few audios he has saved of his friend talking random stuff. What saddens him the most is that he can’t put on his shoes and go knock on Vic’s door for being a country of distance. He had never seen Victor in person, but the connection between them is undeniable. Kellin considers him his best friend. He would say forever, but that word comes with trauma.
They used to talk everyday, and when Victor didn’t appear for a few days, Kellin always got worried, not that he demanded from Vic to talk everyday, but the good feeling was mutual, or at least, Victor never gave any sign of not liking it, much for the other way around, he seemed to enjoy too.
Now that Kellin chose to learn Vic’s language, he gets a little upset, or sad, or crestfallen, something he just can describe by ‘saudade’ . When he does something that reminds him of Victor, it brings him a weird sensation and a little smile, because he knows his friend is still alive, and still waiting for him to come back.
Never in his life, Kellin thought he would be longing for someone he had never seen, nor touched. Also he had never thought to long for someone who is not dead, that concept for him is new, but that shows how much he cares for that boy from another country. He had already longed for people that were his friend, but that kind of saudade used to hurt and still hurts. Those friends that Kellin longed for the loss of their friendship tore his heart in half, but his silly little self was too ingenuous to let go of those toxic people. Even, he was afraid of feeling like that again, but the saudade he feels for Victor feels different and does not hurt like he remembered it hurting. Of course it hurt a little, but still.
He remembers great moments with Vic and gets happy, what didn’t happen with his other friends, Kellin gets sad just for thinking about why they just left without saying a word.
In his head, if Vic comes back in a year or even later, he will still want the friendship to be great as it was before. If he never comes back, Kellin will still remember him as a great part of his life, even though it was for little time.
I will never leave it all behind.