Work Text:
one day you're walking through egypt when suddenly you see a house, and since breaking and entering is one of your all time favorite hobbies that's just what you do.
it's very dark in the house, but a delicious smell guides you to the kitchen like a cartoon character when they smell a roast beast. on the table there are 3 bowls of froot loops. "score!!!" you think. all that lock picking was making you a little hungry. you procure a spoon from the bloody kitchen sink and get to sampling.
the first bowl of froot loops is too soggy, like it's been sitting out for half an hour or more. the second bowl of froot loops is too hot! "yeeowch!" you exclaim, burning your tongue on the scalding milk. the third bowl of cereal is just mediocre, but it's better than the other two, so you eat the whole thing.
all that cereal is making you a little sleepy, so you leave the kitchen and walk blindly into the darkness again to search for a bed to sleep in, occasionally stubbing your toe or bonking your head against a wall. eventually you get the brilliant idea of sticking your arms out in front of you so you can feel your way around.
the first bed you find is too small. you try to lie down on it but only your butt can fit comfortably between the two arms. it seems as though it has the same dimensions and features as a chair.
the second bed you find is too hard. maybe it's not even a bed at all. honestly it's probably a table or something, but you can't see shit so you'll never know for sure.
the third bed you find is finally a normal bed, albeit on the large side, so you hop in and feel around for some pillows. the first pillow is way too flat and smells like it would be yellow if you could see it. the second pillow is too hard and heavy and has the same texture as a cinderblock. who the fuck put a cinderblock in the bed? you chuck the cinderblock on the other side of the bed.
"ow," says a voice. you gasp in shock. is someone there? nah, probably just your imagination.
you continue groping around for a pillow. the third pillow you find is very soft and smooth, but--wait a minute--are those boobs?????!!!
"oh hol horse, stop it," the voice from before says, giggling. you recognize the voice immediately, it's dio from jojo's bizarre adventure. you scream and dio wakes up.
"oh my, breakfast in bed~" he says, then sticks his wrinkly fingers in your neck and kills your life. the last thing you hear is dio saying that your blood tastes delicious, almost like froot loops.