Archive of Our Own ^beta

Jon sat cross legged with his hands on his knees, and tried to listen to Ryan.

“Just relax,” Ryan was saying, “listen to my voice. Breathe in, slow, let your lungs fill with air, hold one two and breathe out. Again, slow, feel your heart beating. And again, in, one two three and hold-”

Jon had said something about not being able to sleep and maybe being too stressed, it had just been a passing comment really, but Ryan had wanted to help, had insisted and Jon couldn’t say no.

“This is stupid,” Jon said on the exhale, his eyes still closed.

“You need to clear your mind,” Ryan said. He’d put candles and scented oils all over the place, he’d said they were calming, but they just got up Jon's nose and made him want to sneeze.

“I can’t,” he replied, frustrated, opening his eyes, “I’d need my music to stop thinking, and even then it’s not a sure bet.”

“I need you to focus on my voice,” Ryan said, calmly, “and the essences.”

“I’m trying,” Jon said, unintentionally pouting, “it’s not working.”

“Ok, ok let’s try something else,” Ryan said, “close your eyes.”

Jon took one last doubtful look at Ryan and closed his eyes.

“We’re going to start by breathing again-“

“Ryan-“

“Just, trust me,” Ryan said, “listen to my voice, breathe in, imagine all this good oxygen filling your lungs, seeping into your blood-“

“Gross,” Jon muttered.

“-and imagine the bad things going out, leaving your body,” Ryan said, ignoring him, “breathe in again, now taking oxygen from all around your body, feel it replace the bad things with good things, and out again. With every breath in, you will take in more oxygen, and it will replace all the bad things. Feel the calm from the air go through you, into your muscles, your arms first, spreading further with every breath, till it’s at your fingertips, the tips of your toes.”

Ryan's voice trailed off, but Jon continued breathing, slow and steady, just like Ryan said, trying to imagine the oxygen going in and the bad things going out, but he couldn’t focus on it for too long. He was already thinking about work, and the article and what his next project should be, and when the rent was due, and if he still had any antihistamines in his bag.

His thoughts were cut off abruptly by something soft pressed against his lips. It only took a moment for him to realise it was Ryan kissing him. He opened his mouth, letting him in. He tried to pull Ryan closer, lifted his hands to fist in Ryan's shirt but Ryan stopped him, putting them back on his knees and keeping his own hands over Jon's.

Jon moaned in annoyance. “Why’d you do that?”

“You’re thinking too much,” Ryan said, not removing his hands.

“I was doing what you told me to,” Jon said, “I was breathing.”

“You weren’t focusing,” Ryan said, still the epitome of calm.

Jon bit his lip. “Ok,” he said, “I think there are still some thoughts though, you want to try again?”

Ryan smirked, seeing through Jon’s plight, but leaned in to kiss him anyway.