Archive of Our Own ^beta

“You didn’t tell me you were going to Jeju.”

Jiwon startles at the familiar voice and the words breathed near her ear. She doesn’t mean to turn as fast as she does, eyes locking onto Seoyeon. She looks tired, eyes drooping and lips pouted as she stares back, waiting for an answer. Jiwon feels her heart catch in her throat, can’t decide if she wants to acknowledge it or if she wants to bury the feeling deep in her chest.

“Neither did you,” she fires back, trying her best to seem nonchalant. She hopes her eyes look as playful as normal when she teases her fellow members and not the deer-in-headlights panic she feels rolling behind her ribs with every beat of her heart.

Seoyeon hums in acknowledgement, taking the seat next to Jiwon at the gate. Their flight won’t be boarding for another hour, and Jiwon forfeits what she was hoping would be a week to breathe and step away from the limelight from her.

‘She’ll probably be staying at a different hotel, maybe even somewhere else on the island entirely. You’ll still get your time to yourself.’ she tells herself. Acting weird now isn’t going to do herself any favors, so she slides further into her seat, pats her shoulder for the other girl. “Come, I’ll wake you when we’re boarding.”

It’s immediate, both Seoyeon’s head hitting her shoulder and Jiwon’s heart pounding erratically. She hopes Seoyeon won’t hear or notice it. “Thank you, honey,” she feels more than hears, definitely feels the relaxed breath hit her collarbone.

‘Get it together, Jiwon,’ she grumbles to herself, hoping the next few deep breaths will calm down the turmoil in her heart.

It doesn’t.

-

They always run into each other on vacation.

It’s been a long running joke at this point. Jiwon takes her vacation to visit family in Busan, and somehow Seoyeon is there with her brother at the same cafe. Jiwon goes to see a movie, Seoyeon will be there to see a different movie. It’s always been a funny coincidence that continuously reoccurs, and Jiwon catches herself secretly hoping that she’ll run into Seoyeon when she goes out during vacation. The girls always tease them.

“Surely you planned this,” Saerom will poke their cheeks, giggling at their stories.

“Yah, awful liars you both are,” Chaeyoung will roll her eyes affectionately while she tousles Seoyeon’s hair.

Jiwon always chalked it up to serendipity, though she’d never say that out loud. Seoyeon brought laughter and fun with her wherever she went, but also a fresh perspective when things seemed rough and a warm embrace when words couldn’t help. Jiwon has never been one to seek out physical comfort, but with Seoyeon it’s… easy, it’s carefree. As though her heart is flying and resting all at once.

She often tries not to think of the implications.

It was always serendipitous to see Seoyeon outside of their group activities. At least, until it wasn’t.

It was, until the night Jiwon turned a street corner to see Seoyeon pressed against someone she couldn’t recognize, looking up into their eyes as though the stars had been plucked from the sky and placed within them. It’s a look she knows intimately, because she suppresses it around the younger girl more often than she’d like to admit. A look she knows Chaeyoung has caught her wearing at least once, the look in the tall girl's eyes some blurred mixture of intrigue and pity all at once.

Jiwon doesn’t really remember how she got home. Seoyeon noticed her, but before the girl could say anything she turned on her heel and left. Just walked until her brain caught up with her feet and the four walls of her room surrounded her. Her comforter shielded her emotions from escaping into the world, from words she wasn’t ready to understand slipping into existence and becoming real.

When activities started back up, Seoyeon smiled at her but didn’t mention it. Jisun raised an eyebrow at Jiwon’s suddenly clingy behavior over the next few days weeks but said nothing on the subject. If Jisun ended up with a few more treats than normal after Jiwon dictated herself ‘over it’, she said nothing about that either.

-

The trip to Jeju was meant to be her time to get over this whirlwind of feelings for the girl now resting comfortably on her shoulder. She had it all planned out in her head; land, go to the nearest club, get drunk, find a few people to make out with and get this weird yearning out of her system, then go back home and apologize to the younger girl for being so weird lately after getting her out of her system.

With a now Seoyeon sized wrench in her plans, Jiwon sighs in defeat. She throws her head back just a bit too hard, grunting in pain from the impact just as the attendant begins calling out boarding orders.

“Are you hurt?” Jiwon hadn’t even realized that Seoyeon was awake, the girl now rubbing the back of her head tenderly with a small giggle in her voice. “Did you fall asleep too and bonk your head?”

“Y-yeah,” Jiwon forces out a soft laugh, rubbing the back of her head herself. “We’re about to board, so you should probably get up.

Seoyeon yawns, nodding as she stretches her body out like a cat. “Where are you sitting?”

Jiwon hadn’t even thought about the possibility of them sitting together and curses under her breath. “7A. You?”

Seoyeon’s face lights up brighter than Jiwon’s seen in weeks. “Really? No way! I’m in 7B!”

Jiwon curses the universe for ruining her plans in the worst possible way. But at the same time, seeing Seoyeon so excited again is something she can’t take away from the girl. So she smiles back, taking the girl’s hand in hers and standing them up. “Come on, we can pick out a movie to watch together on the plane.”

Seoyeon’s smile somehow grows both brighter and softer at the same time, and that feeling behind her ribs starts to wrack against her insides.

She’s so screwed.

-

Seoyeon falls asleep halfway through the movie, giving Jiwon plenty of time to think.

In theory, even with Seoyeon here, she could still complete her goal. No doubt the younger girl will be somewhere else entirely on the island, which means Jiwon can still go to a club as soon as she lands and get drunk and hopefully fall in love become enamored with some stranger and get these feelings out of her system.

But the knowledge that Seoyeon will be somewhere nearby holds her back. She’s drawn to the girl like a magnet, and she won’t want to do anything without the girl knowing she’s near. Even though she’s been trying to keep her distance ever since that day on the street, she knows that if this girl even looks at her, she’ll do anything she asks of her. 

The next best thing she can think of to get these feelings out is to write them down. Get them out onto paper and just expel them from her body. Her headphones are in her ears in an instant, the demo instrumental the producers sent her filtering through her head and her heart. She takes one more look at the sleeping girl, brushes her bangs from her eyes, and then begins to write.

-

Jiwon had given up on her plans by the time she had finished writing the first rough draft of the song. Despite desperately trying to just ignore the pressure between her ribs when she thought about Seoyeon, writing the song did nothing but make her actually think about the feelings rattling around in there. Ignorance is no longer an option, and she knows she’s a horrible liar, so she just needs to do what she does best and be herself and hope that Seoyeon doesn’t suspect anything.

“Are we there yet?” A tired voice draws her out of her own thoughts. Her headphones are off in an instant, running her hand though the girl’s hair.

“Almost, honey,” the term of endearment slipping out as easily as breathing. ‘Good,’ she thinks to herself, ‘I can still act normal despite myself.’

Seoyeon’s sleepy smile shoots right through her heart, and she tucks the sight into her memory for a rainy day.

“What are we gonna do when we land, Jiwonnie?” Seoyeon asks against her chest, Jiwon freezing up at the question.

“Uh..”

“Oh, duh, we didn’t come together,” Seoyeon giggles after a moment, smiling at Jiwon. She removes herself from Jiwon’s proximity after a beat, running a hand through messy locks. Jiwon’s entirely too panicked to notice the flash of emotion across her eyes. “Sorry, I’m so used to being with you that I forgot we’re here on separate occasions.”

“Well, what are you here for?” Jiwon asks, despite herself. A selfish, unruly part of her hopes that she came for her, but Jiwon told no one about the details of her trip so there’s no way she’d be here for that. An uglier side of her hopes it isn’t for that person she saw Seoyeon pressed up against.

But Seoyeon just shrugs, and if Jiwon was in her right mind she’d read into the blush rising up Seoyeon’s neck. “Just wanted to get out of the city, I guess. Some fresh air to clear my head and get ready for the next comeback, you know?”

“I do,” Jiwon nods, tone soft and smile softer. “Well if you’re near, we can hang out. Okay? Don’t feel like you’re intruding.”

Seoyeon’s smile turns from nervous to soft, eyes tearing from Jiwon’s to the ground. “Thanks, unnie.”

“Yah, don’t call me that! It makes me feel old,” Jiwon whines, and sees the seatbelt sign come on to signal their descent.

“Whatever you say, unnie,” Seoyeon teases, and Jiwon’s sure she’ll be the death of her.

-

Jiwon offers to call Seoyeon a cab to her hotel, both to be nice and snoop to see where she’ll be staying so that she can avoid it at all costs.

The resounding ‘fuck’ that echoes through her entire being when Seoyeon says the name of Jiwon’s own hotel could deafen a man if she were to let it out.

And yet she can’t find it in herself to do anything about it when Seoyeon smiles at her like she placed the stars in the sky the same stars she no doubt sees in her mystery lover’s eyes, and she calls the cab while Seoyeon clings to her side.

They get their room numbers (thankfully two floors apart), and Seoyeon tells Jiwon she should rest up after the flight so that she enjoys her trip well. Jiwon can’t help but give into a moment of weakness, hugging the girl tightly before she leaves the elevator and telling her to come by whenever she wants company despite every logical thought screaming at her not to say that.

But Seoyeon smiles at her so she ignores the thoughts for now.

It’s not until she’s alone in her room, after she’s buried her head into her pillow and half-groaned, half-screamed into her pillow, that she pulls out her phone and dials the first person she thinks of.

She hangs up before the first ring even goes through. She doesn’t need to call Jisun every time there’s a minor inconvenience in her life, she tells herself. She can get through this like an adult.

The first adult thing she can think of is to fall asleep and hope that she wakes up and finds out this is all a dream.

-

Jiwon’s never been good at hiding how she feels.

They’re usually written all over her face and body language, her emotions. Or in her eyes. She’s so accustomed to being the expressive one, the loud one, the energetic one, that trying to keep anything inside anymore is more of a challenge than she remembers it being.

“What’s going on with you, unnie?” Jiheon had asked three weeks after the incident with Seoyeon had happened. “You’ve been acting all.. weird.”

“What do you mean? I’m not weird, I’m fine,” the immediate defensiveness in her tone did nothing to sell her lie to the youngest member, who looked at her as though she were about to scold her.

“Unnie-”

“I’m okay, Heonnie, promise,” she says with a smile, albeit a little forced. “Just trying to get my head around something I learned about at home. No need to worry your pretty little head.”

Jiheon relented eventually, but Jiwon could see Seoyeon in the reflection of the practice room mirror, eyes wide and filled with concern. She hasn’t managed to look at the other girl since they got back, that unspoken emotion tumbling around in her gut as though trying to break its way out. She could tell it was affecting them both, and noticed Seoyeon clinging to Chaeyoung and Saerom more and more as the days passed.

She knew Saerom wanted to say something to her, could see it in the look she gave her anytime they’re in the same room and Seoyeon isn’t. She instead, like any normal adult, avoided being alone in the same room as Saerom at all costs.

The trip was planned hastily, knowing their next break would be soon but not soon enough for Jiwon to get her head on straight and stop being weird so the group wouldn’t feel so off. But she knew she needed the break away before things got worse, for both the group’s sake and Seoyeon’s.

-

A soft knock on the door wakes her up earlier than she would’ve liked.

“Jiwonnie? It’s Seoyeon.”

“Shit,” she mutters. “Not a dream.”

She crawls out of bed, still in the clothes she wore to the airport, hair no doubt a mess, and pulls open the door to see Seoyeon-

Jiwon feels a little more awake than she did just a moment ago.

Seoyeon’s dressed in a bikini top and jean shorts, towel tossed over her shoulder, and sunglasses on her head. Jiwon tries not to look too hard at her body, instead focusing all of her attention on the smile on Seoyeon’s face.

Which doesn’t do much for her heart either, but still.

“You’re so cute when you’re tired, Jiwonnie,” she giggles. Jiwon scowls at the compliment to hide her blush. “I was gonna go to the beach, wanna come with?”

Jiwon pales slightly, trying to think of any excuse to not sit beside a bikini-clad Seoyeon for a few hours in the blistering sun. “Uh, I..”

“Pleeeeease?” Seoyeon pouts, and Jiwon’s resolve breaks in less than five seconds. But Seoyeon continues before she can answer, eyes a little sad as she says, “We haven’t hung out in a long time.”

That one hits a little too close to her heart, the guilt spreading like a blooming flower through her chest at the implication. She knows her behavior towards her best friend has been a bit rude and standoffish, but to actually see the effect it’s had on Seoyeon hurts more than she realized it would.

So she sighs, opening the door a little further. She really would do anything for this girl. “Let me get changed, then we can go.”

She sees stars in Seoyeon’s eyes when she smiles, and feels her chest clench with feelings she refuses to voice.

-

The beach was, as expected, an experience only survived through sheer force of will.

Jiwon gives up on her ‘don’t call Jisun’ agenda the moment she’s back alone in her hotel room, dialing her same aged friend immediately after closing the door.

“I saw you call me earlier,” are the first words out of Jisun’s mouth.

Jiwon whines loudly, throwing herself face down on the bed. She can hear her friend laugh at her through the receiver. “I’m so screwed, Jissen.”

“I can’t hear you through your comforter, Jiwon.”

“I said I’m screwed,” she enunciates to be sure Jisun hears her struggle loud and clear.

There’s a pause on the other end, followed by shuffling and then, “So you’re finally gonna tell me why you left?”

Jiwon groans, laying back on her bed. The air conditioning is starting to seep into her mostly bare skin and it’s making her shiver. “You have to promise not to tell anyone.”

“You know I’d never-”

“Not even Chaeyoung.”

The line goes quiet again before, “Fine. Is there a secret boyfriend? Did you go to that little café Hanyang told us about and have the snacks you wanted stolen-”

“I think I’m in love with Seoyeon.”

More silence, and Jiwon can feel her lunch roiling in her stomach, threatening to come up as fast as the words she promised she’d never speak had, and each passing second that Jisun doesn’t speak is another second of dread added to her shoulders.

“Okay,” Jisun says. It’s not condescending, not judgmental, not expectant of any explanation. Just acknowledgement. Jiwon releases a breath she wasn’t holding. “Definitely not on the list of things I thought you’d say but, okay. And you thought that if you got away for a little bit, it might be easier to deal with?”

“I saw her with someone on our last break, and it.. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t even know I had really liked her until then, and by the time the realization hit, so did the hurt.” There’s tears threatening to spill from the corners of her eyes, bleeding into her voice as she finally allows herself to feel what was locked away for so long.

“Oh, Jiwonnie,” Jisun says so softly that it nearly breaks her. “I’m sorry. Is there anything I can do?”

“Just you listening is enough,” Jiwon says through the sticky feeling in her mouth. “But yeah, I left to try and just.. get it out of my system. Maybe try to find someone else to feel these things for instead of my groupmate and best friend,” she laughs bitterly.

“So why-” Jisun starts to say, and Jiwon can hear the pieces fall into place in her head. “ Oh .” 

“Yeah.”

“I was wondering where she went. You guys really do always see each other on vacation, huh,” Jisun mutters to herself. “So your plans kind of went out the window.”

“I don’t want to keep acting this way around her. I can tell it’s been hurting her, and I just want to be her best friend again, but it's so hard to get over someone who’s two floors away from you.”

“She’s in the same hotel? ”

“Yeah,” Jiwon nods, knows Jisun can’t see her anyways, and sniffles slightly. “I just don’t know what to do.”

Jisun goes silent for a moment, and it gives Jiwon a moment to realize that this is the first time she’s said any of this aloud. She would be panicking so much more if it were to anyone but Jisun.

“Have you, I don’t know, told her how you’re feeling? You know Seoyeon is the last person that would hold your feelings against you. Reciprocated or not.”

“You think I’m insane? ” Jiwon’s voice cracks a bit as she rockets up into a sitting position. “Of course I haven’t told her, who do you think I am?”

“A coward,” Jisun teases, smile bleeding into her voice.

“Says the one who went to a horror movie just because Chaeyoungie asked you-”

“Aht! Not another word, Park Jiwon!”

“You don’t even like horror movies!”

“She looked so cute, I couldn’t think to say no!” Jisun whines. “Besides, this isn’t about me! This is about you and-”

“Shush!”

“You’re right, sorry,” Jisun relents. “Look, you might as well make the most of it. The two of you are alone on vacation, this is the perfect time to test the waters.”

“If she smiles at me one more time, I’m going to die.”

“Tsk, dramatic,” Jisun giggles. “You never know when you’ll have this chance again. At least try to enjoy yourself. And if you manage to step up to the plate-”

“You’ll kiss Chaeng on the stupid mouth?”

“I was gonna say I’d ask her out on a date before I was so rudely interrupted,” Jisun grumbles. “I hope everything works out though, Jiwon. I mean it.”

“Thanks Jisunnie. I really appreciate it,” Jiwon says, and she means it. She feels lighter after getting her feelings out into the open, but at the same time the reality of her situation sits heavy on her shoulders. “I’ll try not to call you too much.”

“Oh no, now that this is the problem, I need daily updates.”

“Byeeee Jisunnieeee!”

“Get back he-”

Jiwon hangs up before Jisun finishes, knowing she won’t hear the end of it next time she calls the girl. She’s shocked by the size of the sigh that erupts from her chest, exhausted from being honest and almost crying and trying not to stare at Seoyeon all day. Taking a look at the time on her phone, she decides that she’ll try to take Jisun’s advice after a night’s rest.

She tries not to, but she can feel a sliver of hope embed itself into her heart as she falls asleep.

-

After her talk with Jisun things are.. surprisingly easy.

Seoyeon ends up in her hotel room more often than not when they’re not out, cuddled against her side while they watch whatever’s showing on TV. Most of the time they’re not even watching just.. talking. Reacquainting themselves with the other’s presence after months of awkward tension. Jiwon laughs more in these moments than she has in so long, chest lighter and body less tense. Seoyeon’s breath against her skin still makes her heart rate skyrocket, her fingers grazing her waist makes her breath hitch, but she pushes past it as best as she can. Pushes past the feelings and the worry and just lets herself exist in these moments with Seoyeon.

“I missed you,” Seoyeon says on their third day in Jeju, sometime between the moon’s descent and the sun’s rise. Jiwon’s surprised they’re both still awake, considering they hadn’t spoken in at least half an hour. Seoyeon had pulled her arms around her waist from behind, so she can’t see the girl but she can feel her fingertips grazing her own every once in a while.

She tries to think of what to say in response, but Seoyeon keeps talking before anything comes out. “I really hope I haven’t upset you,” her voice is so quiet, Jiwon has to strain to hear her in the otherwise empty hotel room. “Chaeyoung says I haven’t, that I couldn’t , but I don’t know. She doesn’t lie, but you’ve been so distant, so I wasn’t sure..”

Jiwon can feel her heart in her throat as Seoyeon’s words fill the room. She blinks back the tears she can feel starting to sting her eyes and snuggles closer. The other girl startles at the movement, and Jiwon can hear her heartbeat through her back.

“I thought you were asleep-”

“Chaengie is right, I could never be upset with you,” Jiwon mutters into her hair. Her arm tightens around Seoyeon’s waist, holding her close and praying that she won’t have to let her go.

It’s silent for a few seconds, the sound of early morning traffic below filtering through the open window. Jiwon hates how the silence feels awkward, expectant, and starts to speak again-

“The day we saw each other on our last break,” Seoyeon starts, her voice shaking with nerves. Jiwon can feel her swallow. “You saw me and before I could yell for you, you.. you ran away and I..”

Jiwon hears the way Seoyeon’s voice falters, the crack in her words, and her heart shatters into a million pieces. She turns Seoyeon around to face her, cradles her head against her chest, holds the girl together as her chest starts to shake lightly.

“You’re not lying, right unnie?” Seoyeon barely manages out in a hushed whisper. “I didn’t upset you, right unnie?”

Jiwon runs her hand through Seoyeon’s long hair, letting the girl clutch her like a lifeline. “No, honey. Never. I just.. I didn’t want to interrupt you,” she says as smoothly as she can, praying her nerves don’t shake her voice.

“Interrupt?” Jiwon can hear Seoyeon’s brows furrow, confirmed when she lifts her head to look Jiwon in the eyes with her own tearful ones.

Jiwon swallows, prepares her own heart to shatter for a completely different reason, and asks, “Weren’t you on a date? I saw you with someone.”

She watches the cogs turn behind Seoyeon’s eyes, emotions flitting across her face in rapid succession; shock, confusion, realization, and then.. amusement?

“You thought I was on a date?” Her voice, once broken by tears, now teases her with laughter at its edges, lips curled into a smirk. Jiwon shoves her shoulder but keeps her close.

“Yah! Don’t tease me! You were all cuddled up to someone!”

Seoyeon laughs, her giggles cracking with mirth as she rolls around on the bed, which only serves to make Jiwon pout more.

“Don’t laugh at me for trying to be considerate!”

“Jiwonnie,” Seoyeon says, still laughing, looks up at Jiwon with so much mirth sparkling in her eyes it nearly takes Jiwon’s breath away, “Jiwonnie, I was with Chaeyoung.”

Jiwon feels the universe hit her with one more good slap to the face as the words register in her head.

“Oh.” She couldn’t possibly be more stupid. All these months of awkward interactions, helpless emotional turmoil, everything, could’ve been avoided if she hadn’t just run and saw that Seoyeon was cuddled into and laughing with Chaeyoung and not a boyfriend or a girlfriend.

Seoyeon giggles again, taking her spot pressed against Jiwon’s side once more and cuddles so tightly against her that Jiwon fears she might suffocate. “You’re silly, Jiwonnie.”

“Yeah,” Jiwon breathes out, forces a giggle. “Silly.”

-

Jiwon: IM AN IDIOTTTTTTTT

Jisun: It’s 4am but nothing new, what is it this time?

Jisun: Did you try to tell Seoyeon you like her and trip on your face?

Jiwon: REMEMBER HOW I TOLD U SHE WAS ON A DATE AND I WAS ALL SAD ABOUT IT

Jiwon: SHE WAS OUT WITH CHAEYOUNG

Jiwon: IM SO FUCKINF DUMBBBBBB

Jisun: Oh bestie you’re down horrendous if you got that jealous without even knowing who she was with

Jiwon: I KNOWWWWWWWWW

Jiwon: okay i gtg i dont wanna wake her up

Jisun: SHE’S IN BED WITH YOU??

Jiwon: GOODNIGHT JISSEN

Jisun: MEGAN I DEMAND DETAILS

-

“We should go out tonight,” Seoyeon proposes, laying upside down on Jiwon’s hotel bed. Jiwon looks at her from the bathroom, halfway through tying her hair up, and tilts her head slightly.

“What do you have in mind?”

“There’s a bar not too far from here, they have karaoke and we wouldn’t be super far away so if it sucks we can just come back,” Seoyeon says with a shrug, but Jiwon can see through the nonchalant front she’s trying to put up. Can see how much she wants to do this from her pout alone.

She’d avoided drinking around the other girl since the what-she-thought-was-a-date incident. Solely for the sake of not spilling how she felt about her in front of not only her but the others as well. But this relaxed air they’ve curated on this vacation makes her want to throw caution to the wind, makes her want to do anything to make the other girl smile after all the time she’s pushed her away.

“Okay,” she says, watching how Seoyeon flips right side up with an ecstatic smile on her face.

“Really?”

“Anything for you, honey,” Jiwon can’t help but smile back, Seoyeon’s own being infectious. The other girl launches up from the bed and rushes across the room, whining thank you’s into her ear as she plasters herself to the other girl’s side.

“Yah, you’re acting like I said I’d date you,” Jiwon jokes, immediately tensing at the implication she just made. She wants to take it back, say ‘of course I’d date you Seoyeon’ but that would have to be explained and she doesn’t think she could handle that right now.

But Seoyeon simply winks at her as she pulls away, heads to the door with a little ‘see you soon, Megan’ and an exaggerated kiss blown her way, and Jiwon is left alone wonder what the fuck just happened.

She calls Jisun without hesitation.

“If the words out of your mouth aren’t ‘we’re together’, I’m hanging up,” Jisun grumbles in a low, tired voice. Jiwon's eyebrow raises.

“You don’t usually nap in the middle of the day. And why are you being so quiet?”

“I don’t wanna wake her,” Jisun whispers, and Jiwon’s eyes bulge out of her head.

“You didn’t .”

“I didn’t, you’re right,” Jisun mutters with a wistful sigh. “But this isn’t about me. Are you together yet?”

“Well, no. But we’re going to the bar-”

The line goes dead.

“I’m gonna smack her when we get back,” Jiwon grumbles to no one but the reflection in the mirror. She sighs, turning on the shower, then padding over to her suitcase and taking out the one nice outfit she had brought to wear at a club. Or party. Or anything, really.

“Well, it'd be a shame to waste this,” she says to herself as she lays it out on the bed, and heads to the shower.

-

In hindsight, she should have had the simple thought that if she had a nice outfit for an outing, so would Seoyeon.

She knew she herself looked good. She had on a slightly baggy black suit jacket, fitted pants that flare out at the ends, and a suit vest cut to expose her shoulders and accentuate her waistline. Her dark hair is left down and flowing free, and she does her makeup to bring the outfit together. The confidence that flows through her is something she hasn’t had in weeks, and she finds herself ready to show off to anyone who looks her way hopefully Seoyeon.

However, when Seoyeon knocks on the door, and Jiwon opens it, she has to compel her jaw to not drop onto the floor.

She’s not dressed to the nines or anything, but the look she chose looks phenomenal on her. A sparkling, teal dress hangs off small spaghetti straps on her shoulders and halfway down her thighs. A sheer black cover hangs around her elbows, her hair cascading down her back and over her shoulders, and her eyes are done with a simple smokey look.

“Jiwonnie you look so good in that suit! If I don’t take pictures, I’m sure flowers will hate me forever,” Seoyeon pushes her way into the room, phone at the ready to start taking photos.

Jiwon goes along with it, if only so that Seoyeon won’t comment on the fact that she hasn’t said a single word since she’s come inside. How could she? Seoyeon looks.. beautiful, and her heart is dancing in her chest in ways she’s never experienced before.

“Let me take some of you,” she manages after a mini photoshoot, watching the surprise flicker across Seoyoen’s eyes. “You can’t get away looking that lovely, honey.”

Seoyeon blushes profusely, but hands her phone to Jiwon and begins posing against the wall behind her. Jiwon barely manages to get her hands to stop shaking to take a few solid photos, and hands the phone back to the other girl.

If her pulse jumps when their fingers touch, no one will have to know but herself.

“Ready, Megan?” Seoyeon asks, holding her arm out for Jiwon to loop with her own.

She internally sighs, knowing she’s going to be fighting for her life in that bar. “Ready.”

-

The bar is cozy, not too big but enough space inside that all of the people crowded within its walls have a little personal space. There's a stage at the far end where a man is shyly singing karaoke, his friends cheering him on and drunkenly singing with him in the space in front of the stage. There's a small space where people are dancing to the karaoke and singing along, friends or not, the bartender doesn't look stressed beyond belief, and the general atmosphere feels light and freeing.

Despite her nerves, Jiwon's glad she came. She needs this.

Seoyeon is pressed against her side, a little intimidated by the amount of people inside. Jiwon's arm wraps around her waist instinctually, and she can feel the younger girl relax against her at the gesture.

"Want to get some drinks first and relax?" Jiwon suggests, wanting Seoyeon to have as much fun as possible. The girl nods with a small smile, and Jiwon tickles her side to see her smile grow and hear her laugh.

She can be a little selfish tonight, she reasons. Besides, seeing Seoyeon happy makes her happy.

It takes two drinks and a shot for the air to feel warmer and their cheeks to flush with laughter and alcohol. Every laugh Jiwon pulls from Seoyeon causes the girl to fall into her, which in turn causes Jiwon to take another sip to quell the feelings in her chest.

"We should go up there," Seoyeon gestures to the stage after their third shot, eyes unfocused and smile blinding.

Jiwon runs her fingers through Seoyeon's hair, playing with the ends and appreciating the softness. "What would we sing?"

It's nearly imperceptible, the increased flush of Seoyeon's face, but she hides it with a playful smirk. "It's been a while since our Senorita cover." 

In any other scenario, Jiwon would've recognized the effect she and Seoyeon's cover had on her and would've rejected the idea like a reasonable adult trying to hide her feelings for her best friend. But drunk Jiwon doesn't have those reservations, leans into Seoyeon's touches and goes along with her ideas and schemes and does anything to make Seoyeon smile.

She does that anyways, but it's worse when she's drunk. 

So instead of saying no, she nods in agreement. "I'm sorry if I mess up the words, it's been a while," she says, instead of 'why not a silly song we can dance to?'. "I'll go sign us up" instead of 'we should head home, it's late'.

She doesn't forget the words, can't forget them when it means more to her than she had understood at the time. So when she stands up on the stage and the music starts and she can see Seoyeon staring at her out of the corner of her eye, she stares back as she starts singing.

Now singing with Seoyeon isn't anything new, they write songs together and she listens to Seoyeon produce new music and loves everything the girl makes. What is new is the way Seoyeon smirks at her when she sings ' but friends don't know the way you taste'. 

'It's just the lyrics,' she tells herself, but her body is on fire with sheer confidence Seoyeon oozes with every word sung into the microphone and Jiwon isn't sure how much longer she can keep up this charade in her drunken state.

So when the song ends and the crowd in the bar roars with applause, she hugs Seoyeon tightly and excuses herself to go to the bathroom.

"Too many drinks," she says with a laugh, and leaves Seoyeon at the bottom of the stage.

As soon as the door closes behind her she's in front of the sink, whisper-yelling obscenities at herself while splashing her face with cold water.

"Are you serious, Jiwon? Get ahold of yourself! You're acting like she said she wants to kiss you, you weirdo!"

"Who says I don't?" 

She hadn't heard the door open behind her.

Jiwon whips her head to see Seoyeon leaning against the wall near the bathroom door, an amused smirk drawn across her lips. Jiwon just stares, mouth agape and water dripping down her skin into the sink. Seoyeon says nothing else, just grabs a paper towel and gestures for Jiwon to stand tall, dabbing her skin so she doesn't ruin her makeup.

She can't bring herself to say anything, her heart is in her throat and her ears and battering against her chest. 'She's just teasing you, she didn't mean that,' she keeps repeating in her head, but god Seoyeon is so close and she's looking at her like she's the only thing that exists in the world. 

The other girl makes no move to back out of her space as she finishes drying her off, tossing the paper towel into the trash but still looking over her as though she missed something.

"All clean," Jiwon hears her say, but she's so focused on the breath that's not her own hitting her lips and the proximity and how Seoyeon looks into her eyes like she's waiting for something. 

"Seoyeon-ah-"

"I meant it," she's cut off by the determined words of the younger girl. She couldn't look away if she tried, certainly not now. "I don't say things I don't mean. You know that." 

The way Seoyeon looks at her, expectant yet patient, lips pouted slightly, cheeks flush from the singing and the alcohol; it fucks with her. It's too much. It's too much and not enough all at once. Like even if she succumbed, it would only create an unquenchable thirst, an ever growing hunger that could never be satiated no matter her efforts.

But her throat has been dry for so long, and she longs for the taste of forbidden fruit.

It feels like coming up for air and drowning all at once, kissing Seoyeon. The younger girl kisses her like she has something to prove, like she's been dying to do this, and Jiwon responds with a kiss that cries sweet relief. Hands bury themselves in soft hair, gasps are poured into the kiss and are quickly replaced with breathy whines. The effort it takes to not succumb to the want roaring in Jiwon's chest is near-herculean, but with a strength she hadn't known she had, she pulls back, chest heaving.

Seoyeon wasn't done, it seems, as her lips latch onto Jiwon's neck. The want thrashes in Jiwon's chest, nails digging into Seoyeon's hips and teeth tugging so tightly at her bottom lip she fears she'll draw blood.

"I don't want to stop," Seoyeon hums against her neck, and it's so sinful and heavenly all at once that Jiwon feels herself succumb to the girl's wants, as she always has.

"We should pay our bill first," Jiwon chokes out between gasps, and flushes a deep red when she feels Seoyeon chuckle against her neck. A kiss, not final, is pressed against her collarbone, and Seoyeon removes herself from Jiwon. Her lipstick is smudged, her hair is a mess, and god does Jiwon want to just pull her back in and not stop, just as the other had begged.

"Hurry, then," Seoyeon says in that low tone of hers, and Jiwon swears she's never moved faster in her life.

-

Jiwon wakes up to two realizations. The first being the headache that tears through her skull, the second being that her shirt and pants are not on her person.

The abrupt third realization is the equally undressed body pressed against her side.

Slowly, both to brace her eyes from the light and her nerves from whatever the hell is going on, she peeks at who's beside her, sees a familiar head of dark hair curled into her side. Her heart hammers in her chest, not only because of Seoyeon curled so close to her in so little clothing but because she cannot remember for the life of her what happened last night.

She remembers the first few shots clearly, remembers how good Seoyeon looked in the hazy bar and how they laughed together between drinks. Things get hazy then, but she can remember distantly singing karaoke with Seoyeon, reviving their Senorita duet and holding uncomfortably charged eye contact that might've killed Jiwon if she wasn't so intoxicated. Everything after that goes blank except for the bathroom-

Oh my god.

She's suddenly wide awake, but her eyes still aren't ready for the light, and she ends up wincing in pain when the sunlight assaults her senses. The sound jostles Seoyeon slightly, the younger girl inhaling deeply before stretching her back out like a cat.

"What time is it?"

Several thoughts fly through Jiwon's mind. Maybe Seoyeon doesn't remember what happened, and she can just pretend nothing happened so that they can keep being best friends. She got what she wanted anyways, right? She got to have Seoyeon the way she had always wanted, kissed her the way she had dreamed of, so surely it'd be fine if she forgot.

The selfish part of her hopes she remembers, hopes she wants more of it. More of her all of her.

"I don't know," she answers honestly, voice hoarse from singing and drinking and.. other things, no doubt. She pats her hand around the bed for her phone, only to find it dead. "Definitely don't know." She takes a long, deep breath, tries to calm herself down (a futile act, with how much of her skin is pressed against Seoyeon's), and acts as normal as possible. "I'm starving."

"We could go get breakfast," Seoyeon mumbles into her neck. Memories of her lips pressed there less than 12 hours ago skyrocket to the forefront of Jiwon's brain, and she has to take another deep breath before responding.

"You pick, honey. My head is pounding." 

Seoyeon hums in agreement, pulling herself from Jiwon's side and the girl finally feels like she can breathe again-

Soft lips press against hers, just as soft as her hazy memories recall, and she feels herself kissing back before she can even think about what she's doing.

Her eyes open slowly, and she's graced with the sight of Seoyeon leaning over her, cheeks flush and smile shy, the light of the morning sun illuminating her from behind.

"Seoyeon-"

"I'll make sure wherever we go has chocolate chip pancakes," Seoyeon interjects, and she's off the bed out the door to her hotel room before Jiwon can even register that the girl stole her sweatpants and t-shirt.

She lays there, trying to comprehend everything that's just happened, as well as piece together last night, and rolls over for her phone charger so fast it makes her dizzy.

Two minutes later her phone is charged and she's dialing Jisun.

"Megan it is 8:30 in the morning-"

"We kissed."

"And suddenly I'm wide awake!" Jisun says, voice much less grumbly. There's shuffling, the sound of a door shutting behind her, and then, "Spill. Spare no details." 

She tells Jisun about the bar, about the senorita karaoke ("you two are so cute"), and finally the encounter in the bathroom. 

"I didn't know Syeonie had it in her," Jisun hums, clearly impressed at the younger girl's initiative. "So, are you guys together now?"

"I don't.. know?" Jiwon asks more than she says, groaning into her pillow. "She woke up and said we could go get breakfast then she kissed me and left!"

"She kissed you again? " 

"Jissen I don't know what to do ," Jiwon whines. She feels on the verge of tears with how confused and conflicted she is. 

Jisun laughs at her dramatic behavior. "You could, I don't know, talk to her? If she's kissing you when you're both sober, then clearly she doesn't regret what she did last night."

"Are you insane?!" 

"No, but you are if you think that not talking to her won't make the awkward tension between you two any worse," Jisun says pointedly and Jiwon can't help but groan again because she hates when Jisun is right.

"You better kiss Chaeyoung square on the mouth when I get back if this works."

"Working up the courage as we speak," Jisun says, smile evident even in her nervous tone. "You've got this, Megan. Believe in yourself." 

"Yeah yeah, whatever you say," Jiwon rolls her eyes playfully. "Love you, idiot." 

"You too, idiot," Jisun says with a smile, and the line goes dead.

-

Breakfast is both fine and awkward at the same time. Seoyeon still shares her food by feeding it to Jiwon, her feet still play with Jiwon's under the table, she still hums to herself as she eats. To the outside eye they look perfectly fine.

But it's awkward again. They don't know how to talk to each other, not after what went on between them the night before. And this morning. Jiwon uses her food as an excuse to not talk, and Seoyeon seems so deep in her own head that Jiwon's sure she fucked up.

It's not until they're walking back that the silence breaks. Seoyeon bumps her arm against her own, hands stuffed in her pockets and eyes much more interested in the ground when she finally speaks.

"It doesn't have to mean anything, you know. The kisses."

Jiwon isn't sure if she should feel relieved that Seoyeon is bringing it up first or heartbroken that she's proposing for it to not mean anything to them. It means so much more to Jiwon than she ever thought it would, and pretending that it didn't happen when they both know it did puts another crack in her fragile heart.

"We can just have fun, enjoy our vacation together like this," Seoyeon continues to fill the silence, her voice reaching that anxious ramble that Jiwon wants nothing more than to silence with a sweet kiss.

On one hand, she wants to tell Seoyeon that she wants it to mean something. That it does mean something and always will. But on the other hand, she doesn't want to make Seoyeon uncomfortable, and if she's proposing this, then it must mean it doesn't mean as much to her as it does Jiwon. The selfish part of her wins out, and she slides her hand into Seoyeon's jacket pocket, slides her finger in the spaces between hers. 

"Together," she says with a small smile, hoping it brightens Seoyeon. It does, and she's so consumed by her own relief and heartache that she doesn't notice the emotion flash across Seoyeon's eyes. She only notices how Seoyeon presses closer, how good her hair smells, and how right their hands feel melded together.

-

Despite the way Seoyeon had proposed this.. agreement between them, nothing really changes.

When they get back to the hotel, Jiwon is half expecting Seoyeon to kiss her as soon as they enter her room. Instead, she’s pulled by the hand to the bed, and watches Seoyeon crawl under the covers and hold them up for Jiwon to join. The nerves, the anticipation, it all flutters beneath her skin like the butterflies in her stomach, but she follows suit, allowing herself to be held by the younger girl for the first time since they arrived in Jeju.

“M’still tired,” Seoyeon mutters into her hair, “nap time then beach.” If Jiwon had any reservations, the soft, lingering kiss pressed to the top of her head waves them from her mind. There’s panic, of course, but Seoyeon is so warm against her, her slow breaths lulling her to sleep as the always had before.

The beach is still the same, but this time she lets herself look, lets herself appreciate the way Seoyeon looks in her swimsuit. Appreciates the way she looks walking out of the water, skin glistening with sea salt and water droplets in the sunlight. Appreciates the way Seoyeon smiles at her knowingly when she catches her looking.

Well, blushing more than appreciating, but still.

They kiss when they return to the hotel room, when their snacks run out and their skin burns from sunlight. It’s.. softer than she anticipated, considering their agreement. She guesses she expected it to be more of a physical exchange. Not that she minds, of course, she’d be happy to trade slow kisses that break when smiles can no longer be contained for as long as Seoyeon will let her.

“What are you staring at?” Jiwon asks one morning as she makes them coffee, looking back at Seoyeon who’s still sprawled across the mattress, eyes locked onto the older girl in nothing but Seoyeon’s t-shirt and some underwear.

All she gets in response is a shrug as Seoyeon turns onto her side, propping her head onto her hand to look more directly at Jiwon. “The view.”

Jiwon snorts out a laugh to hide the blush that seems to be permanently staining her cheeks as of late. “Since when are you so cheesy, Seoyeonie?”

Another shrug, this time accompanied by a soft smile and mischievous eyes. “You make it easy.”

Jiwon’s sure she’ll be permanently red after this vacation. “Shut up.”

Seoyeon rolls out of the bed, approaching slowly but surely, arms sliding around Jiwon’s waist as though they had always belonged there. She smirks at Jiwon, leaning in close enough that Jiwon can smell her toothpaste on her breath.

“Make me, Jiwonnie.”

They never make it to the coffee.

-

On their last night in Jeju, Jiwon finds herself being pulled from the hotel and back to the beach, Seoyeon’s hand never leaving hers as they talk and laugh up and down the shore. It’s the most normal this entire trip has felt, her best friend’s laughter sparking her own as they share stories about the members, their families, anything and everything they can think of is spilled under the light of the stars and into the tides of the ocean.

“I missed this,” Seoyeon says after a few moments of silence, the two of them sitting in the sand while the edges of the tide tickle their feet with seafoam. She looks to Jiwon, nothing but raw honesty bleeding into her tone and sparkling in her eyes. It could just be the moonlight, Jiwon isn’t sure, but she knows for a fact that she’s never been more in love with this girl than she is in this moment. “I missed you , Jiwonnie.”

“I missed you, too,” Jiwon says, and she means it with every fiber of her being. Every day without Seoyeon was like a day without sunlight, and each moment without bright laughter and overly touchy hands only served to make it worse. But she didn’t want to make their friendship shatter with her feelings for the younger girl. That would hurt more than having to keep her distance for a little while to keep her feelings at bay.

‘That sure worked out well, didn’t it’ she grumbles to herself.

She can’t take her eyes off of Seoyeon even if she tried, but the other girl doesn’t seem to mind. Her eyes sparkle with mirth, and her smile is so bright that her dimple shows itself, but she stares back just as Jiwon does.

She’s sure her mouth is agape with how in awe she is of Seoyeon’s beauty.

“Careful unnie,” Seoyeon giggles, teasing, “if you keep looking at me like that, someone might think you’ve fallen for me.”

Jiwon feels her heart take its rightful place back in her throat, her pulse thumping against every major vein in her body with nerves. She feels the words crawl up her throat before she can stop them, every defense mechanism in her body reacting to the words and the way Seoyeon is looking at her and the memory of ‘this doesn’t have to mean anything’ ringing in her ears.

“Don’t be silly,” Jiwon says, tries to make it sound like a joke but it sounds more pitiful than anything she’s ever heard herself say. She sees it this time, that emotion flashing across Seoyeon’s eyes. Hurt .

“Whatever you say, honey,” Seoyeon replies with a smile, but it’s less bright. Her eyes don’t shine with the stars in the sky, and she just barely curls in on herself. Jiwon can immediately recognize that she’s fucked up, and wants to say something, anything , to bring that smile back onto Seoyeon’s face. But she can’t, nothing short of ‘I’m in love with you’ would come out because she couldn’t bear to lie to the other girl again, and nothing else comes to mind.

So she brings their hands together, kisses the back of Seoyeon’s, and pulls them both to her feet.

“Come, we should rest well before our flight tomorrow,” Jiwon tries to seem light and carefree, but she can feel the weight of their words resting on her shoulders, knows they’re on Seoyeon’s as well. Seoyeon only nods, forcing a small smile, and they walk back hand in hand despite how much it feels like fire against bare skin.

-

Seoyeon takes a shower after Jiwon. The second she hears the water running again, Jiwon steps out of the room and calls Jisun.

“First 8:30am, now damn near 1am. This better be good, Park.”

“I think I fucked up and I don’t know what to do.”

Jisun goes quiet, before a soft sigh hits Jiwon’s ears through the receiver. “Tell me what happened, Megan.”

Jiwon explains everything, from the moment after their breakfast (which Jisun nearly interrupts her for immediately), the few days of soft kisses and moments that definitely weren’t normal but felt normal (she hides the fact the word she wants to use is right ), to the moment that had just passed on the beach.

Jisun is silent for a good minute after Jiwon finishes talking.

“Jissen-”

“You’re actually the stupidest person I have ever met.” Jiwon knows she doesn’t mean it, but she still pouts.

“You don’t have to be so harsh about it-”

“Park Jiwon you listen to me right now,” Jisun orders, and Jiwon swears she can count on one hand the times she’s heard Jisun so authoritative towards her, so she shuts up and listens. “That girl is just as scared to lose you as you are her. That is no doubt the only reason she would say that what's happening between you two 'doesn't have to mean anything'. And you accepted it like an idiot! Seoyeonie probably thinks you don’t like her like that and was already hurt enough by that, and then you say that on the beach?!”

Jiwon pouts, eyebrows furrowing. “Jisun, you’re not making any sense-”

“She loves you, idiot!” Jisun nearly growls into the phone, her protectiveness of their members outweighing their friendship in this moment. “You think the worst thing in the world is that she’ll reject you and it will ruin your friendship but did you think about the fact that tugging each other along on this stupid will-you-won’t-you ride will hurt it more? That coming back here after a trip like that and pretending none of it ever happened won’t hurt more than just saying the truth?!”

Jiwon goes silent, thinking over Jisun’s words hard. She knows the girl is right, this is no better than when she was avoiding the other girl. In fact, it is worse, because Seoyeon would have a reason for when Jiwon inevitably avoids her again once they get home if they don't talk about it. 

“You’re so mean when you’re right,” Jiwon sighs, sliding down the hallway wall. “I’m bad at being honest about these things, especially with her. It’s like my mind won’t let me open up, and I get defensive and won’t let myself think about the possibilities because I’m so used to being scared.”

“Oh, Jiwon,” Jisun’s voice is much softer now, concern bleeding into her tone. “It’ll be okay, I promise. After everything you’ve told me, I don’t see anything going wrong if you tell her the truth.”

“I’ll.. I’ll try my best, I can promise that.”

“That’s all you can do,” Jiwon can hear her best friend smile over the phone. “I love you, you’ve got this.”

“Thanks, Jissen. Love you too.”

The line goes dead again, and Jiwon is left alone with her thoughts. She can hear the shower turn off on the other side of the hotel room door, and pulls herself off the floor to re-enter her room.

She starts planning a speech in her head as she crawls under the covers, and prays she can gain the courage to be honest with Seoyeon before they leave in the afternoon.

-

She doesn’t sleep.

There’s an obvious rift between them now, after the moment on the beach. Seoyeon doesn’t cuddle into her side, sleeping with her back facing Jiwon. She knows the younger girl barely slept either, could feel the bed barely shaking as Seoyeon’s silent tears wracked her body and broke Jiwon’s heart more and more.

In the morning Jiwon smiles at Seoyeon, tries to act as normal as possible for the other girl’s sake, and the sad smile she gets in return only drives the knife further into her heart.

“I’m gonna go pack up my things then I’ll be back, okay?” Seoyeon says quietly, her voice raw from crying and her eyes red from dried tears and a lack of sleep.

“Okay, honey,” Jiwon whispers into the air between them, wants to lean forward and kiss her forehead but doesn’t feel like she has the right anymore. The terms of their metaphorical contract have ended, their vacation was enjoyed together, mostly at least, and now they prepare to leave and go back to their lives as though none of this happened.

Jiwon almost wishes they didn’t have to go back as Seoyeon leaves, wishes they had more time. Wishes they could go anywhere in the world without care and just live like they had the previous days. Happy and carefree, sharing soft kisses between the covers and during meals and during movies.

The thought reminds her of the lyrics she had been writing on the flight to Jeju, and pulls her phone out to look them over. She deletes a few lines, nearly wipes what she had for the chorus entirely, and writes down a few new lyrics. It takes some time, trying to figure out what words fit the stanzas and what syllables sound best where in the phrase, but she finally ends up with a solid first verse and chorus to build the song off of.

She’s singing the post-chorus she had hesitantly written along with the demo the producers sent to make sure that it fits well with the tempo and the instrumental, when she notices Seoyeon standing at the door, suitcase in hand.

“When did you write that?” Seoyeon’s head tilts as she asks. Jiwon notices the makeup she’s wearing to hide the darker-than-normal circles under her eyes, which only serves to make her both sad that she caused this and determined to fix it.

“On the plane here,” she manages to say through the lump in her throat.

Seoyeon lets go of the handle of her suitcase and slowly approaches the girl still lying in bed. “Can I see them?”

Jiwon nods, has no trust in her voice at the moment. She can feel the words battering around in her chest, begging to be let out, but instead she holds out her phone with the note filled with lyrics open. Seoyeon smiles, more genuine than it’s been in hours, and takes the phone while she sits down beside the other girl.

It’s silent for a few moments, Seoyeon reading over the lyrics quietly and Jiwon doing nothing but watching her. But then Seoyeon smiles, bright and warm, and hands her the phone back. “It’s great, unnie. I can’t wait to sing it as a group-”

Jiwon can’t stop the words this time, watches almost out of body as they tumble from her lips in a rushed breath. “I wrote the song about you.”

A beat of silence. Jiwon watches the words sink into Seoyeon’s mind, watches her reaction crawl across her face as her mouth opens slightly, head tilted in confusion. “What did you say?”

“The song,” Jiwon knows she can’t back down now, not after all the hurt from last night. She can’t be dishonest with Seoyeon anymore after all of this. “It’s about you. Well, not about you , per se, but for you. About.. about me wanting to run away with you.”

Another beat of silence.

“Oh.”

Jiwon doesn’t know what that means, so she scrambles to explain, doesn’t think her words through. “Our coincidental meeting made me want it to be not a coincidence, made me wish I had planned on coming here with you. Made me wish I hadn’t been so distant with you lately. I just..” she takes a deep, shaky breath, “It hurt, you know? Thinking I had seen you with someone else. I didn’t realize these feelings for you were buried within my chest but they were and suddenly every interaction with you felt like torture because I wanted things with you that I couldn’t have.”

Seoyeon, thankfully, stays quiet as Jiwon rants, the only sign that Jiwon hasn’t scared her off being the fingers that curl around her palm while she speaks.

“So I stayed away, and planned this trip to try and get these feelings to go away because I didn’t want to lose you even if it hurt to feel like this around you. But then you were here, and we kissed, and I wasn’t sure what it meant and I didn’t want to threaten our newfound peace and I thought this didn’t mean anything to you so I agreed to it not being anything.” Her words are near incoherent as she rushes them out, every thought and fear and insecurity rushing past her lips faster than she can comprehend them. “But god, Seoyeon, I want it to be something. Please let it be something, because I can’t go another day without kissing you good morning or falling more and more in love with you.”

Jiwon hadn’t realized how much she had spoken in such a short time, practically panting by the time she stops talking. She watches Seoyeon, waits for something, anything from the other girl.

“Can I tell you something?”

Jiwon’s immediate reaction to the words she hears are ‘you idiot you’ve ruined everything, now she thinks you’re weird and she’s gonna tell you that right now and never talk to you again’, but she stays quiet and nods her head slowly.

She doesn’t expect the shy blush to spread across Seoyeon’s cheeks. “This trip wasn’t coincidental.”

Jiwon’s brows furrow. “What?”

“I had Chaeyoung help me. She said you were up all night planning some trip for our next break, and I wanted to make sure I hadn’t upset you but you weren’t talking to me and I just.. I didn’t know what to do. So I bought a ticket to come with you.”

The confession blooms something in Jiwon’s chest that she’s been desperately trying to keep contained their entire vacation. Hope. “Why?”

“Because I wanted to run away with you, if only for a moment, and hopefully get you to see that your feelings haven’t been one-sided for a very long time,” Seoyeon’s smile is shy and she she can’t meet Jiwon’s eyes and that small bloom of hope explodes like a firework in her entire being.

But of course, she’s not eloquent enough to express any of that, and all that she manages out is, “ What? ”

Seoyeon giggles this time, scooting closer and pulling Jiwon’s hand into her lap. “Do I need to spell it out for you?” She leans in close, lips so close they brush against one another as Seoyeon says, “I would run away to anywhere you asked, Jiwon. As long as you’re there with me.”

“So you mean-”

She can’t manage to get the words out, not when Seoyeon’s lips press so gently against her own. She thought that their first kiss was like drowning, but this kiss feels like flying. As though all of the worries and doubts and insecurities have been brushed from her shoulders by Seoyeon’s delicate fingertips, allowing her to feel freer than she has in so, so long. She doesn’t mean to fall back against the bed in shock, but Seoyeon follows her down, leaning over her as though protecting her from anything the world could throw their way.

When they come back down to earth, Jiwon is sure Seoyeon is an angel with the way the sun gleams against the back of her head, just like the last time, illuminating her silhouette and making her more beautiful than she’s ever seen before.

“There’s that look again,” Seoyeon teases, smiling down at her.

“What can I say,” Jiwon smiles back, tucking some of Seoyeon’s hair behind her ear. “It’s as though I’ve fallen for you.”

That brings that blinding smile she's been begging to see out of Seoyeon, filling Jiwon’s heart with nothing but unconditional love for her best friend.

“Good, I’ve been waiting for you for a long time,” is all Seoyeon says before she leans down to kiss her again, and again, their fingers locking tightly against the mattress.

-

Seoyeon’s hand hasn’t left hers since they checked out of the hotel.

They’re on the plane now, maybe halfway through their flight, but Jiwon couldn’t care less how long it takes to get home. Seoyeon is tucked against her side, fingers tracing the lines in her palm so softly it almost tickles. Her head rests atop the other girl’s, and every once in a while she’ll turn to press a kiss to Seoyeon’s hairline. It’s everything she could possibly want and more, everything she could’ve had the entire vacation if she would’ve listened to Jisun, but she’ll never tell her best friend that.

Plus, they have forever to enjoy this now. Jiwon’s heart pounds at the thought.

“You’re not nervous, are you?” Seoyeon asks, lifting her eyes to meet Jiwon’s, who gives an embarrassed smile in response. She must’ve heard her heart through her chest.

“Just thinking about you,” she replies, watching the blush spread across Seoyeon’s face until the girl buries herself back into Jiwon’s chest.

“Now who’s the cheese,” she feels her whine.

“You make it easy,” she replies with a grin, kissing her head again.

Seoyeon grumbles, sitting upright in her seat to look at the other girl more directly. She takes one of Jiwon’s hands into both of hers, pulling her fingers this way and that while biting her lower lip.

“I should probably tell you, but Chaengie knows everything,” Seoyeon says quietly, staring intently at their joined hands. “She’s known since I started feeling this way for you, and she knows everything that happened while we were in Jeju.”

Jiwon feels her face drain of color.

“She wants to kick my ass, doesn’t she?”

“A little bit,” Seoyeon replies, holding back a small laugh behind a tight-lipped smile. “She’s not as mad since, you know,” she holds up their joined hands, “but she’ll probably give you the whole ‘hurt her and I’ll kill you’ talk.”

“I’ll take every word to heart,” Jiwon smiles, leans forward to kiss her cheek. “Jisun knows everything too, but she would threaten me before she threatened you. She has much less faith in my ability than yours.”

That gets Seoyeon to laugh, leaning forward to muffle the sound in the crook of Jiwon’s neck. Jiwon runs her fingers through long locks, holding the girl close.

“I’m sorry, by the way, for avoiding you and hurting your feelings. I don’t think I ever said it,” Jiwon says softly against her hair, “but you deserve a thousand more apologies for the way I acted.”

Seoyeon’s arm wraps around her waist, squeezing tightly. “I understand why you did what you did, but thank you for apologizing.” She lifts her head from Jiwon’s shoulder to look at her again, devious smirk on her lips and mirth shimmering in her eyes. “Besides, I can think of a few ways you can make it up to me.”

Jiwon blushes so hard she’s sure she looks like a tomato. “Yah, Lee Seoyeon!”

Seoyeon’s laughter reverberates in her head and her heart the rest of the flight home.

-

 "Ready?"

"For the teasing or the ass beating?"

"I just wanted to make sure you're not nervous, Jiwonnie."

She can hear it in the way she says it, the shake in her voice. Seoyeon is more nervous than she is as they stand hand in hand in front of the dorms. Her hand clutches Jiwon's just a little tighter, and when she looks over at the younger girl her eyes are trained on her feet.

It's odd, because Seoyeon isn't the nervous type. She tells the members whatever crosses her mind, no shame or fear holding her back. Jiwon lets the sentence replay in her mind, feels her heart ache when she realizes why Seoyeon is nervous.

She's scared Jiwon might regret this, might pull away from her the moment they're in front of anyone who can see them for what they are.

Jiwon would sooner stop singing than let Seoyeon think that she wouldn't do anything and everything for her.

Her hand grips tighter, pulling Seoyeon close by their joined hands only to let go and wrap her arm around Seoyeon's waist. "I'm not going anywhere, honey. Promise."

Seoyeon’s eyes meet hers and the blush dusting her cheeks is so precious that Jiwon can't help but kiss her. Seoyeon hums into the kiss, hand coming up to brush her thumb along Jiwon's cheekbone so softly, as though she were made of glass.

"Me either," Seoyeon breathes against her lips before kissing her again, chastely this time. "We should go in before someone looks out the window and gets so excited they fall through it."

Jiwon giggles at the thought, nodding with her forehead against Seoyeon's. She takes her hand once more, and without anymore delay, they enter the dorms.

They're tackled nearly the second they walk inside with hugs and 'we missed you's, but Seoyeon's hand never leaves hers.

"Where did you guys go? Vacation was so quiet without you two here," Nakyung whines, hands running across their shoulders to hold them in place.

"Did you guys 'coincidentally' run into each other on vacation again?" Saerom teases, but Jiwon can see the way her eyes flit between the two of them, trying to deduce if the air between them is still awkward and uncomfortable.

"Seoyeonie chased me to Jeju," Jiwon throws her free hand over her forehead to swoon dramatically, which only serves to make Seoyeon blush furiously.

"I didn't chase you-"

"You did, honey," Jiwon smiles at her, bright and carefree, "and I'm glad you did." 

"Ew, you guys are so cheesy," Jiheon laughs at them from somewhere on Jiwon's left, but she can't stop looking at the warm, soft smile playing at Seoyeon's lips.

"She makes it easy," they say at the exact same time, making half of the members fake gag at the overly sweet and cheesy interaction.

Jiwon can't help herself, doesn't want to with the way Seoyeon is looking at her like the stars shine in her eyes. She doesn't want Seoyeon to feel anything but loved by her, and so she makes sure to remind her by placing a gentle kiss on her lips.

With Seoyeon so close to her, she can see the stars in her eyes as well.

"Alright, pay up, you know the drill!"

Jiwon turns to see Chaeyoung with her hands out toward Gyuri and Nakyung, who groan and whine pitifully as they pull 25,000 won from their pockets and put it into her hands. Which doesn't shock her at all, even without context of the bet, but Hayoung pulling out her wallet with a pout does . 

"What bet did you make that even Hanyang got in on?" Jiwon asks, head tilted to the side.

"I bet that you would get it together before Jisun did," Chaeyoung smirks knowingly at her, counting the money in her hands with glee.

Jisun, who had moved to the couch after the greetings concluded, turns bright red as she glares at Chaeyoung. "You bet against me?"

"Honestly I don't blame everyone for betting against me," Jiwon laughs, "I have much for faith in you, Jissen."

"Sorry not sorry, you just made me rich," Chaeyoung teases Jisun, sticking her tongue out at the older girl.

Jisun raises an eyebrow, crossing her arms across her chest. "That's fine, you can use that money when you take me out on a date Friday." 

Everyone in the dorm stops, jaws dropped in shock as their eyes rapidly fly from Chaeyoung to Jisun.

Chaeyoung, to her credit, turns about as red as Jisun was no more than two minutes ago, but gives Jisun a shy smile. "That was the plan, actually." 

Which, of course, makes Jisun blush more and Jiwon laugh even harder at her best friend.

"Finally!" She hears Seoyeon yell beside her, pointing at Chaeyoung. "Took you long enough, idiot!"

"Shut up, Lee Seoyeon!"

"Hey, don't tell my girlfriend to shut up!" Jiwon yells back at her, feels everyone tear their eyes from Jisun back to her. Seoyeon pushes into her side, sticks her tongue out at Chaeyoung while she wraps around Jiwon like the cuddly panda she is. Both Saerom and Hayoung have to hold the taller girl back from jumping the two of them.

She looks down at Seoyeon in the midst of all of the chaos around them. "We could just run away again."

Her heart races at Seoyeon's smile, at her touch, her love. "New York or London?" She asks with a cheeky grin.

"Paris, this time," Jiwon winks at her, and secretly starts planning the trip in her head.