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Many days, Remus lay in his bed, thinking about Sirius, the one person who constantly plagued his thoughts. His dreams, filled with the images of him and Sirius together, were a torment.
He'd wake before dawn, and he'd pace, thinking about what could have been.
One day, the sky was the colour of new straw. A light breeze blew, and the sun was on the verge of rising. Remus stood in front of his window, staring at it.
To his surprise, he saw someone in the reflection in the window that wasn't himself. A young boy with light brown hair and amber eyes looked back at him, and Remus gasped. An image of himself, but... different. younger. More carefree.
Surprised, he opened the window.
The glass slid silently aside, and the morning air flowed in.
Breathing it in deeply, the youth smiled and laughed, brushing past Remus.
Yet, Remus felt nothing as the boy pushed past him. A ghost of memory stirred deep in his mind, but he pushed it away. It faded into the ether. He turned away from the window.
"What are you doing here?" He asked, his voice a rasp. The young Remus responded, "I don't know, but are you me?"
"What?" Remus shuddered, The boy seemed to be about 12.
"It's me, isn't it?"
I don't know. I mean, yes, but... "
Don't lie to me! Just tell me the truth! " Young Remus screeched "You're me but older, right?"
"Yes, but... how did you get here?" Remus couldn't understand why this boy was here at all.
"Well, I don't know. I do have questions to ask you though, since I'm already here, like for example, did Evans and Potter get married?"
Yes. "
Ah, so we're on the same page there. Next question, are we a teacher? "
Yes. "
"Good to know...I have another question since it's not every day you get to ask whatever you want! "
"What?"
"Am I doing the right thing? Staying by Sirius' side? Do we grow old together? "
Remus stumbled backwards into his books on his desk. The books fell to the ground as his hands shook.
"You..." He grabbed his head, trying to force the answer out of himself.
"You want the truth?" Remus asked, his voice low and shaky.
"Yes," young Remus answered eagerly.
"You'll love him till the day you die."
A tear slipped down Remus's face. The reflection in front of him was crying as well. In between the tears, young Remus uttered, "I think that's all I need to know."
The young Remus smiled at his older self, running past him once again, stopping at the door. Another ghostly figure walked in. Young Sirius hugged young Remus as they ran out together, holding hands.
“Padfoot...?”
Remus sighed and wiped the tear from his eye. He looked at the pair of them, laughing and running through the halls of Hogwarts. As the moment became painful to look at, he shut his eyes, and when he opened them again, he was back in his room, alone. The memories faded, and all he had left behind were happy moments from his past.
It was late when he finally fell asleep.
He dreamed of Sirius, and they were running side by side through the woods. Sirius was smiling.
I never thought I'd be free, Remus! I never thought I'd be free! "he cried, as they ran. "I know. I never thought I'd be with you, either, Sirius. "
Sirius laughed and held him tightly in his arms.
"Let's go home, Moony!" He cried."But where is home?" Remus asked.
Sirius looked at him with sad eyes.
"Well... wherever you are, Moony."
Remus woke up with a start, cold sweat running down his skin. He lay still in his bed, trying to calm himself. His eyes began to water, as he remembered the dream and the image of Sirius smiling.
Tears slid down his face.
He would miss him.
He would miss him so much.
The pain in his chest grew as the emptiness he felt threatened to overflow. He would miss Sirius so much. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't stop the flood of emotions. He cried and cried as he waited for his breathing and heart rate to return to normal.
Eventually, he fell back asleep.
Over the next few days, the pain intensified. Sirius' face, Sirius' laughter, Sirius' smile, Sirius' touch. Remus would often wake up, shaking and sweating, missing Sirius. He would lie in his bed, surrounded by his few belongings, staring at the black walls, wishing it were Sirius who was there with him.
But it never was.
The pain would return, only to fade away, to return, again, and again. Remus had thought that it would get easier with time, but it didn't. Time worsened the pain. Days turned into weeks, weeks into months, months into years, and still, the pain worsened. As did the emptiness in his heart.
The months turned into years, and still, the pain was there.
1998.
As he duelled against Antonin, he knew he wasn't going to win. It was the end of the line, as Sirius would say, and though he regretted leaving his child behind, a moment of selfish comfort washed over him.
He would see Sirius again. He would hold him again.
He would see James and Lily.
The pain grew too great, and he blacked out.
He opened his eyes once again and, to his disbelief, he saw them, Lily and James. As young as they were so many years ago.
They shouted at him, "Moony! Come on! " He ran as fast as he could to reach them. He greeted them both with desperate hugs. “Prongs, Lilly! I..missed you two so much..” James laughed. “It’s good to see you too Moony, but I think there’s someone you’ll wanna see.” With kind smiles James and Lily moved out of the way to make way for the person behind them, Remus couldn't believe his eyes. Sirius was there. His Padfoot. Remus ran towards him and hugged him, sobbing. As he held in the embrace, he felt his skin soft and the wrinkles of time either away. Breaking from the hug, Remus looked down at his hands. Which had become like they were so many years ago like he was 19 again. Sirius, too, shared in a youthful appearance. Remus smiled at Sirius, accepting what had happened. The love of his life hugged him yet again, laughing.
He found his home.