Work Text:
[Derrick ]
You could use a buddy
Don't you want a pal?
(Yes I do! Yes I do!)
the way I see it
Victor should be leavin'
And you should stick around!
[Derrick:]
(And kill him!)
[Adam:]
What?
[Derrick:]
Nothing!
[Derrick, sung:]
So, adam, don't hurt yourself
Defend yourself!
Victor is the one you should maim
Together we'll exterminate, assassinate!
[Adam:]
No! At least not now
[Derrick:]
The finer points can wait
But first you gotta say my name!
Go ahead and jump but that won't stop him
Here you got a solid plan B option
I can bring Victor so much pain
All you gotta do is say my name!
Man, just say it three times in a row
Then you won't believe how far I'll go
I'm on the bench, but coach
Just put me in the game
All you gotta do is say my name
[Adam:]
I dunno know your name
[Derrick:]
Well, I can't SAY it!
[Adam:]
How 'bout a game of charades?
[Derrick:]
Yes, let's play it!
[Adam:]
Two Syllables
[Derrick:]
Right
[Adam:]
Second one
[Derrick:]
Uh-huh
[Adam:]
F?
[Derrick]
No
[Adam:]
B?
[Derrick:]
No
[Adam:]
W?
[Derrick:]
No
[Adam:]
Ick?
[Derrick:]
Yes!
[Adam:]
Okay
First one
[Derrick:]
Okay
[Adam:]
Kam?
[Derrick]
No
[Adam]
Der?
[Derrick:]
Close, but no
[Adam:]
Derr?
[Derrick:]
Yes!
[Adam:]
Derrick?
[Derrick:]
Wow, I'm impressed
And all you gotta do is say my name three times
Three times in a row it must be spoken
Unbroken
Ready?
[Adam:]
Yeah
[Derrick:]
Okay, go...
[Adam:]
Derrick...
[Derrick:]
Yes....
[Adam]
Derrick...
[Derrick:]
Yesssssss!
[Adam:]
Derrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr—
[Derrick:]
Oh, oh, this is gonna be so good!
[Adam:]
—suck a dick
[Derrick:]
What?
[Adam:]
You're so smart
A stand-up bro
I'll think about your offer
Let you know
But I prefer my chances down below
Derrick
[Adam:]
Yes!
[Adam:]
Derrick
[Derrick:]
Yes!
[Adam:]
Being young and Able to pass as a female doesn't mean that I'm an easy mark
I've been swimming with piranhas
I don't need a shark
Yes, life sucks
But not that much
OK, Derrick
Derrick
Be a doll and spare the lecture
[Derrick:]
I'm offering you a full-time spectre!
[Adam:]
Are you any good?
[Derrick:]
You bet you
Trust me, baby!
[Adam:]
I just met ya
Really it's a flattering offer!
[Derrick:]
Don't you wanna see Victor suffer?
[Adam:]
I think I'd rather just commit suicide!
[Derrick:]
No!
[Adam:]
I may be suicidal
But Derrick, it's not as if I've lost my mind!
[Derrick:]
So, playing hardball, huh?
You are tougher than you look
[Adam:]
Just wanna make sure I know who I'm working with
Got any references?
[Hannah (oc):]
Adam, there you are!
[Robert:]
Are you alright?
[Derrick:]
R-Dog, H-Town, my old pals!
[Robert:]
Get away from him!
Adam, this is a dangerously unstable individual-
[Derrick possesses Hannah and Robert]
[Hannah:]
Derrick is sexy!
[Robert:]
Derrick is smart!
[Hannah & Robert:]
Derrick is a graduate of Juilliard!
He can help
We found him on Yelp
Our troubles all ended on the day that we befriended him
Every word is the truth
Derrick, Derrick, Derrick!
[Hannah:]
What the hell was that?!
[Robert:]
I feel so violated!
[Derrick:]
There you go, you little bicth
Couple of five-star reviews
[Adam:]
What the fuck was that?
[Derrick:]
That was possession
Any ghost/demon can do that in less than one lesson
[Adam:]
Any Demon/ghost?
[Derrick:]
Pretty much, any bicth'll do sure!
[Adam:]
Then, Derrick, who do I need you for?
[Derrick:]
Whoa, whoa, whoa whoa whoa!
Hold up- hold up, Man, I'm your pal
They're sweet, but I'm a demon straight from Hell!
I know, I went a little hard on the sell
But we're BF-F-F-F's forever!
[Derrick gets pushed off the roof of the house by adam]
Agh!
[Robert and Hannah:]
Adam!
[Adam:]
What? He was already dead
And you heard what he said, any ghost/demon can do that possession stuff
[Adam, sung:]
We don't need that demon
The three of us alone can wreck Victor's life
Together we can make a grown man weep
Guys got a dinner date to keep
[Robert:]
Okay, so what's the plan?
[Adam (with Robert & Hannah):]
Teach Victor a lesson
He's gonna freak when we possess him
So he wants the perfect creation
I'll lead that lamb to slaughter
Yeah, I got game!
I'm gonna make him say my name
(Make him say your name)
I'll make him say my name
(Make him say your name)
I'll make him say my name
(Make him say your name)
Not running away!
I'll make him say my name!