Chapter Text
“...Are you going to bed, Lusa?” He’s halfway through pulling his shirt off over his head when he hears a familiar voice address him from his doorway, and he tosses the clothing onto the floor before finally glancing over at his visitor. It’s Esper asking him, of course. It’s always Esper.
“Yeah. Gettin’ ready to.” He sits down heavily on his bed, patting the space next to him. “C’mon. Y’r tired too, ain’t ya?” Esper nods once, quietly closing the open door behind him before accepting the offer and carefully sitting next to him. Lusa puts one hand on top of Esper’s head, affectionately ruffling the other’s hair. Esper leans into his touch, humming softly as Lusa’s fingers gently comb through his hair.
It was a nightly ritual of theirs by now. Esper would always show up just before he went to bed (and how Esper always knew exactly when that was, he’d never know), and he’d always extend an invitation for the other to stay the night. It seemed to help Esper, having someone there with him at night, so who was he to turn the boy away? They both needed all the help they could get.
He withdraws his hand a few moments later, covering his mouth with it as he yawns. “...Mm. Dunno about you, but ‘M tired.” He gives Esper one last pat on the head before yawning again, moving himself onto the far side of the bed and flopping down. “Get some sleep, Esper.” he mumbles, pulling the blankets up and over himself before letting his eyes fall closed.
“...Okay.” There’s a brief shuffling, and he can feel Esper’s back press up against his own once the other has finally situated himself. “Good night, Lusa.”
“...G’night, Esper.”
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It’s dark when he wakes back up, a quick glance at the window telling him that it was still far too late into the night to even consider getting out of bed. Yet somehow he feels like he needs to be awake right now, an odd, almost urgent feeling gnawing at him as he stubbornly squeezes his eyes shut once more.
That’s when he hears it, feels it. The quiet, muffled sound of someone crying; the slight shake of the mattress with every unsteady breath his bedmate takes. He sits up now, eyes scanning the darkness until he manages to make out Esper’s form beside him, hunched over and trembling. “...Esper?” He doesn’t receive a response, can only just make out the other’s hands reaching up to grab fistfuls of messy silver hair as the man chokes back another sob. “...Hey. It’s a’ight, nothin’s gonna...” He reaches one hand out, gently touching Esper’s shoulder.
It’s a mistake.
Esper whirls on him the instant he makes contact, slapping his hand away and glaring at him (and it’s dark, but even in this darkness he can tell that Esper’s not himself right now, because his eyes... Esper’s eyes are that deep, dangerous black; venomous purple rings glowing from within the abyss). A growl escapes through Esper’s lips, low and threatening.
“...Esper.” He holds both his hands up where Esper can see them. “It’s jus’ me, Esper.” He does his best to remain calm when Esper crawls closer to him (fluid and terrifying, like an animal cornering its prey), tries to keep his breathing steady.
“...Not right.” Esper mumbles, shaking his head.
There’s no sign that Esper recognises him, even though the man is staring right at him (and what had he expected? Esper never knew him when he was like this, never knew anyone).
“...It’s not right.” One twitching hand reaches out, placing itself on his shoulder. “It’s not right it’s not right it’s not right it’s...” Esper mumbles the words like some sort of mantra, his grip on Lusa’s shoulder tightening, loosening, tightening again with each iteration, nails digging deep into skin.
“...What’s not right, Esper?” It’s best to keep Esper talking, he knows that much from experience. “Tell me what it is. I’ll fix it.”
“...Fix it.” Esper latches onto that phrase, eyes widening. “Fix it.” The hold on his shoulder is released, both of Esper’s hands reaching up to grab at his own head, fingers tangling themselves in messy locks of hair. “Fix it... Fix it... That’s right. I’m supposed to... I’m supposed to fix it.” Esper’s hands fall to his sides, gaze settling firmly on Lusa. “...I have to fix it. I have to fix it. I have to.”
“Esper--” He doesn’t get a chance to finish. Esper pounces, knocking him onto his back as slender fingers wrap themselves around his throat, only just allowing him to still draw breath. “E-Esper...”
“Things are wrong. Everything is wrong.” Esper’s grip grows ever tighter with each sentence, a maniacal edge creeping into his tone. “Wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong.” Tighter and tighter and tighter still, until he can’t breathe, until his vision starts to blur. He can hear Esper laughing, a sound that would strike fear into anyone’s heart (and his was no exception, was it?). He can’t bring himself to fight back, can’t bring himself to raise a finger against the man despite the danger (and some small part of him hopes that maybe, this time, Esper will remember him).
“I’m going to fix things. I’m going to fix everything. I’ll get it right this time. I’ll get it right I’ll get it right I’ll get it right, I promise I will, I promise.” The pressure on his throat is suddenly released, and he sucks in a desperate breath of air, struggling to fight against the disorienting feeling flooding through him as his body attempts to recover. “...I’ll get it right this time.” He only just makes out the soft purple glow surrounding Esper’s hand, doesn’t have enough time to react. “...I just have to erase the mistakes first.”
A manic grin, and then everything erupts into pain as Esper’s hand phases right through his side.
He bites down hard on his own tongue to keep from crying out in pain as Esper tears through his insides (because that won’t help, that never helps, only makes things worse), black spots erupting across his vision as he struggles with himself (struggles with the pain). He only just manages to grab hold of Esper’s arm, ripping the other’s hand out of himself before throwing him down onto his back. He almost can’t manage to sit up, forces himself to pin Esper down, straddling the man’s waist and pinning his arms at his sides.
“Esper, look at me.” His voice is raw, and it hurts just to speak.
“Let go of me!” Esper snarls in response, writhing underneath him in a desperate bid to escape. “Let go let go let go let go!”
“Not ‘till y’ look at me.” he repeats. “Y’ know me, Esper. I ain’t gonna hurt ya.” He’s forced to pause, wincing his wound throbs, as he feels blood spurting out of his wound (and he wouldn’t last at this rate, he knows it). “I jus’ wanna help ya, Esper. ...Please let me.”
Esper finally does look at him now, and something in his expression changes (though for some reason, he doesn’t think it’s for the better). “...Let go of me.” Esper repeats, though there’s no more bite to his words. “Let go, let go, let... I just wanted to...”
Lusa finally complies, freeing Esper’s arms and climbing off the man. His vision wavers once more, and he prays that he stays concious long enough to resolve this. “...It’s okay, Esper. Y’r okay.”
“...I just wanted to... I wanted to...” Esper’s voice degrades into a broken mumble, and Lusa isn’t sure if he’s speaking words or nonsense now. Maybe it was both.
“It’s okay.” He pulls Esper towards him, embraces him, once hand holding onto him while the other reaches up to gently pet his hair. “It’s okay. It’s okay. Y’r okay now. I’m right here. It’s okay.” Esper buries his face into his shoulder, nonsensical mumblings converting to broken sobs (and that sound hurts him more than the wounds ever could).
“...I’m sorry, Esper.” he mumbles, pressing a kiss against the top of Esper’s head. “I’m so sorry.” He keeps petting the other, keeps mumbling reassurances and never once lets go of him. It isn’t until Esper finally cries himself back to sleep that he allows himself to collapse, praying that he lives through the night before his vision fades to black.