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Estinien was unused to convalescence. In his years as the Azure Dragoon he'd had no time for such things, no matter how dire his injuries may have been, he recovered quickly enough and pressed on past whatever pain may have lingered. With the wisdom of hindsight he assumed his resilience had been partially in thanks to the Eye he bore, it's presence as invigorating as it was corrupting.
So it was with no small amount of annoyance that he found himself drifting off in the middle of the day, only to awaken when the moon was shining it's light through the windows of his infirmary room. The quiet of the room was peaceful, broken only by the soft sound of Evuuli's breath as he slept slumped in a chair at his bedside, something he was very slowly beginning to grow comfortable with. The absence of Nidhogg's eyes, after so long in the presence of at least one of the infernal things, was an odd emptiness. A lack of metaphysical weight he'd always noticed and understood, but perhaps he hadn't grasped the full depth of it. Perhaps he never would have, if it were not for his possession.
As if his thoughts had summoned it, his shoulder and bicep ached, phantom pains from the scars where the Eyes had sunk into his flesh and aether. The healers had explained that the pain would fade as he stabilized and his body cleansed itself of the corruption, though the Warrior of Light had softly told him that the mental aspects may never fade. That the scars would heal, and his aether would return to a stable state, but his mind may supply him with aches for the rest of his life.
" Our minds remember what our bodies may have already healed or forgotten. " He'd said in his soft rasp of a voice as he passed his hands slowly over the wounds, aglow with soft green light as he'd channeled white magic to aid in the purging. He'd shed the outer layer of his favored robes, the soft white fabric draped carelessly on the chair he'd risen from when Estinien had woken.
" And how would you know such things? " Estinien had asked through gritted teeth, the feeling of foreign aether gliding over his skin unpleasant, no matter how gentle the hands that wielded it were.
Evuuli had been silent for long enough that Estinien assumed he'd been ignored when the Viera finally spoke, his soft voice far away and his eyes fixed on some distant point far from the walls of Ishgard.
" When I was younger, my family and I were traveling through the Azim Steppe in Othard. My father needed some specific plants for a tincture for one of his clients, and they could only be found there you see. My barer and mother were looking after my siblings and I as best they could as he searched the plains, but there's only so much you can do when there's seven children to mind. "
The Viera cut off the flow of magic, gently rewrapping the Elezen's injuries in fresh white gauze as he continued his story. " My youngest sister had wandered off out of the settlement we were staying in, she'd wanted to find our father to help him, and between the crowd and the rest of us my mother didn't notice right away. "
" When she and my barer realized one of us was missing, they spread the oldest of us out to look for her. " Evuuli's hands rose to undo the high, tight collar of his undershirt as he spoke, revealing the mass of scars Estinien had seen a handful of times before in their rather one sided trysts in the valleys of Dravania, thought that had been to his own preference. " I found her first, she'd made it outside of the settlement. A variant of malboro resides on the Steppe, and a stray one had made it closer then the guards usually allowed. She had fallen, the thing was advancing towards her and I reacted without thinking. "
Estinien swallowed heavily, he'd never thought to question the other man about the scars he bore. It had seemed something too personal, too close to the feelings he'd been ruthlessly denying as their journeys continued along side the Lady Iceheart, the boy Alphinaud and the other Warriors of Light Evuuli called his comrades.
" I launched myself at her and managed to get her into my arms. I turned to run but the beast's tentacles wrapped themselves round my ankle. I threw her, small as she was, back towards the settlement and screamed for her to run back, to get our mother and my barer, before I was dragged back. "
" Stop. " Estinien said harshly, tearing his eyes away from the Viera. " You needn't relive this for my sake. "
His face was turned back towards the other man with a gentle hand upon his cheek that he was powerless to resist as Evuuli laughed softly, a wry smile curving his lips. " You asked me how I could know of scars long healed that continued to ache, though there should be nothing left to cause such a thing. I'm simply telling you, Estinien. It pains me little, to speak of it. For my sister lives still, as do I. The rest is little more then a thing of nightmares, forgotten in the morning sun. "
" The malboro had unleashed a wave of it's breath upon me and had a tentacle wrapped around my throat by the time my barer and a handful of guards from the settlement arrived to drive the beast back. My barer carried me back to the settlement as fast as they could run and the healers there stabilized me as my body fought off the poison from the beast. " Evuuli removed his hand from Estinien's cheek and sat back in the chair at his bedside, uncaring of the rumpled state of his robes beneath him. " When my father arrived from his gathering expedition, he was able to work with the healers to cleanse my body and close the wounds on my leg and throat. Malboro's are nasty beasts though, and it's breath permanently left it's marks upon my throat and voice. "
Evuuli tapped the mottled mess of scar tissue at the base of his throat, " I can speak without pain, though I cannot yell, nor hold a note as I had before. Some days I cannot speak at all. I should not have lived through such an attack, in all truth. If my father wasn't the alchemist he is, or the healers less skilled, or my own aether weaker than it is I would have succumbed. Instead I lived, and to this day I can still feel my throat burn from the poison eating away from the inside though there is nothing left to burn. "
Estinien had been unable to find words to voice, but they hadn't been necessary. In that odd, almost mystical manner of his, Evuuli had smiled and dipped his head in a nod as if the other man had made some sort of moving speech. He'd risen and donned his robes again, the guise of the proper and gentle healer falling around him as naturally as water flowed, a truth he lived but that did not fully encompass the breadth of his skills or the heart that beat inside his chest.
" We all must live with the memories of our pasts, Estinien. Some of us remember it in ways that pain us, be it in our hearts or on our bodies. While others stride forward without seeming to so much as glance behind them. Our wounds may pain us long after they've healed, our minds may haunt us with the memory of that pain, but we remain. We stand still, taller then we were before, for all the scars we bare. Now get some rest you silly man, you've been pushing yourself too hard. "
Evuuli had bent to press a gentle kiss to Estinien's cheek that burned through him just as vividly as Nidhogg's aether ever had, though the ache of it was far different, before he swept from the room to leave him alone with his freshly bandaged wounds and a mind that refused to move past the press of lips and a soft voice.
He'd been unable to think of little else for the rest of the morning, which had driven him to an exhaustion he'd grown all too familiar with. He'd drifted off to sleep once again, leaving him to wake after the sun had set and long before it would rise again. He turned his head to gaze on the sleeping Viera, slumped to an uncomfortable angle in the hard wooden chair, head pillowed on his folded arms. A hand rested lightly on his leg, as if to reassure the smaller man that Estinien was still there, even in sleep.
He must have snuck in past the healers again, slipping away from the mother chocobo that masqueraded as the Lord Commander. Aymeric had been losing the fight to get Evuuli to sleep in an actual bed before Estinien had even woken, after the Eyes had been pried from his body. Even his skills, honed from years of wrangling the Azure Dragoon into presentable clothing for galas he'd been dragged along to were nothing in the face of a determined and worried Warrior of Light.
Clouds in the sky above drifted away from the moon, allowing the light to bathe Evuuli's copper hair in it's radiance, stealing the breath from Estinien's lungs as he gazed upon the beauty of the man sleeping before him.
For so long, long before he'd ever met the Warrior of Light, Estinien had repressed as many emotions as he could to limit the influence of Nidhogg's Eye on him. He'd failed miserably of course, his anger and thirst for vengeance priming him perfectly to house the great wyrm's essence.
But now, with his presence a distinct absence in his mind and heart, Estinien allowed himself to truly feel.
How could he not, when the man that had crept past all his defenses and seen past the anger that clouded his vision, was within reach?
When the Warrior, strong in mind and body, who's aether shone as brightly as any star, was within reach?
When the man he had found himself falling in love with, lay there with such a peaceful look upon his tired face?
It pained him to do so, but Estinien couldn't resist reaching down to stroke a hand over the fall of copper hair and the soft fur of one long ear. The Viera stirred with a sleepy murmur, pale golden eyes blinking open slowly to gaze at Estinien.
" 'Stinien? Do you need something? "
Estinien refused to be charmed by the soft rasp of the other man's voice, his normally imperceptible Thavnarian accent giving an almost musical lilt to his words. " Go to bed, Evuuli. I shan't be moving from this bed for a while yet. " Estinien sighed, giving the ear in his grasp a gentle tug.
The look on the other man's face could best be described as a pout, whatever heat he normally would have mustered dulled in the face of his lack of sleep. " I didn't know you and Aymeric took mother chocobo lessons together. "
Estinien sighed, fighting down the flush that threatened to overtake him as he gave another gentle tug on the ear in his hand, his traitorous body turning it into more a caress then anything. " If you refuse to return to your own chambers then get up here. " It was worth suppressing the flush that threatened to overtake his face, if just to see the dumbfounded expression on the other man's face.
" What did you say? "
" I won't repeat myself. " Stiffly, ignoring the heat that graced his cheeks as best he was able, he released his hold on the other man and turned his gaze to the ceiling of the room. When he felt Evuuli's weight leave the bed completely he refused to feel disappointed, telling himself that he was glad the fool was leaving for his own bed for the night.
The rustling of fabric drew his gaze again and he had to repress the relieved sigh that wanted to leave him as he saw Evuuli removing his outer robes again before bending to unlace his boots.
Estinien silently lifted the edge of the bedsheets for the other man, allowing the other man to slide into the bed and wedge himself against Estinien's chest. As he resettled the sheets around them and brought his aching arm down around the Viera's waist, Evuuli let out a content sigh.
" Thank you for this 'Stinien. I'll be sure to be gone before the morning light. " Evuuli nuzzled into the dragoon's chest, curling a hand into the loose shirt the healers had dressed him in.
Swallowing heavily and tightening his grip on the smaller man, Estinien shook his head, knowing the beat of his heart would betray the steadiness of his voice and that the sharp ears of the Viera would hear the uptick of his heartbeat. " You needn't bother. You need more sleep then that. " The unspoken rules of their arrangement implied a certain level of secrecy. Not out of shame, at least not on Evuuli's part, Estinien assumed.
Estinien had simply never made time for such entanglements before, between his duties as the Azure Dragoon, his thirst for vengeance and his lack of interest for the more physical aspects of such relations.
Evuuli held no issues with the latter, having been content to do whatever the dragoon was comfortable with and ending things there. The simple, gently acceptance from the other man had been a revelation to the elezen. For Ishgard had never made mention of such things being natural, and while Aymeric had never pushed, whatever romantic overtures they may have had died a slow, painful death in the face of Estinien's lack of interest in the other man's body.
Though now with Nidhogg's influence gone from his mind, perhaps he could find it within himself to actually talk to Aymeric, explain in full his lack of interest in anyone's body, mayhap they could have something.
Too, he'd seen the way Evuuli and Aymeric both had looked at each other before his possession, and he knew the Viera had few qualms with having more then one partner from their conversations during their travels across the Hinterlands and Churning Mists. The concept was still rather hard to wrap his own mind around, but Evuuli's parents were evidently quite happy with one another. Perhaps it was simply Ishgard that would find such an arrangement odd, which would not surprise the dragoon in the least if he were being honest with himself.
While Estinien and Aymeric could never work on their own, perhaps with a third they could find happiness. Perhaps with the gentle healer, who's own darkness mirrored Estinien's in ways he had yet to fully grasp, who's sense of duty and responsibility rivaled Aymeric's, there could be a love to sustain all of them.
But those were thoughts for morning, when he was dragged from his rest to ingest whatever infernal concoctions the healers would shove down his throat before the tasteless porridge that would be his morning meal.
As Estinien drifted off into what would be his most peaceful night of rest since long before he'd taken up the role of the Azure Dragoon, he tightened his grip on the already slumbering Viera at his side and could not resist the gentle smile that curved his lips, with hope burning bright in his heart where once only burned hate.