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Kieran liked to pride himself on the fact that despite how frustratingly surprising his partner in crime could be, he had come to know her quite well. He knew her morals, her mission, and in a way, knew her heart. He knew the broad strokes of paint that made up Lauren Sinclair.
Despite his carefully crafted distance, he had learned some smaller, more intimate parts of her; like how she took her coffee, what sweets she enjoyed most from the bakery by the precinct; and Kieran even could recite her order at the pub the 11th liked to hang around by heart.
Hell, he was humming her favorite song - that slowly, ever so slowly, grew on him - idly to himself as he prepared coffee for her patrol unit that morning. He had prepared hers last, as he always did - he long since stopped pretending it wasn’t so it’d be the freshest and warmest of the bunch - knowing exactly how much sugar and milk to use. Kieran let himself breathe in the aroma of coffee beans and creamer, only partially listening to others in the break room chattering amongst themselves. The whole room was peaceful, overall quiet, and not set in chaos at an ungodly hour in the morning - completely opposite of his destination - and with a sigh, he set off towards the patrol office.
He heard Kym from down the hall, voice ringing through the space with laughter. A small smile crept onto Kieran’s face unbidden, because no matter how much he loved the peace of the archives or break room, he also loved the punch of energy that came from the unit Lauren adored so much.
Shouldering open the door, he wheeled his cart in after, careful not to spill any of the coffee. Near immediately, before he could even greet Miss Deroses with a polite good morning, Kym was in his space, cheering and reaching for her designated cup.
“Finally, my favorite coffee-slinging paperman has arrived!” Kym did not pause for a second before taking a large gulp, letting the hot liquid course through her and fuel her pep as she continued, “You’re a lifesaver. I don’t know how we survived in this precinct without you.”
Will gratefully accepted Kieran’s offering of coffee, breathing in his cup with a deep sigh of exhaustion or exasperation, Kieran was unsure. “Ladell, you know how to make coffee. You do it all the time.”
“Yeah, but its never this good except when he makes it!”
Kieran chuckled as he handed Lila hers and Lukas’, trusting the secretary to make the delivery herself to protect from bloodshed. His eyes roamed to where he knew Lauren would be, likely watching him like a hawk-
Only to find her chair empty.
He blinked, unsure if what he was seeing was…completely real, to be honest. Lauren was dedicated to her work - stubbornly so. Not even having the Purple Hyacinth in her precinct after he nearly choked her out was enough to deter her from coming to work every morning. Even as their relationship started to mend, Kieran watched her wave off every reason to stop working.
So why was her chair empty? Was she running late?
Before he could properly ask, Kym was by his side, following his gaze. Her eyes sparkled like pennies in a fountain as she realized what he was looking at, her lips curling up not unlike a cat who had the canary. He certainly felt like he had fallen into her trap as she leaned closer, arm resting on his as if she could reach his shoulder, with a teasing grin on her face.
“Oh, your girlfriend’s not coming in today,” She said, and Kieran had but seconds to react before Kym was draping herself on top of him, back of her hand to her forehead like a fainting maiden, raising her voice to a wail, “She’s fallen seriously ill! They’ve yet to tell us when she will recover!”
“Ladell, get off of him!” Will barked.
“What do you mean she’s ill? Is she alright?” He asked, trying to stop his voice from betraying too much concern - enough to be believable as a boyfriend, but not to give Kym more ammunition from where she was grinning in his grip. Based on their expressions - everyone being as open and trusting (barring Lukas) as they usually were - and the fact neither Kym nor Will were alarmed, Kieran could reasonably assume Lauren was not in any grave danger. He doubted they would be as nonchalant about it if that were the case - still, it was rather odd, and Kieran didn’t like the look of the patrol unit missing Lauren Sinclair.
Kieran knew he was…developing feelings he really shouldn’t, for her. The fact the room felt several hundred watts dimmer without Lauren made him feel that fact acutely, and he tried to shove that deep down into the depths of his heart where it belonged. He had no right to feel this way, and even if he allowed himself to, he didn’t want it to come out. Especially not in front of Kym, who would no doubt yell it from the rooftops.
“Ah, you weren’t here when we got the call,” Will smiled, kind and warm, as if to soothe Kieran’s unease, “Her uncle informed us she was in no condition to come to work today. She should be back in a day or two, so there’s no need to fret. Especially if,” His expression soured as he glared at his Sergeant, narrowing his eyes, “Someone doesn’t keep over-exaggerating it. She’s not dying, Kym.”
Kym straightened up, thankfully gathering herself out of Kieran’s grip, so she could put a furious hand on her hip and flare the other out to point back at her Lieutenant, scowling back wholeheartedly. “C’mon, Willame, you know it sucks that she’s not here! And that I can’t go see her ‘til after work! She could be wasting away without any company! You get it, don’t you, Kieran?!” She whirled around towards him, expectantly.
Kieran rubbed his neck, faking more nervousness than he had, “Well, if you could not lead with her being seriously ill, I would appreciate it. It would give me less heart attacks, for one thing.”
Will gestured towards him, as if to say, see? with an upturned eyebrow and small, smug quirk of his lips. Kieran couldn’t stop himself from perhaps stirring the pot by adding, “Though I can’t say I disagree with you, Sergeant. The patrol office doesn’t feel quite right without her.”
Kym gestured more wildly to Kieran, looking just as smug back at Will’s now exasperated expression. Kieran couldn’t help but chuckle a little, to himself, at the display - they really were kind of cute. He could see what Lauren was talking about when she said they squabble like an old married couple.
Gathering their finished paperwork to file, Kieran tried not to take too many glances at Lauren’s empty desk. He obviously failed, as Will stopped him before he could leave, the kind smile back on his face.
“Do you mind going to check on her during lunch? We’ll likely be on patrol then.”
Kieran nodded. That was his plan anyway. But Will and Kym’s matching grins of relief both filled him with guilt - from the blood on his hands and the lies he was telling to them all - and something like happiness. Lauren really did have good friends, who cared deeply for her wellbeing; something he knew was scarce in the Phantom Scythe.
As he walked away, he glanced at the clock. It was 6:30 now, so he had some time to fill in the archives before he could go check on her.
Time moved so slowly. He swore he usually didn’t drag his feet this much, even in the quiet mundanity of his job. By the time he could take his lunch break, he felt like the whole day had passed. He was surprised by how quickly he grabbed his coat and stalked out of the precinct.
He picked up a small bouquet of daises and carnations on his way to her manor from a vendor on the street. As he passed by, some women cooed and whispered to each other about the lucky woman he was going to see, with those flowers, bringing an idle smile to his face.
Lauren, if she were with him, would likely use the flowers to hit them.
He briefly considered scaling the wall to her balcony, but it was the middle of the day, and should the Sergeant and Lieutenant come check, it may look bad if any staff the Sinclairs had didn’t see him. Plus, it could ruin the bouquet. So, gathering his resolve, Kieran knocked on the front door of the Sinclair estate. He suppressed the urge to awkwardly shuffle his feet as he listened for any life inside.
Before too long, an older woman opened the heavy oak doors. She blinked in surprise, looking him up and down, bewildered.
“Ah,” Kieran put on his meek archivist persona, giving the woman a nervous smile, “I apologize for coming by unannounced. Is Lauren home?”
The woman opened the door more fully, intrigue written all over her face. “Ah, yes, she is - but she may not be up for visitors. May I ask who…?”
“Oh!” Kieran feigned surprise, stumbling his words a little like the question caught him off guard, “I’m sorry, I- I forgot she likely hasn’t told her uncle yet. I’m her boyfriend, Kieran White.”
The word boyfriend put a seed of…something in his gut. It was like a hybrid flower, blooming with different colors of emotion - some anxious, some more…giddy. He didn’t have too long to dwell on it before the maid gasped, a hand flying up to her collarbones, as if to quell her heart. Internally, Kieran wanted to chuckle, because while he witnessed a disastrous date of hers, he couldn’t quite believe her love luck was truly that horrible. Yet, here was her own house staff, looking at Kieran as a wondrous mythical beast.
“Boyfriend!” She echoed, aghast, “Oh, I must say I was unaware - come in, I’ll let her know you’re here,” She stepped back, clearing the way, and allowing Kieran to step inside. He gave her a grateful smile and a nod, denying her offer to take his coat.
“I do have to get back to the precinct soon, I’m afraid.” He said, casually, ignoring the part of his heart that whispered, conspiratorially, and I don’t deserve to feel welcome in this home. He slam dunked that voice aside, watching as the maid - Lucy, he learned, later - scurried somewhere into the estate. Not too long after, she returned with a smile.
“You’re in luck, Mister White - the Lady wishes to see you!”
Relief poured through him. While he wouldn’t be too surprised if she turned him away, he was…glad she didn’t. Even if it was just to yell at him, he was happy to at least get a chance to see how she’s doing for himself.
Lucy had left him alone after delivering him to Lauren’s bedroom door, nearly beaming with excitement. Kieran wondered if Lucy was more excited than even Kym was at the prospect of Lauren actually managing to find a boyfriend.
He shrugged it off, and pushed open the door as quietly as he could.
He poked his head in first, stepping inside the room carefully, like she would throw something in his direction. It wouldn’t be the first time. Instead, he saw Lauren in her bed, looking over at him blearily from under a truly impressive number of covers. Her cheeks were red, obvious on her pale skin even in the dim lighting of the room, her hair in a messy braid, and her eyes were clouded with fever. Beside her on the bed was a book, one he’s sure she’s read already, with a ribbon sticking out between its’ well loved pages. Lauren looked pretty - the scene in front of him was so domestic his heart lurched in his chest. He could imagine her in the same nightgown on his couch, or in his own bed.
Shaking the thought out of his head, he stepped more fully into the room, revealing the bouquet in his hand. When she caught sight of them, her lips parted in surprise, causing his own to curl up, pleased.
“Hello, darling. I come with news of well-wishes.” He presented the flowers as he came closer, voice dripping with honey as he sat on the edge of her mattress - far enough away to make her comfortable, but close enough she didn’t have to raise her voice.
The words made her roll her eyes, but she accepted them all the same, bringing the flowers close. As she inspected them, a small smile came onto her face, her fingers delicately tracing the petals of a daisy. Kieran’s own smile grew softer without his permission, something in his ribcage caving at the sight. She really was beautiful.
“Kym didn’t tell you to bring me these, did she?” Lauren asked, voice raspy like sandpaper, and just as quiet as Kieran expected it to be.
“Nope. I brought those to you out of the kindness of my own heart. I didn’t even risk harming them by scaling up your wall.”
“What a gentleman.” Lauren deadpanned. A hint of a smile quirked the side of her mouth.
Kieran shrugged, putting up his hands as if to say guilty as charged before letting himself look her over more closely. The bags under her eyes have rarely looked darker. “It was odd not seeing you at your desk. Kym was theatrically inconsolable - she made it sound as though you caught your death.”
Lauren let out a small breath of laughter. “Sounds like Kym. Did she put you up to this?”
Kieran scowled playfully. “Yes,” He lied through his teeth, knowing full well she could tell, watching him with bemused eyes, “She held me at gunpoint and told me she’d shoot me in my unmentionables if I didn’t check up on you.”
Lauren huffed. “You didn’t have to come all this way, you know. Especially since that was a lie.”
“And deprive you of my healing presence? Why, officer, I could never be that cruel!”
Lauren rolled her eyes once again, more visibly amused this time, but the motion seemed to make her dizzy - she closed her eyes tight, furrowing her eyebrows, and waited for the nausea to pass.
Kieran frowned, reaching out to her, before thinking better of it. He dropped the outstretched hand and put it instead on her ankle, tentatively. “Are you alright, darling? In all seriousness, this really has to be kicking your ass to make you miss work. You should’ve told me if our little dates have been wearing you down.”
Lauren hummed, cracking open an eye to look at him, face still scrunched in discomfort. “I…felt fine, mostly. Guess it all caught up to me at once. I fainted coming down for work this morning, and Uncle practically grounded me.” The tension in her face loosened, suggesting the nausea had finally calmed down, and both of her golden eyes came open again. She looked ragged, tired in a deep, bone-aching way.
Kieran couldn’t imagine anyone being able to truly ground Lauren Sinclair, but he supposed Tristan got his position somehow.
He said as much. Lauren laughed, and though it was scratchier than it would usually be, it bought Kieran just as much joy and warmth in his heart and lungs as it did the first time he heard it.
He leaned closer, intent on making another joke, but something on her face caught his eye.
“You…have freckles?” He asked, blinking in surprise. Without thinking about it, his hand came to her jaw to brush a thumb over the small, faint specks on her cheeks. “How have I never seen them before?”
Her fever’s flush was drowning them out, for sure, but he couldn’t help but notice the red grew a shade or two darker under his scrutiny, hiding them from view. “I never grew out of them. I guess when it’s sunnier you’re more bound to see them. We have been out quite a bit lately.” She turned her face slightly away, as if somehow embarrassed by the admission. The movement made Kieran acutely aware of his hand, and so he subtly took it back as quickly as possible, boyish anxiety in his veins.
Putting on a brace face of nonchalance, Kieran cleared his throat. “Well, if you almost got a facefull of stairs, I’m glad your Uncle somehow strong-armed you into rest. Lieutenant Hawkes often complains you are too much of a workaholic.”
“Oh, I won’t hear about that from you. Not from Will, either, but I don’t want to hear you of all people lecture me on working too hard.”
“Is that concern I hear from you, my dear? My heart’s a flutter,” Kieran smirked, glad they were at least on more familiar ground, “Perhaps I am coming down with something as well - I feel so warm inside.”
“Don’t you have work to be doing, Archivist? Don’t tell me you’re going to skip work to annoy me while I’m ill. It wouldn’t for you and Hermann to be in a lover’s spat - you’re the one person in the precinct he’s enamored with.” Lauren’s faux-annoyance twisted into a smirk mirroring Kieran’s own when he gagged at the joke.
Shuddering, Kieran stuck out his tongue. “Now I really think I’m ill. Never imply he and I are lovers again, Lauren, we all know I could never compete with your Uncle.”
Lauren squawked in indignation, a playful fury lighting her eyes. “I hate you for revealing that gossip to me, so you know,” Lauren groaned, falling back into her pillows, carefully setting the flowers on the bed beside her, “I could have lived my whole life without knowing that little ‘fun’ fact.”
Kieran couldn’t stop the laughter that left him, head thrown back - rocking nearly his whole body. It had been a long while since he laughed that freely, and that hard; sometimes, he was scared of how easy it was to be so free with Lauren. To laugh like he didn’t know what fate awaited him. Like he could escape it. She was addicting, that way - he didn’t deserve it, he knew, but he couldn’t stop himself from seeking her out anyway. That distance he crafted crumbled so quickly when they were together, night by night, day by day. She made him feel so damn human.
Kieran’s laughter subsided to chuckles, and when his gaze met hers again he was surprised to see the soft, open look on her face - like when he told her he’d find Harvey’s killer. Her eyes, even clouded with fever as they were, and burdened by exhaustion, were warm like the embers of a hearth, golden like a summer sun setting into a still, clear evening. His laughter left him breathless, which was just as well, as he was sure all air would’ve left his lungs anyway.
He thanked the PS for very, very little. But he couldn’t deny he was glad he had such a good poker face in that moment. “We both know that at the first mention of your Uncle and Hermann being involved in any way, you’d chase after that information like a bloodhound. Look where searching for the truth has gotten you - the Purple Hyacinth in your bedroom, and the knowledge that Hermann thirsted after your Uncle.”
“I’d argue the latter is worse than the former, right now.”
Kieran barked out another laugh, surprised. “Now I know that fever’s clouding your brain. I should ask that lovely maid of yours to take you to a hospital.”
Lauren blinked, as if something occurred to her. “Speaking of, you came in through the front door?”
Kieran quirked an eyebrow. “Does your maid often announce people who come in through the window?”
“Kym.”
Nodding, Kieran put up his hands. “Say no more. I understand completely now.”
Lauren sat up, slowly, likely to prevent another dizzy spell. Kieran stopped himself from helping her up, just in case that would spook her.
“I mean, you know that now my Uncle will have a name for my mysterious date.”
Kieran hummed, leaning back in thought. “It gives us more of an alibi, at least. Even if people couldn’t believe you could be so lucky, your uncle thinking we’re together may sway more to believe it.”
Lauren gave him a look of exasperation and annoyance that he knew all too well. He knew she could hear the lie in his jest that people wouldn’t believe her, and wondered what she thought that meant. After all, it wasn’t just him inflating his own ego - her being with him would be as unlucky as she could get. There’s a bounty on his head, and on hers by extension - he would do nothing but ruin her.
That sobering thought made him sit up straighter. “I ought to be going. As you said, I do have work to do, and you need to rest.”
As he got up, a hand caught his wrist.
Looking back, surprised, he met Lauren’s eyes once more.
“I…” Lauren’s eyes darted away, her rosy cheeks darkening, “Thank you. For coming to see me. I was…disappointed I couldn’t come to work today, and seeing you made me happy.”
Kieran’s heart skipped a beat, two.
“I just!” Lauren avoided his gaze even more, if that were possible, her fingers trembling with effort without letting go of his arm. “It’s not- ugh,” She groaned, her head falling forward, her braid coming to block her face from his view. “Just…thank you. It was a bright spot to an awful day.”
Kieran swallowed thickly. She had said something similar when he found evidence for Sake’s case. His heart was thumping like a drum, the impact nearly hurting his chest from the inside, and he thought, with relief, she wasn’t looking at him. He was sure he’d be an open book, for once, and wasn’t sure he could handle his cards falling face-up on the table. Speech was already failing him, words caught in his throat like a rabbit in a snare.
“I’m glad I could make it better,” He said, and meant it wholeheartedly. His words made their gaze meet once more, hopeful and embarrassed and happy all at once, and he fought for his life to keep his voice steady. “I could…come back later, if you want? Keep you company.”
Lauren’s eyes widened, and Kieran rushed to take it back, for once surprised by his own admission - he cursed her ability to make him more human inwardly as he waved a hand to dispel his words from the air. “Actually, you know what? That’s a bad idea, I really shouldn’t have suggested it--!”
“I’d like that.”
He froze. He didn’t hear that right, did he?
Lauren looked…shy. It was a foriegn expression on her face - Lauren’s looked afraid, she’s looked uncertain, but she has never been shy with him before. Her eyes fluttered back to Kieran from under her lashes. “It…may be nice to…strengthen the alibi. Though as much as I hate to admit it, you should come through the window.”
Kieran chuckled, though it sounded weak to even him. “I’ll come. But you should rest for now, I’m sure Kym will come barreling through soon after the workday’s done.”
Lauren smiled, and Kieran, despite knowing that this was likely a terrible idea, felt like he was making the right choice, for once in his life. He twisted his wrist slowly, gently, dislodging her grip - but only so he could take her hand in his. He bent down to kiss her knuckles, lips barely caressing her skin.
“I’ll be back later, mi amor. Let me take your flowers - I can ask Miss Lucy to put them in a vase for you.”
Kieran bid her farewell, and couldn’t stop smiling as he left - Lucy was positively giddy when he asked for a vase, and promised to put them in their best. He felt better than he had in days, the wariness in his steps gone. He paid no heed to the girls giggling as he passed by, ignoring the whispers of a lovesick fool.
Perhaps he was one, but just for now, he would let himself be. At least he could be a fool in her presence, for now, for as long as she let him. Even if they never went any further, he would sit at her desk in the moonlight, and be satisfied.