Work Text:
I’m doing a balancing act with a stack of fresh fruit in my basket. I love you. I want us both to eat well.
— Christopher Citro, “Our Beautiful Life When It’s Filled with Shrieks”
#1
Sunwoo comes home to Juyeon sitting on the couch attempting to knit.
Keyword: attempting. Juyeon looks ten seconds away from poking himself in the eye with a knitting needle that Sunwoo feels the need to intervene. He sets their groceries down on the kitchen counter and sits beside his roommate, face mask dangling from one ear.
“I didn’t know we owned knitting needles.”
Juyeon dejectedly puts the needles down in his lap and flops back onto the arm rest.
“I can’t—” he gestures to the loose chain of thread on his lap. “I think my hands are too big.”
Sunwoo cannot help the laugh that spills from his mouth. He pats Juyeon’s knee as encouragingly as he can. “It’s fine. I think you’ll figure it out.” Juyeon pouts. “Where did you even get the knitting stuff?”
“My cousin. I told her I wanted to try knitting a few weeks back and she sent some of her extras over. They arrived when you were gone and I wanted to try it out. Plus,” Juyeon adds. “I thought it would be nice to do this since I don’t really go out as often anymore.”
Sunwoo hums. “I think the problem now would be trying to get you to go outside.”
“Hey!”
He laughs—something about Juyeon makes him laugh more than he should, nowadays—then stands and makes his way to the kitchen to start packing away the items from his grocery run. Juyeon had made sure that he’d bought enough food and other necessities, sending him down to the store with two sheets of notepad paper (written on back to back) and a brand new eco bag. It seems like too much for just two people, a little too indulgent for Sunwoo’s liking. But Juyeon’s new job pays well enough that they could afford more food than they were able to at the start of lockdown.
As he lines up cans and bottles in their cupboards and fridge shelves, Sunwoo thinks about how he’s been adjusting to being cooped up at home most of the time. He did pick up old hobbies again—composing, playing the guitar, gaming until his eyes fall out. Juyeon even joins him when he plays sometimes. It hasn’t been easy sharing a space with someone 24/7: Sunwoo knows he isn’t the tidiest roommate to have. As patient as Juyeon is, he isn't immune to bouts of irritation over the mess Sunwoo leaves around their tiny apartment. Juyeon adopting a new hobby alleviates some of the leftover anxiety Sunwoo has had about having him in close proximity all the time. He’s glad to have a new kind of buffer, even if it poses the risk of an accidental needle stab wound. Juyeon is far from careless with his things, but Sunwoo can never be too safe.
“I can make stuff for our apartment,” Juyeon says, a row of chain stitches steadily growing beneath the needles. He looks up at Sunwoo and smiles. “Maybe I can even make you a scarf someday.”
Not for the first time since meeting Juyeon, Sunwoo’s heart skips a beat.
-
#4
Sunwoo makes a beeline for the kitchen, death grip on his open laptop to prevent it from slipping and breaking against the wooden floor of their apartment.
It’s only 8:30 AM, but Juyeon is already on the sofa, legs hooked over the arm rest as he knits what seems to be a daisy. It looks small and delicate in his large hands, and for some reason he doesn’t want to name, Sunwoo finds it oddly endearing.
(There had been no accidental needle stabbing so far. But Juyeon is only on his fourth project, so Sunwoo can’t be too sure yet.)
Sunwoo peeks at Juyeon as he perches his laptop on the counter and pops bread into the toaster. His laptop speakers crackle when his professor greets the class good morning.
“You have class already?” Juyeon says, briefly looking up before undoing a stitch.
The toast burns Sunwoo’s fingers when he reaches for it. He drops it onto the plate and sucks his index finger into his mouth. “Yeah,” he says. “My professor wanted to meet as soon as possible to talk about the class setup. You cooked eggs?”
Juyeon nods. “You can get some, I cooked extra.”
“Thanks.”
The professor starts talking about possible options for the second semester, ones he gave to his first semester students during the switch from offline to online classes. Sunwoo leans on the counter and eats his breakfast in relative silence. He doesn’t go back to his room, opting to sneak furtive glances at Juyeon as he works. If Juyeon notices, he doesn’t say anything.
(Sunwoo has learned over the course of their roommateship that Juyeon is very cute when he focuses on something. It isn’t new to him, but Sunwoo still finds himself tucking away certain moments, committing them to memory: Juyeon smiling to himself when a row is neat and tidy, the tip of his tongue peeking out from between his lips, Juyeon sinking further into the couch cushions, pleased with his work.)
Class ends with a compromise of synchronous and asynchronous activities for the next few months. Sunwoo closes his laptop and leaves it on the counter, making his way to the couch. He sits and tucks his legs in then curls into the other arm rest, suddenly sleepy. Juyeon immediately shifts to rest his head on Sunwoo’s thigh. Sunwoo wills himself to not look down.
“Let’s take a nap,” Juyeon says.
“It’s only 9:15.”
He squeezes Sunwoo’s upper arm, a habit he does every time Sunwoo is close. “Not too long, I promise. We’ll be awake for lunch.”
“OK.”
-
#7, #8, #9
Juyeon pushes Sunwoo’s legs away so he can sit beside him on the couch. Sunwoo lets him do whatever he wants, too focused on the drama he’s been binge watching for the past—he sneaks a glance at their wall clock—four hours. Juyeon is probably only here because he wants some sort of social interaction, easy coexistence without having to do or talk too much.
Except Juyeon has other plans because he pats Sunwoo’s calves the way he does when he wants to tell Sunwoo something. Looking at Juyeon demands an awkward angle from Sunwoo’s neck as he leans the side of his head against the armrest of the couch.
Once Sunwoo has paused his drama, Juyeon opens his freakishly large hand to reveal a set of colorful coasters. They’re about the size of his palm but in different shapes: one is a circle, another a square, and one more appears to be a cat paw, but Sunwoo can’t tell from where he’s craning his neck. Those must be the ones Juyeon has been working on all week.
“I finished the coasters I’ve been knitting,” Juyeon says. “I think they turned out nice.”
Sunwoo sits up and reaches for the topmost one. It’s the round one, gray thread loose at some edges but already a lot better than Juyeon’s earlier works. The practiced and hard-earned ease is evident in how neat and even the rows are; Sunwoo tells Juyeon as much.
“Thank you,” Juyeon says, a smile alight on his face. “I actually made you two of these, the one you’re holding and this one with rainbow thread. I didn’t know which one you’d like so I thought I’d just let you choose.”
“Oh.” Sunwoo takes the rainbow coaster, the square one, and turns it over in his hand. The extra effort overwhelms Sunwoo with warmth. He considers the two coasters in his hands, silent, and Juyeon watches him pick.
“I like this one,” Sunwoo finally says, holding up the rainbow coaster. “The yarn is pretty hyung, thank you. I’ll use it well.”
Juyeon smiles again. The warmth dials down into a feeling of contentment. “I’m glad you like it.”
Sunwoo smiles back. He hands the gray coaster back, wanting to say that he’ll like anything Juyeon gives him because it’s the truth. But it feels too vulnerable for a gift as small as this, so he says, “Now you’ll just have to make me more things.”
Juyeon rolls his eyes, fond. “Maybe,” he says, then pats Sunwoo’s knee before he stands. “We’ll see.”
“You promised me a scarf, hyung.”
Juyeon’s voice is muffled as he goes back into his room. “I did no such thing.”
-
#10
Sunwoo screams.
“It’s just me,” Juyeon says. The knife he raises does nothing to quell the spike of panic in Sunwoo’s chest.
“Why are you still up at 2 AM? Don’t you have work later?”
“Still knitting,” Juyeon says, then pops something into his mouth. “And I wanted to cut some fruit since you’ve been studying really hard. I was gonna drop by your room to give you some, but you’re already here, so.” He nods towards a large plastic bowl. “There’s shine muscat over there. You can get some.”
“Thanks,” Sunwoo says. He nudges the bowl to the side and pushes himself up to sit on the counter, then takes a small handful of grapes. Juyeon is peeling and cutting up peaches and putting them in a resealable plastic container.
“You like peaches, right?”
“Yeah,” Sunwoo says, shine muscat between his teeth. “How’d you know?”
“I think you told me about it once,” Juyeon says, slicing the last peach. He wipes his hands on a paper towel and turns to look for something in the fridge. “Do we have mangoes? Wait, I got them.”
Sunwoo chews on his grapes and resolutely doesn’t say anything. Juyeon has almost always managed to remember Sunwoo’s offhand comments about his interests; he’s never dwelled on it out of fear he might jump to conclusions and discover feelings that aren’t really there. Juyeon is always caring, always attentive, and Sunwoo has always chalked it up to the fact that Juyeon is… Juyeon. That’s just the way he is.
Juyeon slices the mangoes from the fridge into threes, then takes one of the cheeks and cuts them into little cubes. He passes the slice to Sunwoo and hands him a spoon.
It’s a cute gesture. Sunwoo smiles despite himself. “Thank you hyung.”
Juyeon smiles back, eyes crinkling into crescents. “No problem.”
-
Juyeon’s day off falls on a Wednesday. They go out for the first time in weeks after Sunwoo’s last class for the day, with Juyeon claiming that the weather is too good not to. The nearest coffee shop is only a couple of blocks away from their apartment, a quaint place filled with plants and adjacent to a small secondhand bookstore.
“I can’t believe we’ve never been here before,” Juyeon says after they order drinks (iced chocolate for Sunwoo, iced americano for Juyeon), standing off to the side of the counter. He agreed to pay for both of them despite Sunwoo’s empty threats. (“I spent five minutes looking for my wallet. Please?” “No.”)
“We haven’t been to a lot of places in a while, hyung,” Sunwoo says.
“I know. I just wish we’d gone here sooner.”
“We can make this our go-to place whenever we go out, if you want. You have to let me pay next time, though.”
Juyeon laughs. The barista calls their names. “No promises.”
They visit the bookstore next door and Sunwoo listens to Juyeon give reviews of the books he sees on the shelves. They find a copy of The Book of Answers and laugh at every answer they get.
(During moments like these, Sunwoo almost allows himself to hope. He likes Juyeon, of course he does, but he doesn’t want to mess up their friendship. Now that they have to be together almost every waking hour of the day, he can’t afford to blur any lines. But it’s so easy to get caught up in Juyeon’s sweetness. Too easy, in fact, that Sunwoo finds himself craving more.)
As they walk back to their apartment, Juyeon tugs at Sunwoo’s sleeve and asks for a sip of his drink.
“Sweet,” Juyeon says, handing it back. “Just like you, I guess.”
Sunwoo schools his face into a deadpan stare despite the heat creeping into his cheeks. “Yah!” He yells, shoving Juyeon away.
Juyeon laughs. “What, it’s true!”
-
#12
There is a huge box filled with yarn cakes and skeins on their coffee table.
“This is a lot of yarn,” Sunwoo comments.
Juyeon looks up from where he’s sprawled on the couch, pausing the game on his phone. He probably had an early out. “Mmm. I wanted to make more things. And,” he says. “Jacob hyung asked me to make him a bucket hat.”
“You’re making Jacob hyung something?”
“Yeah,” Juyeon turns back to his phone and resumes playing. “He asked me to and I couldn’t say no.”
“That’s cool.” It sounds fake the moment it comes out of his mouth. It’s cool, it really is; Juyeon is sweet and thoughtful and Sunwoo can’t be the only recipient. His gut twists, sour and ugly.
“Are you done studying? Do you want to watch something on Netflix with me?”
“No, I uh, I have a meeting with… someone. For an assignment.” It’s a flimsy excuse. Juyeon probably knows this. Sunwoo came out of his room in search of snacks but now he can’t hold off the jealousy that bubbles in his chest. He doesn’t want to spend time with Juyeon out of the fear that it’ll get worse.
“Oh. OK. I’ll just be here when you finish.”
“OK. Thanks, hyung.”
(Jacob is obviously very happy about the bucket hat. Juyeon tells Sunwoo over breakfast a week later, showing selfies Jacob sent on KKT. Jealousy begins to prickle down Sunwoo’s throat, but then Juyeon giggles at a photo of a sleeping Chanhee wearing the bucket hat. Sunwoo reminds himself that Juyeon and Jacob are just friends. It’s fine.
He’s fine.)
-
#15
Sunwoo has a sudden craving for kimchijeon on a particularly rainy day.
He considers asking Juyeon to make some because one, his cooking is always better than Sunwoo’s, and two, Sunwoo doesn’t want to spend all that time in the kitchen only to end up disappointed. But Juyeon is probably busy with work, having timed in only two hours ago, so Sunwoo gets up.
He manages to finish the pancakes in twenty minutes without any accidents. (Which is a good thing, because his first instinct when something happens in the apartment is to call Juyeon, and he doesn’t want to bother his roommate over something so small.) He’s putting the remaining kimchijeon in a tupperware when someone pinches his waist.
He yelps and turns around, very nearly hitting Juyeon in the face with the open tupperware.
Juyeon laughs. “It’s just me.” (Of course it is.) Then, “You made kimchijeon.”
“I did,” Sunwoo says, turning back to put the rest of the pancake in the container.
“You didn’t burn the kitchen down.”
Sunwoo closes the tupperware and faces Juyeon. “I’m going to lick all of them so you can’t eat any.”
Juyeon pouts. “Just one bite.”
Sunwoo rolls his eyes and gets chopsticks. He takes a piece from his plated kimchijeon and holds it up to Juyeon’s mouth.
Juyeon gladly eats it and chews for a moment. “It’s good,” he says once his mouth is clear of food.
(It feels like they’re playing house, just a little bit. Sunwoo tries to not give it too much thought, telling himself he cooked because he wanted to. Cooking for someone you care about is different; they haven’t gotten to that point yet, only going as far as asking for a bite because the food smells good or sharing because they made too much. It’s different.
Hope is a dangerous thing.)
“Thank you,” Sunwoo says.
“Like, really good.”
“OK, now you sound like you’re insulting me.”
“I’m just buttering you up so you’ll give me more,” Juyeon says, already reaching for the tupperware. Sunwoo lets him because he owes Juyeon that much.
“Oh! Also,” Juyeon says, turning to get something from his back pocket. “I came to hang this up.” He brings out an orange washcloth and loops it around the cupboard handle above Sunwoo’s head.
“There,” he says. “I made it while listening to the meeting because it was getting boring.”
Sunwoo snorts. “What happened to being Employee of the Month?”
Juyeon shrugs. “They’ll never know.”
-
It is one of those rare occasions when Sunwoo gets sick. While they’re both thankful it happens on a weekend, Sunwoo is begrudgingly under Juyeon’s full-time care for the time being.
He isn’t used to being taken care of. It shouldn’t be an issue, because Juyeon told him it was fine, that he doesn’t have any work to do, that he wants to catch up on his knitting anyway. But Juyeon has already done so much for him, even the smallest things like reminding Sunwoo to eat lunch before he gets ready for work, to the point that Juyeon being his personal caretaker for the day feels a bit too much.
“I like this,” Juyeon says. He runs his hands through Sunwoo’s hair, seemingly happy that Sunwoo’s head is on his lap. (Which took a lot more convincing than Sunwoo would like to admit. He was curled up on the other side of the couch trying to sleep and not bother Juyeon, but Juyeon insisted that he’d sleep a lot better if he used Juyeon’s thighs as a pillow. Juyeon had set his knitting project aside—a blanket he’d be gifting to Sangyeon’s nephew—and forced Sunwoo’s head onto his lap.)
“You like that I’m sick?”
“No, I like this,” Juyeon gestures between them and the TV. “Spending time with each other.”
“We spend time with each other everyday.”
“This is different.”
“Because I’m sick.”
“I like taking care of you,” Juyeon huffs. “You never really let me these days.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be.” Juyeon scratches at his scalp, gentle. He feels like a cat. “We’ve both been busy lately. Anyway,” The hands on his head still for a moment. “Do you want to watch a movie?”
Sunwoo nods. He tells Juyeon he doesn’t have a movie in mind so he can pick. Juyeon queues up Howl’s Moving Castle even though they’ve already watched it together before.
Sunwoo falls asleep ten minutes into the movie wishing he could take care of Juyeon, too.
(“You’re like a grandma,” Sunwoo says, fresh out of the shower and feeling less close to death than he was four hours ago. Juyeon is hunched up on the couch and squinting at the baby blanket, glasses halfway down the bridge of his nose.
“Shut up.”
Sunwoo laughs.)
-
#16
Two weeks later, Juyeon finishes the baby blanket. It’s his biggest project so far, one that means a lot to him because Sangyeon’s nephew had chosen the colors himself, soft alternating rows of light blue and white yarn.
It’s folded into neat quarters, ridiculously tiny in Juyeon’s hands as he waits for Sunwoo to find his other shoe. They’re heading to Sangyeon’s to drop the blanket off since Sangyeon is babysitting in the meantime.
(It feels like they’re playing house again, visiting a friend with kids and bringing gifts. It makes Sunwoo feel older than he actually is, as if what they have has a foundation he’s made a commitment to nurture. He hasn’t; there isn’t anything more than friendship there. He tells himself it’s just a visit to a friend they haven’t seen in a while, something people in their early twenties do. It will be fine.)
Sunwoo finds his shoe behind the rack and puts it on.
“Ready?” Juyeon asks.
“Yessir.”
Juyeon laughs, hands him a face mask, and they head out.
(They manage to sit beside each other on the subway. Juyeon offers him his other earbud and they listen to music together.
Juyeon plays IU’s Love Poem. Sunwoo stares out the window in an attempt to ignore the beginnings of an ache in his chest.)
Sangyeon’s nephew loves the blanket.
Juwon wraps it around himself like a cape the moment Sangyeon finishes sanitizing it, immediately running to the sofa to lie down.
“Thanks for the gift, Juyeonie,” Sangyeon says. It’s cute seeing Sangyeon look at his nephew like he’s his own child. Sunwoo knows he’s happy, which makes him happy, because Sangyeon has been through a lot in the past year. He deserves to have a life like this.
“It’s nothing,” Juyeon says, ducking his head. His ears are red. (Sunwoo likes that Juyeon is happy too.)
“Thank you for coming too, Sunwoo.”
“Of course, hyung,” Sunwoo says, hoping he sounds as happy as he feels. “It’s been a while. We missed you.”
Sangyeon’s other nephew tugs at Juyeon’s shirt. “Uncle, I want one too.”
Juyeon crouches down so they’re eye level. “What color do you want?”
“I want a rainbow!”
Juyeon laughs. “OK, I’ll make one for you and I’ll bring it over next time. Does that sound good?”
“Yes!” Howon cheers, then runs to hug Sangyeon. “Uncle Juyeon is going to make me a blanket too!”
“Are you excited?” Sangyeon asks, patting his head.
“Very excited!”
Sangyeon grins, then smooths his hair. “That’s good. OK, you need to say goodbye to your uncles now. They can’t stay for too long.”
“Wait, I want to ask Uncle Juyeon something.”
Confusion passes Sangyeon’s face. He smooths over Howon’s hair again. “OK, go ahead.”
Howon turns to Juyeon. “Will you bring a baby with you next time?”
Juyeon’s eyes widen and he looks at Sangyeon, whose face falls in horror. “A baby?”
“For me and Juwon to play with! Aren’t you and Uncle Sunwoo together?”
Sunwoo turns around and faces the wall in embarrassment. He feels his face heat up. He doesn’t want to entertain thoughts about raising a family with Juyeon. Not that he’s ever given it much thought, but… okay, fine, so what if he has?
“Howon,” Sangyeon chides gently. “Your uncles aren’t together. They don’t have a baby.”
“Oh. I’m sorry, Uncle Juyeon.”
“It’s OK,” Juyeon says. Sunwoo can hear the edges of laughter in his voice. “We aren’t a couple, but we do live together… and I like your Uncle Sunwoo very much, so I understand.”
Jesus. He puts his face in his hands. He fucking hates Juyeon.
Sangyeon snorts, then clears his throat to cover it up. “OK you two, your uncles really have to go now. Say goodbye.”
Sunwoo breathes in and attempts to compose himself. He turns around to wave at the kids.
“Bye, uncles!”
“Bye, Uncle Juyeon! Bye, Uncle Sunwoo!” Juwon says from the couch.
“Take care, you two.”
Juyeon smiles. “Of course, hyung. Thank you.”
“Your face is red,” Juyeon says when they’re in the elevator.
“No it’s not. I’m wearing a face mask, you can’t see it.”
“Yes it is. I can see it right h—”
Sunwoo swats his hand away. Juyeon giggles. “Shut up.”
(On the train ride home, Juyeon shares his earbuds again. He chooses Summer Night You and I by Standing Egg, and Sunwoo allows himself to hope, just this once.)
-
Juyeon decides to work on the couch the day Sunwoo gets a free cut.
It’s a terrible idea and Juyeon knows that. Sunwoo has a penchant for bothering him when he’s bored.
Sunwoo is sitting on the floor and scrolling through TikTok. He comes across a video of someone getting their ears pierced and decides to annoy Juyeon early.
“Hyung, aren’t both your ears pierced?”
“Yeah, why?”
“You should wear earrings to work.”
Juyeon glances at him. “What?”
“You heard me.”
“Why?”
“Why not? I bet your workmates already think you look hot even if it’s just through Zoom. We can give them more eye candy.”
“No.”
“Come on, hyung.” Sunwoo makes a quick trip to his room to get his pair of studs. “Just for today. Put them on before your meeting starts.”
Juyeon looks at Sunwoo, then at the earrings in his hands. “Fine,” he says, taking the pair and putting them on his ears.
Sunwoo steps back to admire his work. Juyeon does look hot. It’s both a blessing and a curse. He flashes Juyeon a mildly panicked smile. “See? You look good.”
Juyeon rolls his eyes. “You’d look good in earrings too, you know.”
“I don’t know,” Sunwoo says. He sits down and leans back on his hands, not quite looking at Juyeon. “I’d look better with a lip ring, don’t you think?”
Juyeon averts his gaze. His ears are red. “Right.”
-
“How much ramen are we putting in? Two packs? For both of us?”
“Three.”
“That’s too much.”
Sunwoo levels Juyeon with a glare. “You always complain you don’t have enough noodles when we cook two.”
Juyeon laughs. “OK, OK.” He takes another packet from the cupboard and hands all three to Sunwoo. “Here.”
“Thank you.” Sunwoo sets the pot on the stove. He can feel Juyeon peering over his shoulder as he puts the soup base and water in the pot.
“You’re sure you know how to make this?”
Sunwoo points the ladle at him. “Lee Juyeon-ssi. You have to trust me.” In goes the noodles. “I always make ramen for you and this is the only time you doubt me. So ungrateful.”
Juyeon grins. “OK, Sunwoo-ssi.” He passes the knife, the cutting board, and the soft tofu over to Sunwoo, who cuts the tofu and dumps it into the pot.
Sunwoo lets it boil, then does a little shimmy as he turns the stove off. “It’s dooone,” he sing-songs.
They set the table together. Juyeon smiles at him as they sit down to eat.
Sunwoo begins to scoop ramen into their bowls. “I probably failed that test, but at least it’s done.”
“Don’t say that. You worked hard, I know you’ll pass.”
“Uh-huh.”
Sunwoo passes Juyeon’s bowl over and Juyeon takes it with a smile.
(It feels like they’ve been playing house a lot more often, these days.)
“Sunwoo, look.”
Sunwoo looks up to see flakes of white drifting outside their window.
“Happy first snow.”
-
It’s annoyingly cold in Seoul.
Sunwoo squeezes himself into one side of the sofa to preserve body heat, burritoed in a thick blanket with one arm sticking out to use his trackpad.
The weather has been unforgiving to the slice of motivation he has left. It’s too cold to think; he wants to curl up into a ball and sleep until finals week ends and he has miraculously passed every single exam lined up for him to take. As it is, he has to chip away at every paper and presentation until he gets to enjoy a few days of unsupervised freedom before going home.
A pair of hands come to rest on his head. Sunwoo leans into the touch.
“Hi, hyung.”
“Is this OK?”
“Mhm.”
“OK.” Fingers card through Sunwoo’s hair, lulling him into a sense of ease.
After a beat of silence, Juyeon says, “You’ve been working hard.”
“I want to drop out.”
Juyeon pats Sunwoo’s head. “Don’t say that. You’re almost done.”
Sunwoo groans and tips his head back onto the couch backrest. “I’m going to start writing my will.”
“Make sure I get your old PlayStation.”
“No way. My sister called dibs first.”
Juyeon moves his hands to Sunwoo’s cheeks. “OK, what do you think I should get then?”
Sunwoo looks at Juyeon. There’s a trace of fondness in the way Juyeon looks back at him, hints of a gentle smile on his face. Sunwoo wants to kiss him. It’s terrible.
What does he want to give Juyeon? My heart, he wants to say. Or everything. Anything you want me to give.
“I don’t know,” he says instead. “I haven’t really thought that far.”
Juyeon breathes out a laugh. “OK.”
“You should give me something though,” Sunwoo says. He moves his head forward and Juyeon’s hands fall to the backrest. “You know what you should give me? A scarf.”
“OK, what color do you want your scarf to be?”
“Black.”
“OK. No problem.” Juyeon pats Sunwoo’s head again. “Don’t work too hard.”
“Yeah yeah. Go make me that scarf now.”
“Aye aye, captain.”
(The thing is, Sunwoo knows it’s an empty promise; Juyeon only said it offhandedly once a few months ago and it’s become a running joke between the two of them since. He isn’t holding Juyeon to it, but he lets himself hope anyway.)
-
They both go home for Christmas, much to Sunwoo’s sister’s disappointment.
She opens the door and glances behind Sunwoo. “Juyeon oppa didn’t come with you?”
“He has his own family to celebrate with.”
“But he’s more fun than you are.”
Sunwoo moves to flick her on the forehead. She turns away before he gets close, cackling as she goes to bother their mom in the kitchen.
A door clicks open. “Oh, Sunwoo, you’re home,” his dad says, ambling out of his little office room and clapping Sunwoo on the shoulder. He’s holding a newspaper, which means he’s just finished today’s crossword. “We should do home karaoke since you’re here.”
Sunwoo groans. “Oh my god, dad, no. You’re going to hog the mic.”
“No I won’t,” his dad sniffs. “I don’t even hog the mic, what are you talking about…”
Someone in the kitchen gasps. “SUNWOO IS HOME?” His mom calls out. “OH, MY SON!”
“Mom—” She squishes his cheeks together and coos. “Mm, yo’ squifhing my—”
“Sorry, sorry.” She brushes imaginary dust off his shoulder instead. “It’s just—you’re home! We haven’t seen you in so long! I’m just about to finish making dinner, we should do home karaoke after. OK?” She pats his cheek and smiles, then goes back into the kitchen.
“See, your mom agrees with me,” his dad says.
Sunwoo huffs. “She’ll also agree with me later.”
Sunwoo should probably come home more often.
“You should come home more often,” his mom says, handing him his bowl of rice. “I make too much food for these two and you’re never there to finish it.”
“You can always send it over, you know. I think Juyeon hyung would also like some home-cooked food.”
“Ah!” His mom claps. “That’s right, Juyeonie should eat well too. How is he?”
“Good,” Sunwoo says. His sister kicks him in the shin under the table. He pointedly ignores it. “He got a new job a few months ago.”
“That’s good,” his dad says. “At least you’re both OK over there.”
“That’s right,” his mom says. “You’re only ever home for the holidays.” Sunwoo tries to decline her offer of meat but she puts more on his plate anyway, so he eats it like the good child he is.
“You have another place you can call home. That’s what’s important,” his dad adds. “Juyeon isn’t family but he might as well be.”
“Uh-huh,” he says. His sister kicks him under the table so violently he swallows a spoonful of rice unchewed. He doesn’t hesitate to hit back.
-
Sunwoo is enjoying a quiet breakfast when his sister sets her bowl of porridge on the table and sits down facing him. “So…”
“So…?”
“Is Juyeon oppa your boyfriend yet?”
Sunwoo sighs and stands up to leave. “It’s too early for this.”
She laughs. “I’m joking, I’m joking,” she says and reaches out to pull him back. When he sits down, she says, “For the record, I think he likes you back.”
“You think.”
She shrugs. “I’m saying this as an outsider of your relationship.”
“You can’t give me love advice,” Sunwoo says, pointing his spoon accusingly at her. “You reject everyone who confesses to you.”
“Yeah, but this is your love life, not mine.”
Sunwoo makes a face and shrugs. “Yah, just eat your food,” he says. She sticks her tongue out at him but does as she’s told, and they spend the rest of their breakfast in silence.
“Oppa,” his sister calls out while he’s washing his bowl in the sink. “Are you eating here for lunch?”
“Yeah.” He looks back at her, suspicious. “Why?”
“Great! Can you buy me bubble tea?”
He places his bowl on the dish rack and wipes his hands. “Buy your own.”
“Extra large, please!”
Sunwoo rolls his eyes. She’ll keep bugging him about it, anyway, so he might as well.
-
#18
“You’re back early,” Juyeon says, startling Sunwoo the moment he arrives at their apartment.
Sunwoo grimaces, pressing a hand into the doorframe in an effort to steady his heartbeat. “You know me. Always punctual.”
“Sure you are.”
He lugs his bags in and shuts the door. “OK, rude.”
Juyeon laughs. “Kidding. Oh! Sunwoo, I wanted to give you a Christmas present. Let me, um." He points at his bedroom door. "Let me get it.” He pushes himself off the sofa and pads into his room. Sunwoo waits.
“Tada,” Juyeon says when he returns, a heap of black fabric in his hands. “I made you a scarf.”
Sunwoo takes it and turns it over in his hands. "Oh my god." Sunwoo runs his fingers over the stitches, the rows neat and soft to the touch. A sun is embroidered on one end. “Hyung,” he says. “It’s so pretty.”
“Thank you.” Juyeon smiles. God, his eye smile is so cute. “Merry Christmas.”
“You didn't have to.”
“I wanted to. It's not a big deal.”
Sunwoo looks at the scarf in his hands. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. I'm glad you like it.”
“Of course I would! You made it.”
“Thanks,” Juyeon says. He smiles even wider. It’s so affectionate that Sunwoo feels blinded. He looks down at the scarf again.
“Merry Christmas, hyung.”
“Merry Christmas, Sunwoo.”
After dinner, Juyeon leans on the counter by the sink and asks Sunwoo, “Do you ever wonder what it would be like to be with someone you really like?”
Sunwoo miraculously does not break any of their tableware. “Suddenly?”
“I was just, you know, thinking.”
Sunwoo scrubs at a greasy spot in one of their pans. He doesn’t look at Juyeon, scared that he might see right through the facade he’s carefully put up. “Sometimes. Why?”
“Nothing. I just wanted to ask.”
“Oh. OK.” Sunwoo keeps scrubbing. Does he ask Juyeon who it is? Does he offer advice? Is there some unspoken protocol about what to do when someone you like hints that they might like someone else? “Um. Well, I hope you get to be with the person you like, hyung.”
“Thank you.”
A beat. “Actually, Sunwoo, I…” Juyeon sighs. “I like you. That’s why I made you a scarf. Not because it’s Christmas—OK, well, Christmas was kind of an excuse—but because I like you, and I wanted to tell you. I wanted to be sincere.
“But you don’t have to say anything back. I’m not—I’m not expecting you to like me back or anything, I just wanted to tell you how I felt. I… I care about you a lot, and even if you don’t feel the same way, I want the scarf to remind you that you’re important to me, you know? And that I really do care.”
Sunwoo lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. “You like me?” He still isn’t looking at Juyeon.
“Yeah.”
“OK.”
“OK?”
“I mean,” Sunwoo starts. He sets the plate he was washing down in the sink. “I…” He breathes in. Breathes out. “I like you too.” It comes out softer than he intended, which isn’t what Juyeon deserves, so he says it again. “I really, really like you.”
“That’s…” Juyeon pauses. “That’s good, right?”
Sunwoo nods. “Yeah.”
“OK. Good.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
“OK. Cool.” Sunwoo feels like he could vibrate out of his skin. “I am… going to keep washing the dishes.”
Juyeon laughs. “OK.”
(A couple of dishes later: “Oh no.”
“What? What is it?”
“I didn’t get you anything for Christmas.”
“It’s fine.” Juyeon pokes his cheek, then his neck. The grin on his face is ridiculous. “You liking me back is already a good Christmas gift.”
Sunwoo moves away and flicks soap water in Juyeon’s direction. “You’re so gross.”
“You like gross.”
“I hate you.”
Juyeon laughs. Sunwoo splashes soap water at his face.
Even later, curled into each other: “How did you even find the time to make this? I thought you were joking when you said you’d make me a scarf.”
“I started during your finals week and I finished it when I went home.”
“That’s why you were always in your room!”
“I didn’t want to ruin the surprise! And you wanted a scarf so badly.”
“I thought we were joking.”)
-
#19
Dating Juyeon doesn’t change much, only that they kiss and touch in all the ways they can. Whenever Sunwoo wakes up before Juyeon does, Juyeon makes sure to find him to give him a kiss. They work on the couch together, with Sunwoo's legs on Juyeon's lap. On weekends, Juyeon teaches him other dishes to cook—his signature cream tteokbokki, kongbul bibimbap, and japchae. Juyeon says he can also cook different kinds of pasta; Sunwoo points out that he relies too much on pre-made sauces for it to be his own recipe.
(It is a lot like playing house this way. Sunwoo realizes it doesn’t scare him the way it used to.)
Sunwoo has just finished cooking kimchi fried rice (a Kim family recipe!) when Juyeon pokes his waist. He turns around and glares.
“Look what I made,” Juyeon says, undeterred. He’s grinning (too often these days). Sunwoo stands up straighter, defensive. Then Juyeon brings out whatever he was hiding behind his back and unfolds it.
“Oh my god.” Sunwoo moves closer. He touches the small cat head embroidered on one end. “You didn’t.”
“I did! See? We have matching scarves now.” Juyeon wraps it around his neck and does a little V sign.
Sunwoo laughs. "You're so annoying." He reaches out to fix the scarf and his eyes burn with tears.
“Don’t cry.”
“I’m not crying,” Sunwoo says wetly. Juyeon laughs when he sniffs. “You’re laughing at me.”
“I really like you.”
“You made me cry.”
“Please don’t cry.” Juyeon brushes the tears threatening to spill over with his thumb. “Can I kiss you?”
Sunwoo nods.
Kissing Juyeon feels warm and giddy and safe, with Juyeon's large hand cradling his jaw and keeping him in place. He holds onto the fabric of Juyeon’s sweater, gripping it so tightly he almost feels bad about how wrinkled it’ll get.
When Juyeon pulls away, he smiles and says, “It’s salty.”
Sunwoo shoves him. “Stop. You’re gonna make me cry again. We still have to eat.”
Juyeon laughs. “Sorry.” He doesn’t sound sorry at all.
“I like you,” Sunwoo says. He tips his forehead on Juyeon’s shoulder and wraps his arms around him. “I like you so much.”
“I like you too.” Juyeon kisses the top of Sunwoo’s head. “More than you’ll ever know.”
-
kimsunwoo happy holidays from me and @juyo_o 🎄
40 likes
newshot wtf
chanqmin WHAT? SINCE WHENNN
sangsangyeon Omg finally! Happy holidays you two ❤️
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