Archive of Our Own

a door opens after another closes.

kageyama never really got the idea of the quote. nor did he ever really realize what it meant until today. another quote that never really made sense to him before was when people said 'ignorance is bliss'. he wishes he never heard. he wishes he never knew.

and yet at that moment, as his back was pressed against the wall of the gym, his mind reeled with so many questions. his heart strangely pounded against his chest. glancing down, wide-eyed, at his chest, he brings his hand up to feel the area where the strange organ is beating so loudly that it's ringing in his ears.

he wasn't sure where to start, and how to put things into words. he never has. however, what kageyama does know right now is he wants to run away and deny what he heard.

he never once thought about the possibilities that will come after their high school days come to an end. graduation was just right at their doors; with their last game against itachiyama placing them third in the nation on their last year, high school will soon be over. and so is their time with karasuno.

his time with them, with him, is about to end.

clutching his phone in his hand, he turned to walk away. the screen illuminating the list of pro leagues holding tryouts in japan. kageyama's troubled heart was too loud for him to think, and so he did what he could at the moment.

"are you serious about switching over to the beach?"

"what? like i'd go to brazil on a whim."

"i'm going and i'm serious. because i can't win on my own."

surrounded by the darkness of his room, he leaned his head against the wall as he sat down on his bed. kageyama looked at the announcement of the tryouts for the pro league on his phone, as multiple thoughts filled his head that also kept his heart heavy. he has never paid this much attention to his future as he's the type to look at the present more than the destination. it must've been a habit he has developed by trying to be as focused in matches as a volleyball player.

in his head, he forgot the time in his life when he wasn't in karasuno; when he wasn't a setter. and most of all, he forgot how it felt like not to be in the same space as hinata is.

sure they bickered more than they talked in serious tones, however, the bickering made them closer than he ever realized. hinata knew him like the back of his hand. from the small routines, kageyama does during matches, to the littlest of details in kageyama's life. and even if he's not going to be upfront and honest about it, he, kageyama, has memorized every single thing hinata has said to him and done with him. in his head, the time they spent together is as vivid as back when it happened.

the past three years were filled with so many memories, setbacks, and accomplishments. and through all of that, hinata was there.

which is probably why the possibility of losing him slipped his mind.

ping!

his phone vibrated, signaling a message from their group chat coming in. and as if fate was playing games, it was yachi sending the picture of the four of the five third years to the group chat. he looked at the photo a little too long. yamaguchi standing behind them, himself and tsukishima crouched with an unimpressed look on his face. with yachi in the middle. and hinata on the floor, with his bright smile.

one day, he won't be seeing that smile anymore.

the thought of it made his heartache. curling up, he sets his phone down and cradles his face in between his hands. he didn't mean to realize it this way. if anything, he wasn't expecting the realization that dawned upon him. he has never been one to pay attention to his feelings thus making him even weaker at expressing himself. kageyama is one big mess, and he knows it. because just as he is about to graduate and part ways with his monstrous partner in volleyball for three years, he finds out that he's in love with him.

graduation is a symbol of a door closing, and yet it also symbolizes a new start; a new door opening for new possibilities. however, why did it feel a lot more like he's losing more than gaining new opportunities?

clutching the tube for his diploma, he turns his head once more to the orange-haired male that stood along with their juniors, chatting away merrily; his perfect smile on display. that's right.

hinata shoyo is like the sun.

he treats people with so much warmth, even towards the people who have always looked down on him, both literally and figuratively. kageyama has never denied that they both started on the wrong foot and that they lived the past three years trying to improve better than the other. even to him, it's a wonder how he ended up harboring such feelings for the boy.

people were right when they said that hinata was like an unknown force. because even to him, his teammate, his rival, and his friend, kageyama didn't realize when hinata began to be more important than he ever was to him.

"oi kageyama!" hinata's bright voice breaks his reverie, and he is left standing there awkwardly as if he's a deer caught in the headlights; incredibly caught off-guard. "the juniors are all asking for one big photo for all volleyball members!" he waves and yells from a distance. he responds with a yes and jogs off to join the rest of the club members that were all on the verge of tears to say goodbye to their reliable seniors.

patting one junior's back, hinata launches into a fit of laughter after the picture was taken. "it's not like you guys won't be able to talk to us anymore." he says, grinning. "you guys can always send us messages! who knows, maybe some of us would have time to watch your games!"
"quit talking about it, senpai. we all know you won't be in japan if that happens!" a sophomore responds to hinata. the boy sheepishly responds by rubbing the back of his head.

kageyama is once again reminded that he's running out of time. it's like his chances are down to one, and if he doesn't quickly find a way to beg hinata to stay, he'll lose his chance forever. thus, he has let instincts take over. grabbing hinata by the arm, he calls his name. "hinata." he pauses, trying to calm the pounding in his chest. noticing the change in kageyama's expression, hinata looks up to him expectantly, excusing himself from the other members even. "what's wrong, kageyama?" he asks, curious and wide-eyed.

shit.

he can't do it now.

his heart is going crazy.

retreat.

"can you," kageyama pauses, finding himself cowering at the pressure of confessing. "spare me a day next week?" hinata tilts his head, completely confused at the sudden request. he knew it was out of the ordinary for him to ask this way. he'd usually just tell the other male to show up somewhere but now, he's actually asking. of course, it'd sound suspicious.

"okay?" to his surprise, hinata agrees, nodding. "okay, maybe on monday? since my flight will be on friday. but, seriously, are you okay? you've been so out of it these days." the concern was visible in hinata's tone. exhaling rather too deep, kageyama hangs his head down yet nods. "i'm okay. monday it is then,"

"oi, you being like this doesn't suit you at all." the other male jests and as if it's a reflex, kageyama yells back a retort. "what?!" and what followed was hinata's hand colliding with his arm. "that's more like it!" the other responds, and he strikes that wide grin that kageyama gazed at for a little longer than he used to.

it's not like kageyama to shudder from head to toe when against anything and yet this stupid boy has him running around his palm.

soon after, the festivities of the ceremony ended and everyone began saying their goodbyes and headed home to celebrate the end of their sweet high school journey. however, on the drive home, kageyama didn't feel the same way as the others. in its place was panic and anxiety bubbling from deep within him. he cowered away from telling hinata the truth today, but he still had another chance.

monday.

it's then or never.

there are certain telltale gestures that kageyama unconsciously does whenever he's worried about a match. it's how he can tell how he actually feels about his condition before a game; a self-assessment. however, he wishes there was a way that he can assess himself and the anxiety that is settling inside him right now. he bites away at his nail while waiting anxiously for hinata to arrive at the coffee shop he has picked for today.

call him uncreative but this is the best he could come up with as a proper setting for his confession. he didn't really have a long list of options anyway. it's not like he's a romantic that has vast experience in confessing to the person they like. hell, he didn't even know he was capable of liking someone. the boy shivered every time the bell of the coffee shop's door rings as customers come in to grab their afternoon coffee. the brightness of his phone glaring right at him, checking it again and again.

kageyama then turns his head at the glass doors of the place, as if the heavens are playing games with him, he ends up meeting hinata's gaze as the boy comes through the doors. at hinata's bright smile, his heart began beating erratically.

holy fuck.

this is it.

"coffee shop?" was hinata's first comment as soon as he sat down in front of kageyama. shaking his head at the unusual choice of location of the other male, he snickers. "you're really acting out of character, kageyama-kun." his tone was light; such a contrast at the nervous wreck that is kageyama. "so, what are we going to do today? you sure did call me out for something, right?" he inquires enthusiastically, settling on his seat.

his mind was blank. it was the worst timing to not have any words to say, even so, kageyama's hands started getting clammy. "yeah, i needed to tell you something." he barely responded to the other male's question. exhaling deep and shakily, he tries to get a grip on his resolve. "hinata," he calls his name, lifting his hands and setting them on the table that separates the two of them.

hinata's eyes have always been clear. even as he looked into them right now, kageyama could almost see his own reflection in the orange-haired boy's clear gaze. perhaps he wasn't really concerned before, however, at that moment, hinata's eyes were on him. only him.

and it made his heart skip a beat.

"do you think it's a good idea to really go to brazil?" the question was out of his mouth before he could realize that it wasn't the words he wanted to start off with. hinata seemed to be taken aback at the sudden query and his expression stiffened. "what?" the other responded, "why are you all asking me about it like this?" he followed up on his words. leaning forward, kageyama assesses that he needs to express himself not in a vague way.

hinata is simple.

he'd understand for sure if kageyama would just say it in his plain boring words.

just like he always does.

"don't you think it's better if you'd take safer options?" he tried to reason, hiding behind words instead of saying it directly. fuck. "there's no guarantee that things will fair well for you even if you go to another country to train. isn't it better to just stick with what you are already good at?" no. no. it's not what he wanted to really say. the panic begins to settle, every single time that he opens his mouth, the words he truly wishes to say don't come out. instead, sorry-ass excuses were flying out of his trap.

"no," he tries to revoke the words he has already vomited out. "i mean," panic. "what i'm trying to say is-"

"kageyama."

with one word, he knew he had messed with his only chance. the boy no longer has the cheerful sound in his voice, nor the warmth that came along with his presence. his name sounded so cold from his mouth, and kageyama could only open his mouth dumbly, no words aiding his panic.

it's ironic how he could tell the difference in how his name sounded from hinata. whenever the other male was sad, happy, disappointed, or angry, he could easily tell. and the worst time to realize that he has always been sensitive to how the boy he loves changes his mood is right now. just right when he's ruined his own plans by his shitty communication skills.

the screech of the chair against the hard floor was what intensified kageyama's fears. in front of him, hinata stood, head lowered; to the point that he could no longer see the boy's eyes. he has never felt this scared before; his hands trembled and his stomach in knots.

"i know you're someone great. and that you have all these opportunities laid out in different colors right ahead of you," hinata's voice was sharp and cold. "but that doesn't mean you have the right to say that to anyone."

frozen in his seat, kageyama finally gets a glimpse of hinata's face and it was something he wishes he hadn't seen. his eyes were so different from the eyes he just had the pleasure of seeing earlier. there were telltale signs of tears about to spill. oh no. this isn't how he wanted this to go. "hinata, it's not what i meant-"

a bitter chuckle. "i really thought you have changed for the better, kageyama. and every time i get so used to you being a better human being, you never fail to remind me that you're still the same old king of the court."

to be honest, he couldn't even remember the last time he had spilled tears out of frustration. whenever he'd hit a roadblock down his life, he's always left with that anger towards himself and ricochets into a routine to improve that aspect he lacks. however, right now, he shook in uncontrollable anger. and that anger pushed out the tears that happened to fall as he realized that he lost him before he could even reach out a hand to hold him. his surroundings blurred, and he clutched at his chest, trying to grasp at the place that felt empty after hinata walked out on him.

the other male has insulted him more than he can count. creative and plain insults alike, it wasn't new of hinata to call him names, to which he'd always find the best retort to return the favor. but, the words that echoed in his head were like a spear. it sharply tore him apart from his ears to his brain and even down to his heart.

he has lost him.

day or night, it remained the same to kageyama. it's as if his clock has stopped ever since hinata pushed past the doors of that coffee shop. the concept of time lost for the devastated boy. wallowing in his despair, he didn't come out of his room at all for the next few days. he has lost all drive to even do his routine jogs that he has religiously followed since middle school. and of course, it worried his family that they even had to reach out to his friends to ask him to go out at least once.

surprisingly, both yachi and yamaguchi made efforts to ask kageyama to hang out. even tsukishima who never texted first sent him a message, trying to start a conversation about the ongoing tryouts of the pro leagues. but to no avail. kageyama just has lost all his will to get up from bed and bounce back to reality.

he was punishing himself for not preparing himself, and most of all, he's punishing himself for only hurting the boy he loves instead of telling him how he truly feels about him.

thursday.

the loud chirping of the birds from his bedroom window made him aware that the morning had dawned upon him. sleeping for almost just an hour, he sits up from his bed and looks at the time. it was 7am. kageyama doesn't even remember how many hours he has slept during the past few days since monday. however, he's sure that it's, give or take, 3 hours max every day since.

just as he thought that his friends had finally given up on trying to get him out of his hole of misery, his phone annoyingly began ringing from his bedside table. glancing at the vibrating mobile phone, he momentarily debates whether to answer the call or not. sighing, he reaches over to grab the item. maybe he just needs to remind them that he's still alive, or else they might call the hospital or the police on him.

"are you still stuck in your room like a hermit?" yamaguchi's rather unwelcome voice echoed from the other side of the line. exhaling deeply, kageyama grunts in response, too tired to even argue. "it's thursday today, kageyama. he's leaving tomorrow."

he's leaving.

the pang in his chest spread like wildfire, bringing tears back into his eyes. he tried his best to swallow the pain and to prevent the tears from spilling. "yeah," he breathes. "i know." yamaguchi sighs audibly from the other side of the line. "he's leaving for the airport at 10am. and you know which airport he's headed to. tsukki and i are sending him away. so if you change your mind, let me know tonight. yeah?"

even if yamaguchi is being attentive and knew the situation that occured between him and hinata, it was useless. he's thankful for the efforts of his friend, however, he's already broken the only bridge he can use to reach out to him. he burned it down to ashes, with no way to turn back. he has lost him the moment those words left his mouth. he has broken hinata shoyo's heart and soul; something that everyone had always admired about the boy. how could he hurt him with words that he knew hinata would hate?

laying down there like the corpse that he is for the past few days, he has let himself reminisce their journey together. their first match back in their middle school days, the green volleyball uniform the orange-haired boy wore was still vividly displayed in his thoughts. he also remembers the time they argued outside of the karasuno gymnasium before they officially joined the volleyball team. the feeling of the first time they executed that freak quick attack was back in his veins. however, he knows there's a very distinct difference from when he used to remember such fond memories and now.

everything used to make him smile. those memories he kept like a precious oath used to make him feel incredibly heady with joy. and now, it's all bringing him pain like no other. curling up to a ball, he began to sob uncontrollably. letting the strong facade he kept trying to glue together fall.

he's already a wreck, what's the use of hiding behind a facade, right?

another sleepless night.

hours passed so slowly, the tick of the clock filling in the void within the four walls of kageyama's room. not knowing what time it was, he lifted himself from his bed. he stood blankly in the middle of his room, not having any exact thoughts of what to do, but rather just following his instincts to get out of his bed.

he found himself walking towards his closet that hung open, the state of his room in the same total mess as he was deep inside. a familiar cloth was hanging at the bottom of the closet, and he crouched down to lift it.

the black and orange color immediately threw him off. for three years, he wore these uniforms with pride. every sweat, every blood spilled from unexpected injuries, every game that they struggled to win, and every toss he sent to his spikers' way. this uniform was a witness to every single day that passed by, a witness to the time he spent with hinata shoyo. his mind began to spiral through the smiles and bickering he shared with the boy - "give me the next one too!" it echoed inside his head.

he still wants to give him so much more.

oh.

this isn't the time to sit around like this.

despite how much he has hurt him, he wants to still see that smile.

he wants to touch him once again.

as selfish as it may sound, he's willing to throw away every single ounce of pride he's got.

turning to look at the digital clock on display on his table, eyes searching the room in panic for his phone, kageyama grabbed the nearest clothing he had and pushed past his door, running. it's 9:30, he still has time.

fingers pressing buttons urgently, he didn't even listen to the yells from his family inquiring where he was headed to. he didn't care about anything else at this moment. there's one thread of hope left, and he's trying to hold onto it desperately as he runs, his legs suddenly giving him the lift of adrenaline to rush towards the familiar road to their high school.

to: hinata shoyo
please, before you go, i'll be waiting at the school gym. just see me one last time, please.

even the familiar roads towards the school he attended for the last three years reminded him of so many memories that he kept dear to his heart. he didn't know how important those days were until now. there are days where he'd end up meeting hinata in front of the school gates in the morning and race him to the gymnasium; the days he'd spend walking home with the orange-haired boy, arguing all the while they slowly headed home after a rough day of studying and practicing. also, on days where hinata would fall silent due to fatigue, the calmness of the silence they shared was always something special. how they didn't have to talk when they both had something hanging heavy in their hearts.

he took them for granted, and he's going to regret it for the rest of his life, he knew it all too well. and so, he's not going to let his untold secret become another regret. he's in love with hinata shoyo, and he wants him to know.

kageyama doesn't care if he doesn't want him back. maybe he's past the fear of not being reciprocated. however, he still wants to take his shot. he just wants to be a part of his life, even if it means just being an extra instead of taking the spot right beside him.

his legs almost gave out under him as he finally reached his destination. the spring breeze hits kageyama's skin almost automatically, and yet his heart feels heated to its core. there's so much he has held back that he feels like his chest is constricting at the suppressed feelings that he wasn't able to put into words the last time he saw hinata.

just one more time, he begged inside his head.

just one last chance.

he catches his breath crouched down on the stairs leading up to the gymnasium doors; his head pounding to the beat of his heart. and as if his world began to turn in slow motion, the vibration of his phone in his pocket came as a surprise. it took him a few seconds to pull out the device, his fingers feeling numb.

one can say that kageyama sat there motionless, not breathing for a few moments. some could also say that he looks like the calm has washed over the growing panic that was there just a few minutes ago. however, the male could only hear his own heartbeat begin to slow down in his own ears. his shoulders slouch, he lets out a defeated exhale, and his eyes glisten in the unspilled tears that he managed to keep at bay. the dam that held his rather erratic emotions was holding up quite well despite the earthquake that was the urgency of his want to let hinata know.

the feeling that spread across his heart was foreign. it was an unknown territory that kageyama can't really distinguish. he's always been bad at realizing how he truly feels, and now, it feels like he's feeling something that he hasn't felt before. he lets his arm fall to his side, phone clutched tight on his hand. sighing, he leans his forehead against his other hand.

he really was late.

from: hinata shoyo

i'm sorry, kageyama-kun. i'm already on my way to the airport. but don't worry. i know you're sorry. i know you well enough to know that you regret saying those things and that you wanted to say something else. you've always been weak with words, that's why you don't have friends! hahahaha. and it's why i always felt like i need to take care of you or something! hahahaha. i know how you feel, sorry-yama. and i'm sorry too, for saying such harsh words but - i guess we'll have to wait for a while to actually be able to talk about it in person. time will pass by quickly, for now, keep the guilt away from your heart and know that i forgive you. i'll see you when i get back, yeah?

kageyama lifts his head. surprisingly, there were no tears that came. his eyes stared up at the tree across the gym, seeing how the flowers of the cherry blossom tree were already blooming. spring has come, and he has let hinata's hand slip away from him. lifting his arm to his face, he reads the message once more.

he replies.

and he heads home, still unsettled because his heart didn't feel the same when hinata walked out of those glass doors from the cafe. instead, it left him with the feeling of regret, but not just that there's also a seed of hope that seems to have begun sprouting.

to: hinata shoyo

the cherry blossoms have started to bloom, hinata.
see you soon. i'll be waiting.

they say that the most powerful warriors are patience and time.

to say that he didn't know he'll come to realize the true meaning of those words is an understatement for kageyama tobio. as he continued forward to reach a new open door in his life, he's thrown into setbacks after setbacks, but the persistence and patience he learned to hone got him where he is now. it wasn't easy at all. the league is a whole new different stage from what he used to take on as a challenge. sure, he had a stepping stone for being a prospect for the all-japan team, however, he found out that just that wasn't enough to make it through the competitive industry of volleyball in the country.

fortunately, he got himself into a powerhouse of a team with the skills he's continuously sharpened day by day that passed by him, and every time, he reminded himself that his standard to defeat is the kageyama of yesterday.

it made quite the noise when he got into schweiden adlers. it was a lot more surprising to him to end up in a team where he'll be playing with people he used to be against in high school.

hoshiumi's boisterous laughter broke his reverie. turning his head to look at his roommate, he finds the other showing him his phone and the godforsaken commercial he filmed a month ago. making a face of disgust, the heat traveled from below his neck to his face.

kageyama has gotten really big in the industry, especially with his performance in the last olympics in rio de janeiro. it was his first participation since he joined the professional league. and since then, he's only gotten a lot more attention for being one of the most cunning setters along with having a killer serve that made a lot of national teams shake.

"can you not watch that thing when i'm around?" kageyama hisses at the other male from across the room. "it's embarrassing." he added before the other boy approached him and laughed right in front of his face. "they must have realized they're not getting any better shots from you that they used this clip even if you lost focus on the camera! you suck, tobio!" hoshiumi was relentless and shook him by the shoulder.

he was about to retort and hit his teammate but they were both interrupted by a knock on their dorm room's door.

"oi." was ushijima's first words as he pushed the door open after kageyama responded to his knock. he comes in and shows kageyama that the ad on his youtube application was the same commercial hoshiumi was laughing about. "i think the commercial missed a part to edit."

it's funny how ushijima can say that with a straight face. even kageyama who lacks basic emotion sometimes can say that ushijima can be really peculiar. it's been a few years since he's been in the same team with japan's cannon but he can't get used to how different the older male can be from who he is in the court and outside of it.

"i was just teasing him about it, ushiwaka-san!" hoshiumi chokes out as he coughs after laughing his ass off. kageyama exhales heavily and lays back down on his bed, deciding to ignore the teasing from his own peers. "is that what you were going to tell us, ushijima-san?" he asks still, knowing that ushijima wouldn't usually take the extra step to go to their room for just that.

"oh," the older male pauses and looks for something on his phone. "here. i saw this from the internet." he says as he pushes out his phone for the two youngsters to look at.

for a moment, kageyama didn't know what he was looking at. his eyes zoned in on the photo of the orange-haired boy he hasn't seen in years. they'd exchange photos from time to time on group chats or send messages. not too close, not too far. however, he still wasn't used to seeing hinata like this.

he's different.

he looks older, of course. however, hinata looked a lot sturdier than before and tanned. his boyish looks are still there, the bright eyes that could pierce through his heart and of course, the ever-so-bright smile that melts his heart every time he sees it. he is still the same sunshine, just a little older.

"wait, he is back?! for the jackals' tryouts?!" a flabbergasted hoshiumi yells, and he could feel his own mouth opening; his own brain short-circuiting.

what?

he looks back to the phone, this time reading where the picture was actually from.

it was from bokuto's social media account. a post where hinata poses beside the familiar older male and the caption stating that he's finally back after years to join bokuto in the MSBY Black Jackals tryouts.

"what?" he found himself finally muttering under his breath. "when did this happen?" hoshiumi inquires of ushijima who shrugs and launches into explaining that he doesn't really do social media and was just checking earlier when he came across bokuto's new post. soon after, kageyama zones out of the conversation and loses himself in thoughts of panic.

he's back.

he's breathing the same air as kageyama is now.

after years, he's finally walking the same ground kageyama is on. it's only a matter of time, he'll be able to see him again. he finds himself clutching the front of his shirt, feeling the beating against his chest. it's just like yesterday, it's still the same intensity. maybe more. it seems like as much as he cultivated his skills, he cultivated the seed of hope he held onto all these years. and that hope kept his love warm even through the long wait.

and he is again reminded of a quote he never knew he'd begin to understand.

all good things come to those who wait.

maybe he'll be able to tell him how he truly feels, even if it has been long overdue.

kageyama laid back down on his bed and pulled his phone out of his own pocket. gazing at the group photo that is on his wallpaper display, he smiles.

see you soon.

the gymnasium was already bustling with noises. people had begun to gather to watch the game and yet kageyama stood there, in the hallway motionless.

he's definitely taller than he remembers. his hair style remained the same for most of it but it looks brighter, or maybe it's just the fluorescent lights reflecting onto his orange locks. his skin is a lot more tanned than he expected and generally, he just seems bigger. hinata shoyo was no longer the same boy from years ago.

and yet he still makes kageyama's thump against his chest; the same intensity if not more.

as much as the other male has changed, he too has changed.

he's no longer scared. he is many things now, but no longer the coward that he was a few years back when he let him slip through his fingers.

"not gonna have any bowel issues today, are you?"

he turns to him and all the changes he notices fell away as if he's being transported back to high school. this is him alright. the same hinata shoyo that he first fell for. the same smile he longed for, for the past years they were parted.

"heck no. i'm not the kind of guy that gets stomach troubles before games anymore," hinata responds to him, his voice a little deeper than he used to remember; yet his smile still made his heart race. "you'd better not, you-" he pauses, chuckling. "shoyo."

"it's been a while, kageyama-kun."

he imagined this moment to be more nerve-wracking but now that he's right in front of him, all those doubts, the nerves that filled his body with anxiety all fell away. there was nothing but the want to hold him in his arms, feel those arms wrap around him as he pulled him to his embrace.

"tobio-kun," a familiar voice from behind hinata catches his attention. "wouldja mind not picking a fight with my wing spiker, hmm?"

the possessive tone made his eyes twitch. my, huh?

he paused.

hold on.

what if someone else has taken that leap of faith that he couldn't make before hinata left? his eyes immediately settled on the blonde that stood beside the other male. atsumu miya has always been vocal with how he feels. kageyama knew that atsumu wasn't the type to beat around the bushes, even with his sets. hanging his head low as the familiar faces began appearing, the anxiety he tried his best to suppress began to creep back up from inside him to his skin.

no.

his resolve was to tell him how he feels; to finally let go of the words he decided to keep from everyone. there was always the possibility that the boy wouldn't reciprocate his feelings. it was never his intention to force his love on him, so why would the possibility of someone else going to hinder him from telling him the truth?

lifting his head, he closes the distance between him and hinata shoyo. amidst all of these familiar faces that were chatting away merrily, he held hinata's gaze.

this is all or nothing.

"after this game," he breathes, eyes locked in on him. "spare me some time. i have some unfinished business with you. please, hinata." he knew how desperate he might've sounded, seeing the reaction of the others who were around them.

strangely, the hallway seemed so silent after he finished his plea. and what's even more strange is hinata nodding his head, an indescribable smile on his lips. "okay." his smile grows brighter; he reminded himself to breathe, as the smile seems to have taken his breath away. "after i beat you, let's talk."

and he couldn't ask for anything more than that from hinata shoyo.

it's something they both know and both won't back down from. volleyball led him to meet hinata, and he's not about to give up on this competition that became the root of everything between them. he'll play him any day, any situation, any season. his best games are always with him.

if he'd go back in time and watch himself play back in middle school, he held onto volleyball desperately because it was his coping mechanism for the things that he didn't hold control over. the game is the only thing that gave him the stable reassurance that he could control things that can happen within the court. being a setter, he strums the rhythm of one spiker and directs the ball towards the path it should follow for a score. he played to release all the frustrations that he chose to swallow.

however, there's something he realized now that he's seeing the man that hinata shoyo has grown into. during the days he played with him on the same side of the court, he chased after the improvement he knew he could reach with sheer determination and practice. all this time, he didn't realize that there was something else there.

he saw himself better when hinata is there. he was a better version of himself because he knew hinata shoyo would want him to chase after a better kageyama; with him. there is a distinct want to level up from who he was today because he knew that waiting there for him, is him.
the endless competitive challenges.

the constant drive to win over the other.

it was never twisted.

he still doesn't know when it has started, nor does he care when. however, what he knows now is that he continued to play because running forward this path, he knew that he wasn't alone; that he would always be with him, one way or another.

and as the whistle resounds throughout the gymnasium signaling the black jackals' win against the schweiden adlers, kageyama moves towards the net and looks right at hinata. his lips almost moving to form the words he wants him to hear.

i'm helplessly in love with you.

amidst the loss that they just got against the other team, kageyama couldn't careless. face after face, interview after interview, his impatience grew. he knew there were trivial things he had to face after such a big game, however, he wasn't going to let this chance pass by him. his eyes searched for the boy everywhere he goes, keeping him in his field of vision; but it seems like the after-game activities are endless.

from the corner of his eye, hinata was already on the floor of the court, starting on after-game stretches. he shouldn't drag this on any longer. and so as soon as they were let go by their coach, he began to stalk off towards the boy before a hand held him back.

turning his head, he sees fukuro hirugami, schweiden adler's captain, furrowing his brows at him. "where do you think you're going? you haven't stretched," his voice was full of authority. kageyama has always respected the other male, which made it difficult to find the voice to retort. "finish your stretches and you're free to go." hirugami says, before stalking off to start his own.

talk about the worst timing.

groaning to himself, he sighs and falls to the ground. the faster he finished the stretches, the sooner he could get hinata alone. he tried to compose himself, still keeping an eye on the other boy from across the court.

just a little bit more, he's on the last leg of his own stretches. however, he sees hinata bounce off the floor and stalks off towards the sidelines of the court. no way. he's not going to let him stalk off and delay this any longer.

"hinata!"

well, let's just say that he was left with no choice. reddening at the cheeks, he tries to ignore how everyone who was left inside the gymnasium all looked at him like he grew another head. and from behind him, someone taps his shoulder and laughs. "go get it tiger!" hoshiumi's encouragement lingered even as he got up to his feet to run towards the dumbfounded male from across him.

he must've lost his mind.

kageyama has always marched to the beat of his own drum but with hinata, he has always hesitated. feelings are such an enigma to him that he never knows if what he's doing is right. but at this moment, he just let go of any inhibitions he has left. this confession is long overdue that he couldn't care less about the consequences that may come with it.

he grabs hinata by the wrist and stalked off, ignoring the yells from hinata's teammates and the holler from hoshiumi somewhere behind him. he'd have to interrogate his roommate if he somehow found out about kageyama's feelings for the orange-haired boy, but right now, that's not the pressing issue.

he tried not to pay attention to the boy he's dragging out of the gymnasium. hinata didn't make a sound and just followed him quietly.

peculiar, honestly. hinata always has something to say.

pushing the double doors of the gymnasium open, the breeze welcomed them to the back of the building. he didn't expect the place to have this kind of view but right before them were tall trees that decorated the ground with fallen leaves, changing colors.

this is it.

the moment he has longed for during the years that they were parted. the do-over of the hopeless attempt he made days before hinata left for brazil. there are no other options left but to push forward. and that's exactly what he is about to do.

letting go of the other male's wrist, he felt how his heart began to slow down to a reasonable beat. he turned to face him and suddenly his heart was right in his throat. the drastic change in him with just one look at hinata is a telltale symptom of his love. swallowing the fear that is clearly beginning to build inside him, he opens his mouth.

"listen to me," he began. "i've waited years to be at this moment right now." but he wasn't kageyama if he wasn't going to say something stupid, right? "so let's save the idiotic talk and just listen to me."

taken aback, hinata scoffs and places both of his hands on his hips. "wow, who are you calling idiotic right now?" however, there's a smile on his lips as he inquires, which encourages kageyama. this is indeed the hinata he fell in love with. someone who can keep up with the beat of his drum.

"it's me, honestly. i'm the idiotic one." he lets a smile peek through, shy yet sad. "i've never really mastered the art of speaking properly as you might have known already." he hears another scoff but he pushes forward. "feelings and emotions like these are foreign to me and it's idiotic of me to have waited this long to be able to put them to words. but, you deserve to hear the correct words that i wanted to say that day at the cafe."

lifting his head, and exhaling deep. he keeps hinata's eyes grounded on his. "i'm in love with you. hopelessly and ever so intensely in love with you."

impatient as he was just a moment ago, the feeling of finally putting his feelings into words in front of the person he wishes to hear was nothing near what he had imagined. his heart clenched and beat at such an erratic pace, making him feel a little dizzy from the pressure that he has released after finally confessing the things he harbored alone all of these years.

kageyama wasn't expecting an answer. if anything, he didn't expect to be reciprocated. sure, wishful thinking was there but he doesn't want to ask for too much.

however, things seem to have gotten a lot clearer because one moment, he was trying to gauge the other male's reaction, and then the next, he felt his lips on him. warm and sweet.

nothing beats a first kiss.

that's another quote that kageyama didn't expect to think about during this kind of situation. unexpected yet relieving, he understands it well now. a million images he has dreamed of during the last few years have nothing against the real thing. he's dreamed of kissing those soft lips and not one of those wishful thoughts completely described how it feels to kiss hinata shoyo under the warm sunlight of japan's afternoon.

his lips moved on their own accord trying to fill the kiss with all the things he couldn't put into words and the warmth that filled his chest as he felt the other pair return the same gusto into the liplock. is this a dream? was he going to wake up again just like the other nights that he spent missing him?

but all those questions fell into the void as the liplock came to a stop and hinata's breath was right at his face, his forehead pressed against his. his eyes found him once more, and slowly, a smile appeared on hinata's lips.

oh.

"it's funny how i left when the cherry blossoms began blooming," that's how hinata's first few words went. "and i came back to hear this when the leaves began to fall." he pauses, biting down on his lower lip, mesmerizing the other.

there's a budding flower inside kageyama's heart.

a contrast towards the orange-colored leaves that have begun to fall around them as the wind blew.

hope.

"it took you so many seasons to tell me." hinata whispers before placing another kiss on kageyama's quivering lips. "but i'm glad you didn't chicken out this time."

"shoyo?"

hinata sighs and smiles, hands lifting to touch both of the other male's cheeks. "i've been in love with you for so many seasons, tobio-kun. and i'm willing to go through more, but this time i'll spend them all with you."