Work Text:
Just like me:
Late February ran cold that year. Slush and snow mixed with the soon-to-be spring mud. Hints season had popped up everywhere in Hogsmeade, branches turning greener and leaf buds readying themselves just below the surface. The dull sun trying its best behind the thick Scottish cloud covered sky, making the inside of the pub greyer and the shadowed corners even darker. Hog’s Head was nothing like the establishments Fabian had gotten used to over his first few years of detective work, but with Aberforth at the bar, it would always feel like home. He had been there most of the day by the time Eli gave their reply. The letter he had sent that morning was a rather impulsive one, but the client had been quick and he’d hate to leave the place so soon. The pub was regularly empty enough during the day to provide the privacy his clients had needed. With the case files placed neatly in his briefcase and solutions already in the works, he saw no reason to whisk off to the auror office right away. His next meeting wasn’t for hours and all he would do back at his office is go through finished files or stare at the wall. If he was going to be bored, he might as well be sitting in a pub with his former housemate.
The bell on the door chimed making the goats blare happily, riled up from the sugar cubes Fabian had brought. His head jerked up, smiling as Eli walked through the door. He scowled, wondering how Eli had walked past the bay windows without Aberforth saying something. The man gave Fabian a nod, taking the bin of empty glasses he’d been collecting and taking his leave from the corner booth table. Fabian straightened in the spot he’d draped himself over, making Eli pause. Fabian hadn’t seen the Black sibling since the bonfire party three years ago. Eli definitely hadn’t seen him in his work attire, which had been seeping into his casual clothing more and more. Slowly going from head to toe Eli’s eyes swept over him.
Eli seemed surprised at how different he looked. In school, he and his twin always strived to look identical. Back then the only difference was the small scar under Fabian’s eye few took the time to notice. Perfect for getting out of trouble (or in most cases getting in trouble together.) Now, he and Gideon couldn’t pass as each other if they were polyjuiced. He was wearing a trench coat, a dark purple satin lining peeking out whenever he moved, a waistcoat with a pocket watch and fob dangling from the buttons, pleated trousers, and steel-toed dress shoes. His hair had darkened and was trimmed neatly at the sides of his head. He was calm, practically draped over the booth seat with his leather key locked case at his feet.
Four years on his own had done him good, though Eli was hesitant. From afar he probably looked like every stuffy businessman or politician the Blacks had invited to New Year. All square edges and starched collars and ironed pleats. But Fabian laughed at something Alberforth said as he walked back to the bar, and it lit up the room like it always had. Fabian was still Fabian, despite the new wardrobe instead of a Hogwarts uniform and a cocktail glass instead of a firewhiskey bottle in his hand.
“You look like a stiff!” Eli called. He chuckled as he waved them over, Fabian shaking his head as he gave them a quick side hug.
“You don’t see me commenting on how much of a punk you look like. And congratulations on becoming a prefect, I see your hard work has paid off,” Fabian teased back with a smirk, looking Eli over.
The badge wasn’t the only new addition to their wardrobe. The uniform was barely up to code, leather jacket instead of an outer robe and tie barely hanging on to their shirt collar. Eli’s dyed hair was much shorter, and piercings littered their face. He had forgotten how much a person could change in just a year of being at school. How his friends used to depart from King’s Cross one way and come back that same September completely made over. With how comfortable and steady everyone got with being an adult all their school self’s versions seem to blur together in one big blob of adolescent ambiguity.
“I was meeting with a client,” Fabian explained with a sip of his drink. “I have to look professional. Some of us have jobs, you know.”
“In here?” Eli’s nose scrunched as they looked around. The chipped grey wood barely held the cold of the outside and the floor at bay, the floor scattered with peanut shells and straw dust.
“It’s the perfect spot if you want the case on the down low,” Fabian shifted from his seat to let Eli into the booth. “And no one around here is inclined to talk, otherwise they go to the goats. It’s better than a back alley.”
Not entirely true, Fabian had a lot of great conversations with people in back alleys. Eli wasn’t the person to brag to or anyone outside his Knockturn operation. They could keep a secret, he had no doubt of that, but this was different. Even Gideon didn’t know what most of his detective work entailed, a fact Gideon was constantly annoyed about. His brother bragged about his training in the strike department all the livelong day to anyone with an ear. All he got back from Fabian was a vague “it was good” and it drove him crazy. It wasn’t Fabian’s fault he had learned to keep his mouth shut.
Eli gave a slow nod as they sat down at the table, Fabian knocking on the wood so Alberforth could make Eli’s usual. “So what were you and this client of yours talking about?” Eli asked.
“It’s an antiquity case, they like their detectives fancy.” Fabian motioned to his clothes, fully ready to change the subject. “Besides, even you can admit I look good. It’s a suit for fucks sake you can’t tell me anyone looks bad with one.”
“I wore a suit for Christmas with the Potters, which was 1975,” Eli grinned.
“See? You can’t deny it then.” Fabian joked after he took a drink, glad that Eli was talking. “What was your Christmas with the Potters like?”
“It was brilliant! I woke up early as I’m used to it, and Mam made me her special hot chocolate with strawberry sauce.” Eli began to speak louder, their hands moving along with what they were saying. Bouncy energy exploded from their body as if mentioning the Potters uncorked a bottle of joy all around the table. “Around nine the others woke up and we began to open up our presents. Half way through Lily and your brother came through the fireplace and spent the rest of the day with us. We played a mini game of Quidditch before Christmas dinner. Gideon then told us it was his time to go home and he left. I thought Lily would follow after him but she didn’t, she stayed for the rest of the holidays. I loved it so much!”
Fabian blinked as he took in the flood of words. He wasn’t surprised hearing about Gideon, he had been late to their own Christmas dinner with hair still peppered with dirt and windswept from the game. Molly had lectured him for a full fifteen minutes before putting them both on potato duty. He took note of the particular smile that crossed Eli’s face when they mentioned Lily. It was the same smile he used to do when he talked about Robert. He gave a knowing little smirk, hiding it with his glass. He couldn’t help it.
“It sounds really nice considering what happened on New Year's Eve. I like how you refer to Euphemia as Mam,” he commented, clearing his throat. He remembered the Potters from a few ministry News Years' parties. The old couple filled their corner with laughter and joy in a little paradise from the rest of the socialite Wizengamot seat holders. It was a vast improvement in company of other pureblood families, not that beating Walburga Black proved difficult. “Finally, you have a mother figure in your life that loves you for who you are, and that you love as well.”
Eli nodded, a smile spreading but their eyes grew distant. Almost as if a shadow passed through their mind. Family was a difficult subject, it always would be. Fabian knew that from his mother’s stories of the Black family and what she had escaped when she became a Prewett. But Fabian’s whole reason for meeting them was a difficult subject, so he might as well ease them along. Gideon had been keeping in touch and mentioned Eli often, but the most Eli had gotten of Fabian was the occasional letter and a usual dual Christmas gift. Even during his Hogwarts years, Fabian wouldn’t consider them close. Gideon had hinted at something happening at their last quidditch game earlier that month— more than just a mere fall. He didn’t want to push. Shoving himself into personal matters was the last thing Fabian wanted, but a talk couldn’t hurt. They deserved a hello and a check up, if only for an hour.
“So Lily Evans, she doing alright?” Fabian asked, that same small smile on his face. “You seem to mention her a lot, according to Gideon. More than that pranking group you had. That still going strong or did McGonagall finally snap and tame you?”
Eli laughed “McGonagall hasn’t tamed us yet as we are stronger than ever with our pranking. Lily is doing fine. She kissed me on Halloween 1975. Remus was cold with me after it happened but he understood that Lily was confused and kissing me helped a lot”.
Fabian noticed another smile cross Eli’s face when they said Lily kissed them. Gideon hadn’t told him that. There was more chemistry between Eli and Lily than there was between Eli and Remus. Even he saw that in 1974 when they were all drinking together. “You say that Remus was cold with you afterward. Why was that?”
Eli paused before answering, giving a long hum. “I don't know really, maybe because he knows how close me and Lily are? But come to think of it, since the events that happened last summer, Remus has been more distant with me like he is hiding something. He spends all his free time with Sirius and when I ask to spend time with him, he says he is busy. I have no idea what to do Fabian, I really don’t.”
Fabian couldn’t help but be surprised at how easily Eli opened up to him. Gideon had always said it took forever to get Eli to say something about what happened. Eli wasn’t being cryptic or avoiding this time, a sign something was truly wrong.
“You haven’t thought a break might do you two some good? It sounds like you’re at the end of your rope with him. That’s a lot of extra strain for everything else that’s going on. You’ve already got a lot on your plate,” Fabian’s eyes shifted, checking on how far along the food and Eli’s drink was before sipping on his own. “So I heard, anyway.”
“From who?”
“Gideon, we don’t meet often but we met for drinks last week after a full department training. Mentioned you a bunch, seemed right concerned,” Fabian smiled as the drinks and food were brought up, right on time. A quick thank you and a grunt from Aberforth before he went to milk the goats and they started digging into the vinegar chips. “It was kind of nice, hearing him talk about something other than himself the whole night.”
Eli gave Fabian a look. Body tense and voice brisk and snappy. “What do you mean Gideon seems concerned? There’s nothing going on with me that should make anyone concerned.” Eli hoped Fabian would drop the subject, they knew what Fabian was getting at.
For a brief moment, Fabian watched how Eli reacted. Their eyes widened for a split second before becoming completely emotionless. Something that Gideon had mentioned about Eli. Their tendency to show how they truly felt for a brief moment, then within a blink of an eye all emotions would disappear altogether.
“Don’t bullshit me, Eli. We both know that something is going on with you, and it has been for years, but something happened recently. It’s got to be big for Gideon to be really concerned about you. To be honest with you Eli, I’m concerned about you too. I know we haven't seen each other in two years but you are not the person you used to be.”
Eli laughed “You’re the one to talk about not being the person they used to be. What happened to the Fabian Prewett I knew?” Eli asked, putting up a defensive wall. “Who pranked a lot and drank with a bunch of fourth years?”
“He grew up, matured, and got his own flat,” Fabian answered smoothly, “I’m not the person I was in school, thank god.”
“You didn’t like how you were in school? You were awesome, your pranks were off the charts. How did you not love yourself then?” Eli asked, being hypocritical.
“I did, but I like me now better. I’m happier having my own life instead of being tied to someone else’s whether it’s relevant or not.” He popped a chip in his mouth, the chewing giving some time to think. “You’re a twin, so you’ll understand this somewhat. But we’re identical, people treated us like we were the same person for so long. It was fun at first, switching classes and getting each other out of trouble. The attention was always fun but it only lasted so long. I spent so much of my life trying to be the same as him that people don’t bother distinguishing us. You were the first person that bothered.” He tapped his glass, giving a sigh. “Gideon and I aren’t alike when it comes down to it. It’s nice, having my own life. Clients seek me out for me, the skills that I have, and not because I’m part of a pair. I didn’t realize how different we were until they weren’t occupying the same space. Trying to be adults and aurors and friends rather than just be brothers.”
“I understand what you mean when you said about you and your brother trying to be the same. Me and Sirius do it. Just last week a first year called me Sirius and I had to explain to them that me and Sirius aren't the same person. They just laughed and ran off. It's tiring, to be honest, with all the pranking. I love getting in trouble and all but there is a time and a place for it. I just want to get on with my work and just be me.” Eli replied.
“Getting in trouble was the worst part for me. I don’t see how anybody could like it. It was infuriating,” Fabian scowled. “It meant Gideon had screwed up my plans and got caught. I don’t get caught often, probably why I have the job I do.”
“Well I don't get in trouble for my plans when I do my own pranking, but with the others we do. I like getting in trouble because its like this big fuck you to Walburga and it shows that I ain't my family,” Eli explained. Telling the truth on something no one knew, not even the Marauders.
“People know you’re not your family, the smart ones anyway,” Fabian nodded, placing a hand on their shoulder. He gave the leather jacket a little poke. “If someone hasn’t figured that out just by looking at you, they’re not worth your time.”
“I get why you look different. Like hell, you are wearing a suit which I have to admit looks great but it feels like you are trying not to be like your family and I should know that bit so well.”
Fabian sucked in a breath, fiddling with his almost empty glass. “It’s not that I’m trying to, so much, but I am different. Always have been. Mum’s a Black too you know, and I think she tried to get away from that upper-class snobbish life as much as she could. Build a life with my father that didn’t remind her of her childhood. No politics, no heirlooms, everything bright and in the villa. I loved it, I love our house still. But I get to pick everything out for myself now, and I can admit now I like the nicer things.” Fabian ran a hand along his pocket watch. A gift from his boss, engraved and ticking loudly once he opened it. “It’s much more muggle. Haven’t worn a robe in so long. But I have money, I’m going to spend it on the life I like. You should see my flat. Muggle loft from an old warehouse all done up in London. Coffee houses and pubs and an underground entrance right on my street. I certainly can’t say I’d settle for Molly’s house. Out in the middle of shit know’s where looking like a termite built their ideal cottage. I couldn’t do it.”
Eli was nodding as Fabian spoke, understanding his point. The fact that while he is like his family, parts of him were trying not to be but he knows who he is and what he likes. “I see what you mean. I'm trying not to be like my family you see, too much darkness really. While I do like some of it, like some of the clothing and parts of the house, everything else is too much. They follow someone who has terrible ideals and they think I want to be part of that. It's the only reason why I ain't blasted off that fucking tapestry because they think next year I will become who I truly am. Merlin, at times I wish I was Sirius cause then Remus would be paying attention to me.”
Fabian, frowned slightly. He tried not to show it on his face but the more he heard about Remus and Sirius the more his suspicions from school were confirmed. That left Eli caught in the middle, and if they didn’t end it soon it would end in more of a disaster. “I’m surprised you’re still bothering with him for all these years if you’re still saying sentences like that. If Ro—my partner wanted to spend more time with my brother than me, I don’t think it would last more than a few days. If they don’t value you and your time, what’s the point, eh?” Fabian rubbed at his neck, adjusting his coat collar. Mentioning partners always made him fidget. Nobody knew he was with Robert, and he would like to keep it that way. “The pair of you got together when you were young, there’s no shame in growing up and realizing you want different things,” he paused with a slight smile behind his glass, “or different people.”
Eli knew what Fabian meant. They just didn't want to believe anything that they were thinking. “Remus was the first person who ever looked my way and didn't think that I was either one of the boys or someone who was obsessed with love like the other girls. He saw me for me and didn't care if I had extra baggage. I'm overthinking everything about our relationship. Like not that long ago I smashed up my own space in the dorm because I was scared that Remus wanted Sirius and not me. I almost flung something at Lily when she walked through the door only someone stopped it and it wasn't me” Eli replied.
“And I'm guessing that’s your little pain in the head friend of yours?” Fabian asked with a tap to his temple.
Gideon had told him about Eli having the Black Family curse. A shuddering cautionary tail from their mother was treated almost like a grim bedtime story as children. Meeting someone with the curse had been anti-climatic so far compared to the nightmare monster they had built up in their heads as kids, a Jekyll and Hyde that could grow in his own mind. He had harnessed and used it in his work eventually, the child who hid under the covers fading fast after their mother’s death. But Fabian had always been good about staring at his fears with an unimpressed face. Alexis seemed like a violent, irrational bitch, and Fabian should know. He worked with ten of those a day.
“Yes, it was Alexis. I don't remember what happened when she was out but Lily told me that Alexis felt that something was going to happen and decided that she needed to show up. Lily blames Remus for the breakdown in a sense,” Eli said as they looked at their drink.
“Break up with him,” Fabian said bluntly, rolling his eyes.
“What?” was all that Eli could say.
Fabian shook his head. “Break up with Remus Lupin. If he is making you feel this way and is causing Alexis to come out, you should reconsider your relationship with him. Maybe get together with a certain redhead friend.”
“Who, Lily? Fabian as much as I would love for Lily to be my girlfriend I don't think she would want to.” Eli said with their demeanor shrinking: shoulders hunching and head lowering. They couldn’t look up from the basket of chips. “We are too different and I am really difficult. No wonder everyone who I am friends with or am dating is getting bored of me”
“And what’s my brother, chopped liver? Trust me he has the attention span of a gnat. If he was bored with you after all this time, trust me, he’d tell you. But he hasn’t grown bored of you, has he? No.” Fabian wanted to strangle Eli. Mouth pressed to a hard line and fingers dangerously tight and tapping on the table. “Eli, have you forgotten that Gid asked me to check on you? I know we’re not exactly mates, but you can’t be questioning him like this. He loves you like a sibling. Don’t discard that just because he can’t see you every day. Believe me, if he could he still would. All he talks about are his Hogwarts days.”
Eli paused, almost flinching in confusion with his words. Fabian checked the time, sneaking it in between chips. He was getting close to the time his next client would be arriving, and if his co-workers or god forbid his client showed up early and saw a Hogwarts student, he wouldn’t say that would make anyone think the place is secure enough for their meeting. Nobody wanted to see children running around when trying to plan heists and drug busts. He looked back up at Eli, who’s eyes were wide and almost misty. Confusion flooding their posture and hands rubbing at one another.
“Wait, I ain't your friend?” Eli asked with a quiet voice. “If I ain't your friend then why are you speaking to me? Why spend time with me when we were both in school?”
Fabian cocked his head a bit. He thought their connection, or rather lack of was obvious to him. He tagged along to most meetings that Eli and Gideon had. The presents were all signed by Gideon, the presents were picked by Gideon, and he was in the background.
“You were always closer to him, I won’t make you pretend.” Fabian huffed. “All I did was tag along by default. The twin that you said hi to out of politeness. We stopped talking after we graduated after all.”
“Fabian, I tell things how it is. Well, most of the time. But if I didn't feel like you were my friend, I wouldn't be speaking to you. I wouldn't even bother telling you and Gid apart if I didn't care about either of you. While I am closer to Gid, I have always thought of you as a friend and I really don't have many friends. It’s alright if you don't think we are friends. I won't be mad” Eli said truthfully.
“That’s—” Fabian swallowed, his chest swelling with emotion. “That’s very kind of you. I think I started resenting Gideon after a while, and anything associated with him. I just hate being reminded of how I used to be, desperate to please everyone at the expense of myself. The way he talks it’s like he still expects that from me even now. Probably why I was so hesitant when Dumbledore tried to talk to the both of us. I knew he only wanted Gideon. He’s the attack dog, not me, but we’re a pair so that was that. I wanted nothing to do with the stupid boy I was, and I suppose you were wrapped up in that. You’re one of the few people that didn’t package us together, I shouldn’t have forgotten that.”
There was an uncomfortable silence. The other patron’s voices and the creaking of the floors in the upper floors were the only noise between them. Even the clinking of the glasses from Aberforth cleaning seemed like too much. Fabian wanted to rub the heat out of his face, but that would only agitate his already tired face more. Eli cleared their throat.
“So what is the Order like? The Marauders and I are thinking of joining once we have graduated from Hogwarts, well, the boys are. I feel like it would be a bad idea because I'm sure Dumbledore doesn't like me but if someone from the Order tells me what it is like then I may consider it. Everything you say about the Order Will just stays between us two though.”
Fabian pulled a face, blinking before letting out a breath of a chuckle. “You must think I’m shit at keeping secrets if you think that’s going to work.”
“Come on!”
“If you want someone to make you reconsider, I’m not the bloke to ask. Robert and Alastor could give you the sales pitch they gave me, if you want to be cursed with hearing it.” Fabian took a sip, sinking in his chair dramatically. “Over and over and over again until my ears bled and I couldn’t hear myself think sensibly.”
“You didn’t want to?” Eli’s eyes widened, shoulders slumping. Fabian could see the disappointment and the imagined person Eli thought he was slipping away. He supposed he should feel bad about it, but Eli had to find out he wasn’t as clean-cut as his suit sometime, if they were to stick around and be his friend. He doubted it would last, but if the kid was serious they’d have to swallow down the disgusting potion that was his work and personality.
“I never liked Albus much, call it a side effect of knowing Aberforth first. Even as a headmaster I didn’t like the way he ran things: the favouritism, the hiring teachers for what they could do for him instead of their ability to you, oh know fucking teach ! The way he seemed to pick students to follow them right to the end just to make sure he could pull out their cards when he needed it. He’s no better than Slughorn in collecting people, but at least Sluggie had the decency to be upfront about it and buy us dinner first.”
Fabian remembered those dinners fondly, oddly enough. Not many people knew he was in Slug Club, wasn’t something he advertised. He was one of the few Gryffindor's in his year, but after that many more followed at his suggestion. Lily Evans being one of the most successful, and Slughorn had never stopped thanking him for it since she joined. It almost made up for learning how to smile and nod and drink from his cup as some pureblood students spouted nonsense. All the while he collected enough data for a comeback. It was painful hearing them say it, and he exploded a few times when he was a first year. All it did was egg them on, making fun of him not being able to behave civilly and warnings of ‘oh this is what happens when you let the Gryffindors in here professor.’ Fabian had to weave a web instead, get the dirt on them and get the facts on every weak argument they were bound to do. The last part wasn't hard, they had very few original points and even fewer brain cells they collectively shared at a given time. It was the first part, the real sneaky and devilish part that probably got him his job, that was the hardest but most rewarding. One squeak of the girlfriend they had the side, or the investigation about their father, or that lovely time in the astronomy tower they had the week prior, and the dinners turned quiet and academic quick as a whip. His only regret is that he never taught Lily how to do it. She had the smarts for it, and he knew she had the guts and the mouth too.
“A glorified Slug Club, Eli, that’s all the Order is. That’s why he doesn't let the muggleborn Slytherin I watched stand up for themselves year after year and could curse their classmates to hell and back before any of us could blink in, not a single one. They don’t worship him. It’s not about us fighting You-Know-Who, it’s about him getting the credit for us fighting. The Marauders are better off creating a new map of England and putting those pranking skills to work on your own. Nobody to answer to and nobody to tell you you’re just like them if you use any method worse than a stunner. Because it’s bullshit, Eli Black, complete bullshit. You’re not like them if you throw a few greens back. Because you want to know the real difference, the one that matters? They are cursing innocent or good people and I’m cursing a supremacist so there’s one less supremacist in the world to do supremacist shit. Anyone who tells you those are the same is too up in the clouds on their high horse to do anybody any good, let alone benefit the marginalized.”
Eli grimaced at the thought of the Order being just like Slug Club. “Yeah I know how bad Slug Club can be. Slughorn tried to get me to join when I was in my second year because of my potions skills but I didn't want to be, it made me feel kinda used in a sense”.
“Fuck,” Fabian sighed popping a chip in his mouth.
“What?” Eli asked a small smirk was trying to form.
“You got me to talk about it,” he threw a chip at them playfully “you little minx.”
“I didn’t say anything.” Eli knew exactly what they did as it was the same tactic James used on them when they didn't want to talk about anything.
“I know, that’s why I’m mad. Talking to you is turning dangerous, kid. You better start talking about your problems before someone comes and makes us disappear.”
“What?” Confusion spread across Eli’s face.
“For legal reasons, that was a joke,” Fabian smirked, “mostly.”
“What exactly do you do for the aurors?” Eli asked, leaning into the conversation and starting to smile despite the worried scrunch in their brow.
“See? That’s dangerous talk that’s going to make us disappear. That’s what we’re not going to do.” Fabian put down the drink, the cocktail truly finished including the sugar coating on the rim and the olive. “You want something else, I have a tab? He won’t mind me making something quick.”
“I shouldn’t. While I am of age, I am a student,” Eli said, trying hard not to say anything to Fabian about their issue with drinking.
Fabian leaned forward with his hands folded and expressing the fakest brand of seriousness. Eli could still see the mischievous gleam in his eye. “And how is that darling brother of yours?”
“Something strong,” Eli shot back immediately, not wanting to talk about Sirius who at this moment in time had Remus wrapped his finger for some reason.
“One scotch on the rocks coming up,” he chuckled, knocking one knuckle against the table as he shimmied out of the booth. He kicked his case over as he practically skipped across the room to behind the bar, darting back to put it upright with a pat on the top and a mouthing of the word sorry like the little leather bag had feelings.
Eli started to feel bad about accepting an offer about a drink but shook that feeling away. They were with a friend and they could see how happy Fabian was when they started to speak about things that they don’t normally express. Fabian checked outside before sauntering behind the bar, eyes sweeping over the multitude of bottles and glasses on the wall. Some of the other patrons gave him a glance, but not much else. They had their tall drinks and Aberforth trust. Eli walked over and slowly sunk into the barstool, watching Fabian pick a glass and start preparing the drink. Lighting a cinnamon stick with a flick of his finger before putting the glass over the smoke and letting the flavours collect on the inside surface as he prepared the coating for the rim.
“You know, I never would have thought I would be doing this. I mean me and the other Marauders do it in the Gryffindor Common Room or me and Lils go to the Astronomy Tower and drink, but I never thought I would be in a pub drinking with a mate.”
“Well, if you’re going to drink, pub is the best place,” Fabian chuckled, putting another glass over the cinnamon for himself. He made a show of separating a sizable chunk from the ice block into the glass before summoning the top shelf scotch. He took one last look at the back door before pouring a generous amount. He grinned at the image of Lily and Eli getting plastered up in the Astronomy Tower. He’d always pegged Lily as the noble goody two shoe type, but it seemed she seemed to have loosed up since he left school. “You get the good stuff, not the run-of-the-mill firewhiskies. Plus the barmen know when to cut you off, the good ones anyhow.”
Fabian placed a lemon on the rims before flipping the tea towel discarded on the counter over his shoulder with a grin. When he leaned on the counter with palms out wide so he could look Eli in the eye.
“It’s good to have a mix up once in a while, though I’m surprised you haven’t gotten caught yet. Aurora usually has that place in lockdown, she must have taken a liking to you. Iron fist rivaling Minnie if I ever saw it.”
Fabian passed Eli their drink. Eli thought they would never have scotch. It was something Orion drank but once they took a sip of it, they understood why Orion drank it so much.
“Fabian, do you think the war will ever end? I mean look, in the muggle world, they had two world wars in the same century. There’s one going on between Ireland and England which I don't blame Ireland for trying to be independent but do you think ours will end soon?”
Fabian looked over at Eli, stopping mid sip. Jaw shifted back and forth as he stared into Eli’s eyes. The grey orbs were older than they should be. The window into the soul never looking like a child’s even when he met them as a first year. Fabian had thought they were so tired and aged, now by comparison they seemed so naive. Shreds of resilient hope still in tack and optimism Eli had yet to recognize behind all the mental walls. Too childish to know it got better but never expected it to get worse either. Forever living moment to moment. Fabian could see webs of plans before him. None of them, long or short, ended without collateral damage he didn’t want Eli to be a part of.
"Wars are unpredictable. Everyone assumes it’s going to a short scuffle at first, even with the World Wars. People were marching to France singing they’d be home by Christmas. You never can tell.” Fabian sighed, finally completing his sip. “However long the gain is greater than the loss for them. That’s the tide that turns to the end. You and the Marauders are thinking of joining up, and as much as I hate the idea of it, you all would do brilliantly. You are as thick as thieves.”
Eli spoke without thinking “That’s if I ever make it to the end of Hogwarts.”
Fabian paused, the sound of the glass thumping on the wood echoing around the room. His eyes narrowed at them, shoulders squaring as he leaned his upper half on the counter propped by his elbows with hands folded in front of him. Tongue running along his teeth with careful precision.
“That attitude wouldn’t be related to that quidditch accident Gideon mentioned, would it?”
Eli froze and horror crept upon their face as it turned white as snow. They began to tremble, not knowing how to tell Fabian about what happened at the Quidditch match earlier that month. “Yes, the attitude is related to the Quidditch accident” Eli put air quotes around the word accident hoping Fabian would get what they were trying to say.
“You don’t have to talk about it, not with me. I understand those feeling well enough, and mother dying right after graduation everything after that and Gideon being no help with any of it—” Fabian trailed off, shaking his head and rubbing at his hands, messaging the thin and bony fingers all the way to his wrist like he was feeling for something just under the surface. The bags under his eyes seemed heavier and his cheeks deeper with a sigh straight from his soul. “With all the bitterness, I got through the muck of it all. All the talk of Hogwarts being the best years of your life? Bullshit, complete bullshit. In fact, if Hogwarts are your best years I’m concerned for you. This period is about getting through it the best you can. You can’t figure yourself out if you’re too busy trying to survive. You have the rest of your life to learn to deal with your head when it’s not stuck in a physical place that’s terrible. Get through to the day you get to walk out. Sort the shit out when you’re shitting in your own toilet. Everyone you would meet in the future: neighbors, coworkers, friends? They’d miss you and not even know it. And the people you have in their life right now would miss them every day.” Fabian put a hand on Eli’s, hesitating and hovering before committing to the contact. That was rare for Fabian. He wasn’t the type to give hugs or enjoy the surprise pile ons that were so common in Gryffindor tower. These types of touches took effort. Fabian gave soothing motions with his thumb. Eli felt a strange tingle on their skin when the bony flesh made contact. A sensation of magic kept their hands from truly touching even when Eli felt and saw it happening.
The swing of old hinges broke the moment and any trail of thought. Fabian slid his drink across the counter and bounded over the whole bar, a few napkins and loose papers fluttering with the motion. He planted onto a stool, casually leaning on the bar with an elbow to hide his puffing chest. The bar stilled by the time Aberforth walked back in with a pale smelling profusely of goat.
“I saw that,” the old man grunted, not even bothering to look up.
“Saw what?” Fabian asked, quickly summoning his drink he had placed in front of the wrong stool. “I saw nothing. Did you see something kid?”
“I did not.”
“You’re seeing things Abbie, maybe it’s time to one up those stupid moon-shaped glasses, huh? I mean—”
“You finish that joke and I will make you pay your whole tab off.”
Fabian cleared his throat, fussing with his collar clips in an uncomfortable fidget. “Your eyesight is better than god’s, would you like a drink on me?”
“Is this how you swindle gangsters?” Aberforth snorted, pouring the goat milk in a large ceramic jug in the corner of the bar wall. He snapped his fingers and made a grabbing motion towards Fabian. A red hot flush came to his cheeks and up to his ears before handing Aberforth back the tea towel still hanging on his shoulder. “Because I don’t think it’ll work for too long.”
“It’s not my only tactic. Gangsters don’t like it much, but you’d be amazed how far flattery gets you with a trafficker, and don’t get me started on the dealers.”
Eli blinks, amazed “You do all that?”
“What did you think I did? Hunt down old watches all day?”
“Well kinda because you never told anyone what you do” Eli bluntly replied.
“Making us disappear, remember?” Fabian checked his pocket watch with a mutter. “Speaking of which, I should take my leave.” Strutting across the pub to the booth he slipped the leather gloves from his pocket on slowly before placing his bag on the table. “Don’t be a stranger, Black. And maybe next time your family invites you to some ghastly event give me a hoot first. I may have a way to get them to be annoyed at someone else for a change.”
He gave them a smirk, adjusting the thick collar on his coat. He handed Eli their own winter cloak, nodding towards the door. He clapped them on the back on the way out, walking them out. A grin plastered onto his face as he watched Eli walk through the melting snow to the end of the narrow alleyway the Hog’s Head crammed itself into. He waved, arm arcing wide above his head with bright eyes until they disappeared around the corner. Fabian let out a breath, the air puffing out in front of him, following him back inside.
Eli ran back to the pub remembering that they brought a scarf with them. As they passed the dirty bay windows they saw Fabian start to change. Fabian’s signature red hair turned into a dark colour and his hands became sharp and blackened like someone had dipped his fingers in ink. Eli waited until Fabian took his leave through the floo before grabbing their scarf and running back to the castle with one thought in their mind:
“This bitch is just like me but cooler. Maybe I ain’t alone?”