Chapter Text
Hyde felt like a total ass.
He’d knocked the world out from under Jackie’s feet. It wasn’t even his fault. It was all Kelso’s fault as usual.
Why did every time he felt bad about something with Jackie it was Kelso’s damn fault?
They’d gotten the note that Donna was leaving town for a while. It surprised him that Donna had left without a word, that was a move he’d make, actually he hadn’t made that move when he had the chance. He chose to stay here instead of leaving his problems behind and heading to New York.
Then Bob got a phone call while they were on the road, she told him Kelso was driving her.
So now Eric was upstairs probably crying, again. Fez had gone home looking like a lost puppy, and him? He just wanted to watch TV maybe get drunk or high. He could certainly do that alone. Though sometimes being alone took the fun out of it, but he’d give it a good effort.
Then Jackie pranced down into the basement with a stack of wedding magazines humming to herself.
He was about to say something mean, but he looked at her happily sorting through her magazines.
She was so relaxed and happy.
The realization smacked him in the face.
Hyde felt sick.
Jackie didn’t know.
How did she not know?
Kelso had to of told her they were leaving. Or that he was on the road. Something.
Jackie was so blissfully unaware that it answered everything.
Of course, Kelso hadn’t told her he was leaving. Donna had only called Bob and the letter had been left in the basement, where Jackie hadn’t been in a few days.
No one else was bound to show up, and he alone had to tell her.
He was going to kill Kelso for this. Hell, he might drive to California and kill him immediately. Jackie would probably end up crying all over his shoulder like she always did.
Hyde was not good at this kind of thing but he told her simply, “Jackie, Kelso’s gone.” He did his best to do it gently, if she thought he was making fun of her it would set her off worse. And for some reason, he didn’t want her to be any more upset than she was undoubtedly going to be. He was pissed that he was the one who was going to have to upset her at all.
It wasn’t even his damn fault.
“That’s okay, I’ll wait for him.” Jackie flounced toward the table and set down her pile of books with a smile on her face.
“No,” He tried again as gently as he could, “look, Jackie, he took off to California with Donna. He’ll probably be there all summer.”
He watched her face shift through all of the information. She looked at him confused as she processed what he said then as she realized what it really meant for them her face fell.
She didn’t cry.
He was almost afraid that she hadn’t heard him and he’d have to tell her a third time, but the look on her face told him she’d heard him loud and clear.
“Well,” she said hoarsely not looking Hyde in the face, “there’s my answer.”
He’d hurt her, sure it wasn’t in any way his fault that Kelso bailed, but he was the one holding the bag and the one saying the words that hurt her. It made him feel guilty.
Maybe that’s why he was currently sitting with the Point Place Princess.
“Are you okay?” He asked her, “do you need something? Or want to talk?” If she was going to have a meltdown he should probably find Kitty for her to deal with it or even Bob. Or the mailman, seriously anyone was better equipped to make Jackie feel better right now.
“Steven,” she looked up at him hopefully, “I don’t want to talk about my feelings, I want to get drunk.”
His whole body flooded with relief, “See now that, I can help you with.”
She asked no questions about where the beer came from which was better for both of them. In no time she was pushing past buzz, chasing the ease of her heartache.
“Can you believe him? He said he missed me. I told him he could kiss any girl he wanted and he picked me.”
“Nice move,” Hyde admitted, “but he didn’t mean it.”
“No,” she said gently. “He meant it. He always means it, for about five minutes.” She was almost blissfully drunk, “By the way, what were you and Fez doing to Michael’s Van?”
He was sure she wouldn’t remember this in the morning so he told her the truth. “We were hiding dead fish inside the floorboards.”
Jackie blinked her large intoxicated and unfocused eyes at him. He was waiting for the scolding or the screeching about how gross that was.
Jackie burst into gut-wrenching laughter. It was worse than her first time in a circle, she nearly fell off the couch. When she finally calmed down she told him through stilted breaths, “You’re the best.”
He couldn’t drive her home now, he had gotten too drunk along with her. It was to protect her, drinking alone when heartbroken was just sad, drinking with someone else… hell, he’d just wanted to drink.
It was his beer after all.
But Jackie was still sad so they did a small circle.
As they came down he asked her, “Why do you want to get married, you’re sixteen?”
Her words came slowly but to her, they made perfect sense, “Because then I’d know he’d be committed to me, that someone would always love me.”
“Marriage doesn’t mean that. If he’s cheating on you now while everything is easy, he’ll cheat on you when you’re married.”
“You know,” she spoke slowly, “I know that. But, I wanted to believe in him so badly,” Jackie admitted. Maybe she hadn’t believed him and she knew deep down it wouldn’t work again.
“My parents were married, look at that,” Hyde said. He never mentioned personal stuff but the combination of film and alcohol pushed him past his usual comfort points.
“I don’t know about your parents,” Jackie said, “you never talk about it.”
Realizing what he’d done Hyde tried to pull back, “never mind.”
“No, please. You’ve seen all my messy life stuff,” Jackie pouted at him but her eyes looked much less focused than normal when she tried this.
He was sure it was beyond her control to do it manipulatively at the moment.
He only shared because he was sure between the beer and the drugs she wouldn’t remember anything from this night. “When my folks were around they fought all the time. It was better then because no one noticed what I was doing. Then my dad went to jail, home a few months, took off. My mom would take off, come back, then she didn’t. You saw how great living with my dad went when he came back.”
She didn’t say she was sorry or poor him. It surprised him when she said, “My parents suck too.”
“Oh yeah?”
“My mom will cheat with any man with a pulse under forty which is totally gross, and she’s gone a lot. My dad’s way more secretive but I’ve heard them arguing before. When I was in middle school and they still cared about saving face.”
“What happened?”
“Then they stopped caring and stopped fighting. I see one, then the other, I never see both at the same time unless there’s some big work event my dad needs her to show up for.”
He didn’t say he was sorry either. “That’s messed up.”
“I know right?” Jackie said brightly, her mood bouncing between cheerful and sad.
“And you wanted that?”
“No,” she admitted, “but I guess I just wanted to have a person you know? Someone who would love me and be there for me when I need them. Just someone. I guess I didn’t need it to be Michael.”
He should have kept his mouth shut.
“Well, we ain’t much but we’ll be there for you.”
She smiled up at him, “That’s the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me.”
“If I’m the one who’s said the nicest thing to you then you definitely don’t need to get married,” he said almost defensively. He needed her to see how messed up that all was.
“Probably not, and looks like I’m not getting married now,” she joked.
Jackie should not be joking, but he was so grateful that she wasn’t crying. But he felt sick inside because he knew she was hurting and hurting badly. Why should he feel guilty? He’d shared his film and beer with her. Any responsibility to her was well and taken care of at this point.
This was all kinds of messed up.
“When Kelso comes back I’ll kick his ass for you,” Hyde said. It was as much as he’d do for any of his friends.
“Steven,” she said seriously, “I might want to kick his ass myself.”
He smiled, fondly remembering her somewhat failed Zen lesson, he knew she could do it too.
“You do get first dibs. It’s only right.”
“Thank you,” she looked smugly at him.
He couldn’t believe how she was acting, she barely seemed sad, she was already joking about it. Yeah, tonight was a night for surprises.
The next surprise (that really shouldn’t have been) came when Jackie passed out on the sofa. It was a combination of everything but one second she said she was sleepy and then she was out.
He couldn’t really leave her there, and he was not about to announce to the Formans that they’d been down in the basement getting drunk by taking her up to Laurie’s room. There was really only one option.
Hyde picked her up and carried her to his room. He set her down on the bed and thought about taking off her shoes but decided against it. It was pretty warm so he only took one of his pillows and headed out to the couch for the night.