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Ford pines was a man who liked to have control over his life, his whole life he thrived in academics, constantly overachieving in classes. So naturally when he had been thrown in a portal by his twin brother his whole life had lost control, however he had found a way to regain it.
He knew it wasn't healthy, he knew he of all people should know better (considering his scientificaly and logical wired mind and thoughts) but he did it anyways. He would starve himself constantly, he was a perfectionist, a trait common in anorexia.
He had always been insecure in his body, of course as we all know he was born with six fingers which was considered quiet strange. Him and his brother where also naturally chubby, Ford didn't mind this in his youth, not until he was taught that he was supposed to hate himself for not being thin, not until his schoolmates ridiculed him. He had been having an on and of again relationship with anorexia since high school, unfortunately after he was thrown in that portal he had nothing, no control and no constant in his life, so he began to spiral, no longer even able to entertain the thought of recovery. And he knew it was sick.
Sick
Sick
Sick
Sick
Sick
Sick
Sick
Sick
Sick
It was sick and wrong and stupid but he loved it, he loved the way his bones protruded, the way his stomach rumbled, the way the hunger felt and the empty feeling in his stomach that perfectly matched the empty feeling in his heart. He loved how he looked now, golly you better hope society was happy now that they had done this to him because there was just no going back.
Ford sat in the basement of the mystery shack, the one behind the vending machine. He felt sick, the natural dizzy spell washed over his head, he was used to it.
He had been invited to spend a dinner with Stan and the twins, a celebration to his return from his multidimensional adventures. Stanley never noticed Ford's disordered eating habits in their youth, or if he had he hadn't said anything but Ford was anxious of anyone finding out. The humiliation would be unbearable, the others, his family hearing about him, the smart one doing something so dumb and emotionally fueled.
"Sixer get down here Mabel wants someone to try her new glitter pasta!" Ford sighed, hey at least he had an excuse to absolutely refuse to eat this.
Ford came downstairs, stumbling a bit as his vision darkened, it would go back to normal after a couple of moments. He stepped into the kitchen only to see more food set on the table and counters. "Heh sixer, surprise! We got some more food prepared for tonight!" Stan chuckled
"Yea grunkle Ford, Candi and Grenda couldn't come but it'll be so fun!" Mabel exclaimed.
Ford felt a flash of panic course through him but didn't make it apparant, he was scared, he didn't want to lose control. Not again, he promised himself he would stop but he never did.
"binges" he knew they where common in restrictive eating disorders and he was not an exception. But he needed to maintain control, he hated the bloated full feeling. And the guilt, the guilt was awful.
"Uncle Ford?" Dipper asked, Ford hadn't realized he had been spacing out. "Oh sorry Dipper" Ford apologized "I was just asking if you wanted to try some of the food we made!" Dipper asked. "Oh no no, I'd much rather save it for later" "Ya sure Fordsie? I haven't seen you eat yet" Stan asked.
Shit, Ford didn't hate confrontation but he hated this kind of confrontation, not one of anger or arguement but one of concern and worry.
"Yes I'm quiet fine Stanley" Ford responded curtly before swooping his coat and heading back to the basement "See you at dinner" he said forcing a smile. He could have thought of a lie, he could have acted less conspicuous but he panicked.
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"Grunkle Ford dinner come on! You gotta try my glitter menu!" Mabel called enthusiastically. Ford came up the stairs.
Once he was upstairs Mabel handed him a place, balancing her own full plate in her other hand "Thank you, Mabel" Ford served himself the foods with lowest calories that he could find, he also made sure to get as little of servings as he could withought being asked prying questions and sat down.
The usual dinner talk ensued, stuff like the gnomes being creepy and Grenda boxing a unicorn, again.
But Ford was sat there picking at his food, he was guilty, he had taken a few small bites to attempt to ward of suspicion, it didn't work.
"Great uncle Ford you're not really eating" Dipper commented. Ford looked up, he felt his face getting hot, god dammit he hoped they didn't notice. "Oh, I'm distracted listening to you kids's conversations" Ford responded chuckling slightly, but it came out awkward and forced, probably because it was. "Sixer you're always in your dumb nerd cave you gotta be hungry, eat up" Stan teased and Ford rolled his eyes humorously.
The occurance didn't seem that odd, not until it had been about half an hour and he had mainly just moved his food around the plate,
And then his stomach growled, curse his stupid weak body. And of course everyone stared. "Hey grunkle Ford, aren't you hungry? I made some of it myself" Mabel asked "Oh uh, not really I guess, sorry Mabel" Ford said mumbling slightly, he didn't have an excuse. The attention was on him now, he hated this, fuck he hated this so much. His face was still burning, more now, he was ashamed and did not want to have to disappoint his family. "Hey Ford I know your all mad scientisty and sh-tuff but you still gotta eat" Stan commented "Stanley I have already eaten earlier today, I apologize that I am not as hungry" Ford tried to lie and convincingly as possible, but Stan was his brother, they grew up together, he knew when his brother was lying.
"Uncle Ford are you ok?" Dipper asked clinking his fork back onto his own plate. "Yes I am alright, I appreciate your concern" Ford responded, smiling at his nephew. "Hey poindexter can we talk outside?" Stanley asked.
No. No. No. He wanted to yell, but he simply responded "I suppose, make it quick"
The twins stood up, Ford stumbling due to his own dizzyness and darkened vision, normally this would go unnoticed, however this time Stanley took note.
The two stepped outside and shut the door to prevent the kids from hearing. "So uh, I'm not sure how to say this... Ok so I've noticed you haven't been really eating. I assumed you where eating canned meat or some of your apocolypse shit in the basement but..."
Ford wanted Stanley to shut up. To turn around and walk right back into the house, but of course, he cared about his brother to much to do that.
"Ford it seems almost like- Ford if your doing this on purpose.... like, not eating, you can tell me" Stanley nudged "What? No of course not Stanley I would never- I mean, no I'm not" Ford stammered, his voice quivered and Stan raised an eyebrow.
Ford could see the concern in his brothers eyes "Really Stanley I'm ok I promise you, if I was doing something like that you would know I mean-" "Ford I know you're lying." Stan interrupted and Fords heart sank. Ford couldn't help but avert his eyes, refusing eye contact, he had been found out.
The silence was only for a few seconds but it felt unbearably long.
But then Ford felt his brothers arms around him. Neither spoke, they only stood there together.
"How long? Why?" Stan asked, suprisingly softly for his nature. The softness, the kindness shown to Ford was enough to shatter Fords shell, he began to cry. "I don't know, high school maybe?" He stammered hesitantly, trying to make his crying go unnoticed in his voice, but failing. "God high school? Ford I'm so sorry I never noticed anything" Stan apologized, his voice strained, Ford could tell he was also crying.
He hated to do that to his brother. "I'm sorry" was all Ford could say in response. "Ford, Ford no don't apologize, just talk to me" Stan said pulling away from the hug ."I don't know what to say" "Ok, start with..why? If I know that I can help"
Ford hesitated to reply "Uh- I don't know, I just, I guess that would be the most suspected reason... I didn't like how I looked" Stanley nodded, encouraging Ford to continue talking.
"I don't know, I used to try- try to stop, but I stopped trying to get better when-
When I - when I got .. the uh, the portal" Ford stammered out, he struggled to get all this out, especially the part with the portal, he didn't want his brother to blame himself.
"The portal.... Ford I'm so sorry, I'm sorry I did this to you and I'm sorry that you didn't feel comfortable enough to tell me and I'm just- I'm just sorry"
The two sat down in the porch, Ford was so tired. "Is there anything I can do?" Stan asked "Stanley I can deal with it alone, I don't mean to inconvenince you" "Ford, I think you deserve to 'inconvenience' me after I threw you on a portal for 30 years" Stan chuckled and Ford laughed back in response.
"I don't know Stan, I just... I don't know" Stan nodded understandably "Ok well, we can keep talking if you want, or we can go inside now, but I really hope you can join us for dinner" Ford stared at the ground "I don't know heh, honestly I might have a panic attack if I'm presented with all that food" Ford said laughing a bit in attempt to make things less tense. "You don't have to eat everything on your plate, just- just a bit?" Stan compromised "...Yea ok, I'll try"
The two stood again, Stan helped Ford steady himself when he stood and went inside.