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The windshield wipers swiped back and forth at the windshield’s glass in a somewhat calming motion… to most, the wipers' sounds that filtered into the car’s interior could also have been considered somewhat calming too. This, however, was outside of the fact that the driver cranked the volume of the stereo up to exactly 30, and suddenly, those “calming noises” that the windshield wipers had been making for the past 20 minutes? Yeah, that didn’t mean jack shit to him anymore.
“Wonder how long it’ll take those two idiots…” None other than Sanzu Haruchiyo muttered as he pulled his red car up to the cluster of apartments and slammed his hand on the horn a couple of times. Sanzu shook his head at the absurdity that he knew would soon unfold before himself as he reached down and plucked a cigarette from the pack he’d placed in the coin holder. He swiftly pressed the button to roll down the driver’s side window with his free index finger and leaned back into the cushy seat with a huff. With a quick flick of the lighter, he lit the cigarette and snickered, “Kakucho’ll be pissed if I did this in front of him, though.” He sighed as he slowly inhaled and exhaled a cloud of smoke out the window.
“Get out of the way!”
“Stop shoving me- there’s ice!”
“I’m getting the front seat this time!”
“In your dreams, bro!”
Sanzu rolled down the passenger window with a mad grin, “Push ‘em down, Ran!” He jeered.
“Don’t encourage him!” Rindou shouted angrily as the two Haitanis raced toward the bright red car, “Move out of the way. It’s my turn!”
“I’m taller than your goblin-kinnie ass will ever be!” Ran laughed as he shoved Rindou off of himself and broke into a sprint toward the passenger side, only to see the car begin to move, “Oh, fuck off! Haru!” He growled through his teeth as he attempted to run toward the door.
“Come on, run for it, Haitani! You were on the high school track team!” Sanzu yelled to the lavender-haired man. This only resulted in him receiving a middle finger in return as the man began to chase after the car.
“Yeah, and it’s been three fucking years!” Ran groaned, only to be shoved out of the way once more.
“Snooze, you lose!” Rindou boldly boasted as he passed by Ran. This obviously lit something competitive inside the older Haitani as he lunged forward for the passenger side door. “Yikes!” The younger Haitani winced as Ran barreled toward him.
“I have seniority!” Ran wailed as he elbowed Rindou in the side, his brows furrowed in utter frustration.
“Do us both a favor and get in the backseat, GRANDPA!” Rindou shouted back as he elbowed Ran back.
Sanzu watched in utter amusement, cigarette in hand, as the two butted shoulders and scuffled in the final meters toward the car. He thoroughly debated about shuffling his playlist to the beloved and fitting “Circus Theme,” though he liked the current shuffle he had going and decided against it. “Alright, get a move on!” He finally groaned as he slammed his hand on the horn, “We don’t have all day for this shit! I’ll leave your asses!”
The two froze in place, “But–”
Sanzu placed the car into drive again, “Again, I’ll leave your asses, and you’ll be walking home in the snow!”
The two Haitanis looked toward one another before Ran pointedly shoved Rindou out of the way and into a drift of snow before he dashed toward the passenger door and opened it with a shit-eating grin, “Snooze you lose, baby bro.”
“Oh, eat shit.” Rindou huffed as he stood from the pile of snow and brushed himself off. “You’re such a fucking…” He kicked a clump of ice as he walked to the back seat, opened the door roughly, and sat down with a grumble.
“Hey, hey… Don’t take it out on the car.” Sanzu cooed and tapped the steering wheel lightly, “She didn’t do anything.” Only for Rindou to shoot him a glare, “What!”
“You’re so lucky I’m out of breath– because the things I’d say!” Rindou shouted as he slammed the door shut and settled himself into the backseat.
Ran snickered as he clicked his seatbelt into the buckle, “That bad?”
Rindou leaned back into the seat with his eyes closed, his brows furrowed together in what looked to be a mix of both frustration and rage as he lifted a hand to rub in between them, “Fuck you, Ran,” He finally breathed after a moment which caused Ran to gasp dramatically. “No, really– I hope you step on one of Shion’s legos.”
“Oh, he’s pissed.” Sanzu pointed out with a sarcastic sneer, “He’s bringing out the lego threats again.”
“Just fucking drive Haru!” Rindou demanded as he buckled his seatbelt, “Jesus Christ...”
Sanzu flicked down the handle to the turn signal and quickly peeled out from the parking lane he’d been in, “Someone hasn’t eaten today.” He commented as he peered into the rearview mirror toward the pouting Rindou.
“He hasn’t.” Ran replied as a matter of fact as he leaned his head back onto the headrest and closed his somewhat tired eyes.
Rindou rolled his eyes and leered at Sanzu, “I haven’t!”
“Called it.” Sanzu stated with a knowing sigh, “You always get crabby when you don’t eat!”
Rindou kicked Ran’s seat, “Well fuck, maybe if Ran hadn’t made me run out the door at the ass crack of dawn because he wanted to, and I quote–”
Quickly, Ran sat forward in a panic, “No, we aren’t talking about this!”
“Oh no, We’re discussing it,” Rindou smirked as he realized he had his brother right where he wanted him.
“Rindou.” Ran warned as he suddenly turned back toward his brother, “Rindou Haitani, I swear to god...”
“This is gonna be good.” Sanzu snickered as he took a final hit from his cigarette and threw it out the window.
The long-haired man groaned and leaned forward onto his knees, “No, he wanted to stake out his hot dad professor. Again.”
Sanzu sighed, “Not this shit…” He glanced an eye toward Ran, “Again?”
“We don’t have to talk about this!” Ran laughed nervously, “Let’s change the topic!” He suggested as he looked forward before he clapped his hands together. “I know. Why don’t we stop at–”
“So, what’s the damage this time Rin?” Sanzu interrupted as he slowly merged into the next lane over and began to accelerate.
“It wasn’t that bad!” The elder Haitani scoffed as his head slowly turned toward the window while he attempted to avoid any part of the ongoing conversation.
Rindou shook his head and leaned forward between the center console, “We literally sat there for, I shit you not, 2 hours!”
“You could have left,” Ran muttered under his breath.
“I tried to leave,” Rindou explained in an exasperated tone, “And your dumb bitch ass said if I were your real brother, I would stay!” Rindou argued back fervently, his voice becoming louder and louder as he slapped Ran’s arm more and more.
“You guilt-tripped him, Ran?!” Sanzu wheezed, “I can’t believe!”
Ran shoved Rindou’s hands off of himself and puffed his cheeks out, “I may or may not have guilt-tripped him!” He admitted half-heartedly, only for Rindou to slug him one more time, “Hey!”
“Okay, but that’s not the point of all of this.” Rindou groaned as he sat back with a tired leer, “He showed up.”
“And?” Sanzu questioned as he turned onto a somewhat desolate road and started to accelerate again.
Ran suddenly began to look nervous again, “We don’t have to talk about it. We really don’t. We can talk about Rin’s boyfriend too!”
Rindou clicked his tongue in irritation, “If it hadn’t occurred to you, Dr.Akashi’s not your boyfriend?!”
Sanzu’s eyes narrowed into a pointed glare, “OKAY AND!” He shouted as he slammed his hand against the steering wheel, “You can’t just stop at the good part!”
The long-haired Haitani rolled his eyes at the reaction and sank comfortably into his seat, “So, he showed up, and he was with Dr.Sano.”
Ran, a full-tilt, reached forward for the stereo volume and turned it up as high as it would go. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore, lalala!” He shouted over the music. It was already loud before, so it hadn’t changed much.
“AND?!” Sanzu shouted over the music as he attempted to slap Ran’s hand away from the dial, “Ran, you fucker!” He called as he fought him away and turned the music down.
“Lalala! I can’t hear you!” Ran shouted as loud as possible, his hands pressed over his ears.
“Quit it!” The pink-haired man growled toward Ran, “Rindou, what the fuck happened!”
“They kissed!” Rindou shouted as loud as he could, Ran’s annoying voice not blocking it out enough as Sanzu all but slammed on the breaks, and the entire car lurched forward.
“What?!” Sanzu shouted, “What!” The pink-haired man exclaimed breathily as Rindou and Ran regained their composure.
Rindou glared at Sanzu as he adjusted himself in his seat, “A little fucking warning when you’re going to pull some Grand Theft Auto level stunts there, asshole?” He groaned while he slowly leaned back into his seat again, “Fucking shit…”
“I think my life flashed before my eyes…” Ran grumbled through a pained cough, “It had ABBA Dancing Queen.”
“If you think that’s going to guilt me into putting on ABBA, nice try.” Sanzu snickered with a smirk as he began to drive again, “But Dr.Akashi and Dr.Sano…”
Ran whined lowly and sunk into his seat, “I refuse to believe it.”
“Shut the fuck up. You saw it with your own two eyes,” Rindou hissed through his teeth while he shook his head in utter dismay, “And because you’ve stolen my glasses enough time to make fun of me for being “blind” I don’t think your vision is fucked either.”
Sanzu laughed a bit as he flipped on his turn signal, “It does make sense. Mikey did say his brother always talks fondly of him.”
“Stop telling me more!” Ran pouted, his hands slamming onto his knees childishly. “I’m suffering!”
“And we haven’t for the past six months?!” Rindou huffed as he kicked Ran’s seat lightly, “Oh, Takeomi is so pretty when he drinks his coffee? Who says that.”
“You say that about Souya when he eats dumplings.” Sanzu pointed out dully, “Just saying, dude.”
“Yeah,” Ran chimed in, “You said he was cute when he slept.”
Rindou rolled his eyes snidely. “That’s normal.”
“That’s creepy.” Sanzu and Ran replied together. “Oh, jinx.” They said together, again.
Rindou blinked and shook his head at the display, “Y’know, I bet if I told him that, he’d say it was fine.”
Slowly, Ran turned around to face his brother with a knowing leer, “So, if I were to tell his brother that, he wouldn’t beat the shit out of you?”
“... Don’t tell Nahoya, please.” Rindou silently begged, “You know what happened when Souya accidentally told him we were dating.”
“We had to ice your nose for the entire night to get it to stop bleeding.” Sanzu snickered with a smirk across his face, “I think there’s still blood on the patio.”
“Wonder if they’ll charge us for that when we move next year?” Ran hummed thoughtfully and tapped his chin, “Doubt it, though.”
Sanzu sighed wistfully, “We really left our mark on the community, didn’t we.”
Rindou kicked the passenger seat again, “It’s not as bad as the hair dye. That really left a mark on the community.”
“No, I think the blood is worse.” Sanzu nodded as he refused to acknowledge the Dangan Ronpa-level amount of pink hair dye stains in his and Mucho’s bathroom.
“Definitely.” Ran agreed as he, too, refused to acknowledge the purple dye stain that was expertly hidden underneath his bed.
Rindou sighed, “Go to hell.” As he knew full well, both men were full of shit.
Sanzu snapped his fingers with a smile and looked into the rearview mirror directly into Rindou’s eyes, “Already there, baby, now quit fucking kicking my seats!” He beamed as Rindou glared back and slowly rose his middle finger into view.
It wasn’t long before Sanzu pulled the car into a more upscale part of campus, and the two Haitanis stared out their windows in interest at the various string lights strung up on the trees in the median and balconies of the homes nearby.
“God, I forgot how ritzy they are over here.” Ran sighed as his eyes slowly darted back and forth, “Makes you almost wanna steal some of ‘em?”
“We’re too old for baby jail, Ran.” Rindou reminded, “But...”
Ran looked toward his brother excitedly, “But!”
“Mucho will kill us if we stole Christmas lights.” Sanzu chimed in with a groan, “Remember what he said when Mochi and Shion stole the “Men at Work” sign when they were doing construction by the house?”
Ran laughed at the memory, “If I recall, it was “something something big boy jail” and “you two can’t go to baby jail anymore”... right?” He smirked as the two others cackled, “I see my Mucho impression is still as wonderful as ever.”
“Don’t slander my boyfriend like that. He’ll kick your ass.” Sanzu attempted through a wheeze of laughter, “But, really, you always do the best impressions of him.”
Ran hummed happily, “I should have minored in theater.”
“Oh, and have all of us deal with your dramatics daily?” Rindou leaned forward onto Ran’s seat, “That sounds horrific, no fucking thank you!”
Ran pushed Rindou off, “You’re just jealous of my natural talent.”
“What natural talent.” The younger Haitani dead-panned as he blinked in confusion, and slowly his eyes narrowed into suspicion.
There was silence in the car, aside from the soft rock that gradually filtered through the speakers. A breath finally came from Ran as he placed his hands to his lips and looked forward, his eyes clouded in thought as he attempted to conjure up some type of response. “... I’m multifaceted.” He stated, albeit softly, as he stared forward, almost as if he refused to look at either Rindou or Sanzu.
Rindou blinked as he settled back into the seat. His eyes had already returned to their bored and tired state. He was too tired to deal with Ran’s shenanigans. “Yeah, sure.” He muttered back sarcastically, entirely over whatever his brother had said this time.
Sanzu howled with laughter, “What?” He gasped as he wiped away a tear from his eye, “Ran, you can’t just say shit like that?”
“I’m multifaceted!” Ran huffed loudly and crossed his arms with a glare, “You just can’t see it.”
“Don’t repeat it?!” Sanzu pleaded through a cackle. “I’m gonna puke–” He gasped as he pounded his hand against the steering wheel, the horn beeping every now and again, “Oh god!”
“Stop horning the horn!” Rindou chastised through a growl as he reached a hand forward, “We’re in the rich part of town. Someone’s gonna call the cops!” The long-haired Haitani punched at Sanzu’s shoulder, only for him to slam on the breaks.
“Fuck!” Rindou shouted as he flew back into the seat, “What the fuck, Haru?!”
“We’re here~” Sanzu hummed as he motioned to the apartments, “Now, be a good boy and text Kakucho for me.”
Rindou stared out the window, his lavender eyes completely dull and dead inside. “Eat. Shit.” He seethed through his gritted teeth.
“Oh, he’s totally gonna put legos outside your room, Haru.” Ran snickered as he pulled out his phone, “I got it.”
“I have better things to worry about…” Sanzu sighed wistfully as he stared out the windshield, “Like how the fucking chicken is replacing me.”
“My daughter isn’t replacing you,” Ran muttered as he keyed in his passcode, “You’re just jealous that Mucho loves another entity and being outside of yourself.”
“The fucking chicken is replacing me, Ran!” Sanzu barked back in retort as he sunk into his seat, “Like what the fuck?”
“Hanako is not replacing you, and she even loves you.” Ran sighed, “She even pecks at your feet. She doesn’t even do that with Shion.”
Sanzu held up his hand and made a fist, “I swear to god if I walk in, and he’s holding her, I’m going to turn her into chicken nugge–”
Rindou pointed, “Hey. Isn’t that him?”
The two men peered through the passenger window to see two dark-haired men who nervously talked to one another. One of the men seemed excited, as he gestured happily and mainly with his arm while his face was alit with excitement. His laughs could easily be heard from the car, and even if the taller man stood anxiously next to him, he still brought his arms around the shorter man and kissed his forehead gently.
Sanzu gagged, “I’m gonna fucking puke.” He slowly reached toward the steering wheel, “Alright, party’s over.” Though, Ran grabbed onto Sanzu’s arm, “Hey–”
“Let him have his moment.” Ran hummed with a calm smile, “They’re pretty cute, you gotta admit.”
“Weren’t you getting on me for being creepy not even ten minutes ago?” Rindou sighed as he rolled down his window, “Hey!” The man jumped at the sudden voice, “Come on, the roads are getting bad!” Rindou lied to get the man to hurry over toward the car.
“C-coming!” Kakucho called over toward the car. His voice seemed slightly anxious as he hugged the shorter man tightly again and rushed toward the vehicle.
“Way to ruin the show, Rin.” Ran groaned as he leaned back into his seat, “Things were just getting good, too!”
“Oh, fuck off, Ran.” Rindou hissed as he kicked the seat one last time. He unbuckled his seat belt to slide over to the driver’s side.
Sanzu turned back to face the back seat, “Stop fucking kicking the seats!”
“Shut the fuck up, or I’ll put legos in your bed, too!” Rindou threatened as he held up his fist.
Kakucho hesitantly knocked on the side of the car, “Uh… can you unlock the door?”
“The community pizza guy is here.” Ran hummed happily as he pressed the button to unlock the doors, “Hi, Kakuchan!”
“... Please don’t call me that.” Kakucho sighed as he opened the door and slowly started to slide into the interior of the car.
Rindou slid over to the driver's side, “Ignore him. He’s just jealous you’re getting attention and won’t be getting any from his FAKE PROFESSOR BOYFRIEND anytime soon.”
Hastily, Ran whipped his head toward the backseat, “Don’t tell Kakucho!”
Rindou gave his brother a look of contempt, “I’m telling Kakucho.” And with that, he turned toward Kakucho with a sinister smirk, “You’re gonna love this.”
The dark-haired man sighed and buckled himself in for what he assumed would be a wild ride, “What are we telling me exactly?”
“Dr.Akashi’s fucking Dr.Sano,” Sanzu stated as he put the car into drive. “Y’know, normal Tuesday shit for us?”
Kakucho sighed once more and slowly looked out the window as Ran shrieked at Sanzu because he’d quote “reminded him of the issue at hand” again. Kakucho swore he heard Rindou gloating about the exact fact through his shit-eating grin, though he shrugged it off and shook his head with a knowing look.
“Knew it.”