Work Text:
I don't know what to do without you
One stride after the other. His fingers scratched at one another, shaking in that telltale way that anyone that knew him (which depressingly he could count on one hand) would know that he was desperate to grasp to something. When he was young, he’d do it when he was too nervous to reach for a hand to hold, so touch starved but afraid to admit it. As he grew older, physical affection was traded for a glass of scotch. More socially acceptable and was close enough to the intoxication that feeling loved brought him. Almost.
He could still remember the heartbreak he felt the day he reached for his youngest brother and a tumbler of wine was pushed into his open palms instead. He soon learned to cope. He always did.
It was alcohol. Or cigarettes. Or sometimes something more intense. Anything to stop the shaking and the scratching. Anything to quell his addictive nature. It seemed that was hereditary. His grandfather had an addictive nature, which he passed on to their father, which he seemed to give to all three of his own sons. It was a fact that terrified him, which was why he wasn’t too upset with Zeus taking the role ‘King of the Gods’.
Hades was afraid one taste of that power was all he would need to become addicted.
He could drink. He could drink and drink and drink, fall into an alcohol-fueled stupor where he never had to wake up again. Or if, when he did, she would be here to hold his hands. To tell him it was okay to feel addicted to physical affection. To coo at him and cup his cheek and tell him that he was so touch starved.
But she wouldn’t want him to drink. He’d done that enough the day she’d been taken from him and when he’d caught sight of himself in the mirror he’d broken down in guilt and disappointment. What would she say if she could see him? Meer hours without her and he’d already given up. She would hate that.
I don't know where to put my hands
He sighed and stopped his pacing, running his shaking hands through his hair in a weak attempt to still their movement. He pulled at his hair a little and closest his eyes, trying to ignore how the pain made him feel something other than guilt and loneliness for weeks . No. No, he couldn’t fall down that rabbit hole.
She would not want him to.
How many things was he going to avoid doing just because she wouldn’t want him to? It wasn't like she was coming back.
No. No, he couldn’t think like that.
Hades sighed, pressing his forehead against the cool glass of the window in front of him. The city was dark, it always was, but he had an excellent sense of time. He knew that this dark meant it was late. He could hear it in the city. Silence.
The only people who were awake were the people brave enough to be drunk and the cowards like himself. His hands started to shake again and he cried out. A moment of weakness. He hit his fists hard against the glass in his emotional outburst, a few tears escaping from his eyes. Why couldn’t he just stop? Why couldn’t his hands stop ? They hadn’t stopped since he held her in them. It was impossible to do any sort of work when he wasn’t even capable of signing his name.
Hecate had signed him off from work a while ago now. Now he had nothing.
He took a deep breath as he stepped away from the glass, opening his eyes again as he gained his composure.
He’d be honest, he was surprised to see his window in one piece. He’d have to thank whoever constructed his house for that. He couldn’t even remember anymore.
I've been trying to lay my head down
He hadn’t slept in days now, and the last ‘sleep’ hardly counted as it was an hour he’d passed out from exhaustion at his desk. His eyes showed his exhaustion clearly, the purple contrasting against his blue skin almost poetically. There was no point pacing in his bedroom anymore if he wasn’t going to get any sleep, and he had a big house… what was the point in restricting himself in the space that he could pace in? He could do laps around his home until morning if he wanted to.
Still, despite his entire house, his tired feet brought him to the kitchen and stopped in front of an all too familiar cabinet. It had been locked by himself, the key hidden away in the one place that he knew he couldn’t get it, despite the darkest of nights. He turned around to find Cerberus sitting there. His one permanent companion.
Where all his other dogs have and would eventually leave him, Cerberus was a constant. Always by his side. Raised from just a puppy. Guardian of the Underworld… and right now? His liquor cabinet. The key was attached tauntingly from his collar.
For a moment, his companion was so still that he thought he could be subtle about it.
But no one knew Hades better than his dog.
Immediately he had stepped back, sat again, and tilted his head. As if even his dog was questioning what he was doing. Was disappointed in him.
“Don’t look at me like that.” The God of the Dead spoke, his voice cracking a little as he stepped closer again but Cerberus moved this time so the table divided them. He swore to himself, shaking hands turning into fists of anger before he stopped himself.
What was he doing? Getting angry at his dog? For doing exactly what he was told?
Hades fell to his knees and didn’t even acknowledge the tears starting to pour from his eyes and the sobs escaping his mouth. Cerberus came back over to his side and he hid his face in his black fur. His hands finally found something to grasp as he held on tight and cried into his dog.
“ I miss her. ”
But I'm writing this at three AM
-
I don't need the world to see
“ Hades, you can’t keep this up.” His brother hissed over the phone, anger hardly veiled over the phone. The King of the Underworld found a twisted sort of enjoyment over it. Let him be angry. Let him be furious for all he cared. Let everyone hate him and call him all the names under the sun. It wasn’t like he had to suffer in it anyway. He sipped at his coffee as he leaned back in his desk chair.
Coffee didn’t exactly help with the hands shaking. Well, it did until the caffeine actually kicked in, but that was a different can of worms. Sure, relying on caffeine was not much of an improvement to alcohol since he was just using it as a replacement for his addictive tendencies, but at least it had meant Hecate could look at him in a way that wasn’t just sympathy.
He loved his old friends dearly, but she struggled to comfort him. It was already. That wasn’t what he needed her for.
“Then let me see her.”
That I've been the best I can be, but
“ You know why I made that ruling .” He hissed. “ I do not know why you are punishing me for it! You agreed that we could not let Apollo set hands on her.”
“If you had left her with me, he wouldn’t!” Hades snapped suddenly, his eyes flaring red as Zeus dared try making it sound like this was only about trying to help Persephone and not because he was threatened by her power. Her ability. She was powerful, beautifully so, and if she were to decide to go full tyrant and decide to eat everyone, well…
He would be first in line to volunteer.
He took a deep breath and sipped at his coffee again. “I closed the borders and cut you off from the Underworld’s creations and told you there was one simple solution to them reopening.”
“ I am not going back on my ruling!”
“Then there is your answer.” He pulled the phone away from his ear and went to hang up.
I don't think I could stand to be
“Wait!”
Hades paused before bringing the phone back to his ear, his heart hammering in his chest as he awaited his brother’s next words. He swallowed heavily and had to place down his coffee as his hands started to shake again. “Proceed.” He spoke, voice far lower than he wanted to allow. At least it didn’t break.
There was a long pause and Hades almost hung up out of frustration until the King’s voice came through the line, quiet as if he was afraid of someone else overhearing the conversation.
“What if I let you see her? What would that get me?” Hades' heart had moved to start pounding in his ears now. “ That is… only if you still have that cloak of invisibility you’re hiding from me that is.”
Where you don't see me
-
On sunny days I go out walking
The sun filtered through the leaves of the forest as he stepped through the foliage, eyes wandering a little from within the shade of his cloak. He was dressed in mortal garments despite the fact no one could see him as he could not risk the slight chance that the helm would be pulled from his shoulders.
The last time he’d visited the mortal realm had been with Persephone, so it made sense that he’d return to see her again.
Zeus’s rules had been very strict. Hades could not reveal himself, nor could he do anything to show his love that he was there. He’d even made it very clear he could watch her do anything and at that point he wished that he hadn’t restricted all communication between them, because damn he deserved the punch that his shaking hands had been craving to give him. He wasn’t about to look a gift horse in the mouth, however, so, despite the fact he stressed that he would not be using this power for such a disgusting betrayal of trust, he accepted.
For this, Zeus was granted his internet back. Eventually, he would take it back again, but he was sated for now.
I end up on a tree-lined street
He did wish that he could tell her. Something felt… wrong about watching her without her even realising he was there. He would never do something as slimy as Zeus, though he still longs for her consent. She deserved to not be an object for a man to observe.
The guilt would out way the joy when this was all over, but for now…
He stopped at the treeline, staring out at the farm ahead of him. Nymphs worked and ahead… he could see her . He could tell her apart from any nymph. There was no comparison in his mind.
She was just as gorgeous as the day he lost her.
Against his better judgement. He moved forward out of the treeline towards her. He had to get closer
I look up at the gaps of sunlight
The dirt felt good between his toes. The wind blew through the clearing, showing that it was colder than the shelter of the forest, even with the direct sunlight. Perhaps it wouldn’t be as bad if he actually could feel the warmth through his helm of invisibility. Nymphs worked around him and birds sang in the air.
However, his attention was focused on the Goddess in front of him.
His ears started to pick up her voice, ordering around nymphs like the queen she was. The queen she should be. The second she could return home to him, he would ask her if she says that future with him. He would not force her, nor would he go as fast as his heart begged him to. But he needed her to know that was his future intention.
The fruit Erebos had grown was for her. He knew it. He’d known it from the moment he had first laid his eyes upon her.
He almost did not realise how close he’d gotten and had to dig his toes into the dirt to prevent himself from walking straight into her back.
She turned suddenly and looked straight at him and his breathing stopped. She was breathtaking. Her hair had been cut short and her peplos was covered in grass stains and yet he would get on his knees for her right then if she asked. He would betray his brothers, his people, anyone if she said the right combination of words. The number of things he was willing to do for this Goddess should concern him, but the thought didn’t even pass through his head. She might not yet be Queen of the Underworld, but he would kneel for her regardless. He would give her his wealth, his people, his entire being. His love for her was intoxicating.
His addiction was her and he was desperate for another taste.
Her eyes locked with his. Could she see him? He opened his mouth, trying to figure out what to say when she suddenly walked forward and he had to stumble out of the way. She walked through where he just stood, on her way to speak to another group of nymphs.
She had not seen him. He was to remain unseen. His eyes blurred with tears.
I miss you more than anything
-
I don't need the world to see
“Hades.”
He didn’t turn around, his eyes remained glued to his realm’s skyline in front of him. He knew his youngest brother was standing in front of his desk. He knew because he requested a meeting. He had allowed it, but that did not mean he needed to look at him. He had not blessed him with his sight since he removed his love from his arms.
He didn’t deserve to be perceived by him. He didn’t deserve his anger. He deserved nothing.
He had once believed his brother to be worthy of everything he could gift him. His time, his affection, his attention. He used to want to wait for his little brother's hand and foot and Zeus used to be modest enough to reject him. He used to cuddle in the pile of blankets he’d needed and teach him how to reach. He used to stand up for him when he couldn’t even talk. He used to cry after Hades woke up from nightmares about Zeus never saving him and would promise him that he would never allow that to happen. He used to keep the fire lit as long as was safe because his big brother was afraid of the dark.
It was hard to believe that meer short years later he sentenced him to become the King of a realm where not a single drop of light touched.
For centuries he blamed himself, and then centuries later he ignored his anger over the situation… And now?
Now he was numb.
The God behind him was not his brother. Not in the way he was. Not in the way he’d ever be again.
That I've been the best I can be, but
“Hades, I have reconsidered.”
He continued to stare forward, though he was not looking at anything in particular. Six months. Persephone had been sentenced away for six months. Considering he was over two millennia old, he would’ve thought by now that six months would go by like an instance. But no.
This was the longest time he had ever spent waiting… and that was saying something considering he was being digested by his father during the most formative years of his internal life.
He stayed quiet and Zeus continued on anyway, he always did.
“I have lost my people due to this silly feud and… fine. You win. This fight is not worth some silly girl, so you can have her. Consider it a gift. So open the border and share your technology-”
I don't think I could stand to be
Hades had turned in an instant. He wasn’t completely sure himself how he had gotten over his desk so quickly, but he found himself holding Zeus up by the throat. His eyes glowed white and his teeth had sharpened. His fingers were like claws and his skin as dark as the night sky.
He could see the fear in his brother’s eyes and he drank it up. Yet another little addiction he could feel shame for later.
“You do NOT speak of her that way.” He grit out, his grasp tightening a little bit before swiftly letting him go. He dropped to the ground with a satisfying thud but Hades did not stick around long enough to take anymore pleasure in his brother’s moment of embarrassment. He was too afraid of what he would find out about himself if he did.
Besides, he had a Goddess to bring home.
Where you don't see me
-
And autumn comes when you're not yet done
Persephone had been unaware of her sentence lifting. Hades wasn’t even sure if Zeus had even thought through the offering before storming into his office. She was knelt in amongst vegetables when he had appeared, helm over his shoulders just in case.
He did not want to scare her by appearing too suddenly, especially since they’d been apart for half a year. What if she had changed her mind about him? What if she was happy here? If he took her away, no one would be able to stay and maintain the summer and spring. The mortal realm had never experienced anything other than those two seasons.
His realm was the only one blessed with snow. He wondered if her absence would lead to that? Zeus would just have to return Demeter to her job to prevent that.
With the summer passing by, but
He continued to stand, watching her yet again. Her hair was longer this time, and this peplos she was wearing was muddied instead. He smiled to himself, and yet she was still gorgeous. She would be gorgeous in anything she wore.
Hades longed to touch her. To hold her. To whisper sweet proclamations of his love to her so she did not doubt as to what he had meant in that courtroom. He stepped forward carefully only to step on a twig in his distraction, the noise alerting her to company.
There were no other nymphs present as the sunset and so he had no excuse as she turned and looked right at him once again. At least… this time it could not be mistaken for looking through him. Despite her not being able to see him, it was like she knew he was there.
“Hades.”
The word was music to his ears. Oh, how he had forgotten how her voice had made his name sound. He closed his eyes and simply bathed in it for a moment. He didn’t realise he was blinking back tears until he had to open them again.
“My Persephone.” He replied, voice breaking a little as he spoke, and before he knew it his arms were full of the little pink Goddess. She ripped the helm off of his figure as if it had offended her in some way and gasped when she finally got to see his face.
He was sure he looked a mess. His sleepless nights were evident upon his face along with his sunken cheeks showing that he had not been taking proper care of himself. He had been trying. He had. But he had been an addict in remission. He would not be surprised if she turned on her heels and marched away.
I don't think I could stand to be
Instead, she grabbed hold of his cheeks and pulled his lips to hers. Demanding, desperate, devoted. Like she was the addict and not him. There were a few minutes where they didn’t even try to pull back for air, tears rolling down both their cheeks to become one. Only seven words were uttered between them, hardly whispers that no one else was allowed to enjoy.
“I love you.”
“I love you too.”
Where you don't see me