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Delirium
I watched as the Strigoi grabbed his shoulders, pressing him against the cave floor as they grappled. I was moving before I even thought about it. Stan was yelling my name as I raced into the cave, stake out and ready.
My mother tried to reach for me but I dodged her hands. My only focus was him.
In the chaos, I lost sight of him but it didn’t deter me. Even if I couldn’t see him, I knew where to go. Finally, I reached him, the blond Strigoi ripped his teeth from Dimitri’s neck to snarl at me. I didn’t hesitate as I dragged my stake across his face, scorching the skin as the tip sliced. The Strigoi fell back and I took the chance to grab Dimitri.
Usually, his weight would be too much for me, yet as I pulled him to his feet, he felt light as air.
People were screaming my name, my mother and Alberta the closest, holding back the Strigoi that tried to come after me. Somehow we all made it to the mouth of the cave. Stepping back into that sunlight was overwhelming.
The moment I went in for Dimitri, I knew that I may never do so again.
My mother slipped under Dimitri’s other arm, helping to take the weight I was carrying. I didn’t notice how hard I was pushing myself, panting as I forced him to walk with me. He was barely conscious, head lulled to the side, bouncing with each movement as he fought to keep his eyes open.
Blood was running down from a cut on the side of his head, his hair sticking to the side of his face and neck, where more blood pooled. I had to swallow back the bile that rose. I’d never seen him like this, never imagined he could be injured like this.
Dimitri was a god, and yet I now knew he could be taken down.
“We have to run!” my mother yelled, picking up her pace and making me match it. “The sun will set in fifteen minutes. I don’t know if it will be enough.”
I could hear the fear in her voice, see it in her eyes when they met mine. I tightened my grip on Dimitri, reaching under his duster to grip the back of his pants to help hold him up.
Eyeing the fading light on the horizon, we ran.
The sun had set, leaving us in darkness as we crossed over the wards on the edge of the academy. We could hear the Strigoi growls in the distance, hear them racing towards us the moment the sun set.
I couldn’t bring myself to look behind us, knowing if I did I would see the collection of red eyes watching us in the shadows of the forest. Though we were within the wards, I didn’t feel safe. They had failed before, the dependability they once had was gone.
We were the last to cross the threshold, other guardians and teachers were upfront, ushering the people we saved. There were a lot of guardians that were injured from the fight, I waved my mother off to go help them while I shouldered Dimitri’s weight.
I dragged him along with me, he was aware enough to put one foot in front of the other but that seemed to be where it stopped. Though we were back on the academy grounds, we still had a fair way to walk back to the buildings.
“Come on, comrade,” I encouraged, adjusting my grip around his waist to keep him standing. His shirt had ridden up a little, my hand pressed against his bare skin. Just this small touch made me think of what happened in the cabin.
Every part of me wanted to believe that what he had told me before we went to the caves was true. Holding on to that hope—his love—is what kept me going, and what gave me the strength to return for him.
Dimitri loves me. He wants to be with me. We will have a future together.
That last thought had been repeating non-stop since I pulled him to his feet. Each time I caught sight of the blood running down his right side from the head and neck wound, I needed to remind myself he would be okay.
“Roza,” his voice slurred, yet thankfully quiet, “what if we made a mistake?”
My eyes shot to his with dread settling in the pit of my stomach. “What do you mean?”
He blinked a few times, licking his lips as he opened his mouth to speak a few times before the words came out. “There are so many… reasons that this is bad.”
My heart clenched, angry tears gathering in my eyes. Was this really where he wanted to have this conversation?. “I don’t want to talk about this right now.”
I almost watched him die, my heart can’t take him pushing me away again so soon.
He was silent for a couple of minutes. “But I love you so much. There are more reasons why… You… are so beautiful.” I could hear the smile in his voice, feeling whiplash from how quickly he changed his tune. “And that dress… I like you in black.”
I glanced up at him, eyebrows raised, “Are you okay?”
His eyes were unfocused, his steps faltering. “And red… you look nice in red.” His face dropped closer to mine, pressing against my hair with a happy sigh, “ My Roza .”
My cheeks heated up, trying to shift him so he wasn’t as close. The last thing we needed was someone looking back at us and questioning what was going on. “Not here, okay.”
My words did nothing to deter him, “I love you, so much, Roza. So much it hurts sometimes.” He continued to say more, some of it related to what happened in the cabin.
I ducked my head, focusing on where we were going rather than the effect his words had on me. He must have hit his head harder than I thought. I had seen this happen before in training, someone would take a blow to the head and become loose-lipped.
“Where are we?” Like a switch had been flipped, Dimitri went from whispering sweet words in my ear to complete confusion.
“We are walking to the clinic. We’re almost there.”
“What happened?” He shifted, almost pulling himself from my grip, “My neck…”
I tightened my hold, needing to put more strength into keeping him upright. “It’s okay. You got injured but you will be okay.” It seemed my words soothed him a little, leaning against me again. “Just a bit further and everything will be okay, Dimitri.”
His head dipped down to my ear, “My Roza.” More words were whispered against my hair but it was all in Russian. Not that I needed to understand what he was saying, the low tones of his voice was the same as it was in the cabin.
Like a sense memory; as his voice washed over me, I could feel the ghost of his touch gliding over my skin.
“Rose!”
My eyes snapped up, finding Eddie running towards us. He looked a little roughed up but otherwise unharmed. “Hey.” More relief washed over me. After losing Mason a couple of months I couldn’t handle losing Eddie.
His eyes shifted from mine to Dimitri who still had his face hanging near mine. I shifted him again, trying to shake some more awareness back into him.
“Let me help,” he offered, coming around and taking the side my mother had been holding before. Eddie grimaced at the sight of the blood. “What—They got him?” His voice was shocked, believing as I did that nothing could take Dimitri down.
“Roza…?” Dimitri’s voice was small, confused as he leaned against me again. My eyes shot to Eddie’s but he didn’t react. Either he didn’t hear or was ignoring it.
“It’s okay, comrade,” I soothed him again.
With Eddie’s help, we were able to move quicker, by the time we reached the outside of the clinic two guardians offered to take Dimitri the rest of the way. I wanted to say no, to not leave his side, but it would bring up more questions.
I could feel my mother’s and Alberta’s eyes on me, they were going to want answers for why I went back in.
I rubbed my thumb along the bare skin under his shirt, I wanted to linger but released my hold. I stepped back and watched as Dimitri was carried away. He had barely been awake by that point, his eyes watched me through slits before they closed and he slumped against the guardians.
I didn’t know what to do. Standing outside the clinic staring at the closed door. Even from outside, I could hear voices, it was filled by those injured from the attack and the rescue mission. Even if I wanted to follow after Dimitri, there were too many people inside and I would just be in the way.
It wasn’t like I could say I was his girlfriend. I couldn’t tell them that I needed to keep my eyes on him so I knew he wasn’t dead, that I felt like I couldn’t breathe without knowing he still was.
It didn’t feel real. The last few hours had been too much.
The last few days had been too much.
I had seen so much death, some caused by my own hands. I had been hearing so many screams that now standing in the silence felt wrong.
My eyes drifted down to my hands, they were stained with blood, not knowing if it was my own or not. Some of it was Dimitri’s, feeling it drip on me as we escaped the caves. I needed to clean up but couldn’t find the energy to do so. Instead, I found myself walking away from the clinic and the other guardians that remained outside.
I didn’t realise where I was heading until I was within the halls of the chapel.
The only place that was still safe from Strigoi.
There were a few sitting in the pews, heads bowed, the soft sounds of weeping echoing against the stone walls. There were no lights on, just the flicking of candlelights to illuminate the room. I slowly made my way up the aisle, stopping before the rows of candles.
I know that people would light a candle for the dead but I had seen so many people die that there would be too many candles. With shaky hands, I took a match stick, lit it and then held it against one candle. For Celeste and Yuri, and the other guardians I watched die in the caves. To the students and teachers that couldn’t make it to safety during the attack.
Finally, I sent up a small prayer that Dimitri would be okay.
I didn’t believe in this stuff but he did. If it could work for him then that’s all that mattered to me.
“Rose?”
I could feel Lissa’s concern, not looking away from the candles as she slipped in beside me on the pew. She breathed a small sigh, enjoying the moment to sit and rest. I had felt her use her magic, knowing it was for those in the clinic.
I knew her doing so would cause more darkness to build but it was a price I was willing to pay to help those people.
“People have been looking for you. You never came to get checked out,” she explained, watching me with concerned eyes. I had been so lost in my own mind I hadn’t felt Lissa searching for me.
I licked my lips, they felt dry, a small cut on my bottom lip stung as my tongue brushed against it. “Sorry, I just needed a moment.” I should ask how Dimitri was. I got him out, I brought him back here. He should be fine, right?
Then why was I so scared that it wasn’t enough?
He had lost so much blood.
The words were caught in my throat, unable to move past the fear. What would I do if he wasn’t?
“Dimitri asked about you,” Lissa told me, gently laying her hand over mine, “He was pretty worried.”
Guilt made my heart clench while relief brought tears to my eyes. “He’s awake? He’s okay?” I finally pulled my eyes from the candles, locking on Lissa’s. The green shined despite the exhaustion that showed on her face. At her nod tears ran down my face. I covered my mouth, trying to quell the sobs. “I was so…”
Her eyebrows furrowed for a moment before her eyes widened in realisation. The pieces clicked together. “Oh, Rose. Why didn’t I see it before?” she mused to herself, still looking at me in surprise.
“Can I see him?” I didn’t know if the clinic was still full, not wanting to be sent away when he was so close.
Lissa nodded, rising to her feet with my hand clasped in hers. “Of course. I’ll take you to his room.”
Lissa made sure to limit herself, to not use too much magic and to make sure she didn’t overwork herself. She explained that she had healed Dimitri’s neck enough so that it wasn’t bleeding but he was still weak from his other injuries and blood loss.
Dimitri was out of breath when in the cave, having fought so many Strigoi, throw in the blood loss and I wasn’t surprised that he was still lying in the bed at the clinic. Most of the others had been sent back to their room to rest, while those that were worse off remained at the clinic. Dimitri had to spend the night due to needing a blood transfusion and fluids, otherwise, he was fine.
Lissa pointed to the door of his room with a small smile, “I will come by in a couple of minutes to check on you, you still need to be examined,” she told me pointedly. I nodded, already reaching for the handle of the door.
Leaving Lissa in the hallway, I stepped through the doorway and closed the door for privacy. The room was so bright compared to the church, though the lights were dimmed.
I always thought Dimitri was larger than life, not only because of his tall form but because of the presence he had. Yet, seeing him on the bed, he appeared small. His skin was pale, bandages wrapped around his head and neck, leather duster and shirt removed for the IV lines that ran to his arm.
He didn’t react, eyes closed as he slept. I took the moment to drink in the sight of him, eyes narrowing on the rise and fall of his chest. Taking steps forward, my hand hovered above him, feeling the warmth his body gave off.
He was alive. Dimitri would be fine.
“Ro-Roza?”
My head snapped to the side, finding his dark eyes peering up at me. They were filled with warmth and relief though the corners were pinched. I released a shaky breath, “Hey, comrade.”
His arm lifted and that was all the invitation I needed before I threw my arms around him, burying my head in his chest. He grunted softly but wrapped his arm around me before I could pull away. His lips pressed against my hair.
“ Roza,” he breathed out my name, “thank you.”
The dam broke, the walls that had been holding my emotions back crumbled. Climbing up onto the bed and curled against his side as I cried. His hold on me tightened, whispering soothing words to me.
By the time Lissa entered the room I had composed myself, wiping my face with my sleeve. It was the cleanest part of me but even then it was still dirty. We hadn’t spoken, only pulling away when Lissa knocked.
Her eyes flicked between us, questions running through her mind but choosing to wait until later to ask. “I got you some clothes to change into.” She held out sweatpants and a sweatshirt to me. I gratefully took them, giving Dimitri a small smile as I went into the bathroom attached to the room.
Flicking the light on and seeing myself in the mirror I grimaced. Blood and dirt smeared on my face, the only clean part was where my tears had fallen. Cupping my hands under the tap, I started to wash it off. It felt like shedding a layer of skin.
Once I was clean enough I changed clothes. They were loose on me but felt better than what I had.
Walking back into the room I found Lissa checking under Dimitri’s bandages, the glimpse I got of his neck looked much better than it had. It should be completely healed in a couple of days.
“How are you feeling?” I asked Dimitri, feeling bad for not asking sooner. His eyes locked with mine, seeming more aware than when I had first entered.
“I’m fine.” I knew he was playing it down but it still made me feel better.
“Dr Olendzki said you can go find her to get examined,” Lissa explained, stepping away from Dimitri’s bedside, seeming pleased with how his wounds had healed.
“I’m okay.” I shrugged my shoulders, wincing slightly from the pain my muscles felt, hoping they didn’t notice.
“Rose, go get checked.” Dimitri’s face was blank but I could see the concern in his eyes. With a dramatic sigh, I agreed.
Dr Olendzki gave me a quick once over in the hallway as she moved between patients. After she confirmed I didn’t have a concussion she sent me on my way to take care of the cuts myself. I returned to Dimitri’s room, finding it empty except for him.
He was sitting up now, the top half of the bed raised so he was supported still. His eyes were closed, opening once the door was closed. “What did she say?” he queried.
“Full bill of health,” I responded. I shuffled on my feet, twisting my fingers feeling unsure of what to do now. “Did you want me to leave so you can rest?” I was being polite, still waiting for that other shoe to drop and for Dimitri to say we shouldn’t be together. I wanted nothing more than to lay close to him again.
He tilted his head towards me, “I want to be able to hold you in my bed for the next week,” he admitted with a soft smile.
My cheeks flushed as I remembered everything he had been saying when he was still delirious. “Yeah, you were saying a lot of stuff that you wanted earlier.” At his confused expression, I explained, “You were kind of out of it, saying a lot of… things.”
“Things?”
“Such as how beautiful I was, and that I look good in black.” Dimitri’s expression was surprised and then embarrassed. I moved to stand beside the bed with a large smirk, “You also like me in red.”
It felt like a weight had been lifted. The sorrow and dread from seeing Dimitri almost die had eased, allowing me to feel more relaxed again.
“I didn’t catch it all but it sounds like there’s a lot about me you like.” I wiggled my eyebrows at him suggestively, a small laugh bubbling out of my mouth. “You aren’t as reserved when you hit your head are you?”
Dimitri swallowed, the tips of his ears turning red. “I was hoping I had imagined saying that,” he admitted, squeezing his eyes closed.
I reached out to curl my fingers around his. “How much do you remember?”
His eyes returned to mine. “I remember thinking that I may never see you again.” My breath caught, his fingers wrapping around mine, “but then you were there, saving me.”
His eyes became intense, a look of awe as he gazed at me, like I really was his saviour.
“After that, it’s all bits and pieces. I remember… some of the things I said, but I also remember you keeping me calm.” He used his hold on me to tug me closer until I was perched on the edge of the bed. His hand released mine to cup my face. “What you did was dangerous, you could have been hurt, but I’m grateful that you did.”
I leant into his touch, covering his hand with mine. “I couldn’t leave you to die.”
With a gentle pressure, he guided my face to his. It was only a soft press of lips but the kiss made my insides untwist, warmth spreading through my body. Pulling back until he could see my eyes, Dimitri smiled. “I love you, Roza.”
The corners of my lips pulled up into a bright smile, my heart fluttering at his words. “I love you too, Dimitri.”