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It's a late, winter night in Woodsboro as Tara watches the snowflakes stick to her window with gentle ease. These late nights of being by herself are slowly getting better each day when she thinks about it. Does it make it okay? No. Will Tara ever be okay? She doesn't know. Quite frankly, she doesn't really care.
The sadness that resides within her has made her out to be a cold-hearted bitch to everyone she loves. Sam has understood she needs space, so she left her alone. Wes has been overbearing, but he knows that she's going through it right now. Chad has been as charming as he can be by buying her big teddy bears and chocolates as well as helping Amber too. Liv has been around, but it's clear she's not on Tara's side on this one. Mindy hasn't spoken one word to her since the incident, which she gets. She's not the type to get angry at someone who doesn't want to speak to her. That leaves Amber. The person who has barely spoken two words to her since it all went south.
The one thing she knows now was that her pride was in the way. She just wishes that things were different though. That's something she regrets big time. She glances around the room that once belonged to her and Amber with a sad smile as she sees the moving boxes that are almost full. She makes the mistake by looking at the dresser, seeing a photo of her and Amber together. It was the night they admitted their feelings for each other. She closes her eyes as she remembers it like it was yesterday.
"Stab is phenomenal!" Mindy exclaims at Wes, who rolls his eyes. "You're a loser!"
"Or it's because my mother went through this?" Wes suggests with an eye roll, continuing to argue with Mindy.
Tara is currently cuddled up in the corner of the couch with Amber right beside her, but on the chair. Amber notices Tara messing around on her phone. She taps the smaller girl on the shoulder with a small grin, lifting up her blanket, indicating for Tara to move onto the chair with her. Tara immediately accepts the invitation by cuddling up to Amber, resting her head on the taller girls shoulder.
"Are you okay?" Amber questions, running her fingers along Tara's arm.
Tara nods against Amber, "I'm just tired of them," Tara mumbles into Amber's jacket.
Amber bites her lip as she continues caressing Tara on her arm, "Want me to shut them up?"
"No." Tara shakes her head, "Lord knows how much they'll yell at you. I don't want that to happen."
Amber chuckles, "It'll be worth it if you'd feel better if I did that."
Tara's happy she's hiding her face because she can't help the blush from overtaking her cheeks is too much for her, "You're too sweet."
"I try." Amber dramatically places a hand over her heart.
Tara swats at her shoulder with a grin as Amber grins back, "You're dumb, Freeman."
"Whatever you say, Carpenter." Amber pulls Tara closer to her, if that was even possible.
"Love birds! This fest is disgusting!" Chad exclaims teasingly, while Wes scoffs silently at the sight of the two girls.
"Yeah, and you're interrupting," Amber teases back, "Let's watch Stab."
"Let's not." Wes shakes his head at the suggestion causing Amber to raise an eyebrow at him, "What?"
"Are you afraid?" Amber questions smirking, "What's your favorite scary movie?"
"Dora." Wes rolls his eyes, "I just don't like watching anything that involves my mother. She got shot by that psycho Jill Robert's."
"A legend in my book," Amber replies accepting the high five from Mindy.
"You're psycho," Tara mumbles, feeling sleepy.
Amber looks down at the girl in her arms with a small smile, "I guess so. Time for bed?"
"Mhm," Tara hums, yawning.
"Want me to kick them out?" Amber asks causing Tara to shake her head, "What do you want to do, baby?"
Tara's stomach turns at the endearing pet name. She's not quite understanding why it would even make her feel this way.
"No, let's just go to bed." Tara yawns once again, catching the attention of Liv.
"Aw, is Tara tired?" Liv teases, raising an eyebrow at the glare she receives from Amber.
"Yep, which is why we're going to bed." Amber lends a hand to the younger girl to help her up, "Night losers."
Tara rolls her eyes, giving the group a sleepy smile, "Night guys." Both girls walk up the stairs, making it into Amber's bedroom, flopping down on the bed together, "You didn't have to come to bed, if you didn't want to."
"I wanted to," Amber mumbles pushing a strand of hair behind Tara's ear, "I wanna go wherever you go."
Tara looks into Amber’s eyes, wanting to lean in so bad. The younger girl just sighs, grabbing Amber’s hands, playing with her fingers. The shorter girl finally says, “Can I ask you a question?”
“Of course,” Amber replies watching Tara mess around with her fingers.
“Have you ever seen yourself questioning your sexuality?” Tara asks, avoiding eye contact with the older girl.
Amber chuckles, “I don’t need to question it because I don’t think I belong on either side. Straight or gay. I think I’m just going to fall in love who I fall in love with.”
“You don’t label yourself?” Tara asks with furrowed eyebrows, “I wish it was that easy for me.”
“I don’t label myself. I don’t feel the need to. If I fall in love with a guy, then that’s that. If I fall in love with a girl, then wonderful.” Amber shrugs looking at the side profile on her best friend, “You confused?”
“I think so.” Tara nods with a shrug, “I see myself being with a girl, but there’s this urge of being with a guy.”
“That’s okay.” Amber squeezes Tara’s hand, “Fall in love with whoever you want to, I’ll be here.”
Tara finally looks over at Amber, noticing how pretty she looks with the moonlight shining on her face, making her pretty brown eyes sparkle. Tara’s never thought of her best friend like this ever. This is a new territory for her. Tara glances down at her best friends lips before quickly glancing back at her best friend, who is now dead-on staring at her lips.
“Dare or dare?” Amber suddenly asks, gulping.
“I’m going to go with dare,” Tara softly teases.
Amber bites her lip, noticing Tara’s eyes following the action, “I dare you to kiss me.”
Tara’s eyes widen at the dare. This is definitely unexpected, but she’s not going to waste the opportunity as she grasps the back of Amber’s neck, pulling her lips to her own. Immediately, Tara knows this is the best kiss of her life. It’s such a comfort that’s never come to her when it came to kissing. She feels safe as well as feeling adrenaline. Tara can’t explain the feeling other than her ghost flying out of her body, swaying back and forth through the room. This is the best thing to ever happen to her.
Amber pulls away due to their need of oxygen, grinning softly at the younger girl in front of her, “I’ve been wanting to do that forever.”
“Uh,” Tara starts, “you’re a good kisser. I need lessons.”
Amber laughs pulling Tara closer to her, placing her head on her chest, “I’m sorry if I overstepped your boundaries.”
Tara’s 100% sure Amber can hear how quick her heart is beating, “You didn’t. I’ve been wanting to do that too.”
“Where does this leave us, Carpenter?” Amber mumbles placing a soft kiss on Tara’s chest.
Tara’s not one to straight up say something but that’s all thrown out the window now, “You being mine.”
Amber lifts her head up looking at Tara with a smirk, “Never took you as the type to like women.”
“I like you,” Tara starts, “so much it kills me.”
“I like you a lot. Hopefully it won’t kill you. I need my girlfriend in my life.” Amber smiles at Tara.
“Girlfriend?” Tara asks with widened eyes.
“If you want,” Amber replies biting her lip nervously, “If not, it’s cool.”
“I think I need more kissing lessons, girlfriend.” Tara smiles, wrapping her arms around Amber who grins back at her, moving up towards her.
“Gladly.” Amber connects their lips again where they profess their love with kisses and many photographs, freezing the memories within a 1000 page essay they call, a photo.
Tara wipes her eyes as she hugs the frame against her chest, replaying that night in her head thousands of times daily. Why can’t it go back to being that easy again? Why did Tara have to fuck it up?
Looking at the pictures on the wall is a sobering reminder that Amber truly isn’t here, nor is she coming back. The sad truth is that their relationship is truly over. Tara’s stupidity and ignorance got in the way. The younger girl has been stuck within the four walls that have consumed all of her tears, screams, and sadness within this last month.
It’s the pictures that really hurt Tara to the core. It’s the memories frozen there, breaking her heart. When Amber got suspended from school because this senior was making fun of Tara’s height. When Chad and Mindy battled over Stab, causing Amber to get a black eye when she stepped in to stop the chaos.
Tara continues to wipe the tears streaming down her face with a sweater that looks two times too big for her because it belongs to Amber. The dark-haired girl pulls her head through the hole of the sweater, inhaling the scent. She can faintly smell the perfume Amber always wore. Tara can’t seem to take off the sweater for the life of it. Yes, it’s been two days since she found it thrown in her closet and she started wearing it, so it might be a bit disgusting, but she doesn’t care. It’s the only thing besides the malicious pictures in the frame that remind her of Amber.
As she continues to stare off into the distance, her phone goes off, indicating a text has come through. She looks at the notification to see it’s from Wes.
Wes
How are you? That’s a dumb question, but I’m worried about you.
Tara
That was a dumb question, I’m not okay.
Wes
Want me to come over? I can if you want
Tara
No. You fucked this up
Wes
It takes two to tango, Tara. It wasn’t just me.
Tara
Fuck you
Tara blocks Wes’ number out of anger and annoyance. As much as Tara wants to blame it all on Wes, she knows he’s not the only one to blame for it. She was the one who started it, while Amber was the one to finish it. All because Tara was a fucking idiot who fucked it all up. Tara groans as her phone dings once again.
Liv
you coming tonight?
Tara
To what?
Liv
the meet up we all planned months ago lol
Tara
I don’t think I’m welcome there
Liv
stfu of course you are. just come okay
Tara
Is she okay with me coming
Tara watches as the three bubbles come up, then go away a few times. Tara sighs before texting Liv back.
Tara
If not, I get it. Have fun
Liv
hey, it’s me.
Tara
I know it’s you Liv
Liv
no Amber
Tara’s eyes widen as her heart beat starts to pick up every second those three bubbles move.
Liv
please come. this is something we planned & u seemed really excited. meet us at my house, okay?
Liv
don’t bring Wes I still want to kick his fucking ass
Tara
Are you mad at me
Liv
we’ll talk later
Tara
I’ll be there.
Tara jumps up from her bed with sudden energy she hasn’t had in a month. Jumping into the shower, shaving, cleaning, and making sure she looks good for her ex-girlfriend. Eventually, Tara has her hair in a bun, wearing her favorite pink sweater and jeans. She walks out of the room, almost hissing at the bright hallways blinding her.
Tara gets Sam to drive her to the Freeman house, barely listening to Sam speak about her new boyfriend, Richie, who seems like a huge game nerd. As the drive seems to be getting longer and longer with each second, Tara thinks of that night where it all got fucked up.
“Chug!” Tara hears as she’s chugging down the last bottle of Grey Goose vodka. She can already feel herself getting close to blacking out.
She finally chugs the whole bottle down as she coughs, handing the empty bottle to an equally drunk Wes who almost breaks the bottle by throwing it on the counter next to him, “I’m so drunk, Wes.”
“You did good!” Wes compliments swaying back and forth with his eyes closed, “I want more alcohol!”
“No!” Tara exclaims, almost throwing up on the spot with the vodka slowly making its way into her veins, “No more alcohol for us.”
“Aw.” Wes pouts like a kid, “Yes mother.”
“Let’s go outside before I barf in Amber’s kitchen,” Tara mumbles, grabbing Wes’ hand pulling him outside to the porch where a slight bonfire is happening. Tara sits down on the step, leaning her elbows on her knees, turning towards Wes, “How’s life?”
Wes shrugs following suit, “Same old shit. Never getting the girl of my dreams. I’m going to die alone.”
“Shut up.” Tara swats at his shoulder laughing, “You’ll meet someone.”
“Not if I don’t get over the person I want,” Wes replies looking at Tara, “I might be drunk as fuck and will get my ass beat by Amber, but I’m still in love with you. So much. I want to be able to hold you like the stars light up the sky. I want to be that moonlight in your darkest days because you’re mine. You’re my light.”
“Wes, I’m with Amber.” Tara shakes her head, sliding away from the boy, “It’s not going to happen.”
“I know.” Wes nods, “I just wish it would.”
Tara pats him on the shoulder, “You’ll find someone. I promise.”
Wes let’s out a sigh nodding at the younger girl with a small smile, “I know. I hope you and Amber are doing well.”
“We are!” Tara exclaims, her whole mood lightening up at the mention of her girlfriend, “She’s the light of my life. I love her.”
“Love?” Wes asks with wide eyes.
“Yes,” Tara replies with a drunk grin, “I’m in love with Amber.”
Wes smiles even if his heart does sting a bit, “I’m happy for you two.”
“Thank you!” Tara exclaims looking at the fire where she sees Mindy, Chad, and Liv, “Can we go to the fire now? I need help. I’m drunk.”
Wes laughs holding out a hand helping Tara up. Before they can even get off the last step, Tara blacks out as she falls on top of Wes, who grasps her waist. Tara doesn’t remember the few seconds of them staring into each other’s eyes before leaning in and kissing each other. She doesn’t remember Mindy pulling her off of Wes, looking around seeing Amber standing there with tears in her eyes. She doesn’t remember Liv helping her sit down before chasing after Amber and Mindy who left after pouring their cups of alcohol onto Wes, who was still on the ground.
Tara doesn’t remember the reason why Amber broke up with her the next day, but she remembers the heartbreak she experienced once her lips touched Wes’.
Tara thanks Sam as she gets out, walking up to the Freeman drive ways ringing the doorbell. She hears footsteps approach the door, and her heart starts to swell when she sees the love of her life behind the door. Amber gives her a slight smile before opening the door wider for Tara.
“Hi,” Amber greets, discreetly looking Tara up and down.
“Hi,” Tara mumbles, “I don’t want to impose.”
Amber closes the door once Tara walks through the doorway, “You’re not. I promise. No one else is here yet besides Liv. She’s taking a shower, but we can talk if you want.”
Both girls walk into the living room where they sit in silence for a few seconds before Tara sighs and begins talking.
“I don’t remember what happened that night,” Tara admits, “I was chugging a bunch of alcohol and I’m not too sure what happened. I know it’s not an excuse, I’m just confused.”
“You kissed Wes,” Amber replies with a stone expression, “You kissed him while we were together. You broke my heart.”
“Oh,” Tara replies with tears in her eyes, “I kissed Wes? Oh my god. Amber, I’m so sorry.”
Amber puts her hand up with the shake of her head, “Don’t. You sent me to go get my sweater for you and I come back to see you kissing Wes? How fucked up would you think if you saw that?”
“Very.” Tara wipes her eyes, “I honestly don’t remember Amber.”
“What an excuse.” Amber scoffs calming herself down, “I just want to let you know I’m not mad anymore. At least at you.”
“You’re not?” Tara asks surprised at the statement, “you should be mad at me. I cheated on you. I ruined our relationship. That’s something I’m going to live with.”
“Good.” Amber shrugs, “I’m not mad. I’m just upset about it all, but it made me realize something.”
“What?” Tara asks, afraid of the answer.
“We rushed into things,” Amber replies, “We never once thought about how insane it was for us to get together after one kiss, or how much it would affect our friendship if something like this happened. I would like to apologize too.”
“You have no reason to,” Tara tells her, “You don’t need to.”
“I do.” Amber nods giving Tara a sympathetic look, “I felt like I forced you into a relationship after dating you to kiss me, and I’m sorry. You literally just came out to me, in a way. I’m sorry, Tara.”
“I miss you,” Tara whines wiping her tears once again, “I miss us.”
Amber bites her lip, looking at Tara before sighing, “I miss us too.”
“You do?” Tara asks with a hopefully look.
“I miss our friendship,” Amber replies running her hand through her hair, “We weren’t ready for a relationship.”
“Oh.” Tara closes her eyes, trying to stop the tears from pouring out of her eyes at the statement coming from Amber, “I’d like for us to be friends again at least.”
Amber nods with a small smile, “I agree. It’ll take some time for me to get over it, but I do miss our friendship Tara.”
“I missed you,” Tara admits sniffling.
Amber wraps her arm around Tara’s shoulder, pulling her in close, “I missed you too.” Amber allows Tara to let out all of the tears she needs to let out on her chest, “We’ll be okay.”
“You know,” Tara says pulling back, “My room is a mess since you left.”
“Looks like I’ll have to come over and help you clean, dirt ball,” Amber teases with a small smile before she hears her door bell ring, “Those are the other idiots. I’ll be right back. Wipe those tears and smile.”
Tara gives her a small smile, wiping her cheeks once again. She might not be happy with the fact that Amber pretty much admitted that their relationship was a mistake, but as long as she has Amber beside her again. She’ll have to deal with it. Maybe they did rush into the relationship too quickly, or maybe Tara fell in love too hard and Amber wasn’t able to keep up. She doesn’t know. At this point, she’s just awaiting the day for them two to finally find their way back to each other in a relationship, rather than a friendship. She’ll give Amber all the time she needs, but she’s not giving up. Not yet.
If those walls in her room could talk, then maybe Amber would be able to hear her out. They’ll tell her how much she loves Amber, how much she cries every night without her there, and how much she truly doesn’t deserve Amber Freeman.