Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It’s April first down here in Hell, and surprisingly, it’s rather quiet here. I honestly thought that a realm full of chaos would celebrate a day known for pranking others, but apparently that’s not the case. I asked Vaggie about it earlier, and she explained that today doesn’t get much attention because of how things are normally.

“Oh Andy~!”

I look over to see Velvet cheerfully skipping over, her phone in hand. “Hey Vel, what’s up?”

“Just wanted to show you this funny video,” the demon girl tells me. “I think you’re gonna love it.”

“It’s not one of those jump scare videos, is it? You know I hate those.”

“Nah, I love ya too much to do something like that,” Velvet says as she sits on my lap and brings her phone up. “Just watch.”

The video starts with Alastor sitting on his chair, reading the newspaper and drinking coffee. After a few seconds, Velvet walks up to him, a bright smile on her face and holding something behind her back.

“Hey, Al! There you are. I’m making a gift for Andy, though I wanted to run it by someone first.”

“And you chose me instead of someone else? Someone who’s more willing to tolerate your presence here?”

“Hmm, well you are known for being brutally honest. Plus, everyone else is either busy, or too nice to tell me what they really think,” Velvet says as she shows what she’s hiding, a small chair with a doll sitting on it. “It’s the Tickle-Me Carlo Lombardi doll, from one of his favorite shows.”

Alastor raises an eyebrow as Velvet sets the doll and its chair on the small table next to him. “And what is this supposed to be?”

“Yeah, it's just like the lovable Tickle-Me Elmo doll, only it's Carlo Lombardi.”

I hold in a snort, knowing full well what’s about to happen. “You didn’t...”

“Shh, keep watching,” she giggles.

“Oh, that's gonna be his initial reaction to the doll,” the demon girl says creepily. “But Andy will grow to love it as he takes it into his room, perhaps prop it next to his bed as he sleeps. He'll watch over him. He's Dr. Carlo Lombardi.”

“Why would you even think that he’d even –“

“Go ahead, Al. Tickle him.”

“I’m not touching this thing,” Alastor says.

“Oh, I'd think you'd better, Al. Tickle-Me Carlo Lombardi doesn't like to be disappointed.”

Alastor rolls his eyes at how exaggeratedly creepy Velvet’s being. “Fine, if it’d mean you’d leave me in peace afterwards,” Alastor tells her. He pokes the doll’s stomach with his fingers, causing it to give off a laugh.

“That’s right. Tickle-Me Carlo Lombardi is your friend. Forever!” Velvet says. Her creepy smile widens as she sees Alastor noticing that the doll is stuck to his fingers. “And I made him sticky so he's even more fun!”

As Alastor struggles to remove the doll from his hands, Velvet just continues on. “You can feed him the special baby food included, and in a few minutes, change Tickle-Me Carlo Lombardi's didy!”

She frowns as Alastor falls to the floor as he continues in his attempts to get the doll off of him. “Ech, you know, I was gonna sing the little song that goes with the doll, but now I see that thing’s kinda creepy. I don’t know what I was thinking when I thought it’d make a good gift for Andy. You can have that doll though, Al. I'm done with it.”

Oh god, I never thought I’d ever laugh this hard; this is funnier than that chicken robot I saw months ago. “Out of all the gags from Mystery Science Theater, I can’t… I can’t believe that you used the Tickle-Me Carlo Lombardi on Alastor. And actually got away with –”

“Velvet!!”

Though Velvet keeps laughing, I immediately clam up as Alastor practically stomps his way towards us, his eyes like radio dials as he glares murderously at the girl sitting on my lap. The tears in his suit and the patch of hair that’s been ripped out only made him look slightly less terrifying.

“Velvet… How long ago was that video?” I ask.

“Oh, about thirteen minutes ago,” she responds, sounding way too cheerful in this situation.

“The only reason why you both are still alive is because Miss Charlotte forbids me from harming the hotel’s residents, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t other ways I can make you two suffer.”

“Oh, calm down, Al; I’m deleting the video from my phone. See?”

She holds up her phone to show him, and after a moment of seething, Alastor shifts back to how he normally looks. He then leans in uncomfortably close to us.

“This isn’t over, Velvet,” the red demon says before he straightens up and walks away. “I’ll be sending you the bill for my new suit.”

I let out a breath as I watch Alastor leave the room, and I realize that I’ve been hugging Velvet out of fear the entire time. “Holy shit, that was terrifying…”

“Oh, that’s nothing. You should see him whenever he’s angry at Vox, now that is terrifying. Besides, it’s not like he can do anything to us.”

“If you say so…” I mumble as I try to focus on my girlfriend instead of the angry serial killer. “Shame we can’t see the video anymore, though.”

“Yes, it would be a shame, if I haven’t already uploaded the video on Voxtube and sent a copy to Vaggie as a thanks for her recording the whole thing.”

The fear I had just a moment was replaced with shock. “You didn’t…”

Velvet just gives me an innocent smile as she brings up her Voxtube account, with the video already having over ten million views. She giggles again and glances over at the door Alastor left through. “April Fools, Al.”

Chapter Text

One of the many things about Hell that I’m both surprised and not surprised by is that they celebrate Christmas down here. Not surprised because of the sinners, but surprised that the hellborn celebrate it. Currently, I’m helping Vaggie and Niffty decorate the tree. Vaggie was wearing a green Christmas dress and Niffty a reindeer sweater; it almost makes me feel underdressed or something, since I don’t have any clothes with a Christmas theme.

“So I’m curious, how do you guys celebrate Christmas in Hell?” I ask.

“Pretty much the same as we did while we were alive,” Vaggie answers. “Only difference is that, instead of Santa, it’s Krampus.”

“Krampus? That German Christmas demon that stuffs naughty kids into a sack to beat them with a stick? What exactly is seen as ‘naughty’ in Hell, anyway?”

“He eats them, actually,” she corrects me. “But yes. As for your other question, I honestly have no idea. But if I had to guess, it’s probably around ‘Blitz as a kid’.”

“Wouldn’t be surprised if that was the case.”

“Oh, Angel, you’re here. How’s the tree look so far?” Niffty says. I look over and see Angel was here, and there were others coming down to the lobby too; Velvet, Ms. Mayberry, that imp therapist that Charlie and Vaggie hired, some sinners that arrived not too long ago, um….Debbie, Missy, Minnie and Dexter? I never got to really learn their names, I got to ask Charlie and Vaggie about them. Alastor and Helsa arrived next, followed by the cherubs we found, with Charlie excitedly heading down the stairs and over to the reception area to grab Husk. Is the princess planning on announcing a Christmas party or something?

That’s probably it, only reason I can think of for her to have everyone called down to the lobby.

Before long, Charlie comes over with Husk before moving over to stand next to the tree. “So~, I bet you’re all wondering why I asked for all of you to come here.”

“A big Christmas party?” Velvet guesses.

“Well, yes,” Charlie answers. “In addition to the party, due to all the hotel residents, and friends who come to visit, we’re also going to have a secret Santa this year!”

Charlie then encouraged us to contact our friends, find out who’s going to be coming to the Christmas party, and if they’re interested in joining the secret Santa. She then went onto explain the rules, but I tuned her out at that part, though. I’m starting to get nervous. I don’t really want to do the secret Santa, I’m worried that I might screw up with the gift.

Someone handed me a clipboard and some paper, and I sign it without really thinking, only to realize too late that I just signed up for the secret Santa.

Shit…

I called Loona and Verosika, and they were both coming. I got a call from them a little later, the former saying that she’s bringing along her coworkers, Millie’s sister, as well as Octavia and her parents, and the latter saying that only Apple, Coco and Kiki were able to come.

Soon enough, everyone contacted their friends and gave the names of who was interested to Charlie, and before long, she called us to the lobby again.

“Okay, we have everybody who’s taking part in this,” Charlie says. “Razzle and Dazzle will go around so you all can draw the names of who we’ll be giving gifts to.”

The two goat demons in question went around the room, each holding a small bowl filled with slips of paper. The reactions for everyone was mixed, most kept their faces neutral, others smiled when they saw who they’ll be getting gifts for, Charlie gave a small frown after her drawing, and Alastor… Well, he still had that smile on his face, but given how he crushed the paper in his hand, he’s not happy.

Eventually, one of the goats approached me so I can draw a name. I nervously reach in, and pull out a slip of paper. My heart stopped when I read it.

Charlie

“I don’t know what to give her, Vaggie,” I say to the moth demon as she sits on my bed while I fidget nervously on a nearby chair. “I’ve always been awful at giving gifts for Christmas and my family’s birthdays, and I don’t want to give Charlie some lame gift that could cause her to resent me.”

“She’s not going to resent you,” she reassures me. “And your gifts can’t be that bad, what do you usually give them?”

“A $25 visa gift card, plus the least expensive thing on a wish list that they give to me and the others…” I rub my arm nervously as I admit that.

Vaggie grimaces a little at what I said, “Okay, yeah, I can see why you’re worried.”

“Which is why I’m asking for your help. Alongside M&M, you and Charlie have the healthiest, most adorable relationship I’ve ever seen in Hell, you know her the most. You’re the best person I can go to for advice on what to give the girl who has almost everything.”

“Well, Charlie’s a fan of Percy Jackson and The Hunger Games series. She has all the books for them, but the movies haven’t found their way down here yet. Same with those Fantastic Beasts movies I’ve heard about,” Vaggie says. “But there’s something that you can do instead; you’re the only one at this hotel who can take her to the human world.”

That… That actually sounds like something Charlie would enjoy. “Where would I take her?”

“Someplace special, that meant a lot to you growing up?” she suggests. “It’s something that only you can answer.”

There was a crashing sound from somewhere in the hotel. Before me or Vaggie could react, the door to my room slams open, revealing Niffty. “Miss Vaggie, we’re gonna need your help down in the lobby. Vox is here for the secret Santa, and Al’s trying to fight him.”

Vaggie sighs, and pinches the bridge of her nose, “Of course he is. Alright, I’m coming.” She turns to me. “Just think about what I said, okay?”

She rushes off with Niffty before I could say anything else, leaving me alone to think. Someplace special to take Charlie to, huh? That…doesn’t leave me a lot of options, since before all this, I rarely left the house for anything fun. Somewhere I’ve went with my parents, maybe?

A thought hit me, and I quickly take out my phone to call my mom. “Hey mom. Yeah, things are going well down here. We’re gonna do a party on Christmas Eve, though I might be able to do our usual Christmas Eve dinner if we start early enough. Anyway, I just wanted to ask you if you remember the address to the house of lights.”

It was Christmas Eve and the party was underway. It was… It was nice, actually. I’ve been at my job’s Christmas parties, but never really enjoyed the ones I actually bothered going to. Always just sat by myself because I was too nervous to join in on the party activities, while my coworkers were having fun with them. This was different, I actually know these people; I actually saw them as my friends.

Everyone was doing their thing. Verosika was by my side as we sat on the couch sipping hot chocolate together, Octavia was chatting with Loona, Charlie was with Vaggie, Moxxie and Millie were making out underneath the mistletoe, Velvet was catching up with Vox, Blitzo was off doing who knows what with Stolas, Sallie May was chatting with Verosika’s entourage. Even Stella was being pleasant and behaving herself, judging by the way she was talking to Blitzo’s sister.

Helsa walked up to us, “Hey Verosika, my turn to sit with him.”

“Fine,” Verosika says before kissing my cheek. “See you later, Andy.”

The succubus gets up and heads over to Loona and Octavia, as Helsa sits by my side. “You enjoying yourself, Andrew?”

“I am, actually,” I admit. “What about you? How many years has it been since your last Christmas party with Charlie?”

“Too long to remember. But… I actually kinda missed this,” she says. “Though if you tell Charlie that, I’ll deny everything.”

“Fair enough.”

“Okay everyone, I hope that you’re all having fun. And I hope you’re all excited, since we’re about to do the gift exchange!” Charlie announces. Razzle and Dazzle bring her a bowl full of paper slips, and the princess grabs one. “Velvet, you’re first.”

“Yay!” the overlord cheers, snatching her present out of the hands of the goat demon that brought it over.

Eventually, my name was called, and I take my gift from the goat demon, I should really learn which one is which. As I open it, I look on in confusion as I find a wrist band, and a note.

I took an interest in a very unique piece of equipment from one of your favorite game series. This omni-tool was built from the best technology and demon magic VoxTech could buy.

“Oh my god…” I mutter out.

“What’d you get?” Helsa asks, curious about what my gift is.

“An actual omni-tool from the Mass Effect games. Holy shit, this is amazing.”

She snickers, “Satan, you’re such a nerd. But you’re my nerd.”

A short while after the secret Santa has ended, Charlie walks up to me with a small smile on her face.

“Thanks for the movies, Andrew. I looked all over, but I was never able to find them in here,” she says. “You said that there was a second part to my gift?”

“Yeah, there’s some place very special in the human world that I want to bring you to. Would you like to have Vaggie come along for this?” I ask.

The princess nods, “Of course, I wouldn’t want for her to be left out.”

“What about me and the others?” Helsa asks me.

Um… Well crap, never really considered bringing my girlfriends along for this. This was mostly just for Charlie, and Vaggie if she wanted to come. But it wouldn’t be fair if I didn’t invite Helsa and the other girls for this…

“Yeah, you can come. I’ll text the others to meet us outside the front door in five minutes.” I take my phone out to send Velvet, Loona and Verosika a text.

“So what’s this about, Andrew?” Loona asks as she shuts the door behind her.

“I just wanted to take you girls someplace special. My family used to go here every year during the holidays, so it…” I sigh, and smile fondly at the memories. “Well you know, it meant a lot to us. It’s just one of those little things I miss doing with them now that me and Rachel grew up, and they retired and moved out.”

I take out a piece of paper, a photocopied page of Stolas’s book, and tap it. The page smolders as a portal opens up. “Well, ladies first.”

With a flash of magic, Loona, Verosika and Helsa turn into their human forms as they step through the portal. With a flash of soft red light, Charlie turns into her human form, honestly not that much of a change other than her snow-white skin turning into a more Caucasian color. The princess goes through the portal and turns to her girlfriend.

“Vaggie, you have my permission to come to the human realm,” she says, offering the moth demoness her hand. Vaggie smiles and takes Charlie’s hand, and with a flash of silver light, she turns into a human as she steps through the portal herself. Charlie turns to Velvet and offers her hand again, “Velvet, you can come to the human realm if you promise to behave yourself.”

“Of course I’ll behave, I’m not gonna ruin this for my Andy,” Velvet states as she grabs the princess’s hand, and turns to her human form with a flash of dark red light.

Finally, I go through the portal myself, and look around. Yep, this is the street leading up to the place. And thankfully nobody was around to see all of us walk through the portal. “Come on, follow me. It’s not too far from here,” I tell them.

“Where are we going?” Vaggie asks.

“You’ll see, it’s not far,” I said, a smile growing on my face as we get closer to where I was taking them. It wasn’t long before we reached the house in question, with the women all gasping in surprise as they saw it.

Covered in thousands of lights, dozens of lawn ornaments, and amazing window displays, the house looks like it was decorated by professionals.

“Wow…” Velvet says.

“It’s beautiful,” Verosika adds.

“You grew up coming here?” Charlie asks me.

“Every year,” I repeat.

She smiles and gives me a hug. “Thank you. I’ve been wanting to visit the human world for a long time, and you showed me how beautiful it can be. Oh, I almost forgot,” Charlie breaks off the hug and starts going through her pockets, “Even though I wasn’t your secret Santa, I still want you to have this. I’m sure you’ll love it.”

Curious, I open the present to find a necklace, the pendent holding multiple gemstones. There’s something about the way they glowed that caught my eye. “What is it?”

“A way for you to travel between worlds more easily. You won’t be able to open your own portals, but this should mean that you’ll be able to use portals made by other demons, instead of only being able to use portals made with Stolas’s magic.”

“Is it -?”

She nods. “It’s magic. Mine, Helsa’s, Verosika’s, and Stolas’s and Octavia’s.”

“I…I don’t know what to say…” I look at her, Helsa and Verosika. “Thank you.”

Of all the Christmases I’ve had; this one was easily among the best.

Chapter Text

“ ♩ Peace is nice. Peace is nice. Peace is better than CHICKEN AND RIIIIICE!!! ♩”

It took much longer than I thought it would, with everything going on in my life, but I finally managed to get around to showing Velvet the Invader Zim movie. As expected, the demoness loved it, cackling wildly at how the movie managed to recapture the show’s humor.

So it confused me when Velvet suddenly got up without saying anything.

“Do you want me to pause it?” I ask her.

“Nah, just need you to hold onto something until I get back,” she responds, making her way behind the couch as she heads out the room. There was a sound similar to tearing fabric and plastic popping before something large, round, and fluffy is placed in my hands.

Wait…

I look down to see what’s in my hands, and yelp out in shock to find that I’m holding Velvet’s head.

“It’s one of the perks of being a doll,” she explains, as if being just a head wasn’t anything new. “Now shush! I wanna see what happens next.”