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2022-03-31
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Which Hand Do I Hold?

Summary:

When a phone call from the Council's office sends Vi on a downward spiral, life moves on around her as she asks herself one question:
'Which hand do I hold?'

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Work Text:

Vi crumpled up the form she was attempting to fill in and glared at it menacingly. It was simple enough to answer, but there were always questions she couldn't quite complete.

Her last name, for example.

In the end, after extended conversations with Caitlyn, it had been written down as "Vanderson".
The mention of the blue-haired sheriff gave Vi an idea. She glanced at the trashcan that sat just behind the marksman's desk and wondered if she could pull this off without getting shot.
She smirked, having a feeling that Cupcake would be rather trigger-shy when it came to shooting her enforcer - so she clenched the ball tightly in her fist before flicking her hand outwards, letting it fly across the room - missing the bin by a mile, flying straight at the sheriff's head. Vi should've known better really, as she watched Caitlyn reach out and grab the paper with her left hand with astounding speed and precision. The paper was then thrown in the aforementioned bin, all without Caitlyn looking up from the paperwork she was currently reading through.

"Vi, darling, do try to be careful when throwing objects across a room, you never know who you might hit."

It was said almost offhandedly like Caitlyn didn't care that she'd almost been smacked square in the face with a ball of paper. The enforcer smiled, although she knew the marksman wouldn't look up to see it.

"Sorry, Cupcake, tried to get the trash."

That seemingly caught the sharpshooter's attention as she looked up and ensnared the bruiser's eyes.

"Was that your medical form from last month's injury?"

Vi smiled sheepishly, breaking eye contact with her boss. "Maybe...?"

To her surprise, her partner just chuckled. "How did I know that was what you were going to do an entire month before you did it? You've got to start filling out paperwork rather than getting angry with it - I know that's easier said than done, of course - if you're struggling with it that much, why don't you just ask for help every once in a while? You ever thought I don't mind filling out paperwork?"

"Cupcake, you have more work than I can even bear to think about, I'm not adding some stupid medical forms on top of the list of things you have to do."

The sheriff merely stood, opened a drawer, and pulled out a piece of paper, looking suspiciously like the one the enforcer had just thrown at the taller woman's head. Caitlyn placed the paper down on the desk in front of Vi, the brawler feeling relieved, ecstatic, and guilty when she saw that it was filled in her scrawl, bar the box with her signature.

"Cait, did you forge that?"

"Vi I literally got you out of jail via forgery and you're worried about me filling out hospital paperwork for you?"

The pink-haired woman supposed that was fair game, and closed her mouth, looking down in favor of signing the dotted line. Quiet filled the office, neither sheriff nor enforcer truly knowing how to, or wanting to, break the peace, both content to bask in comfortable silence. The phone on Caitlyn's desk ringing pulled them both out of it, however. Too soon for both of them, although neither would admit it.

"Duty calls." The marksman murmured, before stepping away and answering the phone with her right hand. The bruiser nodded, giving a hat flick before standing and leaving the office, then the department, quietly.

Vi walked down the main street in Piltover, ignoring the looks of people as she passed by. She knew she stood out, neon pink hair shining in the sun, the steampunk-styled armor she wore normally exchanged for her much more casual dark red jacket, black jeans, and a t-shirt shamelessly "borrowed" from Caitlyn almost 2 years ago, the night before she became sheriff and chose Vi to be her partner.

The sharpshooter had asked her through pleading eyes to stay with her, the turnaround from the events of Jinx's actions and her becoming Sheriff being so short that neither of them had time to process it. Vi had been staying in the Kiramman house anyway, Cassandra allowing her almost begrudgingly, and Tobias with an ecstatic grin. "We won't have you stay anywhere else after these last few weeks, and after what you did for Caitlyn, you are always welcome here dear Violet!" he had remarked, kindly.

It had come to light later that Cassandra's begrudging acceptance wasn’t, in fact, begrudging, and that she did in fact enjoy Vi's company - a sentiment conveyed quietly late one night, after Cupcake and Tobias had long since gone to bed. The pink-haired woman had snuck downstairs for both water and air - assuming that it was late enough for the house to be quiet - and found the kitchen's dim lamp on. She had originally thought nothing of it, proceeding with the process of getting her water.

She leant on the sink, placing the glass face-down on the washboard to her left, before leaning forward and splashing water on her face. The last month or two had been a living nightmare for her, and she wasn't entirely sure where to go from here - that lack of sureness was taking its toll, and she began to feel like she'd overstayed her welcome, and that it was about time for her to leave again. She was midway through drying her face on her shirt when-

"Can't sleep?"

Vi leapt away from the counter, dropping her shirt back to her waist, having been completely unaware of Cassandra's presence.

"N-no, don't suppose I can."

The woman smiled, and for once, it didn't look strained.

"I'm sorry, Violet, I didn't mean to startle you."

"No, it's ok, I should've clocked on to you being there long before I did."

"No reason for you to have, I didn't exactly give away my position, you're well within your rights to get a bit of a fright."

Vi took a moment to take the woman in, then. She had a pair of glasses balanced delicately on her nose, a book resting on her thigh with her thumb between the pages so as not to lose her place, one of the house's Dobermans snoring softly beneath her feet. Vi knew she wouldn't have to worry about his brother - he was asleep on Caitlyn's bed.

"You know, I'd have thought I'd be used to being snuck up on, being from the Lanes it wasn't uncommon to be followed, and yet I still get that sick feeling every time something happens that I wasn’t expecting."

"I suppose the last few weeks have been an extremely strong… sick feeling, as you put it, for you - years in prison only to come out to such whiplash." Her tone was soft, almost sympathetic.

"Wasn’t exactly pleasant, ma'am."

"Violet." Her tone truly was sympathetic now, and the bruiser could feel the apology on her lips. "I am truly sorry for everything that has happened to you, everything that is our doing. Your prison time, the death of your family by our own negligence, not giving Zaun its independence when it really should have had it years ago. I'm sorry that your promising young mind was wasted away in a cell for years longer than any person, especially one your age, should have to face, even more so with no charges to their name." What the brawler wasn't expecting, however, was the question that followed the apology; "Could you teach me about Zaun? I want to know how to help, and I most definitely cannot do that sitting in my home and assuming what your people need."

Vi was too stunned to speak. The Councillor, the one who hated her guts, the one who was seemingly forced against her will to allow Vi into her home, was asking what she could do to help. She was genuinely willing to go down into the streets of Zaun and see how people were living. Vi supposed that was where Caitlyn must get her truly good heart from, even if they disagree on a lot of things - she's the best mix of her parents, Vi had thought as she moved to answer.

"With all due respect, Mrs Kiramman, they won't take lightly to your being there - it was difficult enough getting Caitlyn through the streets, let alone a Councillor - I'll be happy to do it, but I can't promise you won't be spat at, or any of the other nasty, derogatory things that come to mind, and you'll definitely need an outfit change"

"If that's what it takes." She had spoken without hesitation, and the brawler had been truly surprised at the determination in her voice.

"Y-you'd trust me to do that?"

"You safely guided my daughter through a dangerous city, why should I believe you wouldn't do the same for me?"

There was silence as the bruiser turned that thought over in her mind.

"Yeah. Ok, yeah. Of course. If you think it will help, then absolutely."

"Fantastic." The silence filled the air again, only this time slightly more awkward. "I don't hate you, you know."

"W-what?"

"I don't hate you. I know what you must think, that I think you're some street gutter trash, or whatever the people around here think of you. I don't. I see you for what you are, now that my eyes have been opened."

"A-and what is it that I am?"

"A woman with a good heart, who will always have a place in my home, whether or not anyone judges her for it."

Vi felt like she could cry.

"T-thank you, ma'am."

"No more of that, it's Cassandra to you now. You're part of the family now, Vi."

Now she was crying. She was even more surprised when the woman pulled her into a hug, and froze up at the contact before melting into it slightly. She doesn't remember the last time she was hugged by a woman that wasn’t Powder or Caitlyn. Cassandra pulled away, allowing a smile.

"We'll work on that, now get to bed. Goodnight, Vi."

"Night, Mrs-" she paused at the councillor's pointed look. "Cassandra. Night, Cassandra." With that, the brawler ducked her head and disappeared from the room.

She smiled at the memory - they had worked on it, and the Kirammans very quickly became Vi's new family, even after she had insisted she move into an apartment of her own once she had a decent salary to pay for it. Piltover, as a whole, was still judgemental of Zaunites, although its formalities of compulsory hate for them was fading, slowly but surely. That smile grew as she crossed the road to the small hole-in-the-wall coffee shop that Caitlyn had recommended to her a few months ago before it became their regular spot.

"Morning Vi!" someone called from behind the counter, all the cashiers knowing her by name at this point. "Usual?"

"Please, I’m picking up Cupcake's too." Laura, the young, clumsy, baby-giraffe-like brunette whose parents owned the shop, nodded, a knowing smile growing on her face. “Hey, what’s that face about?” The enforcer asked, but she knew already when the smile turned into a smirk. “You know what, don’t answer that question.”

“Hey it’s not my fault you’re easier to read than a book - you should tell her, Vi.”

“She’s my boss, it’s not that simple. Her family gave me everything when I came to Piltover. If I tell her and it goes badly, what am I supposed to do? I’ll have pushed her away, and her family in the process.”

“Do you honestly think you wouldn’t have a chance with her? Do you genuinely believe that she’d react badly?”

“She has a million people to choose from, so why me?”

“Well, I wish you could see the way she looks at you.”

“I do see the way she looks at me-”

“No, you aren’t understanding me. You see the way she looks at you, sure. But you need to see the way she looks at you, and right now you don’t.”

They both let it hang in the air, both knowing full well that it was true, but neither speaking about it. A polite ding from the coffee machine alerted them both to the completion of the drinks and broke them out of their paralysis. Laura stepped away, putting the lids on top of both drinks and snapping them into place before packing a brownie and a flapjack in a paper bag and gathering all of the items on the counter in front of her. Vi slid the required cogs over, before taking the tray.

“I’ll think about it,” Vi said.

“Good. Be safe alright?”

The enforcer nodded, stepping out the door and turning back towards the station, the thoughts of navy hair and borderline oceanic eyes stealing all of her attention as the rest of the world around her faded out of her concentration.

She opened the office door, and strode over to Caitlyn’s desk, placing down her drink, “One tea, milk, and one sugar,” and dropping the bag before dropping into an exaggerated bow, “And a flapjack for m’lady.”

“You’re so weird.”

“You love it.”

“Mmhmm.” The sheriff spoke through a sip of her tea, “In other news, the call before you left was the council’s office - they want us to train in hand-to-hand after your accident.”

Vi froze, blinking slowly with the brownie halfway to her mouth. “W-what? In hand to hand? Like, I fight you, you fight me? Blocking and punching?” The brawler was aware that she was rambling, and by the amused smile on Caitlyn’s face, she knew too. “That wasn’t even my fault, how was I supposed to know that Stake was going to slash at me?!”

The sheriff sighed, “I know it wasn’t your fault, but they want the whole department to do it in case it happens again, which I honestly don’t see the point in - it’s an important skill to have, but if half the department is corrupt and they're getting the same training as us, they’re going to know what we’re doing and just block whatever attack we throw at them anyway. It doesn’t make any sense!” The navy-haired woman dropped her head in her hands, frustration clear in her voice and behavior.

“I know, Cait, but we gotta do it or they’ll be on your ass about it forever.”

“I’m training with you.” It wasn’t a question, and she left no room for argument - not that Vi minded. Seeing her extremely attractive partner sweating in a gym? She’s there for that gay panic. With that thought, something struck her. Which hand is Caitlyn’s dominant hand? It was at this moment that Vi began to spiral. Right hand? But she caught the paper earlier with her left hand while writing with her right? Her eyes dropped to where the sheriff used her left hand to push her hair back out of her eyes, finally lifting her head. Vi nodded, unwilling to argue and still stuck in her thoughts. Chair back, right hand, table tap left, hands are so goddamn soft, which one would I need to block, which one would I hold if I- everything came grinding to a halt as her partner offered her right hand gently.

“Come on, let’s go home - I'm done with this for the day and I think we could both use the time to unwind.” The pink-haired woman narrowed her eyes. “Cupcake, we just got here. It’s literally lunchtime.” The sheriff shrugged sheepishly, looking down at her boots. “I might have been here last night.”

"Gods, Cait, you need to sleep.”

“Yeah, well, I know for a fact you didn’t sleep right last night and I can’t sleep properly at the moment so I'm bringing you, sheriff’s orders.” Vi wasn’t really concentrating on the words coming out of her partner’s mouth, she was too busy staring at the hand in front of her. “Darling, it's non-negotiable." The enforcer took the marksman's hand, and with that they left the office, locking the door behind them.

The drive to Caitlyn’s apartment was quiet, and it allowed Vi some time to return to her earlier thoughts - she couldn't stop thinking about the sheriff's hands, can't help wondering which one she would block or hold. She watched as Caitlyn shifted gears flawlessly with her right hand, but showed no issue at all cornering using just her left, where most might use both - the pink-haired brawler supposed this could be due to the sheriff's natural driving skill (something she had learned about once when she and her partner had been roped into a high speed-chase - to her surprise, the sniper had no problems letting the back wheels of the squad car they were using lose traction), although she highly doubted it. She was really overthinking this - but she needed to know - and it definitely wasn't because she wanted to know which hand to hold.

Definitely.

Her thoughts were once again pulled to a stop when the car door she was leaning on was opened, causing her to lose her balance. Caitlyn had a truck, and this was not going to be a pleasant landing.

Fuck.

"GODS-"

She didn't hit the floor, surprisingly. A pair of soft arms caught her instead, and she was greeted by Caitlyn’s amused face. "That's not funny, Cupcake!"

"Oh but it was, you should've seen your face, Violet."

"Mhm." Vi grumbled, "Can I get up now?"

The sheriff's amusement only grew. "Well I was going to keep you here, actually, but you can get up if you want to, I suppose." she sighed. Vi wondered how ridiculous she must look, half-fallen out of the truck, in the arms of the woman she definitely wasn’t in love with, her face almost bright red and that goddamn smirk on that beautiful fucking face. It was at that moment, of course, that Vi realised that she didn't care how she looked, as long as she could keep looking at Caitlyn like this forever, without interruption. This thought caused the reality of the situation to come crashing down on her. Caitlyn’s amused smirk had softened to a smile, nothing but pure gentleness in her eyes, and it sent the bruiser reeling. She can't keep lying to herself, she loves Caitlyn.

She does, she does, she does.

She doesn't, however, tell her. She simply sits up and allows the sheriff to lead her into the lobby of her apartment building, and through to the elevator. She allows the sheriff to push the button 35 floors up, allows the elevator to move, tensing and expecting it to jolt and shake like the one that used to lower her into the darkest depths of her old home. It didn't, of course. It never did. She could feel Caitlyn’s eyes on her, but she refused to meet them. She allowed the taller woman to lead the way into the apartment when the elevator finally came to a stop, allowing her to turn and face her. A part of her deep down knew that she didn't allow any of it, she didn't need to - she trusted the sheriff with everything in her, and she knew she was safe when she was around. She knew that, should the elevator stop, Caitlyn wouldn't hesitate to help her, keep her steady while she panicked. She knew Caitlyn would never lead her into harm purposefully.

That Caitlyn would always do her best to be gentle with Vi.

The thought was reaffirmed by the navy-haired woman reaching out with her left hand and oh so gently touching her cheek.

She relaxed, then, but her mind was still wandering in the possibilities. The sheriff's hand trailed down her arm and gripped her hand, tugging her gently towards her bedroom. "Couch?" The enforcer spoke hoarsely. "No. I want you to get actual sleep and that won't happen on the couch, Vi."

"Aren't we here so you can sleep?"

"Shut up."

They both smiled at that, before Caitlyn pulled her through the door to the bedroom, then let her go in favor of sifting through her drawers to find Vi something to wear. With a triumphant smile, she turned back to Vi with an old baseball shirt and a pair of soft flannel sleep pants. She threw them over with her right hand, and the bruiser caught them easily. "Bathroom, go get changed." The sheriff spoke softly. Vi merely nodded, leaving the room and doing as she was told. She was greeted upon leaving the door, Caitlyn’s - frankly gigantic - caucasian shepherd dog. "Hey bear!" The brawler smiled - she enjoyed playing with a bear because she knew she was unlikely to hurt him, something he worried about constantly with the more delicate dobermans at the Kiramman Manor - to date, she still hadn't hurt them - the marksman had made it clear that unless you outright tried, bar standing on them by accident, there is no way to hurt them. After being told that, Vi had always taken her boots off near them, and refused to play any games that involved running around with the risk of her falling on top of one of them. She did play fetch, though.

Bear wasn’t like that - where streamlined muscle was on the dobermans, he replaced it with fluff and even MORE muscle. It helped, of course, that he stood taller than even Caitlyn did on his hind legs, and so Vi was less scared of hurting him - despite this, of course, she was still perfectly gentle with him, and she'd formed a close friendship with the hound - she deemed it a miracle that he hadn't come to find her as soon as she opened the door. She knelt down and gave him a scratch behind his ears, not having a choice on whether or not he liked her face. "I gotta go get changed, beautiful. I know, I know, I'll come back as soon as I'm done."

"I hope you're talking to me."

"cAIT-" Vi was, once again, scared out of her skin.

"I'd say I'm surprised, but I'm really not, he never leaves you alone when you're here."

"I don't mind, he makes me feel safe, especially since I'm not as worried about hurting him."

Caitlyn softened to a smile, simply saying "Go get changed." before letting out a sharp whistle. Bear planted another lick on Vi's cheek, before walking after the sharpshooter. "Gotta have the last laugh, huh dog." The enforcer chuckled, before leaving to go and get changed.

When she came back to Caitlyn’s room, she found the sheriff on her bed, running her hand through Bear's soft fur. She wasn't looking at the dog, however - Caitlyn’s eyes were locked on Vi's own. She leaned over and patted the other side of the bed, and the enforcer didn't have the energy to argue - stepping into the room had hit her in the face with a wave of tiredness, and she now simply felt like curling up into a ball and sleeping. She clambered into bed, immediately reaching out for Caitlyn - everything froze.

"You didn't reach for Bear."

"No."

"You caught me."

"Yes."

"You've been distracted all day, care to tell me what about?"

There was silence for a moment.

"Maybe."

Caitlyn rolled to face her, Bear huffing in discomfort.

"Oh shush dog, you're fine. Vi, you know you can tell me anything, right darling?"

The bruiser nodded, and she held her contemplative standpoint.

If I tell her, what happens then? What do I do then? Will everything be over? Will she never want to talk to me again? Oh fuck I don't want that, I just want to know which hand I'm supposed to hold goddamnit!!

"Violet, you're spiraling."

The enforcer nodded, before finally deciding to speak, her words coming out in a burst. "I'mdistractedbecauseiwanttoknowwhichhandtohold."

"What?"

"Uhhh I want to know which hand to block?"

"That's not what you said and you know it."

Vi ducked her head down, let go of Caitlyn, and she truly did reach for Bear this time. He had zero hesitation, immediately standing before flopping down on Vi's chest, causing her to let out a soft "Oof." She had her face in the dog's fur as if he could protect her from the look she knew she was getting.

They stayed that way for about 15 minutes, Bear well and truly getting comfortable on top of Vi, before she finally had the courage to pull away and look at Caitlyn, only to find she wasn't being glared at all. The sheriff was lying down beside her, a soft smile on her face. "Welcome back."

And Gods, Vi could have cried at that.

"It's both, darling, you can hold both. Twice the love to give you, and twice the ability to kick whoever decides to mess with you's ass."

Vi melted at that, retreating to her safe space in Bear's fluffy brown fur.

"Which one of yours am I supposed to hold?"

"R-right. I'm left-handed."

"I know, you write your important paperwork twice - once left to right like normal to get a feel for it, then right to left to keep from smudging it, that's why I always give you two copies."

"Why ask then," Vi muttered, slightly flustered

"Come out here?"

She removed her face from the dog's neck and met Caitlyn's eyes. "Bear get off her, I want my cuddles and you're hogging her attention."

The dog once again huffed before moving off of her, digging his paws into her shoulders.

"Owowowowowowow bEAR-"

He got off of her before deciding to take up the entire left-hand side of the bed, leaving Caitlyn and Vi only the right in space. "I think you deserved that, Cupcake."

The sheriff sighed, "I suppose so. Get over here."

The enforcer smiled before wrapping herself around Caitlyn, burying her face in the marksman's neck.

"What now?" She murmured.

"I suppose we get to letting you hold my hand, huh."

"So you're not going to act like I burned you or committed the most violent crime right in front of your eyes??"

"Is that genuinely what you were worried about?"

"In all honesty? Yes."

"Why would I react like that?" Caitlyn lifted Vi's face from her neck, encouraging her to engage in eye contact - not that Vi ever needed encouragement to look, Caitlyn, of all people, in the eyes. "Settle your mind, darling, I'm all yours. My hands are yours to hold, all you had to do was ask." The taller woman was gently stroking the shorter's cheek now, and Vi felt safe in that statement - for the first time in years, she fully trusted something someone said.

"Okay. Yeah, okay."

The sheriff smiled.

"I have another question."

"Shoot."

"Can I kiss you?"

"Only if I can hold your hand too."

Vi simply wrapped her fingers with Caitlyn’s own and gently pressed their lips together.

Notes:

Anddd that's it because I can't write kissing scenes and it's bad enough I encouraged pre marital hand holding k bye-

No, all jokes aside I really enjoyed writing this! It was a bit of a challenge and I struggled with it in places, but I really hope that both bluestblue and whoever else reads it enjoys it too - massive thanks to everyone who took a shot at running beta for this fic! This work is part of our gift exchange over on the City Of Progress discord, full of amazing people and if you're looking for an incredible, friendly community to come and talk about all things League and Arcane, then the link is https://discord.com/invite/thecityofprogress !!
Good timezones everyone!