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You were just sitting down at the bunker's kitchen table, enjoying a ham sandwich because Dean loved ham and you were at war with him over who could be more annoying, so you took the last few slices and were eating them in victory. Cas popped up behind you sometime during your feast and was standing there for about five minutes--or fifteen, who knows?--and you only noticed him when you had finished your food and was returning to the kitchen to put your plate in the sink and there he was, standing awkwardly behind your chair.
"JesUS CHRIST," you had screamed and almost threw the fucking plate at him.
"No," Cas said, obviously confused. "I'm Castiel. You know me."
"I didn't-" you shook your head and sighed. "Never mind, Cas."
"Were you okay, you were making very inappropriate noises while eating," he said.
"Ah-ha, but that's how you know its a good sandwich!" You picked up your plate and started for the kitchen, and Cas followed you.
"What's a sandwich?" He said, sounding so confused from behind you. You just about dropped your plate.
"Cas, in all your years with us, you've never been faced with a sandwich before?" You were genuinely concerned. He's been with you guys for what, four years? He's never seen a human eating a sandwich before? Not even Dean, because, you know, they spend, like, every single moment together totally doing not-gay things and Dean is constantly eating, so you would assume that Cas was faced with a fucking sandwich at some point in that time.
"Nope," he said. Okay, guess its time for a sandwich making tutorial.
"C'mere." You reached out and grabbed his arm, leading him to the counter where the bread was. You took two pieces of bread and set them next to each other on the counter. "You're gonna learn how to make a sandwich, right here, right now."
"Are you sure?"
"Cas, its making a sandwich, not defusing a bomb." You went to the fridge and made sure Cas followed you. "You're gonna learn how to make Dean's favorite sandwich because there's more than pie and beer and Busty Asian Beauties that makes him happy and you should learn this fourth option."
"Okay." He squinted his eyes.
"Okay so you take this-" you held up the bottle of mustard, "And you get a butter knife-" you opened the drawer by the counter and took out a butter knife with a jingle of the silverware and you closed the drawer with your hip. "You following along so far?"
"Yes," Cas said.
"Good, then you just take the mustard and squirt a plus-sign or whatever on both the bread slices." You did as you told him, Cas watching closely. "And then you just..." You used the knife to spread the mustard around. "And then you put two pieces of ham on each side, but since we don't have any ham, we can't do it now."
"I understand," Cas said. "And Dean likes this?"
"Yeah, he loves this sandwich. He'd like it better with ham, but still."
"What happened to the ham?"
You paused and sucked your teeth. "I ate it all."
"Why would you do something like that?"
"Because, uh..." How would an angel understand the human way of purposely pissing someone off just for a joke, dude couldn't even find humor in a whoopee cushion. "Because its just a joke, only Dean really gets it." Just bluff so you won't have to explain.
"I see," Cas said. "Thank you for teaching me this."
You patted him on the back. "No problem."
***
That night, when you couldn't sleep, you sat against the wall your bed was set against, your TV on and glowing bright in the dark room. You were watching some 2 a.m. Spongebob when Dean knocked on your door, sounding sarcastically nice.
"Hey, (Y/N)?"
"Yeah?" Your tiredness showed in your voice.
"Could you please come out here for a second?" Dean's voice was oddly higher than normal, like a crab was pinching him or something. You got out of the bed and opened the door. No crab. No creature whatsoever. But there was a smiling Dean in his pajamas standing outside your door.
"What?" You sighed.
"Follow me." He motioned you to follow him with his finger and he turned on his heel and walked toward the kitchen. You followed him lazily, your two-inch-too-long sweatpants bunched up at your ankles so you didn't trip over them. You yawned as you got closer to the kitchen, and he stopped next to it.
"After you," he said. You looked at him weirdly and put your hand on the door, pushing it open and seeing...
Cas. At the counter. Making... A sandwich. On the kitchen table, ten sandwiches, and they were all the same. You stared at him and then the sandwiches, turning back to Dean. "What's going on?"
"You tell me; You're the one who taught him how to make my sandwich."
"So?"
"So, he went out and got ham. He's making his thirteenth sandwich," Dean said. "He wants me to eat them all."
You stared blankly at him, totally confused to how teaching Cas to make a sandwich would somehow lead to this. It was completely off the wall, and you were slightly scared to laugh, afraid Dean would shove a sandwich down your throat or something.
"Okay, um," you went up to Cas and put your hand on his shoulder. "Cas?"
"Yes?" He looked up from the slice of bread he was putting mustard on and smiled.
"What are you doing, dude?"
"Making Dean's sandwich."
"Why?"
"Because he is my friend and I want him to be happy."
Awww. "Okay, but, Cas, you don't just... Make a bunch of sandwiches for them, okay? That's weird. Just-" you took the butter knife from him and put it in the sink next to you. "That's enough sandwiches for tonight, Cas. Go to bed."
"I do not require sleep."
"Then do something besides make sandwiches."
"I can watch the 'Bee Movie'."
"You do that, then," you said. He smiled again and nodded, turning around and walking out of the kitchen like nothing was wrong. Dean still had his arms crossed and was looking at you.
"What?" You said. "I fixed it."
"Okay, good job, but what are we gonna do with all these sandwiches?"
You exchanged glances at all the sandwiches on the table and thirty minutes later, all the sandwiches were in bags and in the fridge. You managed to sneak one into your room (you were sure Dean wouldn't notice) and after shoving it down your throat along with some water, it put you right to sleep.