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Being the Deputy of the Arataki Gang was great.
No boring shrine maiden duties, no weird mikos telling you what to do, being able to live every day in the moment. . .
Shinobu could go on forever. She'd never felt this free before.
Granted, there was a few frustrating things about it, too -
Genta's temper, Akira snoring so loudly she could barely sleep sometimes, Mamoru always getting the strangely off-coloured fruits (that wasn't really his fault, though, but still)
The biggest source of frustration, however, was always the big man himself, bona fide goofball and supposed big shot, Arataki Itto.
He wasn't as stupid as some people thought, but he sure acted like it. If he wasn't getting his backside handed to him by children (children!) in various bets and games or those infantile onikabuto battles. (Who even got that idea in the first place?) he was off picking a fight he would never win as loudly as possible, making them all look like idiots in the process.
Incidentally, that last part is what led her here, arriving at her scheduled meeting with Kujou Sara in the Tenryou commission detainment centre, the woman herself turned slightly sideways away from her as she entered the room.
Now, she didn't exactly mind seeing Sara, she was level-headed, far more reasonable than the other weirdos at the Tenryou Commission, and principled enough to let Itto go on bail despite clearly just wanting to throw him to rot beneath the Tenshukaku indefinitely.
("She's pretty too!", her traitorous brain always supplied. She wasn't going to acknowledge that, she promised herself just as frequently.)
Shinobu did mind seeing her like this, though, clenching her teeth so hard it was only a question of time before they'd break, veins bulging on her forehead, and looking like she was moments away from breathing fire at the Oni standing in front of her.
"Shut UP!"
Yeah, this was going to suck.
"Uh, Madam Kujou?"
The Tengu spun around to face her, and (thank the archons) she made a visible effort to look less hostile.
"Miss Kuki. You are early." Scratch looking less hostile, there was an actual smile on her face. She didn't know Sara could smile like that.
Itto, in typical fashion, broke the moment because of course he did, he didn't know when to keep his mouth shut if they so stapled it closed. "HEY, SHINOBU! YOU'RE HERE TO GET ME OUT, RIGHT?!"
The enthusiastic bellow echoed through the entire building. Why couldn't he just listen and shut up this once?
As Shinobu had feared, Sara's face immediately shifted to the very image of fury personified, and Shinobu could see how her entire body tensed up as she prepared to spin around again.
(Shinobu wasn't staring. She wasn't!)
She couldn't do anything but lift her hands appeasingly and, as convincingly as possible, try to take control of the situation. "Yeah, boss, but I need you to be quiet for a second, okay?"
The idiot didn't even attempt to take the hint. "SURE THING, SHINOBU!"
She'd groaned. Loudly. She couldn't help herself. Could she really blame Sara for being so mad? No, no, Itto really was annoying sometimes.
Before she could say anything else, however, Sara huffed and started to walk towards the door.
"Please follow me, Miss Kuki. I will not do this in the presence of this oaf." As she walked, she looked towards the guards stationed at the doorway and ordered them to "contain him" before stomping away.
She knew Itto well enough to recognise the look that always appeared on his face when he was about to say something infuriatingly stupid. She wasn't going to test her luck at such an important time, though, so, as fast as she could, she followed Sara out of the room.
As the two entered an office room, Sara had sighed loudly as soon as the door was closed.
"I do not understand why one so clearly admirably talented and diligent as yourself would throw her lot in with the likes of Arataki Itto. You are obviously qualified for far more respectable work."
She'd be lying to herself if the situation wasn't a bit overwhelming.
Her treasonous mind had, at times, imagined herself alone with Kujou sara in her office. Given that Sara was usually in a great hurry to get Itto away from herself, however, being brought into one for the first time was far more intimidating than she'd ever expected it to be.
Boy, was she glad to have a mask hiding her face.
"So, about that bail . . ." As she started speaking, Sara's hand shot up.
"I'm afraid that the circumstances are not as they usually are. My patience with the lout's incessant hounding and tireless oafishness has run out. As such, in addition to the usual charges of vandalism and destruction of public property, I have decided that I will also file charges for harassment against me personally. As such, per current Inazuman bail regulations, the charges amount to illegibility for release on bail, and. . "
Shinobu's thoughts ground to a halt. The moron had really messed up this time if he'd finally managed to drive Sara so far off the edge that she was able to push away the need to be as far away from him as possible.
As Sara droned on, charmingly (what? where'd that thought come from?) wordy as she always was, Shinobu's mind had been working overtime.
Leaving Itto with the Tenryou Commission was obviously not an option, the idiot would provoke Sara into an even more draconian response. Bribery wouldn't work either. Sara was far too principled and would no doubt leverage anti-corruption laws in to halt the attempt.
That left Shinobu with only one option.
She hadn't planned on doing it like this, but if the Arataki gang had ever taught her even a single thing it was to make do with what she had.
Okay. Okay. She could do this. Being trapped alone with Kujou Sara in her office like this certainly wasn't how she had planned to get this done. She totally hadn't thought about it in any context whatsoever, either. Nope.
(She needed to lay off the light novels, sheesh.)
"So, just to clarify . . " She began tentatively. This really wasn't a good look for her.
"I will not let Arataki Itto go on bail, no."
"No, I mean, you haven't filed the harassment charges yet, right? So that means that I could, hypothetically, convince you to change your mind?" She'd realised the error in her phrasing as soon as Sara's (lovely) eye's narrowed. .
"Bribery is a crime under Inazuman law, miss Kuki. I expect that you also know this."
The unimpressed look Sara had given her had almost stopped her in her tracks, but she'd already committed to making herself look like a clown, so why not go the full way?
Taking a deep breath and closing her eyes, she decided to just go for it.
"N-no, listen, Im not trying to bribe you or anything, y-you just said on the bulletin boards that you kind of didn't wanna' go through the hassle, so I thought that you and I could maybe talk about alternatives over lunch or something. I've got a chef license, so I could make whatever you'd like?"
Her words were a complete mess. She also, no doubt, looked like a complete mess.
When she opened her eyes again to show what would hopefully be a charming smile, the previously composed Tengu was staring at her red-faced and wide eyed.
"Y-you want to . . . "
Sara's words sounded just as flustered as she looked. Right, so maybe it was a bit of an ego boost to know that she could make the Kujou Sara act like that with just a single question.
The proverbial spell was broken another bellow.
"YEAH, COME ON SHINOBU! GET 'ER!"
Why?
Sara's face had quickly grown even redder, this time clearly in rage, and as if in a flash she'd thrown something in Shinobu's direction.
"Please." She'd sounded so tired, so defeated. "Please get him away from me, I won't be able to stop myself if I have to hear his stupid voice one more time. I'll pay the bail myself, just get him out. Of. Here."
When Shinobu looked in her hands she'd found a pair of keys.
As she'd been walking out, she'd been interrupted by the clearing of a throat.
"Would. . ." Sara's voice was hesitant, almost meek. "Would noontime the day after tomorrow be alright?"
Shinobu met Sara's bashful smile with her own.
"So anyway, Shinobu, what took ya' so long back there? Bailing me out doesn't usually go on forever like that."
That'd been the gist everything that'd come out of Itto's mouth since he'd been released and the two had started their walk towards Hanamizaka.
"I told you, boss, I didn't pay any bail. I just had a talk with Madam Kujou. Speaking of which, you need to lay off for a while, she's this close to snapping." She used her fingers to illustrate just how tiny the sliver of patience the Tengu still possessed was as she spoke.
Itto looked completely puzzled.
"But isn't that a good thing? She owes me a rematch, if she's close to finally giving it to me shouldn't I keep going?"
Moron.
"No, what I mean by 'snapping' is 'snapping you in half', boss."
He'd looked contemplative (wonders do happen!) for a moment, before suddenly going wide-eyed, excited words spilling out of his mouth. "Wait, waddya' mean you didn't pay any bail? How'd you get me out of there, then? No, wait, it doesn't matter, thanks, Shinobu, you're the best!"
Yeah, being the deputy of the Arataki Gang was pretty great.
"I need the day after tommorrow off, by the way."
"Why? Did something happen? Wait, did you get yourself a date?! You should've told me, and Arataki "Wingman good enough to not need wings" Itto would've been on the case!"
"Oh my gods, Itto, shut up!"