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Of all actors and actresses in the series, Gulf preferred him.
And in a sea full of people, Gulf could only see him.
But of all the things they could be, fate chose the worst for them: platonic friendship.
To say that Gulf was nervous is an understatement — even the strongest adjective wouldn't be enough to describe what he was feeling.
When the news came to him that the man whom he had a crush on ever since he saw him on 'what the duck' the series, would be casting for the same series as Gulf — he lost it.
In the room full of people, all Gulf could see was him.
They were so close yet separated by so many things, people being the biggest reason and perhaps his anxiety.
Watching him interact with his fans who followed him to the studio, Gulf smiled when Mew did. There was an indescribable warmth bubbling inside of Gulf as he watched.
Gulf couldn't take his eyes off of Mew — the way his eyes crinkled when he smiled, the way he laughed when and the way he brightly glowed.
Gulf was in love.
Seeing him again in the casting room brought back memories of when he saw him in the flesh for the first time at his university years ago.
It was during a school event, and Gulf was chosen to be part of the school drama team.
The man who was dressed simply in a simple black shirt and jeans took Gulf's breath away. He could swear that there was a glowing light shining on Mew and Mew alone.
Gulf was mesmerized. For the first time, he had forgotten how to breathe. The young man who had never messed up his lines on stage did when he saw Mew.
Gulf couldn't take his eyes off of Mew. When his peers noticed Gulf froze, Nani hissed to interrupt his trance by the side of the stage.
The audience murmured in confusion when they noticed Gulf's mistake. Ever since he was tasked to act by his seniors during his first year, everyone agreed that he was almost a natural.
Even Bright, who had become an actor at a young age, agreed.
But for Gulf, acting was never on his to-do list; especially when he saw how, both his best friends since birth — Nani and Bright became so busy with their modelling and acting career, respectively — scared him.
What would life be like if he couldn't play soccer as and when he likes anymore? Besides, he aspired to be a soccer coach or a professional soccer player — not an actor nor a model.
But his friends begged to differ.
For as long as both could remember, they've been trying their best to get Gulf to join them. It was an easy way to earn money, plus it wouldn't put his talent to waste.
But despite persuading him, Gulf remained adamant.
However, things started changing ever since that day — the day when he saw Mew among the audience — the day when his breath was taken away.
He couldn't stop thinking about him.
"Who is this Mew suppasit?" Gulf had attempted to fish out for more information from both of his friends in the most subtle way possible, three days later after the festival.
The only information he had was his character from 'what the duck'. Gulf was known for sucking at searching for stuff online. So, it didn't surprise both of them when Gulf needed to ask for information about the rising actor.
"Mew?" Nani repeated, and Gulf nodded.
Bright sighed, and Nani followed, leaving Gulf confused.
When prompted, they finally filled in information on whatever they knew about the actor — from A-Z, including the ugly side of things.
They were pretty close with each other and would, at times, hang out with each other.
Bright and Nani would, at times, talk about their actor friends, and Gulf would listen, but most of the time, Gulf would forget about their names.
He wasn't one to pay a lot of attention to local tv except for comedies, his favourite genre.
"He's also older than us by 6 years." Bright informed.
"Tell me more about the scandal." It surprised them that Gulf suddenly took interest in Mew. And when they started eyeing him suspiciously, Gulf knew that he wouldn't get his answer unless he were to come clean.
After they had their fun teasing Gulf, the continuation of the heartbreaking story resumed.
The scandal he had with his ex-co-worker broke Gulf's heart. He couldn't fathom how someone could destroy another's career just like that.
"Just...how…" Gulf was dumbfounded at the cruelty contributed by the man and how painful it must have been for Mew.
It was clear that Mew was a victim.
Especially knowing how choosy Nani and Bright were when befriending people. He believed that whatever they had told him was true.
And not to mention that Nani and Bright had their fair share of having their hearts broken, so there was no way they would still be friends with Mew if he was the attacker.
It might be too far of a stretch to be hoping that Gulf would have a chance to act alongside Mew if he did go into the entertainment industry. But there was no harm in hoping.
After he had decided to give it a go, Gulf started modelling with the help of Nani, who was already an expert in the field, given his years of modelling.
He knows it's all different, as told by Bright. The latter was also the one that roped Nani into the industry, but he chose to film mainly for commercials and modelling.
Gulf had a natural flair to be in this line. Cameras love him. His handsome face and the flexibility of posing cutely or in a chic manner made many advertisers seek him.
But unfortunately, it was different in the acting world.
Gulf would attend whatever casting auditions he came across — big and small roles. But time and time again, Gulf was rejected and was on the brink of giving up.
He could take the easy way and ask them to introduce him to Mew over a meal, but Gulf didn't want to.
He had slowly developed the passion to be in front of a camera, and for a young man, being able to earn more than enough was akin to hitting a Jackpot.
And he was reminded by what Bright had said — that many would love to be in their position, but not all could make it. Under the persistent persuasion from Nani to try again, Gulf relented.
And not giving up was the best decision Gulf had made.
Sitting in the same room a few feet away from his crush of several years, it felt unreal for Gulf — especially when he saw him coming through the doors with a bright smile on his face.
The room was bright enough, but Mew managed to brighten the room upon coming in.
It was ridiculous how Mew could look so stunning with another simple get-up again — this time, he was wearing a white oversized collar shirt and a pair of ripped jeans.
Both followed the same dress code of wearing white, yet they looked vastly different.
Gulf sighed inwardly. There was no way someone as beautiful and kind as him would even look his way.
Gulf was right… yet wrong.
Before coming to the audition, Gulf wanted to try another role, and coincidentally, Mew did, too.
But Fate had other plans for them.
Fate… was cruel.
The director and producer had the auditioners gathered around. After minutes of silence with the occasional nodding and 'hmms' here and there, the director gave both Mew and Gulf a script for the roles 'Tharn' and 'Type'.
"Take 10 minutes to read through this page."
It was a heavy scene — the scene where the two characters made love.
Gulf's heart raced rapidly when the director handed them the script. Instead of getting the roles of 'Thorn' and 'San', Mew and Gulf were instructed to try and act out as lovers.
Gulf got more than he bargained for.
Swallowing thickly, Gulf nervously returned to the corner to read through the script. He couldn't concentrate — not until Mew had offered to read through with him.
He didn't realize Mew was following him from behind.
"K-krub." Mew flashed a wide smile at Gulf as he sat opposite him on the floor.
If only he knew what was going through Gulf's head…
Gulf prayed for his knees to be strong and not to buckle when their turn was called by the director.
Oh, if only Gulf could back out now… he would do it.
Mew had noticed how nervous Gulf was and excused himself before taking his hands in his. "Don't worry, and trust me. Take a deep breath and read the lines; you're not Gulf now; you're Type. It's not much of a difference acting in a school play and this."
Gulf was surprised that Mew remembered him. He didn't even think Mew noticed him, let alone remember him!
Closing his eyes briefly, Gulf took Mew's suggestion at heart — even though his insides were doing several rounds of jumping jacks. He tried his best to keep calm.
Gulf loved how gently Mew caressed his hands with his thumbs. He wasn't certain if it was mindless, but he loved it anyhow.
The practice was over, and they had to act in front of the crew members for their evaluation.
Uncertain what gave Gulf the courage, it certainly shocked himself as well as others when he kissed his counterpart for real. Mew spilt a chuckle after their part was over. He was surprised by the daring male.
"Sorry!!" Gulf quickly apologized.
Gulf wanted to make a run for the door so badly. 'What the heck was I thinking?'
He could see Mew smiling at the corner of his eyes, but when was he ever not smiling?
Perhaps it was due to Gulf's boldness that had landed him the role. The feedback from crew members was mostly positive, and most of them were surprised when they knew he had no formal prior experience.
Before they left, Mew had requested for them to exchange LINE ID so they could get closer and make their interactions less awkward.
There was a serious lapse in Gulf's reaction. And Mew had initially thought Gulf was reluctant to befriending him.
A month later, Gulf was all over the place. His social media had a significant increase in followers; he had people knowing his name. He was also attending interviews with Mew as well as the rest of the actors chosen to act in the series.
Besides interviews, he had also attended a worship ceremony before the actual filming began.
'It's all thanks to you, P'Mew.' Gulf thought as he smiled softly at the man from a distance.
But little does he know…
While Gulf was busy filming 'Tharntype the series', Bright had also gotten his first big break when he filmed the popular series, '2gether the series'. But what made Gulf and Nani happier was when Bright had found love with Win, his co-actor.
It was a gradual thing, but their love blossomed nicely.
Win is cute, fair, cheerful, and amiable. Most importantly, he held the key to breaking Bright's walls down. The introvert started becoming outgoing, bubbly, and cheerful.
Nani, on the other hand, continued modelling.
Seeing Bright overcome so many obstacles in both his career and his personal life made Nani and Gulf happy.
In just a year, so many things happened to Bright — he became a speaker for Bangkok University, and he had also become a CEO for astrostuffs.
Not only that, but Bright had also gained popularity internationally.
Most importantly, his love life was sailing smoothly.
Gulf had spent every waking minute talking to Mew — if it wasn't physically, they would spend hours texting or video-calling each other.
The younger male was almost certain that Mew shared the same feelings as him — the things he said, the things he did and the way he would hug and keep him close made Gulf feel safe and secure.
Traipipattanapong and Jongcheveevat residences became the other person's second home.
But fate was cruel.
Gulf couldn't take it anymore. He wanted to be sure of the other's feelings.
On the night when Gulf confessed to Mew at the latter's condo, tears streamed down Mew's face. He had hoped Gulf wouldn't confess to him and to keep his feelings to himself.
It was selfish of him, but that's the only way to keep his Gulf by his side.
Time and time again, he had hoped that he had misunderstood Gulf's feelings towards him.
The confused male stood and looked at the sobbing older man. He swallowed thickly out of anxiety; his hands were sweating as he anticipated the male's reaction.
If he wanted to reject him, he could have said so… why the need to cry? Several questions haunted him, but Gulf waited for Mew to calm down.
After all the years they've spent together filming seasons 1 and 2, both of them had become each other's soulmates — just like how Bright and Win knew each other inside out.
The only difference is that Bright and Win had become a real-life couple.
“Gulf… I can’t"
'Why not?' Gulf wanted to ask, but something stopped him.
Saying no to Gulf was the hardest thing Mew had ever done in his entire life.
Mew loved Gulf dearly and there was nothing he would like more than calling Gulf his — to be the very reason why he smiles and cries — for him to be the one he leans on in times of trial and tribulations — the first person to share his sorrow and joy.
And above all, he longed for Gulf's heart to beat as one with his.
But he can't.
Gulf turned away to look at the view. The city lights were glowing so beautifully. And the moon was beautifully round. The stars were twinkling happily above them.
It was a picturesque night.
It was a shame that Gulf was rejected on such a charming night.
Gulf felt like the heavens were mocking him instead of comforting him with the beautiful night. He wasn't expecting him to cry, but his eyes slowly became teary.
Silence enveloped them for a while except for the quiet sobs from Mew.
In his head, those 3 painful words kept replaying like a sick broken record. Knowing nothing good would come out if he stayed longer, Gulf excused himself to go home.
Mew wanted to make him stay, but he couldn't.
But little does Gulf know…
It wasn't because Mew didn't love him, but it was because of love that Mew chose to let Gulf go.
He wouldn't be able to forgive himself if something untoward should happen to Gulf because of his selfishness.
"... You're not allowed to be with someone with a huge age gap. The maximum age difference is either 3 years older or younger than you. Bear this in mind, or else, your partner will suffer for the rest of their life. Death would be their worst fate."
Mew wailed uncontrollably when Gulf headed out of the door. The nagging thought of what the monk had told him plagued him with fear daily ever since he met Gulf.
He struggled to keep his feelings at bay, but it was almost impossible. Gulf not only plastered Mew's shattered heart, but he was also the one that made him believe in love again.
But now, looking at the door that the love of his life had exited from, he needed to firmly believe that it was for the best.
Mew wanted MewGulf to be true more than anyone else, perhaps even more than Gulf. But Mew couldn't bring himself to do that — he was the love of his life, the apple of his eye, and the reason he breathes.
After that nasty scandal, Mew had lost all faith in love and spent a period partying around. He let himself loose and didn't care about anything… until he saw Gulf on the stage during the school festival.
Since then, Mew had been hoping to see him again. He had searched high and low for him, waited countless times outside of the university in hopes to see him, but his efforts were futile.
It was love at first sight for Mew, too, but Gulf will never know.