Work Text:
Yuuri has drifted off to sleep. It is the middle of the afternoon, but Ken figures it won’t do any harm to let the king nap for a bit. He looks peaceful but exhausted. Maybe this was as emotionally charged for Yuuri as it was for him. Ken doubts that.
Even with all the time they’ve put in, Yuuri has yet to say the three words Ken longs to hear. He longs for it, but he’s prepared for disappointment. It’s always been a possibility. Just because Wolfram has accepted this extension of their relationship and Yuuri assures that he cares about him and wants him doesn’t mean that he will ever come to love him. And even if he does, Ken knows that love will always pale in comparison to the love he feels for Wolfram.
That’s okay, though. He’s always known that, for nearly as long as he’s known he is the Great Sage. Yuuri gave up his secrets like a gift when they were children. At the time, his child self thought his love and devotion was like a magical fairy tale given life. He still admires it, and no matter what opportunity presents itself, Ken will never do anything to harm their relationship, but now he is older and can make full use of all the wisdom implanted in his DNA. He knows that no matter how much magic and fantastical things exist in this world, they do not live in a fairy tale. Just because Yuuri was given this second chance doesn’t mean he is assured a happily ever after. Especially if he insists on that including the three of them.
Ken holds Yuuri close to his chest, hand petting fondly through his black hair. It’s addictingly pleasant. Besides that first night of them coming to Shin Makoku, the only times he has been allowed to do this was when Yuuri was terrified and drowning in memories of the past. He hated seeing Yuuri like that. He didn’t like the thought of him having to relive past trauma any more than he liked reliving past trauma himself.
He’s been down a road like this before. He had been the mistress to a powerful warlord. The man had claimed to love him and introduced him to his wife. The wife hated him at first, but soon grew to tolerate him. It didn’t last, though. Love and politics mix about as well as oil and water. When it came down to it, the warlord chose his wife and he had been thrown aside like garbage.
Ken knew Yuuri would never do that to him, even if that were the wise thing to do. It’s comical how easily the past can creep up on him when the present is the only thing he actually cares about. The past is meaningless unless it can be useful. Yet, the memories infect him like a parasite, gnawing at him from the inside out. Nothing good comes from remembering how easily things can turn sour. How words do not always equal actions.
He wants to believe in Yuuri. He wants to but can’t bring himself to actually do it. Sure, the double-black has kept his years’ old promise, but push has not yet come to shove. From their previous conversation, he can tell that for all of his talk, Yuuri has put little thought into the practicalities of this arrangement. Even if it isn’t illegal, he will receive backlash for making this public. The Maoh is encouraged to sate his desires, but not to overindulge in love. The public will see the three of them as nymphomaniacs. Ken can handle that, but Wolfram’s pride surely would never withstand that blow. Their relationship will always hinder on Wolfram. When he grows ashamed by the public’s claims or sick with jealousy, Ken will need to step aside.
Ken knows this is not the beginning of his happily ever after. He stopped believing that was possible for him many lifetimes ago. Fairy tales never had real happily ever afters anyway. The stories simply stop at a happy point in their lives to give the reader an illusion of happiness that can never last forever. Bumps always appear in the road, and oftentime, you wake up with a flat tire.
Right now, though, Ken has Yuuri sleeping in his arms and the promise of intimacy with Wolfram to come. He’s waited many years for this and he will savor it for as long as he is able. He will hold Yuuri kindly, then kiss him awake tenderly, and finally push him out the door benevolently. He will proudly observe the love of his life marry the love of his life and hide any envy behind the proficient mask. He will return to the shrine alone. In solitude, he will indulge himself to the thought of them together, then promptly try to forget.
It shouldn't be this hard, he thinks. His soul has experienced love and loss more times than he can count, yet for Ken Murata everything stung with freshness. Ken didn't want Yuuri to leave. Ken didn't want him to marry Wolfram if he wasn't included. Ken didn't want this to end.
The Great Sage was prepared for it.