Chapter Text
They had just delivered scarecrow to Arkham. They took him down without getting gassed by his Fear Toxin.
“Hey robin?”
“Yes, Nightwing.”
“Have you ever had Mcdonalds before?” Dixie thought they deserved a reward for such a job well done.
“You mean the disgusting frozen ‘food’ they fry in pig fat?”
“*Cough* Lard.” Thea couldn’t take a moment without giving Damian at least a little bit of sass.
“I know what it's called Red Robin.” Damian retorts.
“Red Robins!” Jessica Shouts.
“Yum!” Dixie finishes.
Thea starts to rethink all of her life choices when she hears Robin groan in the front seat.
“Uuuggghhh.”
“Ugh, Damian?”
“Code names.”
“Robin? Are you good?” Nightwing turns to look at her clutching her stomach.
“I have a pain in my abdomen.”
Thea rolls her eyes, “Don’t just tell us it’s nothing you look like you’re about to keel over.”
Robin puts her other hand on the dashboard for support.
“Think my appendix has burst.” Nightwing slams her foot on the break before making a U turn to the cave.
They rush her to the cave and have Damian lay down flat on the med table. She starts to take off her Robin costume and Thea looks at her stomach for a second before placing her hand on it.
“Are you sure it's your appendix?” She inquires.
“Yes, what else could it euugh-” Damian felt a tearing pain in her lower regions.
“I felt a kick, Damian.” Thea looks Damian in the eye’s, “Damian are you sure there’s no possibility of you being pregnant.”
Damian stares back at Thea in silence until she feels another pain in her lower stomach and she cries out.
“Okay”, Thea starts, “Battle stations, Dixie go get towels and a bowl of water while I wash my hands.”
“Is this for real?” Dixie asks, having a hard time believing her uptight little sister was ever pregnant. Seeing her about to give birth is a mind blowing scenario .
“Yes, we’re about to become aunties Dixie.” Thea dries off her hands, noticing Damian started to breath heavily. Thea gets into position crouches down at the end of the table.
“Damian, you're going to have to take off your pants and lay on your back.”
Damian looks at Thea incredulously, “You're joking Drake, you have to be.”
“Do you really want the press to see you walking out of the hospital with a baby?” Thea looks at her seriously through her mask. Damian’s head tilts down, looking a little ashamed before shaking her head.
“Then take your pants off.” She motions for her to do just that when another pain shoots up her spine and puts her on her back.
“I c-cannot.” Robin breathes. The girl is gasping for air and all Dixie can think to do is copy every TV show baby delivery she’s ever watched.
She puts the towels and water down in front of Thea and grabs Damians hand. “It’s okay girl, you can do this, just breathe.”
When Dixie says it she feels like words are more for her than her little sister, but they sounded situationally correct regardless.
“I can’t believe you went on patrol while Pregnant!” Thea yells at Damian for her recklessness.
Dixie forms a glare at Thea, “This is NOT the time for shaming Thea.”
Thea crunches her nose, “I’m not shaming it's just..Ugh, whatever”. Thea drops it, but Damian does not.
“I bled for the last nine months consecutively,” She takes two more quick breaths, “I did not show a bump”, breathes , “I should not be pregnant.” She finishes.
Thea thinks it's understandable to not think you’re carrying a child when you show no signs of it, but she still thinks Damian was irresponsible. It was extremely out of character for Damian to not only have sex, but to not use protection. She didn’t even take a test out of precaution. Thea and Dixie both share a look, thinking the same thing. There were many concerning factors about this whole situation.
“Dixie, give me some scissors, needle and thread, and a sterilizer.” Dixie does, Thea uses the scissors and cuts open Robin's pants from the side before removing them completely.
Thea was designated as the doctor and Dixie the emotional support.
“Dixie, look up ‘how to deliver a baby’.” Thea says while trying to keep Damian’s legs open because she keeps trying to close them.
“Brat you can’t spawn your little demon with your legs closed.”
“I don’t want you seeing my vagina, you pervert.” Thea face palms.
“Maybe you should have thought about that before trying to hide a pregnancy from us. Also, I have a vagina too, you don’t have anything down there that I want to look at, I promise you.” I finale glare is shared between them before Damian finally spreads.
“Now push.” Thea tells her.
Jessica is dying laughing while Damian is yelling every curse word under the sun in Arabic and English.
Jessica calls Bri to tell her that her daughter is currently giving birth.
*ring*
“Yes, Jessica.” Briasha is tired of her calling her just to complain about there not being enough apple juice in the fridge that Jessica does not own, nor does she pay for.
“How dumb can you rate yourself from one to ten?” Jessica was not gonna let this be easy for her, not a chance. Bri is constantly critiquing Jessica's lifestyle, fighting tactics, and sexual partner. Jessica was gonna milk this scenario for all it was worth.
“Jessica, I don’t have the time for this.” Bri was currently handling something at the watchtower with the league, and did indeed have time for Jessica's nonsense. She took the call so she wouldn't have to listen to super-jerk talk about how their team was too “impersonal” to be efficient.
“No you have to guess, I wanna see if you get it right.” Jessica goads.
“You know I’m not doing that Jessica.” Batman wouldn’t admit but she is curious as to what case the girl managed to solve before the woman herself could.
“You have to rate yourself first.”
Bri takes a moment to think about it. Then responds with, “I’m guessing you think i’m a ten.-”
“No you are a ten.” Jessica interrupts.
Bri sighs before asking, “and why am I a ten Jessica.”
“Because you let the biggest mistake happen under your very roof.”
Bri was getting tired of these hints and games, if Jessica took on the mantle of the riddler just to anger Bri there was gonna be bloodshed in Gotham tonight.
“Jessica stop messing around a-” a scream cut through Bri’s sentence and made the woman's eyes go wide.
“What was that?” Bri wanted to know if the scream was from someone on their side or not.
Jessica’s face is as smug as ever when she says, “It's your daughter. Giving. Birth.” She takes a breath for dramatic effect, “in the batcave.”
“Ugh,” Bri really was a ten if that was the case.
“Is there anything you’d like to say to your daughter, Bri?” Jessica giggles.
Jessica can practically see Bri rubbing her thumb and forefinger on her temple as she hears the reply, “Give Dixie my congratulations before you tell her how much trouble she’s in.”Another scream sounds from the cave.“And give her something for the pain.” Bri couldn’t believe she let an entire pregnancy get past her. The greatest detective in the world couldn’t decipher a baby bump from too much of alfreds lasagna. ______
Back in the cave Thea and Damian are both sweating buckets, you’d think Thea was the one giving birth.
“Ugh Damian I think you’re gonna have to push.” She didn’t know. Thea had no idea what she was doing.
“I’m trying Drake but It's just-” Damian screams instead of finishing the sentence.
“Damian you can do this, the internet says it’s just like pooping, just push it out like that.” Dixie is dabbing Damians face off with a towel with one hand and googling with the other.
“Do NOT poop right in front of my face.” Thea thinks she might just pass out, because she sees a head.
______
Bri heard the scream and decided the league could handle Superman's emotions on their own.
“I'm coming home right now Jessica.” Jessica held her bottom lip between her teeth to stop himself from laughing.
“But wait,” she giggles a little more, “You still don’t know who is delivering your grandchild.” Jessica walks back toward the med table where Damian is screeching in Dixie's ear. Jessica puts Bri on speaker phone, and holds the phone outward.
“Jessica you’re not gonna convince me that Thea is the one having a baby.” Bri was already on his way back to earth.
Dixie turns her head up to the conversation being held over the phone, “Wait, does she think I'm the one having the baby? Why does it always have to be me? Why am I the one always being over sexualized.”
Now Bri is actually stunned. “Thea? You were pregnant?”
“Not a chance Bri.” Thea says.
“I thought Signal was out of town?” Bri is close to the truth but not quite there yet.
“Bri you’re not that much of an idiot.” Jessica laughs out loud now, not able to contain it.
Bri connects the dots, brows furrowing. She lands on earth.
“I’m almost there.” Jessica can hear the Batman growl in her voice. She hangs up the phone, if anything for Damians sake, to give her a couple more minutes before mommy comes home.
Jessica turns to Damian , “You’re in a world of trouble, little D.”
“Shut your mouth you tra-” another scream rips through the cave.
Dixie is scrolling through the phone one handed using the other as a fleshy stress ball for Damian. Dixie ignores the little bones snapping and gets Thea’s attention.
“It says the birth will be quicker if she stands up.” Thea and Damian both look at her like she was a crazy person.
“I can see the baby’s entire head at this point. It's too late for that, Dix.” Thea’s eyes go wide. Damian notices this and looks at her with the same expression.
“What is it?” She asks. Thea looks at her then Dixie. Thea smiles.
“You’re about to be a mother, Dames, Just. Don’t stop pushing.” Damian closes her eye’s and and gives a high-pitched scream as Thea guides the last bit of baby out of her Vagina.
Just in Time for Jessica to announce, “Mommy’s home!” With a Joker grin. Damian has a few choice words she wanted to say to Jessica about the Joker but she will save them for later. She wants a chance to hold her baby first.
Thea wraps the baby in a towel while simultaneously drying the baby off. “It’s a boy.” She says. Thea sits upright and walks over to Damian. She hands her the baby and Thea grabs her hand so she can help her cradle the baby’s head.
“Awe, Dames..” Dixie can’t help but express her adoration for the little baby resting in her sister's arms. “I’m so proud of you.”
“Thank you Rachel.” Damian says looking down adoringly at her little boy. He was so quiet Damian would have thought something was wrong with him. But the baby reached up to play with the hair sitting on her shoulder wide eyed.
The wholesome moment was interrupted by Batman marching into the cave, the whites of her eye’s glowing in the darkness as she meets the eyes of her youngest daughter.
“Damian?…”
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