Work Text:
Sapnap reminisces, thinking of the life before.
The life where it wasn’t such a shit hole, a life where it wasn’t such a mess, a life where you did not have to look back to ensure that nobody was behind, a life where you did not have to feel as if you would be executed on the spot for one wrong move.
Was it wrong for Sapnap to hope? Maybe not, but it might have been in another world.
Sapnap often wonders if what he had done from the very beginning was the catalyst, or maybe it might have been Tommy, or even Wilbur. Maybe Sapnap just wanted someone else to blame for this because all this time, he could not ever rid the feeling of guilt; always weighing him down every time of the day as he attempts to do something productive.
Aa guilt consumed his very being, he thought; “Tommy is– he’s the one that did this!” and “No no no, Tommy– he’s… he is a child! Wilbur must be the one to have caused everything!”.
He had been thinking, scheming of ways to pin the blame on anyone but he just can’t. And why is that? It wasn’t this hard before to trust someone. It wasn’t this hard to love someone.
It wasn’t this hard to hurt someone.
But that’s the thing, it wasn’t hard for those because he didn’t have the guilt weighing him down. Those choices that he had made, to love someone, to trust someone, had no correlation with blaming someone for his sins.
He started this mess… did he not?
But… but why was it easy… so very easy to pin the blame on Dream? Someone he had treasured so much for years, someone who had stayed by his side through and through.
Why?
Sapnap could never understand because it seemed their bond was just a joke to Dream to him, and it hurt.
Still hurts.
Sapnap questions, he wonders where it all went wrong. He questions when he had started to feel a burning rage an immeasurable sadness in him every time he saw his best friend, his family.
Sapnap questions a lot of things this days, but what he really questioned the most was;
“When did it start?”
“When did your path stray from mines?”
“When did your footsteps slowly disappear on our path?”
.
.
.
.
.
“When did I leave you behind?”
But no matter how much he asked, no matter how much he reached out, no matter what he could have done….
You were already out of reach…
Sometimes… Sapnap asks to no one…
“Did you leave something behind, Dream?”
Did you leave me behind, Dream?