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Jotaro stirred in the middle of the night. He hadn’t slept much since what happened during the fifty-day mission to save his mother and kill DIO. No one except for Polnareff, the old man, the Speedwagon Foundation, and himself knew what happened to the full extent.
His mother, his grandmother… no one understood. He still passed by the obnoxious and desperate girls who so desperately wanted to speak with him and ask where he went. He wouldn’t respond; he just was…
Jotaro was quiet.
He barely spoke for weeks.
The last words he remembered speaking were to his mother after they got home. A quick, “glad to see you’re okay, " then disappeared into his room. Holly would bring him food. He would just nod and go back to staring at the ceiling.
When Grandma Suzy and the Old Man left, he didn’t leave his room. Joseph understood why.
They barely spoke on the plane ride home, but Joseph did say something to strike a small conversation.
“It’s okay if you miss him,” he murmured amongst a cabin full of sleeping passengers. It threw Jotaro off, he had let his vision lose focus while staring out the window, and he rapidly blinked. He looked at Joseph for answers, and Joseph lowered his head.
“When I met your grandma, she was admittedly the second person I ever loved in that way. The first was my …. well, he was my friend. Caesar. He was the calm to my irrational behaviour. Hating him at first, I tried using Hamon to attack him with spaghetti,” it gets a snort out of Joseph. “He died fighting one of the pillar men. We fought before, I didn’t understand what was going on, but I should’ve gone after him.”
“Old man, you’re out of your depth here.” Jotaro pulled his cap over his eyes and scoffed in disdain.
“I don’t believe I am.”
This startled Jotaro, who remained still as ever.
There’s not a day where I don’t talk to Caesar. It helps, but it hurts. Because I know he’s listening. He’s telling me to shut up or be stupid, but he’s there with me.
“Okay, I get the picture.”
“Do you? Because you’re the only person still alive that knows that. My mother, your great-grandmother, was the other, but she’s not here. I talk to her, too. I like to imagine that she wished she still had the mouth guard on me so I would shut up,” he snorts and pauses. “But shutting down isn’t going to help. So, if you want to talk to Avdol, or Iggy or Kak-“
He’s cut off, noticing that his grandson clenched the armrest but refused to make eye contact. His hat drew shadows over his eyes, and it didn’t help that the plane was dimly lit to accommodate the sleeping passengers.
“Don’t.” The younger started but stopped himself. Unclenching the armrest, he fidgeted with his hands. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
“That’s fine. You don’t have to tell me anything. But holding it in isn’t going to make it better. Talk to them. They’re listening.”
Silence from Jotaro. Nothing new to be expected, but disappointment filled Joseph nonetheless. He wanted to be there for his grandson and tried to let him know that it’s okay to grieve for a love that was never fully realized.
Interest. A memory, a distant memory that flickered by like a fleeting comet. Joseph saw it in Jotaro and Kakyoin. He saw the earnest efforts made, the secret smiles or how his grandson’s eyes lit up when Kakyoin talked about the little things.
But never fully realized or understood.
The Joestar curse was far more than just DIO constantly messing things up or causing their lives to be cut short. It was the fact that despite constantly having a close relationship with a companion, they always passed. There was never a chance to tell the other how they felt fully.
And that was a tragedy.
“Eh, it was worth a shot.”
Joseph sighed and got up to go to the bathroom, leaving Jotaro to sit in silence. Joseph didn’t know that when Jotaro turned to face the window to watch the sweeping landscapes change below him, his eyes welled up with tears, but he couldn’t cry. Not in a room full of strangers, especially not next to a senile old man who didn’t know what he was talking about.
He thinks about that conversation, still. It’s been three months, six days and three hours since that conversation. He thinks about how he could’ve done more.
Sometimes he’ll do things to try and get Avdol’s attention, like tsking or meditation. He’ll look at a book about tarot cards and try to read about them, seeing if it will provoke a response.
No response.
He wasn’t expecting one, he thinks.
He passes by a mutt on the street missing a leg, and he’ll buy food and feed him on a park bench. Treating the dog with kindness that Iggy rarely got.
Often, the dog just runs away with the food.
Iggy would’ve at least glared and made off with it.
That leaves…
Nope.
This brings us here.
Sometimes he liked to pretend that he had never met the bastard. He pretended that he didn’t exist. That he was no one extraordinary and that he never mattered.
But it just tugs at his heart.
He gets up, tugging his clothes and hat on. He quietly opens the screen door, walking and trying not to wake up his mother. Little did he know, she was awake.
She hadn’t slept since he got home, at least not correctly. She would pass out on the couch, with him picking her up and carrying her to bed. He never spoke, never made more than a grunt at putting her down.
It’s 1:43 AM, and the stars are out. He heard it all. Not a single cloud in sight; it was quiet to the average person but not to Jotaro.
The garden in the middle of their property was ripe with sounds. Crickets and fish were swimming around in the pond, the bamboo wind chimes going quietly with the gentle breeze of the wind.
He made his way through the garden, looking up to the stars. Hoping they would give him answers as to why it had to be him, why his life got upturned and dealt the shitty cards that he had to pretend he knew whether or not he won or lost. It didn’t matter.
The Speedwagon foundation added a new tree a month or so ago. He couldn’t remember when; he lost track of time. Half the time, he would wake up from a nap in the afternoon, dazed and confused, thinking it was the next day. It would’ve been a relief, too. To not have to deal with the turmoil caused in his head and heart.
Jotaro assumes that Joseph told Suzy some things and that her big mouth went and told his mother. She remembered the two men, was horrified to hear that they had passed and gave the okay to have a plaque for their names. A plaque mentioned Avdol, Iggy, and yes, even Kakyoin.
She had been more annoying lately, anyway—both of them.
It was a Japanese Maple that stood out. It wasn’t much taller than Jotaro, and it couldn’t have been more than three years old.
He sat on the bench close to the tree and faced the plague. He looked up at the tree, closing his eyes and holding out a coin. He focused on his breathing, then using Star, tossed across the garden and into the shallow pond where its presence just scared the colony of Koi.
“I… “ Jotaro started, although he felt stupid. “I know I haven’t talked to you since you…” he trails off, not allowing himself to state that he died horrifically or wasn’t there to protect him. Looking back on it, he realizes that Joseph should’ve gone with Polnareff and Jotaro with Kakyoin. Why did it slip his mind? That the two with the long-range stands–Joseph and Kakyoin–went together while Polnareff and Jotaro, who need to be within a certain distance to get a hit on the bastard?
It could’ve saved Kakyoin’s life. He could’ve been here with him, and he wouldn’t have to feel so…
So alone. He felt alone. A million people could surround him, and without Kakyoin there, Jotaro felt misunderstood and uneasy. At least with Kakyoin’s presence, he finally felt like someone understood him, that he understood his anger and how deep down, he just wanted to feel okay.
“I’m sorry.” He barely can get the words out. They felt stuck in his throat before they even had the chance to come out.
Silence. He came to terms that there might not be an answer. But, he was alarmed to hear the comforting voice of Noriaki Kakyoin, albeit a little paler than he usually was.
“It’s okay.”
It’s quiet. Jotaro wanted to pretend he imagined it, but that wasn't the case. Kakyoin has a unique green glow surrounding him and striding towards him.
He joins Jotaro on the bench. Jotaro couldn’t place if his mind were making it up or if his spirit was here with him. He was still blaming an overactive imagination running on little sleep.
Before Star came and granted him the ability to use his stand, he would’ve scoffed at the kids in class who would talk about paranormal things or the occult. But, after seeing what he did, it’s hard to imagine that there was a time when he didn’t know. Joseph’s stories could’ve just been made up.
“It’s not.” He mumbles.
“I didn’t mind. It didn’t bother me. I knew you had your reasons, and I just wanted to give you the needed time.”
“I miss you. I’m sorry I wasn’t there. I would’ve stopped him if I could. I’m sorry I failed you.”
“Jotaro. Look at me.”
“No.”
“It’s okay. I promise, just look.”
With eyes remaining closed, he barely shifted facing left. He was hoping for an out—that he didn’t have to. But, deep down, he knew he had to.
Kakyoin sat quietly to him. He slowly opened his eyes and realized that the spirit was there. He nodded and breathed shortly.
“Hey.” Kakyoin’s voice was warm and didn’t sound like your typical movie spirit. “I’d say you look like you just saw a ghost, but we both know it would be pretty stupid.”
A snort leaves Jotaro’s throat; he’s trying his best to hide his eyes beneath his hat.
“It would be like me asking you how you’ve been.” He just simply remarks about it. There’s no edge to his voice, but Jotaro is grieving and trying to handle what he can handle. Just because he has Star doesn’t mean he’s emotionally equipped for this.
His hands tremble, and Kakyoin simply rests his own on Jotaro’s, trying to calm him. He did before he died, and it was enough for Jotaro. Kakyoin’s presence was enough to keep him level-headed, and he wanted to tell him.
He remembers a moment before the five of them stepped into the mansion in Cairo, Kakyoin, and he had a moment alone.
“Hey, Kakyoin.”
“Yes, Jotaro?” He replied sweetly, making eye contact with him. Jotaro hated eye contact and often tried to hide behind the brim of his hat. “Something on your mind?”
He wanted to tell him, but he was never good at expressing his feelings. He could punch his way through things easily and had the nerve to deal with multiple assholes, but this was different.
Somewhere between their first encounter and this moment, before facing the possible doom that awaited them, Jotaro Kujo had developed feelings for Noriaki Kakyoin. And, judging by the closeness and the sweet smile that Noriaki had, he could sense that it was mutual. Which was… Strange.
All his life, he was constantly being told by all the women around him—some leagues older than him—that he was such a catch and that any girl should be lucky to have him. One day, he would settle down and have a couple of kids with some lovely girl.
Deep down, he knew he didn’t want that. He didn’t know what he liked for sure, but Jotaro did understand that the attention that women gave him wasn’t something he wanted. All the boys in the school envied him to get these girls' attention. He always made it his problem. It wasn’t his choice; he would’ve been fine if it meant he never had to tell anyone that he loved them. He was alone and alone protected him.
No need for heartbreak, no need for anyone to get hurt.
And then Kakyoin showed up.
Gears started turning in his head, trying to make sense of it all, but he didn’t have time to focus on it. He had to find a way to save his mother.
The nights they shared closed quarters ended with watching movies together, just talking. What they liked and disliked was more than just small talk. Even if Kakyoin just talked about art and how the lighting of certain scenes looked.
“If we get out of here alive, once we get back to Japan—“ Jotaro started but was cut off by a kiss on the lips. Kakyoin had gotten up on his tallest tiptoes and pulled back. For a brief second, the two had parted, but Jotaro grabbed him by the collar and pulled him back for another, reciprocating the action. Kakyoin’s fingers slid up his face, trying to cradle something with desperation.
He was never this bold.
Both lips were dry and chapped; they didn’t think of bringing chapstick or why they would? Kakyoin was the one to pull away, even if he didn’t want to.
Jotaro rested his forehead against the other. The pair stood in silence, Had that just happened? Kakyoin’s lips pressed into a smile, with Jotaro huffing a small laugh.
“Not if, when. But, I think I know what you’re trying to say,” Kakyoin mutters ever so quietly. He presses one last soft kiss to Jotaro’s lips and then to his cheek, rubbing his thumb on the spot. “Then, yeah. We’ll talk.” A sweet smile, and then he took off after Joseph.
He’s yanked out of his memory when Kakyoin’s spirit clears his throat.
“JoJo?” It snaps Jotaro’s attention to him, shaking his head slightly. As if he could snap out of a bad memory. It was a bittersweet one.
“If you say some weird shit-“
“I forgive you. I know you wanted to tell me something before we went in. You don’t have to say it.”
“Why did you do that? Why… why did you kiss me?” It’s blunt and straight to the point. He’s not one to mince his words.
Kakyoin blinks, and the corner of his mouth tugs up. “Because if I didn’t, I know you wouldn’t have done it.” It’s a simple reply, but Star had his hand around his heart again with the way it was phrased.
“I kissed you back. Shouldn’t that count?”
“It did. I should’ve asked if you were okay with me doing that, but… I figured out what you were going to say a few days prior. I figured if I was going to succumb to anything, I wanted you to know. It was selfish; I'm sorry.”
“Oh.”
A shining star crossed the sky, grabbing both of their attention.
A beat.
“Avdol advised me to give you space. He saw that I was getting jealous of how you were doing these things to try and invoke a response from him or Iggy, even. I wanted to hear you say my name or do something that would get my attention, but—" He trails off. Noriaki looks guilty and lowers his head in shame. “Truth be told, all I wanted to do was just tell you how it wasn't your fault and how I felt about you.”
“Yeah.” Jotaro lowers his head. “I’m sorry.”
“You have nothing to apologize for. Everyone grieves differently, and that’s okay,” It’s an attempt to reassure Jotaro, but he’s stopping himself before saying something insensitive. “But bottling up your feelings isn’t a good thing.”
“That’s what the old man said. Good grief.”
“I can’t remember the last time I heard you say that. But, Mr. Joestar talked to me. Polnareff did, as well. I was only waiting for you.”
“What did they say?”
“Mr. Joetar–well, Joseph, as he asked me to call him—”
“Wait…” Jotaro pauses, unsure. “Did he see you too?”
“I showed myself to Joseph, not in that way," the pair smirk and scoff at the addition, "but I was hesitant to speak to Polnareff. However, I moved all of his furniture an inch to the left and watched as he constantly tripped over himself.”
Jotaro chuckles low, deep in his throat. Kakyoin just sits and smiles.
“What’s even more ridiculous is,” Kakyoin started and smirked, scoffing, and if he were actually here, in physical form and not as a spirit, his cheeks would’ve gone red with embarrassment. “The time when Polnareff and I shared a room, he was going through my bag and found a note.”
“Oh?” Jotaro glanced over at him with curiosity arising.
“At first, he thought it was from a girl at school, but truth be told, JoJo, it was a note I wanted to give you. I wrote how I was feeling, mentioned Egypt, then signed my name, and at first, Polnareff thought it was for your grandfather.”
Jotaro almost fell off the bench, only for Star to bounce out and push him back into place. It also didn’t help that Kakyoin still had his hand with Jotaro’s, so he had some stability.
“You’re telling me that… sorry, you’re telling me that Polnareff knew this entire time and didn’t say anything?”
“Unfortunately so.”
“Bastard can’t keep a secret to save his life. How did he….”
“I think he realized how bad he messed up.”
Jotaro’s fingers try to intertwine with Kakyoin’s. It’s almost pointless, but he just wanted him here with him.
“I miss you, Noriaki.”
“I think that’s the first time you ever said my name. I miss you, too.”
“Do you think it was… it was worth it? To die trying?”
“Well, Jotaro, that depends,” a brief pause. “You got the message that his stand could stop time, hm?”
“Yeah.”
“And you defeated him, right?”
“Yeah. I just wish there was another option.”
“Such as…?” Kakyoin queried.
“Where you lived.”
They sit for a while longer.
From the porch, Holly watches from behind a pillar. She can’t make out what is said, but she knows she can see Noriaki. Tears well up in her eyes, finally understanding that the first friend that her baby, her sweet baby boy, brought home in years.
And he was gone.
She admittedly heard what he said, how he would do anything to help, and she thought about it in the moments where she didn’t feel like thorns were stabbing her. He was a sweet boy, and he brought the kindness out in her baby boy — how sad it was to think about how he died.
Holly glances down at her watch at 1:56 AM. The mother catches a glimpse of the shooting star crossing the sky. She always considered them a reminder that people were still with them even after death. At least, that’s what she believed in.
Kakyoin’s breath hitches.
“I know I promised you to wait until after our fight with DIO, but did you want to tell me now, Jotaro?”
A quick freeze, with Jotaro remaining as still as possible even though his breathing pace was betraying him. Could he tell Noriaki? He already knew what was left unsaid. Why bother?
“You already know what I wanted to say, though,” Jotaro murmurs.
“Doesn’t make a difference if I did or not,” Kakyoin chuckled. “What makes a difference is whether you still wanted to tell me.”
“I’m not very good with words–”
“Here, then allow me to be the first: I love you, Jotaro.” Kakyoin was so rudely interrupted. “Moment I saw you, I fell head over heels, even with the flesh-bud.”
Jotaro shook his head, and a sharp and audible exhale came from his nose.
“Good Grief, you are such a pain in the ass.”
Kakyoin bows his head and smiles.
It’s 1:58 AM.
Jotaro simply just pulls his cap up and off his head. “This hat often feels like… a safety net. So does my jacket. I like wearing them, and I feel safe even when I know I’m not. Even when I’m in serious danger. It… it—“
“Grounds you?”
“Stop interrupting. I’m trying something here.”
“Okay, sorry, carry on,” Kakyoin turns his body to face Jotaro.
“It grounds me. I don’t like taking them off for anything or anyone. But, when you’re around, I feel a little bit safer. Like I can be myself and know you’re not going to laugh at me. You would laugh with me. Not a lot of people, they can’t say that. So, to put it bluntly, yes — I love you, Noriaki. I think I will love you for the rest of my life. Even now, when you’re gone.”
The last words are hard to say, but he gets them out.
“Never knew you were that poetic.” The other remarks, and Jotaro pulls his hat back on his head. “Aw, come on. You know you like it.” Kakyoin gives a pout that results in an eye-roll from Jotaro. It’s a moment before Kakyoin continues.
“You need some sleep, Jotaro.”
“You’ll leave, though.”
“I’m always going to be with you, even when I’m not.”
“How do I know?”
“Whenever you feel doubtful and then a sense of love for what you do, I’ll be there. I’ll always be there. And as much as it sucks, I think I’ll be there even when you age. I heard legends that you return to how old you were when you met the love of your life, and they met you.”
“And you believe that?”
Yes, I do. If I’m wrong, that’s okay. But, I’ll be there when you pass, and then we’ll be together until the end of time."
“Ew. That’s kind of….” Jotaro started but then trailed off. He forgot how much Kakyoin was a nerd. Though, he stopped due to an eyebrow being raised at him from the other; a look that said watch your words Jotaro. He resumed, however. “Well, it makes sense to you. I mean… you make it — you make it sound nice, I guess.”
“I guess you could say I viewed life differently from you. I loved poetry growing up. I realize now how much I wanted my life to be a poem—how much I’ve wanted everything to matter deeply.”
Jotaro takes it in, but within a few moments, his eyes well up. Kakyoin takes notice quickly, getting up and kneeling in front of Jotaro. Noriaki Kakyoin knows that Jotaro Kujo doesn’t cry in front of anyone, not even his family. Hell, everyone knows this. His elbows rest on Jotaro’s shaking legs, his hands reaching up and holding the latter’s face. The tears are far and few in between, but they streaked his face.
Kakyoin sits in front of him, cradling his face, but all Jotaro wants is for him actually to be here with him.
To not be dead.
DIO could rot for centuries, and it wouldn’t make it better. Nothing could.
“You told me you love me. Why did you have to go away? Why did you have to kiss me? Why didn’t I save you?” Kakyoin blinks at him. But, the broken boy being consoled by a spirit kept mumbling. “There’s not a day I don’t miss your rude interruptions. There’s not a moment when I don’t want you here. I don’t want to forget you, and I don’t want you to be dead. I want you here with me.”
“Do you think you could wait?”
“I don’t want to, Noriaki.”
Star Platinum was on standby but made an appearance if only to kick a rock that had nothing wrong with it. It went flying.
“I don’t want you to do anything stupid. Could you please promise me that? Could you maybe put Star away for a second and hear me out? Please?”
Kakyoin glanced at Star, who nodded his head and merged with Jotaro. Jotaro grimaced, bringing his hands up to wipe the tears off his face. Even when he was so vulnerable, he had to pretend to be this big tough guy.
“Fine.”
Kakyoin breathed and tried taking his own hands, but he had hands that would allow him to hold but not embrace.
“You know satellites?”
Jotaro blinked and looked at him with an odd expression. “You serious right now?”
“Yes. If anything bothers you, just look up a satellite, and I’ll be there. I’ll always watch over you, but I need you to not do anything stupid. I want you to live a good life. A happy one, trust me when I say this: I didn’t want this to hurt you. That’s the last thing I ever wanted. But kissing you and telling you to wait was the bravest thing I had done for myself in a long time. So, please. I need you to know that I didn’t want any of this to negatively affect you. I want to make things better. It’s the least I can do. So please, just live. If not for me, then for Avdol and Iggy. They didn’t die in vain, nor did I. So, stop acting as we did.”
Kakyoin tips Jotaro’s hat up to look into his eyes. He wasn’t crying, but tears have a remarkable effect on people with piercing blue eyes: they make them brighter. It’s like turning up the brightness on a dim light.
Jotaro simply nods. “I don’t know how long I can wait.”
“That’s okay. But patience is key. Don’t go off and do something stupid because you deserve to be happy. You made me happy, and I know I did the same for you, but please. Please try. I know that whenever I see you after you pass, my feelings will not fade. Time will make things right.”
He tries pressing a kiss to Jotaro’s forehead but knocks off his hat by mistake. Jotaro notices that Kakyoin is crying and simply tries to hold him, but it’s impossible. You can’t keep a spirit or ghost.
It’s not possible.
“I have to go. You need to sleep, Jotaro.”
Jotaro goes to argue but is cut off with a yawn. His eyes are tired, and he doesn’t know if Kakyoin purposely made him tired; he doesn’t know shit when it comes to what spirits can do. He would count himself pretty lucky in not have many deaths in his family.
But the Crusaders were his family. And he watched as Kakyoin backed away and tried walking off before calling out to him.
“Hey. Noriaki?”
Kakyoin turned.
“Yes?”
The last movie they watched together while travelling was The Empire Strikes Back. Kakyoin thought it was amusing that Han responded to Leia with a classic line but thought it was even sadder that Jotaro had never seen it before.
“I love you,” Jotaro says.
And with a dashing smile, pulling on sunglasses as if he were some movie star, Kakyoin simply states the response: “I know. I’ll see you around.”
And he vanishes.
Jotaro simply stands up, bending over to pick up his hat. That’s when Holy runs over to him.
She had been waiting and watching but not saying anything. Which was an incredible feat, considering how much she liked to chat. In the same vein as her mother, one would say.
“JoJo?” Holy asks quietly.
He exhaled audibly and turned to face his mother.
“Did you need something?”
She could tell a lie. Keyword; could.
“I was worried about you. I heard the door open and… I know you don’t want to talk about it, but I am here.”
“If I wanted to talk to you about it, I would’ve.” He tries walking away, but she steps in front of him.
“Jotaro. I have done everything I can to give you space. To provide you with the time to grieve—“
“Bitch, I don’t need a lecture.”
She pointed at him. Her face had gone red in the pale moonlight.
“Enough. I have done everything I can for you. You are going to listen to me, young man.”
“How much of that did you even hear?” Jotaro throws his hands up, frustrated. Yes, he can get pissed off, but it's game over when Holy Joestar-Kujo gets mad.
“I heard enough.”
“Oh, so now you’re eavesdropping on my conversations? I went to Egypt to save your life, but you draw the line at me going out into the garden to think? Are you fucking serious?”
And like a lion’s roar, she explodes.
“I draw the line where my son thinks he has to go through everything alone, Jotaro. I was there for you, not your dad. Me. I patched up your bruises; I taught you how to ride a bike. But I’m just the bitch who raised you, right? I don’t get a say in anything because you’re oh so mature now, and you can do everything yourself. You are MY son.”
Holy starts hyperventilating, feeling upset with herself for losing her temper with him like this. She starts sobbing, and almost impulsively, she clings to her boy.
He has two options. Either push his mom away or walk away or let her get everything out. She doesn’t lose her temper very often.
But her next set of words startles him.
“When did you stop needing me?” A muffled cry comes out from his chest, and he can feel his shirt start to get soaked by her tears but can’t do anything about it. “I miss you, and I know you’re hurting, but I feel helpless because I can’t do anything to help you. I miss my son; I want to help you, so tell me how I can help you. Please, JoJo.”
And that is the straw that breaks the camel’s back.
Everything that happened over that trip, from the constant life-threatening danger to defeating DIO, crashed. He felt his arms wrap around her and hold onto her tightly. He started shaking when she noticed and looked up to see the distress on his face.
She reached up and wrapped her arms around his neck. She was minuscule compared to him in height and weight, but she didn’t care. She knew he was in pain.
He sobbed quietly into her shoulder, trying to catch his breath. She simply just held him close.
Grief is hard to deal with. But, it’s even worse when you feel alone.
And for the first time in a very long time, Jotaro and Holy understood each other. They understood the other’s pain of losing a loved one. Because even though JoJo’s father was alive, he felt so far away that it made them rely on each other for so long. Worked a lot and left her in a place that didn’t feel like home unless her son was there despite living in it for almost twenty years.
“It’s okay. Let it out. I’m here for you, JoJo.”