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Karma was terribly frustrated.
He was annoyed with his teacher, an octopus-shaped superorganism; with his classmates, who were excited about the return of the test; and most of all, with himself. Because he had done so well up to this point. He can study and get good test scores without any special effort. He's made it this far, basking in the coolness of being at the top of the class without even trying.
But what about the results of this final exam? He doesn't need anyone to point it out to him. He knew himself better than anyone else.
He didn't like to be embarrassed. Shame is something he let someone else bring upon. But that homeroom teacher made Karma feel more embarrassed than ever before, provoked him a lot, and left. It was so frustrating, so frustrating, so frustrating. This was not the way it should be. “I'm Akabane Karma, wasn't I supposed to just win in the normal way?”
He tried to hurry past the back of the school building in a state of frustration. He has no more use for school today. He would have to quickly throw away the crumpled answer sheets at home. What was this “just a kid proudly holding up a rusty blade” ? Just remembering this made his blood run up to his head and his vision turned red. It was almost the end of recess. He was about to turn around to go down the mountain before anyone saw him.
“Karma!”
He was tongue-tied the moment he heard that voice. Of all the people to be found by the last person he wanted to be found by right now, he couldn't believe it. Nagisa jumped out from the corner of the school building and came running toward him. He was breathing heavily with his light blue hair tied up in two, and when he arrived in front of Karma, he put his hands on his knees and chest, and took a moment to catch his breath.
“What are you doing here?”
The short Nagisa bent over lightly, making him look even smaller. As Karma stared at him, he looked up with clear blue eyes.
“I got worried… because you weren't at your seat, Karma.”
“Nagisa, you came here to laugh anyway!”
“No!”
The supposedly cute upturned eyes were annoying him now anyway, and he interrupted the words as if to slap them off. However, Nagisa quickly retorted and he was at a loss for words. But it was only for a moment.
“Then what? Even that octopus should have been left alone.”
“...I knew he'd come looking for you.”
“That octopus is always embarrassing me in the first place! It wasn't just today, I was seriously humiliated when I was teased as soon as I returned to school. What was with that lousy apron during cooking class? He should put himself in my shoes, Terasaka and the others laughed at me a lot!”
Once he started to spit it out, the stuff that had been clogging up his chest would overflow unceasingly and he couldn't stop. It was not the main topic of the conversation, and there was nothing he could do about it now. Nagisa did not say anything this time. He just sat still and listened to Karma's words, waiting for the last word and the breath, and said.
“... Koro-sensei makes you aware of it. He makes us aware by ourselves so that we can move actively, not passively. I don't think he was just trying to be nice and encourage us.”
Spot on point. But at the same time, he wondered what Nagisa could possibly know. He wondered how Nagisa's test results were. During class, when Karma was in a daze, he would always look diagonally ahead and see him taking notes with a serious expression on his face.
Karma knew that he was not being encouraged half-heartedly. If he had been pitied or consoled, he would have run away at once in fear. He would have just thought he was a creepy guy and that would have been the end of it. It was a provocation and a challenge. The octopus knows exactly what it is that excites Karma the most. That is why he was rebelling. His teacher had the principle of action completely under control, didn't he?
If it is a provocation, he can't help but stand up to it. He have no choice but to do it. That is Karma's instinct. However, the other frightening thing was the small, compact animal in front of him. He is here now, having read everything about Karma's character and the actions of the octopus homeroom teacher.
“…You're calm, Nagisa.”
“Not that that's the case… but I wouldn't laugh at you, Karma.”
Breathing seemed to have calmed down and Nagisa smiled, completely normal. He knows. He knew. He knew that even on that day when he was made to eat octopus balls and wear a frilly apron, Nagisa never laughed. That he never scorned or mocked him, but looked at him with honest concern.
Nagisa’s white fingertips pinched the short sleeves of Karma’s cardigan and tugged. It was more eloquent and reassuring than any “It's okay” .
“I'm sorry. Taking it out on you won't help.”
He breathed in and felt lighter. It was all thanks to the little animal in front of him. Nagisa could suddenly pull the poison out of Karma at a moment's notice. It's like he lets his guard down, or rather, he lets his guard down.
“Hah ...... I'll get myself in trouble.”
So Karma decided to rest his head on Nagisa’s low shoulder, thinking this was about as good as it gets. He exhaled slowly, in a movement that matched his breathing. The tips of red hairs flowed smoothly at the edge of his vision. Nagisa only uttered a surprised “wow”, and then did as he was told. The area around his collarbone, where his forehead rested, was slender yet soft. He smelled good, not unlike that of a boy in the third year of junior high school.It was a gentle scent of fabric softener or soap or something clean, and it made him feel like he could not believe it. Thinking back, it was always like that. Although Karma could not control his feelings and chose to separate from him once, Nagisa used to make him feel this way when they spent time together on a daily basis before that.
Why does Nagisa accept him? How could Nagisa accept him?
Ah, after all, “I still love Nagisa” . Karma thinks this with his face pressed against the other shoulder and his eyes tightly closed. He has never prayed for anything, but maybe this is what it means to pray. He always devotes all his capacity to something that is there to receive him.
“Karma…”
A softer voice than usual called his name. It was a very small sound, a mixture of exhale and whisper. The voice, which was directed only at Karma, was so close that it was as if he had taken off his regular clothes and changed into loungewear. And just as he thought he was enveloped by the voice, something actually landed on his head as well. Nagisa stroked his head from the whip to the back of his head and back again, as if to check the shape of his head.
“You are treating me like a little kid after all.”
“It's not just Karma, Asano also felt frustrated.”
“Don't talk about him.”
However, the name of an unexpected person came out of the same mouth that uttered the sound, and his body stiffened. The sound of his voice was surprisingly heavy.
“Don't say another man's name.”
When Karma slowly turned his head to look at Nagisa’s lips, it was much closer than he expected, right in front of Karma's eyes. The moderately thin, light pink lips were now just slightly open, perhaps due to surprise. There was still a small, pouty, childish look in there, and he thought to himself, “ I wish I could kiss him” .
His blue gaze flickered over to Karma. He wonders if he can reach it.
Nagisa never refuses karma. Just as the ocean never rejects any ship that floats there. But if any ship, no matter what the route, can sail equally, can Karma be a special one? He doesn't want to be in tattered sails, he doesn't want to expose his rusty hull. He wants to be a first class ship, fully prepared and equipped to shine. He can't even be cool in front of the boy he likes, isn't that really uncool?
Their lips were long ago close together. He could even make out the shape of each other's breath. He touched Nagisa's moist breath. They were already close. He gulped silently, imagining the feel of Nagisa's lovely lips, and then he let his eyelashes fall down, and…
Something was pressed against Karma's face.
“...um.”
The palms of Nagisa's hands filled the entire field of vision. He couldn't see anything thanks to them blocking his eyes, let alone his lips. Of course the kiss was a failure.
“...Nagisa,”
“Sorry! I didn't mean to..!”
Nagisa, who was flustered, quickly removed his hand. But his face was so red that it looked as if it had been boiled, and he could even see the steam on his face.
“Hmmm? Did you at least know what I was going to do to you?”
“I know! I've been trained by Mrs. Bitch! But, I was…surprised...”
Karma loved the eyebrows that lowered in an easily recognizable way, and the annoyed look on the other face. He couldn't help but grin.
“I'm going to leave you on hold for now.”
“For now?”
“Sure. I'm going to make it a reward.”
Karma moved away from the cozy shoulders and brushed his fingers through his hair to straighten the mess. Now he wanted to keep my back straight. “You're just a kid proudly holding up a rusty blade” , huh? Karma was angry at octopus for saying that, but now he felt that he had said it well. If that was the case, he would polish him up. Sharp and shiny. Anything that touches the blade, even the air, will be cut to pieces. So until then, he'll take everything in stride.
“A perfect score in all subjects. I'll make sure I get that, then let me kiss you.”
He smiled and looked at Nagisa, who had turned his large eyes toward Karma with pink cheeks. His expression was still somewhat dreamy, but he understood the meaning of Karma's declaration and smiled as if a bud was about to open.
“Karma, you could make it happen, couldn't you?”
He looked both half troubled and happy. So Karma strongly thinks. “Wait for me, Nagisa. I'll show you how cool I am. And then you'll be mine, right?”
Instead of delivering those words, he smiles with a fearless expression on his face. He saw it in Nagisa's eyes and felt a warmth in his heart that he had accepted another one like that.
“Let’s go back to the classroom. No one will laugh at you, Karma.”
“Oh, no, I'm not going back.”
“What?”
“No way. I ain't running away again.”
The sound of dirt stamping under their feet continued quietly as they walked away. The sky, which was about to turn into summer, was far, far away blue, and there were no clouds in sight.