Work Text:
Iruka doesn't remember exactly when Hatake-san moved in next door. It was definitely sometime between Naruto coming home and Iruka starting his job at the nearby middle school, but that had been such a busy time in their lives, and events like a new neighbor coming to town hadn't stood out quite enough to really make an impact. It's been long enough, though, that he has come to assume that if they were going to become friends, the kind of neighbors who do more than just nod to one another when they happen to pass in the street, it would have happened by now. This has never seemed like any great loss, on its face; Iruka has wonderful friends, and a very energetic son who keeps him very busy, and Hatake-san, frankly, has always seemed a little... standoffish.
And that had been before the dogs.
Obviously, Iruka has lived next to, and around, dog owners before, though he has never had a dog himself. His parents had a pet cat when he was very small, but the kitty had passed even before they had, so it's been a long time since he's been around a pet for extended periods of time, but it's not like he's unfamiliar with the concept.
But by the grace of everything that is good in the world, Iruka is convinced that Hatake-san's dogs have to be the worst ones ever born.
Oh, fine, worst is probably a bit harsh; they seem nice enough, by dog standards, and there have been a few times when Hatake-san has been walking them past Iruka and Naruto's house, and Naruto has politely (politely, that is, for Naruto) asked to pet one or the other of them, and Hatake-san has inclined his head, and whichever dog it is has consented to have its ears scratched for a few moments.
But that's just it — there are so damned many of them. Iruka isn't even certain he's seen them all, or that more aren't arriving all the time. It seems like there is a rotating cast of at least eight of them appearing on Hatake-san's balcony, or in his windows, or on the end of somewhat threadbare leashes as he strolls down the road.
Or, as it happens, in Iruka's garden.
He's no dedicated horticulturalist, but he does enjoy spending his time with his flowers and shrubs. It's relaxing! It gets him outdoors! It's something he and Naruto can do together! Lately, he's started growing a few herbs, and it's very rewarding to use them when he makes dinner — it feels extra-special, even though he's well aware the flavor isn't all that different than if he'd bought them at the supermarket.
Hatake-san's dogs are clearly in agreement about how nice it is to be in Iruka's garden, considering they're there all the damn time. There's one in particular — a small brown one with a squashed face — who seems downright obsessed with Iruka's azaleas, or determined to uproot them, at the very least. The occasional piece of poop, Iruka would be able to deal with; they're animals, after all, and while he'd certainly hope their owner would clean up after them, these things happen sometimes. But the constant digging, and chewing, and crashing right through his flowerbeds...
In Hatake-san's defense, he's apologized each and every time, and clearly made efforts to keep his dogs inside, or behind a fence. Those dogs must be inugami, though, or at least descended from inugami, because no matter what Hatake-san does, it never stops them for more than a day or two, or a week at the absolute most, before they're back in Iruka's garden again, causing mischief. Hatake-san has seemed more and more baffled and frustrated with his own pets each time Iruka brings it up with him, but for goodness' sake, if the man can't keep control of his dogs, maybe he shouldn't have eight of them.
But. Regardless. Hatake-san is not exactly outgoing, and he has a veritable pack of garden-destroying hounds, but he's not actively rude, and he never plays loud music or hosts parties in the wee hours of the morning or anything like that. He is not, strictly speaking, a bad neighbor, and he certainly doesn't seem to be a bad person.
So, of course, Naruto comes home from his very first day of his fourth year of elementary school and says, "Hatake-san next door is a wizard!"
It isn't the first thing he says, but it is his response when Iruka asks him what he'd learned that day, both of them sitting around the table after dinner, which, he feels, does not bode well at all for Naruto's education in the coming year.
"A wizard," he repeats, wondering which of Naruto's friends it is that started this rumor, and why a wizard, in particular.
Naruto nods so fast Iruka almost worries he's going to make himself sick. "Kiba saw him walking around by the river in the middle of the night!" Naruto stage-whispers, glancing with exaggerated care in the direction of Hatake-san's house, as though he might be listening even now.
That doesn't sound like the behavior of a wizard, necessarily, but then again, Iruka is old, and therefore boring. He makes a considering noise, which Naruto takes as full permission to keep going.
"Shikamaru thinks he's an English spy, though," he says, speaking even more quietly now, cupping one hand around his mouth as he leans in close. "Like James Bond!"
Iruka pauses, conflicted. This is, clearly, a Teachable Moment — a good opportunity to instill in Naruto the idea that gossip is unhelpful and often unkind, and not to believe everything he hears, even if he hears it from his friends. (For one thing, why the hell would there be an English spy in their sleepy neighborhood? Also, Hatake-san has never shown any evidence whatsoever of being English.) God knows Iruka wants that idea firmly embedded in his skull long before puberty hits.
On the other hand, though… well. It’s not like these are especially harmful rumors. Every neighborhood since the dawn of time must have had the one neighbor who all the local children were convinced was a witch or a cannibal or who-knows-what. Iruka and his friends certainly tossed around those kinds of rumors when they were Naruto’s age. And, all things considered, being a suspected secret agent is getting off pretty light, if you’re the neighbor in question. Spies aren’t scary, at least not unless you’re the villain in an action movie. Spies are cool. Wizards, too, are fairly child-friendly, aren't they? And if the worst that can come of this is a bunch of second-graders thinking Hatake-san is a total, unmitigated badass, or else that his fashion sense tends towards wands and pointy hats, Iruka doesn’t think he really owes it to the man to stop Naruto and his friends from having their fun.
Especially not given what keeps happening to his poor, defenseless garden.
In the end, he hums, tilting his head to one side. "Did Kiba and Shikamaru say why they thought those things? Other than seeing him walking at night?" It can't have been particularly late at night, even, if the kids had been out and about to see him.
This clearly gives Naruto some pause. His mouth opens to reply, then hangs there for several long seconds. "He's creepy!" Naruto says after a moment, and Iruka sighs internally. All right, that tips it over more solidly to Teachable Moment territory.
"Why is he creepy?" he asks, fully prepared to break out an age-appropriate lecture on body differences and how the fact that Hatake-san wears an eyepatch does not make him creepy, and isn't something Naruto should put up with his friends making fun of. But Naruto props his hands on his hips defiantly, and seems to be picking up steam again.
"He — c'mon, oyaji, you've seen him!" Naruto says indignantly, as though Hatake-san's quote-unquote creepiness is so obvious and self-evident that Iruka's refusal to acknowledge it must be a personal attack.
"I have," Iruka says firmly, cutting him off before he can go any farther. "And I've seen that he's a perfectly normal person who lets you pet his dogs and orders a lot of take-away. It isn't nice to gossip, Naruto."
Naruto deflates like a pricked balloon, the slump of his shoulders a little guilty. "I know it's not," he says, half-mumbling, and despite the fact that he's still theoretically mid-lecture, Iruka has to bite back a smile. He has such a good kid.
"You shouldn't listen to anything your friends tell you, either," he says, rubbing the top of Naruto's head. "Well — trust them when they tell you something serious, but try not to listen too much when they come up with crazy stories, okay?"
This point, unfortunately, doesn't seem to hit quite as hard as the previous one; Naruto still nods and says, "Yes, oyaji," but he's looking a bit askance now, and the message, to Iruka's refined Naruto-to-human translation senses, is fairly clear: whether or not Hatake-san is a spy and/or wizard is serious business, and should be treated as such, meaning of course Shikamaru and Kiba are to be trusted. It's just that they shouldn't call him creepy while they speculate.
Iruka sighs a little, and decides to let it go. He's sure it will come back to bite him very soon, but, selfishly, he has other things he'd like to do this evening, and he doesn't really want to spend any more time talking around this particular issue. Naruto's a good boy, and his friends are good kids too; Iruka knows there isn't anything truly mean-spirited at the heart of this.
Of course, it does indeed come back to bite him very soon — it's less than a week later when Naruto comes home from school and, walking past Hatake-san's house, looks distinctly spooked. Iruka sighs immediately at seeing his expression, but it's a fairly fond sort of exasperation.
"Let me guess," he says, watching Naruto come up the walk, before he's even inside the house. "Did someone else have an idea about our poor neighbor?"
"I'll tell you inside," Naruto says in a hushed voice, glancing over his shoulder somewhat nervously. That gets a raised eyebrow from Iruka, but he stands aside and lets Naruto trot past him into the house.
By the time the two of them make it to the living room, Naruto has crawled across to the window, the one that faces Hatake-san's house, and is crouched slightly so that he's just barely peering over the bottom of the frame, squinting slightly. Iruka sighs again, still very fond, and internally tries to decide: ghost or vampire? Or, maybe, an evil wizard this time?
"So," he says aloud, decidedly not laughing at the way Naruto jumps and scrambles back from the window, trying to look like he wasn't startled. "What's the newest theory?"
"Oyaji, you're not gonna believe it," Naruto whisper-shouts, scrambling across the room to him. Privately, Iruka concurs. "Sakura-chan figured it out!"
Oh, dear. That doesn't bode well at all for getting whatever this idea is out of Naruto's head. He's had the cutest crush on Sakura-chan for a while now. Iruka finds her charming; she's very clever, and she has a strong personality. But along with that, and with Naruto's interest in her, goes the fact that she tends to be... somewhat outspoken in her opinions, and Naruto, in turn, tends to take them pretty seriously.
"What did she figure out?" Iruka asks, a little more wary now.
Naruto takes a deep breath in and very conspicuously looks back once more at the window, squinting briefly across to Hatake-san's house as though to confirm they're not being watched. He gestures for Iruka to bend over, and then whispers directly into his ear, "Hatake-san is a ghost!"
Aha. So he'd been right on the money earlier.
"Really?" Iruka says, straightening up and trying to sound as reasonable, trustworthy, and convincing as possible. "But we see him outside all the time. He always looks pretty solid to me. And how would he hold onto his dogs' leashes if he were a ghost?"
This, obviously, has no impact whatsoever.
"No, no," Naruto says, already shaking his head before Iruka is even finished speaking. "Oyaji, you don't get it!"
If anything, Iruka thinks, he seems almost encouraged — maybe trying to talk him out of things has only served to convince him that he knows something he isn't supposed to. Iruka can't help but find it a little cute. Just a little! But he also has a duty as a parent, so he says, a little more firmly, "No, Naruto, you can't go around spreading rumors like that. I don't want to hear about it again, okay?"
He waits until Naruto has nodded and said he understands, and, indeed, that's the last Iruka actually hears of it for quite some time. Of course, he knows kids — and especially Naruto — too well to think that means the topic has definitely been dropped, but he hopes that it will fade with time. As the days go by with no further mentions of Hatake-san and the various things he definitely isn't, he stops worrying about it quite so much, and the subject begins to slip his mind entirely.
—
The nights, few and far between, where Naruto sleeps over at a friend's house are sacred. Iruka loves him very, very much, but any parent appreciates a night off once in a while, and he's no different. Luckily, there are a few of Naruto's friends whose parents have a loosely agreed-upon schedule to host one or a few of the group every couple of weeks on a rotating basis, so that everyone gets a night to themselves every so often. Iruka tries to avoid spending the time grading or writing lesson plans; he likes to settle down with a book and a pot of tea, or maybe a beer if that's the mood he's in. He cherishes those slow, quiet evenings very deeply.
So, of course, his phone rings just when he's finally gotten comfortable on the sofa.
He stifles a groan and considers just ignoring it, right up until he catches a glimpse of the caller ID. It's Nara-san, meaning he's almost certainly calling about Naruto; Naruto, Kiba-kun, and Chouji-kun are all over at the Naras' tonight, which, frankly, speaks of great bravery on the Naras' part. Iruka can't exactly ignore the call, so he grudgingly sets his book down instead and says, "Hello, Nara-san."
"Umino-sensei," Nara-san answers. He always sounds so gruff on the phone; it's kind of funny. He's not an unkind man, of course, but his dry nature doesn't always translate well when you can't see his face.
"Let me guess," Iruka says. "Did Naruto do something? Should I start apologizing now?"
"No, no," Nara-san says. "Well — not just him. I think all four of them are up to something."
Of course they are. Iruka's just about to ask for more information when Nara-san sighs and says, "They snuck out."
"They snuck out?" Iruka can hear his voice rising in pitch with each word, but can't quite control it.
"They left a note," Nara-san explains, and Iruka can barely hear a papery sound on the other end of the line, like he's tapping it for emphasis. "It says they're going ghost hunting. So, I wanted to call you partly to let you know, and partly to ask if you had any idea what they meant. My wife is calling Kiba-kun's mother, too, and we already called Chouza. He didn't know anything."
"I think I do," Iruka groans. "I'm so sorry, Nara-san. If I'm right, they're completely safe; I think they're at my neighbor's house, actually. I'll try to have them rounded up, if you want to come over here and get them."
"...I see," Nara-san replies after a moment. It's hard to tell exactly, but Iruka thinks he sounds more relieved than irritated. "I'll see you soon, then."
Iruka gives himself a moment after Nara-san hangs up to flop over on the couch and despair, wondering how in the hell the boys managed to get out of the Naras' house at all. At least the Naras are fairly close by, so they probably made it over safely. There's nothing for it, though — he'd better go and check to see if they're skulking around outside Hatake-san's house. He can't imagine what else they would have meant by ghost hunting. If they're not actually at Hatake-san's, he'd bet anything that he'll find them nearby.
It's nearly ten PM, and there's a chill in the night air that bites into Iruka when he steps outside. He pointedly walks down to the street and around rather than cutting through Hatake-san's yard, though no one's around to witness him being passive-aggressive. By the time he makes it to the doorway, he's already working out a lecture for the boys, should he find them. Honestly, he thinks as he raises his hand to ring the bell, he's a little surprised that Hatake-san hasn't already knocked at his door to return his wayward son to him.
He rings the bell and then takes a polite step back, waiting patiently. He hopes he isn't waking Hatake-san up, but then, he doesn't really seem like the type of person to be in bed by ten o'clock. As the seconds tick by, however, and one minute turns to two, then three, he begins to think maybe Hatake-san is fast asleep somewhere. In which case, Iruka's really sorry, but he needs to know if his kid is getting up to shenanigans. He steps closer to the door again, knocks firmly, and calls, "Hatake-san?"
At first, there's still no response, and Iruka can feel himself start to grow frustrated — not, of course, that it's Hatake-san's fault for not answering his door promptly at this hour, but it certainly isn't helping him figure out where the kids are. But then, just as Iruka starts to turn and walk away, thinking maybe he can at least see if they snuck around back or something, he hears the lock click, and the door starts to creak open.
"Hatake-san —" he starts to say, turning back at once, but he cuts himself off when he realizes he can't actually see anyone on the other side of the door. He squints a little into the slowly widening strip of darkness revealed as the door slowly drifts open wider and wider, but no matter how hard he strains his eyes, said darkness does not resolve itself into Hatake-san's mask and eyepatch and messy silvery-gray hair. Hell, with hair like that, he should practically shine like a beacon in the dark, now that Iruka thinks about it, but no such beacon is making itself visible.
"Wruff," someone says from shin-level, and Iruka jumps all the way out of his skin and actually shrieks a little.
It's that damn dog — the little brown one, the one who's always digging up his azaleas. And he appears to be completely unaccompanied — Iruka is by now very sure that Hatake-san is not, in fact, at the door. But then how did the door open? And why is the dog just sitting there, staring at him, its haunches curled neatly underneath it as it gives him a little panting doggie grin that he would almost have to say looks smug?
He stares down at the dog, one part confused, one part vaguely annoyed, and one part... well... Stop it, he tells himself firmly, rather than giving into the urge to shiver or look over his shoulder. He's never been a superstitious person, and the only reason he's letting this situation make him nervous right now is because he's been inadvertently absorbing some of Naruto's silly theories about Hatake-san, clearly. The door must have just not been closed properly, and the dog is only here because Iruka knocked and called out. There's nothing strange about it at all, really, or at least nothing that isn't perfectly explainable as an odd coincidence.
While Iruka is busy working himself up over nothing, the dog sits there and wags its tail at him, and then whuffs quietly, turns around, and trots into the house.
Iruka hesitates for a long second, his need to figure out what the hell is going on warring with his firmly embedded sense of manners and propriety, before mentally throwing up his arms in defeat. "I'm coming in," he calls quietly as he slips through the open door and quickly toes off his shoes, hoping he's not about to die.
The dog doesn't seem bothered at all; it just keeps on moving, nails click-click-clicking on the floor, and Iruka actually has to hurry his steps a little to avoid losing sight of it in the dark house. He's not exactly in the mindset to be snooping around, but he can't help but notice that the place is somehow not what he would have expected. There are houseplants, for one thing, which makes him even more frustrated with the damage to his own garden, which definitely doesn't seem to have been visited on Hatake-san's plant life in equal measure. That makes it feel targeted, though he feels silly even thinking it, because, again, they're dogs.
They pass quickly through a living area and down a hallway, and it's as they start to approach a doorway at the end of the hall that Iruka hears a most concerning flesh-on-flesh sort of sound, and then something in a low voice that he can't quite make out. His heart seizes dangerously in his chest, and he speeds up, passing the dog in his effort to get to whatever the hell is going on in there. By the time he pushes open the door, he's all but running, fear crawling icy and sharp up his spine.
There's another smack! just as Iruka opens the door, and then a voice that he's now close enough to definitively recognize as Hatake-san says, "Good. Again."
It takes Iruka several long seconds to process what he's seeing, and for the duration of that time he stands there, frozen, holding open the door into what turns out to be Hatake-san's kitchen. Hatake-san's kitchen, that is, where the table is shoved unceremoniously to one side to make room for the fact that there is a fight in progress.
Well, calling it a fight is perhaps a bit generous. But Naruto, Shikamaru, Kiba, and Chouji are certainly all attacking Hatake-san, though he's not, thank everything holy, apparently attacking the children back. He's only moving any time they get even close to within range of him, dodging their wild and uncontrolled movements with an absolute efficiency that allows him to easily avoid contact without even looking up from his — hold on, is that book in his hands erotica?
Iruka's jaw seems to have taken up residence somewhere near the floor. The children haven't noticed him yet, somehow, though Hatake very briefly flickers his eyes over to see who's just burst into his kitchen. All Iruka can think to do is cast his eyes around the room for an answer, as though one will suddenly appear out of nowhere and make all of this make sense; of course, no such miracle is forthcoming, though Hatake-san's little brown dog does follow him into the room, sit down at his feet, and then direct an expression up at him that Iruka can really only describe as smug.
When Hatake-san looks over at him again and, this time, holds his gaze, Iruka almost feels like the man is putting him out of his misery.
"Uh-oh," he says, holding up both hands as a signal to stop; his voice isn't loud, exactly, but it seems to crack the mood in the room like an egg, and the boys all immediately freeze. "Looks like we've been caught."
Slowly, slowly, Naruto turns around. He seems to already have some idea what fate awaits him, based on the way his shoulders have bunched up around his ears, but when he does finally meet Iruka's eyes, he goes bone-white. His jaw is set with that edge of childish defiance, but he also very much has the look of someone who knows exactly how screwed he is.
And he is — and Iruka has no doubt that the other boys are, too, once they get home to their parents. Their fate is commuted for a few moments longer, however, because Hatake-san also turns to fully face Iruka, bows slightly, and smiles in a way that's really only visible in the curve of his uncovered eye and a slight shift under his black fabric mask. Distantly, Iruka remembers having wondered if he took it off at home, since he'd never seen him without it; now he supposes he has an answer.
"Sorry, Umino-sensei," Hatake-san says, mildly, a bit cheerfully, on his way to confirm all of Iruka's worst assumptions about the situation. "But I found them outside, and after I showed them that I wasn't a ghost, they wanted to see my ninja moves."
"Your ninja moves," Iruka echoes, a little flatly.
"Well," Hatake-san demurs. "Jujutsu, but calling it ninja moves is much cooler, don't you think?"
Several things start to become clear — the fact that Hatake-san is in truly excellent shape, for one, as he doesn't appear to even be breathing hard after the boys had been running around like madmen all over his kitchen, not to mention whatever demonstration he apparently put on for them. Though knowing he's a fit and talented martial artist doesn't help explain all of the dogs, or the mask he always wears, or... well, suffice to say there still seem to be plenty of mysteries left to solve about this man.
"I should get the boys home," Iruka says after a long moment, out of a complete lack of anything else to say. "I'm so sorry that they bothered you this late. Their parents will have words for them, I promise," he adds with a stern look at each of them in turn. Naruto is still very pale, but Shikamaru and Kiba look relatively unrepentant; poor Chouji looks like he might burst into tears, so Iruka doesn't glare at him nearly as hard.
"Oh, it was only a little bit of a bother," Hatake-san replies, waving a hand flippantly. "It's kind of fun to get to show off, don't you think, sensei? Although it would have been cooler if I were a ghost."
Actually, that explains the dogs, doesn't it? Hatake-san is just really weird. That's the explanation. And if that's the case, well. More power to him, as far as Iruka's concerned.
"Good night, Hatake-san," he says, and herds all four boys out of the house as quickly as he can without appearing rude. The little brown dog sticks by his side the whole time, following them all the way back to the front door and waiting in the doorway, watching with its tail wagging, until they make it all the way down to the street.
—
Iruka waits until they're outside, and, in fact, until they're down the walkway and back to their own house, more or less. Then he wheels on the boys, puts on his best, most severe teacher face, and says, "Who'd like to start explaining where you went wrong tonight?"
Chouji's chin starts to wobble a bit, and Naruto's eyes get suspiciously shifty. No one says anything, though, as Iruka unlocks the door and lets the whole group in. He needs to call Nara-san and confirm that he's found the boys, but that can wait a moment.
By the time he's wrested the door open and the boys have all trooped past him into the house, however, he's unfortunately found himself struck by the memory of how much fun they'd looked like they were having, and how Hatake-san didn't seem to mind one bit — quite the contrary, really. Of course, they still can't have kids wandering all over town with no supervision, not to mention skulking around the neighbor's house, but, well.
When the boys are still mum, Iruka sighs and forces each of them, in turn, to meet his eyes. Shikamaru resists it the most, but even he gives in after a few seconds of good hard staring on Iruka's part. Then, very seriously, Iruka says, "Hatake-san was very nice about everything, I know. But I'd go so far as to call him unreasonably nice. Breaking into his house in the middle of the night is not acceptable behavior just because he wasn't all that upset about it."
This, it turns out, is Naruto's breaking point.
"We didn't break in!" he bursts out hotly, and doesn't stop even when Iruka narrows his eyes and crosses his arms. "He invited us in!"
"It's true!" Kiba adds, speaking up for the first time. "He really did!"
"And what," Iruka asks, "were you doing before he asked you to come in?"
That gives the boys pause. They glance at each other, and then, reluctantly, Naruto says, "We were in the garden..."
He trails off, but Iruka just keeps looking at him, one eyebrow raised, until finally he adds, "...looking in the windows."
"So you didn't break in, but you were snooping around his windows trying to peek in?" Iruka summarizes. "In a situation where anyone might have thought you were doing something bad?" He pauses for a few moments, for emphasis, and then adds, "And you went inside the house with someone who's basically a stranger, without telling anyone?"
There are some shuffling feet and shifty glances, but no one can really come up with a good rebuttal for that.
By the time Iruka has called Nara-san, explained the situation, and seen the other three boys successfully passed back over into someone else's care, Naruto's stubborn, rebellious fire seems to have dimmed a bit. Midnight has long since passed, and he's drooping decidedly towards the floor. There's a part of Iruka that feels like he should probably strike while the iron is hot, as it were, and make absolutely sure that the message about not snooping around neighbors' houses in the middle of the night has been received. Frankly, though, Naruto and his friends have yet to get up to anything even close to the kind of mischief Iruka was cheerfully doling out at their age, and he's much more concerned about his son getting his rest than he is about the exact timing of an admittedly necessary scolding. So he bundles Naruto off to bed instead, though he does leave him with a firm, "We're going to talk about this in the morning, okay?"
"Okay," Naruto agrees, but it's more than half a yawn, and Iruka watches him stumble into his bedroom with a small smile. He's asleep practically before he even reaches the bed.
—
Iruka jolts awake what feels like the very instant his head touches the pillow.
It takes him a moment to parse what's going on at all; his heart is pounding, and he's staring up at the ceiling completely dumbfounded. It isn't until the dim memory of Naruto's shenanigans last night has already rushed back into his head that he realizes what woke him up: the doorbell is ringing.
He manages, somehow, to wrench himself out of bed, gaze blearily downward and ascertain that he is, in fact, clothed relatively respectably, squint at his phone long enough to determine that it's just barely five o'clock, and then stumble out of his bedroom and down the hall, all without causing harm to himself or any part of the house. He does nearly trip over the tangle of his bedsheets, but he's of the firm opinion that that can be forgiven, given the circumstances.
"Coming," he manages to call out, but by the time he's gathered his brain enough to say it, he's most of the way to the front door anyway. There's a dark lump of a person just visible through the front window, so at least he feels fairly confident that this isn't a prank. In a way, he almost wishes it was; at least then he'd know why the hell someone is trying to get his attention this early.
All becomes clear, in a manner of speaking, when he fumbles the door open, still yawning, and finds Hatake-san on the other side.
Yes, Iruka thinks to himself after staring for a moment, trying to make sure his eyes aren't playing tricks on him. It's definitely Hatake-san. He is dressed a little differently than Iruka's used to — he looks ready to work out, like seriously work out, like an Olympian or something; Iruka's used to seeing him wearing his pajamas in public, so this is decidedly outside the norm. But it's still very definitely Hatake-san, all right.
Summoning enough brainpower to actually make words happen is a truly heroic effort. After a long moment, Iruka manages, "Good morning?"
"Good morning," Hatake-san responds, affably enough. An explanation of any kind is not forthcoming.
"I'm sorry, but it's a bit early," Iruka says, slowly clawing his way toward full coherency while, at the same time, feeling a bit like he's slipped into some sort of fever dream.
"...oh, is it?" Hatake-san says, which is almost, almost enough to break Iruka completely out of his sleepy fugue state and awaken the sleeping rage monster inside his heart. He doesn't quite get a chance to get worked up, though, because Hatake-san immediately continues, "I wanted to thank Naruto and his friends for coming over yesterday."
Once again, it's a long moment before Iruka's quite able to speak, though this time that's less because he's still waking up and more because he has absolutely no idea how to respond to that.
"They broke into your house," he says blankly.
"Oh, no, I asked them to come in," Hatake-san says with a dismissive little wave of his hand. "Don't worry about that."
"They essentially broke into your house," Iruka counters, shaking his head in a mixture of disagreement and disbelief. "I mean, they were hiding out in your garden. They — they thought you were a ghost," he adds, a little nonsensically, not sure if Hatake-san is clear on this point.
"I'm not a ghost," Hatake-san says agreeably. "I am a professional martial artist, though. I'm not sure if you knew that, sensei."
Iruka didn't, and wonders if maybe he should. It's not like Hatake-san's ever mentioned it before, but isn't that the kind of thing neighbors should know about...?
Hatake-san just keeps right on going, though, so he doesn't seem bothered. "Honestly though, sensei, it gets kind of boring these days. Once you've broken all the records, there's not a lot left, is there? So now it's just me and the dogs."
Iruka is learning so much about this man who he's lived next to for several. So, so much. The past 24 hours have taught him more than he could have ever hoped or wanted to know.
Obviously, he doesn't say that out loud. Instead, he just says, "Uh huh, I see. That makes sense." (It doesn't. Or, maybe it does, but it's so far beyond his own lived experience that it hardly seems real or possible.)
That earns him a smile — another one of those barely-visible cloth-covered smiles — and then Hatake-san says, cheerfully enough, "Yes, I thought you'd get it, sensei. So, when your son and his friends came to my house, I didn't know what to do. But they asked if I was a ghost, and I said no, and then they asked if I was a spy, and I said no, and then they asked if I was a wizard, and I said no, and then they asked if I was a ninja, and I said yes, so they said to show them my ninja moves, and, well..."
He smiles that same half-visible eye smile again, and Iruka feels something kind of funny thump in his chest at the sight. Hopefully that won't cause any trouble down the road. He decides not to think about the fact that that's the exact sort of thinking, albeit applied to Naruto rather than himself, that got him into this entire situation.
"I think you saw," Hatake-san concludes.
"I did," Iruka agrees, thinking back to watching the boys trying to land a hit in the middle of Hatake-san's kitchen. His mind is spinning wildly. "And... so you wanted to thank Naruto for asking you if you were a ninja?"
"Well, not exactly," Hatake-san says, with a small, dry sound that's almost recognizable as a chuckle. "You see, sensei, I had a good time with those boys."
Iruka may not know Hatake-san very well at all — well, better now than he had yesterday, that's for sure, but still — but even so, he can put the pieces together there, he thinks. Based on what Hatake-san had said about having, as it were, no more mountains to climb, if Naruto and his friends had been able to help him find a little joy in his old passions, Iruka can understand why he'd feel grateful for that, even though as a parent he's still vaguely embarrassed about the circumstances under which it actually happened.
"I'm glad," he says, honestly. It's the only thing he can think to say, and it has the benefit of being quite true. "I'm still sorry they were there at that time of night, but if they were able to help at all, then I'm glad."
Hatake-san smiles again. Iruka's chest, in response, thumps again. Hm, Iruka thinks. That is definitely going to be a problem, actually.
"I'm going to open a dojo," Hatake-san tells him suddenly, snapping Iruka out of his thoughts and sounding somewhat proud of himself. Which, Iruka supposes, is fair — deciding to start a business is an impressive thing, although that's perhaps somewhat tempered by the fact that the idea came from having a bunch of grade schoolers accost you in the night. He opens his mouth to reply, though he's not quite sure, even as he does so, what's going to fall out of his mouth.
"I wanna go!"
Iruka jumps half a foot in the air at least, and swiftly turns around to cover up his embarrassment at being that surprised. He's not sure that he's ever actually seen Naruto awake and functional this early — especially after being up so late the night before! — but, sure enough, there he is, rubbing sleep from his eyes but looking very excited. The ring of the doorbell must have woken him, Iruka thinks. His clothes, still the same ones from the night before, are very rumpled at this point.
Hatake-san's demeanor shifts as soon as they both turn to look at Naruto; it's slight, but Iruka notices it, the way he goes from leaning ever-so-slightly forward into Iruka's space to leaning back on his heels, the way he slouches a little, the way his energy seems to become a little more serious and subdued. He's trying to look cool, Iruka realizes, and isn't sure whether or not he should laugh, though he does find it decidedly cute, more fool him.
"I'm not going to be an easy teacher," Hatake-san warns, and Naruto scoffs.
"I wanna be the best ninja!" he exclaims, and Iruka has to bite down on a smile despite himself. Still stuck on the ninja idea, clearly. "I don't want you to go easy on me." He hesitates, then adds, "Hatake-sensei."
Hatake-san wrinkles his nose for a split second, then says, "Maa, we're neighbors, aren't we? You can call me Kakashi-sensei."
Iruka's not sure that makes actual sense in the rules of propriety, but if it's what Hatake-san — Kakashi-san...? — wants, he won't argue it.
"Kakashi-sensei!" Naruto agrees cheerfully, then seems to stop and think for a moment. "Can my friends come too?"
"I'm counting on it," Hatake-san says, perhaps with a little too much honesty.
"Naruto," Iruka says, "why don't you go start getting the breakfast things out?" If they're both up this early, they might as well take advantage of it. And it works as a really good excuse, anyway.
Naruto pouts a little, but off he goes, leaving Iruka and Hatake-san alone.
"You're really serious about this," Iruka says. He wonders at it, a little, but when Hatake-san nods, he looks determined, and... well, there's just something about him that makes Iruka think that, whether or not this is a snap decision on his part, he has the commitment to follow through on it. It's an odd feeling to have about someone who's really still a passing acquaintance at best, Iruka supposes. But, regardless, he can't shake it.
"I've never taught before, though," Hatake-san says thoughtfully. "Well, sometimes I'd help my kouhai train, but it's not the same." When he eyes Iruka, it's pretty clear what he's thinking about. "I don't suppose you'd give me any tips, Umino-sensei?"
Iruka bites his lip for just a minute, and thinks about what he's about to say — really thinks about it. It may be a little bit of a snap decision on his part, though probably not as dramatic as Hatake-san's own sudden decision, but he can at least think about it for more than 15 seconds before he goes through with it, surely.
But he's not able to think of a good reason to stop himself, so he says, "If you're going to be Kakashi-sensei, then I can be Iruka-sensei, don't you think?" And after a minute, when Hatake-san slowly starts to smile again, he adds, "I'd be happy to share some of what I've learned about teaching, though I'm certainly still learning myself. Maybe we could meet for coffee sometime?"
He worries, for a second, that Hatake-san won't understand what he's really asking, but the way his eyes start to glint with something warm reassures Iruka completely.
"I'd love to," he says, and his voice is — different than it was a minute ago, too: warmer, a little lower. "Iruka-sensei."
Is Iruka blushing? Why is he blushing? They've arranged a coffee date, that's all.
"Great!" he says, a little louder than he meant to. "I'll look forward to it. Please let me know when you're free."
Then, like a gift from God, there's a crash from the kitchen, just in time to save him from truly embarrassing himself.
"I'd better go see what that was," he says, and Hatake-san nods, though he's still smiling in a way that makes Iruka feel funny.
"I'll see you later, sensei," he says, and starts to back off the porch and, presumably, head back to his own house. It's only then that Iruka notices that the little brown dog has been sitting at his heels the entire time, hidden behind Hatake-san's frame, just out of sight. As he stands there in the doorway, watching Hatake-san turn and walk away, he could swear the little thing winks at him.
Hm.
Then the dog turns and trots after its master, and Iruka shakes his head, shutting the door firmly. Hatake-san is not a ghost, and he's not a wizard, and his dog is not trying to communicate with Iruka. He's just spent a little too much time thinking about this stuff thanks to Naruto and his friends, that's all.
Speaking of which — "Naruto, are you okay in there?" he calls, even as he walks to the kitchen to survey the damage.
As he goes, though, he can't quite push down the bubbly feeling that's making his steps light. A perfectly normal — well, very weird, but perfectly human — man he may be, but he definitely feels like there's a lot more to Hatake-san than meets the eye, and he's looking forward to finding out what.
Maybe he'll even figure out a way to stop that damn dog from getting into the garden.