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“We’ll be doing two pieces this month: one of your blood family, and one of your found family. Input a ton of artistic expression into the two pieces: you will be presenting them and explaining your choices.”
This was the assignment given to the third year class at the start of the year. They’d not even properly met the professor yet. Yaguchi was stalled by the part that required “found family”. What does that mean? What constitutes a “family”, or a “family relationship”? Wait, he said “blood family”, not “immediate family”, right? So his extended family is included, right? But he hasn’t seen a lot of them in either a long time or at all: does he include them too? Why? It seemed like such a simple assignment at first, but deciding *who* to put in each piece is already a monumental task, let alone the artistic expression he needs to add as well: what is it he wants to convey about each group? Ah, maybe he’s overthinking it a little bit. Yeah, he’ll start with his immediate family and then decide on the rest. As for “found family”....
“Yaguchi, come join me! Let’s go drinking!” Murai slumped himself over Yaguchi’s shoulders. “Murai-kun, I’m not old enough to drink. Seriously, I feel like everyone has the wrong idea about me or something.”. Murai laughed at him. “Yaguchi, you’re no fun. Fine~, whatever. Are you gonna do a painting for the assignment?”. Yaguchi watched the ground. “I don’t know”. Murai hummed at him. “I’m sure you’ll be doing something ridiculously large again!” Kinemi said, coming up from behind. Murai dislodged himself from Yaguchi and engaged her in conversation, freeing Yaguchi to get lunch. He expectedly sat across from Yotasuke.
There was the usual awkward silence between them. He knew he probably shouldn’t ask what he was going to do for the assignment: he’d learned enough about his friendship with Yotasuke and enough about him to know that much. They rarely talk about anything other than art: animals a little more since last year. “Hey, have you seen that new beastmen anime?”. “Eh?” Yotasuke responded with such… almost disdain at the question. “Of course not. Besides, I don’t like the concept of beastmen.”. “Oh, I mean, I’m not particularly a fan specifically. It’s just, those designs are pretty rare in general, right? It’s especially awesome how the artists are able to make the fur look so fluffy.”. A few moments passed before Yaguchi just barely heard Yotasuke mumble “... your hair is fluffy too…”. His face contorted in that weird way it does when he’s overcome by situations. Luckily or not, they were quickly surrounded by Murai, Kinemi, and others and got drowned in their conversations.
He’d finished a sketch for the “blood family” portion, but was now staring down a blank page. What the hell qualifies as a “found family”? Is it just friends? Close friends? People you depend on a lot? Is it deeper than all that? Who would be considered my “found family” rather than “just friends”? Would Koi and the gang be considered “found family”? What about the people from cram school? What about the peers at uni? Some of his teachers even? Ah, he has no idea whatsoever where to start. Maybe it’s just what he feels counts, right? It’s not like there’s a single, definitive benchmark, right? So he should just use his instincts and consider anyone who instantly makes sense, right? Yeah, he’ll do that.
Now, the next day, he is staring at a blank sketchbook, totally lost on themes and depictions. He has an idea of who he wants to include in each piece, but as for what he wants to convey? Pretty lost. “Hmm, you look kinda constipated, Yaguchi.” Kuwana said as she approached. “If I was constipated, I wouldn’t be just sitting here staring at my sketchbook.” Kuwana kneeled over. “It really is blank, huh? What’s the assignment?” Yaguchi sighed. “One piece of your “blood family” and one of your “found family”. I have no idea how I want them though. Like, I’m doing them as a painting, but I don’t know how I want to express it.” Kuwana stood up and stretched her back. “Well, I guess that can be pretty difficult for some people.” Yaguchi sighed. “Kuwana, what’s the first thing you think of when you think of me?”. Kuwana stared at him for a moment, stalled. She really should be used to his… “Stupidly straightforward and honest. Sometimes annoyingly so, sometimes frustratingly so, and sometimes endearingly so.” Yaguchi made “that type of face” again at her answer. She shrugged. “Well, I guess you’re struggling again, but since you’re my senpai, it’d be weird for me to help you too much.” He nodded absentmindedly.
Well, he’s finished the two pieces. In the end, he decided it really was a simple assignment, so he just depicted how everyone made him feel, in a sort of smeared art style for the expressions of his theme. He’s yet again not confident in his use of colors, but he is pretty confident in overall execution. Yeah, it’s overall a good two pieces. Now, he’s waiting for the presentations and critique to get started. As expected, Murai isn’t standing in front of any art, since he’s almost certainly done another massive work. There were certainly a few installations, and more drawings than he expected. Yotasuke seems to have done drawn works too. Ahh, he wants to ask him about it even though he’ll see it in a few minutes anyway. “Ok, let’s get started, shall we? Random order time.”
Ahh, everyone’s works are so good, as expected. Murai’s work was a whole model home with life size figures, but it was made up of thousands of slats at different depths. Depending on what angle you viewed it from, it changed. It was spectacular. Ahh, he’s almost embarrassed thinking about the comparison between their two works. Especially since he was next! Ahh, this is the worst again.
“So, for the ‘blood family’ portion, I just went for my immediate family, which is just my mom and dad. For both pieces, I wanted to portray how each person made me feel and blend them together to show the myriad tapestry of feelings I get from the people most important in my life.” Yes! He nailed it! Rehearsing all night was worth it, even if he thinks he sounds a bit stupid. His mother was center stage, dyed in warm colors, and his father was further back, dyed in one or two cool colors in addition to the warm ones. The setting was his home, dyed in neutral colors. Next was the harder piece.
“For the ‘found family’ portion, I went with people that have helped forge me as an artist and person, whether they may have intended to or not.” It was a bunch of people: Yuka, the people from cram school including Kuwana, Hashida, and Yotasuke, then people from his time so far at uni, his friends from high school, and some of his teachers too. Saeki was close to front and center along with Ooba. Framing each person was a color design that was an interpretation of how they impacted him or made him feel, and they all blended together where they overlapped and swirled into new colors and designs as they merged. In truth, it was actually pretty breathtaking. The instructors gave it high praise as well, all things considered. After his was the last one, Yotasuke.
After revealing his “blood family” work, one could hear a pin drop from outside the room. It was his parents, in a dark colored depiction of his home. There were harsh lines and strong corners and sharp edges. He gave a very short explanation and moved on. If it was silent from shock the first time, it was the sound of the dead after he revealed his “found family” piece, mainly because it was only one person, and that person was now as red as a ripe tomato: it was a bright and soft drawing of Yaguchi. Bright, day like colors, soft rounded edges, singular and central, like a monolith. The first thing Yaguchi noticed about it was his hair: it looked especially fluffy. “You have fluffy hair too,” Yotasuke had said a month earlier.
When the shock of the piece had finally passed and he’d given a quick, barely heard explanation, the critique began. Yaguchi could only see the pieces, not hearing anything. He keyed his hearing in for a few words, but he didn’t hear them. He saw in the works a classic duality. The scenery in the family piece, viewed a certain way, makes his mother look like she has bat wings, something sometimes associated with fiends. Meanwhile, the scenery in the second piece makes it look like he has angelic wings.
No one said anything alluding to the “wings” during the critique, or right after when everyone was talking to each other. Did they not see it? Was he the only one to see it? How? It seemed fairly obvious. Is it because he knows a bit more about Yotasuke’s home life than everyone else here? Is it because he’s been a friend of Yotasuke for longer than everyone else here? What should he do? Should he ask about it? Mention it? Will Yotasuke even acknowledge it if he mentions it? Ahh, who knew having friends could be exhausting?
“Hey, Yotasuke. Ahh, everyone had such good pieces, huh! I can’t believe Murai all but built a small house for his installation.”. Yotasuke sighed, annoyed. “Do you like his works that much?”. Ahh, he sounded annoyed. “Ah, well, I mean, his works are good, aren’t they? So’s everyone’s works! And yours are awesome too, of course! Your works this time were, uhm, pretty thought provoking?”. Yotasuke glared at him, as he usually does. “What does that mean, ‘probably’?”. Yaguchi stopped mid bite. “Ah, uhm, I mean, well, maybe I’m over analyzing it or something, but it almost looked like the scenery in each piece gave me and your mother wings? Like, a demon's wings and an angel's wings? It almost reminded me of Mori-senpai's prayer art.” Ahh, why’d he say that line? Yotasuke looked… surprised? He sheepishly went back to his food. “Ahh, you noticed that?”. Uh, what? Is Yotasuke… blushing? He looks almost… distressed? Yaguchi couldn’t say anything else for lunch time.
“Well, we saw each other earlier and at the start of last month, so it’s a bit late for a proper introduction, but here we are. I’m Nishimya Hiroyuki, your primary instructor for your third year here at Geidai. Anyone heard of me? No? Not surprising, considering my specialty. That is to say, provocative art. That is to say, art that aims to either invoke or evoke something in the viewer. I specifically target the hypocrisy that is “similar in effect and function, but one is socially unacceptable”. For example, a bikini vs underwear: one you could wear at a bus stop at a beach or pool, but not the other, but why? That’s the type of thing I do. I assigned that assignment to get an idea of who you all are, without you knowing who I am, and wow did it work!” Needless to say, the class was silent in response. “Well, anyway, we’ll be forging right on ahead with another assignment. A rarity in artist’s portfolios are nude self portraits, as well as nude portraits of others. So, we’ll be doing something a bit, well, provocative.” The air in the room suddenly went stale.
“Two pieces again! One: a full body nude self portrait. Two: a full body nude portrait of someone else, from this class. You’ve two months. There will be no check in, and you will be presenting the pieces. This time, you must do drawn work. Good luck.”. Mortified silence was the dominant sense in the room.
He’s done a waist-up nude self portrait before, and only showed it to his cram school instructor. And of course, for the entrance exam, he had to do a nude portrait of a model. But he didn’t know her! And it has to be someone from the class! How the hell does he make that choice and ask? Wait, what if someone asks him? Can he even say no if he wants to? This is difficult from a conceptual standpoint before he even looks at a canvas. Ok ok, who could he possibly ask? The obvious suspects: Murai, Kinemi… that’s about it, huh. Murai’s friend, maybe? Kinemi’s friend? Y- no way, he’d never do it. Wait. Who’s he going to ask? Okamoto? Yaguchi can’t even begin to imagine Yotasuke asking anyone to be his model. Actually, he can’t imagine him modeling for anyone else. He can’t imagine himself doing that either. Isn’t that unfair though? He expects someone to model for him for the assignment, but then he won’t for anyone? Even someone like Murai or Kinemi would say something, even in good faith or as a joke. And, being the socially awkward catastrophe he is, he’d let something spill from his own mouth too. In that way, the best person for each of them to pair with would be…
Starting out with the self portrait, he’s just staring at the sketchbook. Provocation, huh? Invoke or evoke something in the viewer. Invoke is to impart something new, and evoke is to bring out something old or familiar. At least, that’s how that professor explained it. So it has to be provocative, right? Isn’t it already provocative just because they’re nude works? No, if that’s all it took, it could hardly be called a specialty, right? Photorealistic drawings would just be extra awkward. What does he want the viewers to feel or think? He knows that, no matter what, he’ll feel embarrassed. Embarrassment will probably be the prevailing feeling, right? Wait. Maybe not, right? At first, yes, but looking at it as works of art rather than as ‘nudes’ does a lot to dampen those feelings. Also, everyone will be showing the same thing, and almost everyone will be ‘seen’ more than once. At some point, it may become more comedic than embarrassing. Sure, he could lean into one of those, but is that really ‘provocative’? What else could he try to make people feel? Anything can be blue.
Ugh. He hates the concept and the assignment. Completely. He’ll just ask Murai or Okamoto to be his model and be done with it quickly. If anyone asks him to be their model, he’ll decline, simply saying that he “doesn’t want anyone to see him naked first hand” and that should be the end of it. Provocative— making people feel things from the art— is win-more, he thinks. Particularly this assignment: all the themes associated with nakedness and using it as a method to put viewers on the back foot is exhausting.
“Come on, it’d be your first time going shopping for yourself! And Murai and Hashida get along surprisingly well too, so it’ll be kinda peaceful. Come on, Yotasuke.” Yaguchi was trying so hard to convince him to go shopping with him, Murai, and Hashida. Yotasuke didn’t like Murai all that much, and Hashida is… Hashida. But somehow, Yaguchi is awfully convincing. “Fine, but I will not be some type of clothes model for either of them.” Yaguchi laughed, knowing exactly what he was talking about. “The whole point is for you to get some stuff for yourself for the first time. Don’t hold back, Yotasuke!” Yotasuke sighed. Yaguchi really does say some inconsiderate things sometimes. It’s somehow, annoyingly, endearing. Damn it. At least he hasn’t mentioned art stuff yet, though he’s sure it will come up.
Almost immediately, Hashida and Murai scattered to the four winds. “Well, I guess we should have seen that coming, huh?” “I did” “Oh, of course you did, yeah. Anyway, there are a bunch of different clothes stores and styles here, so like I said the other day, don’t hold back!”. Yotasuke sighed again. How annoyingly endearing. “Fine, let’s just get going already.”.
“Annoyed”, is what Yaguchi thought, hearing Yotasuke talk. Is it because he was invited out like this? Was this a bad idea? Did he say something bad? Was he having trouble with the assignment? A lot of time passed as he mulled it all over, and a few stores later, Yotasuke had some bags filled with various graphic tees and sort of punk-like outfits. “Next thing I know, you’ll pierce your ear.” Yaguchi jokes. Yotasuke stares at him dead in the eyes, and then turns his gaze to his piercings. “Maybe I’ll dye my hair.” He jokes back. Yaguchi would have been stunned by the notion if not for… “I don’t dye my hair though.” Yotasuke stared dumbfounded at him. “Eh?” “Eh?” He doesn't dye his hair!? “Are your piercings real?” Yaguchi instinctually touches his ear. “Oh, yeah, they’re real. My hair is naturally blond though.” He’s a natural blond… ok then.
“So, how's your assignment going?” Ah, he finally asked something about art. “It’s going fine. I’ve almost finished the first piece.” Yaguchi expected something like that. “Ahh, I haven’t even really begun the first piece yet, I just have an outline. I don’t know how the hell I'm going to do the second one. Have you asked anyone to model for you yet?” Ugh. “No. I’ll just ask Murai or Okamoto, probably.” Yaguchi sighed. “Ahh, it must be nice to know who you’ll ask. I was kinda thinking of asking Murai too, or Kinemi.” For some reason, that annoyed him. “Hey, Yotasuke, I have a crazy idea.” Oh god, what is it? “I know it sounds a bit awkward, and a bit weird maybe too, but… well, what if we modeled for each other?” Yotasuke stared at the table in front of him. “No. I don’t want people to see me naked in person.” Yaguchi laughed and coughed. “Oh, that’s fair I suppose.” That’s it? He's not going to push? He’s not going to ask anything? How anticlimactic and unsatisfying. “Besides, for the self portrait, if I don’t want something depicted, I can edit it.” Yaguchi stared at him. “Oh, if that’s why you don't want to be someone’s model, I’d listen to what you’d want edited out.” Ahh, he said it. How embarrassing and shameless can this man get? He paused for a long moment. “I’ll consider it.” Yaguchi almost made one of his *faces* before catching himself.
A week later he gets a text saying “ok” in the early morning. Later that day, they meet up in a rented studio. “So, uh, what exactly do you mean by ‘ok’?” Yotasuke stopped emptying his bags. “I mean I’ll model for you if you model for me, and agree to certain censors for me.” Yaguchi slowly took out his materials. “Oh… uh, great! So yeah, whatever you want.” That’s the problem, Yotasuke thought. Yaguchi had only a moment to acknowledge that Yotasuke was wearing his new clothes. “So, uhm… how do we do this? Like, who goes first?” Yotasuke sighed. “Flip a coin.” So they did. Yotasuke lost, so he models first. As he started to take off his jacket, Yaguchi instinctually looked away. “Look.” And as he did, Yotasuke was down to his underwear, face red, and hugging himself in an attempt to cover up a little. Yaguchi couldn’t say anything. “Don’t draw what’s on my thighs, and also absolutely don’t say anything to me or anyone else: I already know.” He nodded, attentively trying to keep his face at least neutral. Yotasuke finished disrobing and Yaguchi saw lines on his thighs. He knows what that means. But he also promised Yotasuke what he wanted, so he bit his tongue and nodded. “Ok. Not a word, and no reference in the portrait. Ok.” Yotasuke sighed. “Good. Let’s get this over with.” And he got up on the platform and faces Yaguchi’s setup. He then finally, red faced, dropped his hands and held them flat to the outside of his legs. He took a deep breath and let it out, relaxing his whole body, slumping his shoulders, and loosening his stance. Yaguchi slapped himself and forced himself to view this purely as an artistic venture, and he started drawing.
Yotasuke prayed to every deity he could imagine for his body to not have a ‘reaction’ during this session. Yaguchi averted his eyes for the majority of the session, only looking ‘there’ when it was the last aspect to draw. Yotasuke could practically feel his eyes dart at and away. Yaguchi worked quickly. “Ok, done. All the rest I can put it in without having you to model again.” Yotasuke moved quickly, reclothing. He peaked at the drawing, feeling a weird sense at seeing himself naked in a work drawn by Yaguchi. He released a breath when he saw he’d left off the lines. “That’s acceptable. Thanks for listening to me.” Yaguchi couldn’t help it: he made a ‘face’. “I promised, right?” God damn it. Too pure. “Yeah.” Yaguchi stopped himself from asking about the rest of the drawing so far. “W-well, I suppose it’s my turn, right?” Oh god, it is, isn’t it? Ergh. “Mhm” Yaguchi started disrobing, and Yotasuke did everything he could to not watch, setting up the final parts of his space. “Ready, I guess.” So he looked up and-
The time passed so quickly it was as if he traveled into the future. “Done”. He’d said. Yaguchi got dressed at a normal rate, damn him. He tried to take a peak, but Yotasuke covered it up quickly. He didn’t really have it in him to address it. They went their separate ways. They didn’t see each other or communicate again until the presentation.
Murai proudly went first. His self portrait and other one were stylized for idealism. Kinemi went next. Then someone else went. Then someone else. Yaguchi and Yotasuke each independently decided that they did not want to be the last. Yaguchi volunteered after the next person.
“So, this is the self portrait. I’d done one from the waist up before, so this wasn’t 100% new territory for me. Still, I didn’t know for a while how I wanted to do it. I ended up with this blue-themed work. The intent was to portray a melancholy at not really knowing who I am as a whole person, yet being among people who do know themselves.” It wasn’t scientifically possible for him to be redder than he was at this moment. Nishimiya got very close to the canvas. “Hmmm… the eyes are too expressionless, and the body seems to be awfully unkind to yourself. Good technical skill though. Ok, who did you draw?”. Yaguchi put a pin in those comments for later. “Ah, the other piece was done with Yotasuke as the model.” And he revealed it. Yotasuke was like a hermit crab, trying to disappear into nothingness. “For this piece, I wanted to portray both how I view him as an artist, and as a person outside of art.” It was a very kind work. Yotasuke was portrayed as smooth as carved marble, reserved yet confident. Full of life and vigor. Again, Nishimiya got close to the canvas. “Hmm… good work.” And that was it.
A half dozen more people went before Yotasuke went. It was very gray, and he was small, bony, and weak. Not overtly so, just enough to be noticed. “Another unkind piece.” The second one, of Yaguchi, was like the opposite. Yaguchi stood tall and proud, head held up high, eyes filled with wonder, his body portrayed almost idealistically. “A good piece.” And the rest of class had their turns. “Well, more self-pieces than I thought were either unkind or disingenuous. And as expected, all of the other-pieces were overly kind and flattering. Well, that’s fine. The next assignment should really get your gears turning. Another two-parter. One: a location where you feel comfortable, but that you feel comfortable is a bad thing. So, bad comfort. Two: a place where you feel uncomfortable, but that you feel uncomfortable is a good thing. So, good discomfort. Ok? I’d like at least a visage of yourself in each scene, but it doesn’t need to be all that detailed at all. Two months again. Have fun!”
Now, Yaguchi did know that he was pretty bad with his emotions sometimes. Sometimes he knew exactly what he felt, sometimes he didn’t acknowledge or accept it, sometimes he didn’t know what he felt, or what he was supposed to feel, or what others felt. Now, being made to face what he felt and where he felt it and how it could be oxymoronic was, simply put, daunting. Bad comfort and good discomfort? What the hell does that mean? That doesn’t make any sense at all to him. Nope, not at all. How could comfort be bad and discomfort be good? It’s ridiculous, isn’t it? This time, he’s pretty sure the Professor is trolling them. Sure, he may just not “get it”, but this definitely is still a bit much regardless. And there’re so many more assignments getting packed in in a shorter timeframe than the previous two years. He’s overworked and breaking out in a rash more often than ever before. He's also seen his work quality improve dramatically… could that be the kind of thing he wants? Having a rash and being exhausted are discomfortable, but at the same time his work has improved. A good accompanying his discomfort: is that it? Then what about the other half? Oh, that’s easy then, isn’t it? Shibuya dawns make him feel peaceful, but he usually only sees those when he’s spent all night out and about, which is invariably bad. Ok then, he’ll do those. Huh, a redox of his first ever piece… interesting.
Yotasuke has the opposite problem: he’s catastrophically aware of his emotions at all times. He just was equally catastrophically bad at expressing or dealing with them in any way whatsoever. Viewing this purely as an artistic project helped a bit, but not a ton: especially since a certain apparently natural blond can see through him like a window and had no filter in that regard. He couldn’t censor too much: he’s pretty damn sure the professor is a nosy busybody and can see right through him too. In some ways, he’s more annoying than Yaguchi, because he’s impossible to gauge. Regardless, he knew what would be the most true to the assignment scenarios he could use. He didn’t want to use them. He didn’t like that exposure. He’d already skirted the line a bit too much anyway. It’d be worse if the professor questioned him though, in that weird way he comments. Ugh. Maybe the writing is on the wall and he should just give in. It’s probably more exhausting altogether to fight it than deal with it. He hates dealing with it. But he has to eventually, and it may as well be now, he supposes. To work then.
Yaguchi’s hands and wrists hurt as he placed his last piece for the assessment. Like, they hurt a lot. Like, he did not want to draw anymore for a while. Actually, his whole body ached a bit: he did not act properly for these assignments. Actually, he didn’t really take great care of his body when doing a project. He wanted to sleep for 16 hours and then do nothing for a week.
Yotasuke was first, much to many’s surprise, including his own. For “bad comfort”, he showed a depiction of his room at home, with the house visible through the partially open door, an imposing figure loomed as another shadow sat meek in the far background. There in the room, he was depicted as working on classical art, while transparent animals floated around him, whisking away from him. For “good discomfort”, he went with a familiar scene to everyone: he was shown mid-undress in a studio, formatted as one would be when drawing a nude model. To the side, setting up an easel and canvas, was a figure that was pretty obviously Yaguchi. He didn’t say anything beyond which piece each was. They were pretty phenomenal pieces in the silence, for various reasons. For those few who knew him, though, it wrenched at their hearts. Yaguchi felt he might double over. He also felt a bit pathetic: comparing these scenes to the ones he chose made him feel so shallow and almost unworthy of his friendship.
It took a while for him to recover enough to take his turn. His first piece for “good discomfort” was actually pretty fascinating. It was him at an easel, many times over, from left to right, in an overlapping time dilation style, with the quality of both the piece parts at large and the phantom pieces he was working on in each part improved, but so did his apparent wellness decline. “The more I fall into a daze working on art, the more I abandon the other aspects of my life, even my own wellbeing, so my health declines. But as a result, the quality of my work and my understanding of art improves. So, the discomfort from totally letting myself go is good because it improves my artistic understanding and ability.” Then the second piece. It was mesmerizing. It was clearly a cityscape, and to those who knew him or the location, it was obviously Shibuya. But it was dyed brilliantly and solemnly in blues. Dark blues, light blues, mixed blues, mesmerizing shading and blending, the colors creating more depth than the linework did. It conveyed the same feeling as looking at a cloudless clear sky and the sparkling ocean. The picture was spellbinding. And indeed, the class, even the oddly stoic Murai and fauxly uninvested Yotasuke, and even the instructors, were captured in the work, like they were falling into the picture. Even Nishimiya found himself dazed for a moment before quickly regaining his composure. He studied the work more closely. Yes, the color use was doing an incredible amount of work, but it wasn’t a cover. The line work, the actual design and execution of the scenery, was top notch as well. Indeed, it really did look like you were there in Shibuya… at dawn? Yes, it was clearly dawn. It’s not like the shadows or colors depicted that. The overall essence of the work said it was dawn, and that it was immediately at dawn. That the perspective came from someone who was just in a dark place, that they were fatigued-no-exhausted. That they hadn’t slept. That they felt not sadness, but… an emptiness that made them feel… not sad, just… perhaps it’s forlorn, or maybe it’s a quiet frustration? In any case, it is an ethereal feeling, something that is almost impossible to properly grasp. That’s the feeling that the image conveys. It truly is “provocative” at least.
“This is… well, I didn’t think I would say this, but… yes, I think so. This work, Yaguchi, is worthy of being called a masterpiece.” The rest of the day completely faded away from Yaguchi. He doesn’t clearly remember anything that was said or happened for the rest of that day. The next day, when he sat up in bed, it hit him, that word: masterpiece. Oh god, he made a masterpiece! Ahhh! He’s totally losing his mind!
Yotasuke heard the word “masterpiece”, and even though he did (begrudgingly) agree, he hates that someone has said it. He feels something break deep in his heart. He feels like the world is suddenly askew. He feels like his works are shredded. He feels like Yaguchi is glowing. But he feels like Yaguchi is also too far away. He’s too big. He’s too close. He’s too good. He’s too bad. He’s too… he’s too amazing. No, he himself is too lackluster. A “masterpiece”. It’s too much too soon. Should he just… no, he couldn’t. He shouldn’t. Should he? But he won’t. Why won’t he? Ahh…
It wasn’t until the weekend that Yotasuke texted Yaguchi to spend the day with him. It wasn’t until then that they’d talked since the assignment presentation. The class was given some free time to rest and recover after the gauntlet of doubles. So, for perhaps the first time, Yaguchi was meeting Yotasuke somewhere. Specifically, an art exhibit, presenting popular works made from commission artists online. He met up with Yotasuke at the train station. “Yo.” Yotasuke nodded in response. “Let’s go.”
Despite having been to plenty of art museums and exhibits in recent years, this was pretty different. All of the work were fanarts, original characters, fanart scenes from other media, and comprised a wide range of art styles and methods. A great many pieces were completely digital in origin, which was alien in execution to both guys. Yaguchi and Yotasuke went around for a long while, admiring many pieces and casually discussing the works. Every piece also had a little placard explaining what the works depicted and where one could find the artist online. Yaguchi saved a few “@s” for later, even. Yotasuke watched his choices. Some animated works, some original characters, some… Yep, he saved some furry artists too. Fluffy. Right. Yaguchi is kinda like a… giant golden retriever, or something like that. A dog, definitely. So he’d be a cat then. Cats and dogs? Opposites attract, he guesses.
Yaguchi had a fanboy moment for some Mumen Rider content, and Yotasuke quickly deduced that now would be a good time to get lunch and to get him away from the art. Yaguchi… looked healthy. Good, that he wasn’t still suffering from overwork. He looks good. Yotasuke just stared and listened all through lunch as he talked about the art exhibit and previous assignments. He must have been holding all this stress and energy the whole time. Well, it has been six straight months of work: even he was feeling a little spread thin. “Hey, so, Yotasuke… are you ok?” Eh? “Eh?” “Eh? Are you ok? Your works in class were…” Oh. So he had noticed. Well, of course he did. That he’s asking… ugh, bad habits. “And if I wasn’t? What would you do?” Ahhh, why’d he say that, particularly so venomously?! Yaguchi didn’t react to the words or tone. “I’d ask what you’d want me to do, and then I’d do my best to do it.” What do I want him to do? That’s… ridiculous, right? Could he… would he… what would she… does it matter? Somehow, he thinks that if he asked, Yaguchi would absolutely make it happen. “Then, in that case…” Yaguchi had cocked his head ever so slightly to the side and leaned in ever so slightly. “Mmm… you’d really do it?” And he nodded. Ahh, he felt so awkward and vulnerable, like a small child, or a… Oh. Fine then. This is fine. “I want to.. move out.” A half second pause. Yaguchi’s eyes widened in surprise. He didn’t know what he’d want, just that he probably wanted something. “And.. to… ahh.” Yotasuke sighed.
To move out. “If it’s possible, I’d want to.. moveinwithyou.” He said it so fast, Yaguchi almost missed it. But he didn’t. He heard it. Move in with you. He’s pretty sure his parents would allow him to stay with them. He’s also pretty sure that’s not exactly what Yotasuke meant. Although, that is what Yotasuke meant. Yaguchi did some rough mental math and quick planning and… “Ok. I was kinda thinking of moving out soon too anyway.” Eh? That would mean… oh. Oh gosh. Uh oh. Uhm… “Wait, there’s something else… ahh.” Another sigh. Yaguchi resumes his attentiveness. It’s impossible to think properly when he’s looking at you so intensely. “I… uhm…” oh god, he could feel how hot and red his face was now. “Ilikeyou.” Yaguchi heard him again.
He likes me? He-what? Likes me? Why would even he be so embarrassed about that? Unless he means… oh. Oh. Oh. Eh? Oh. Ah. Ahh. “Oh, well, I like you too, so it’s all good, right?”. He… does he not know what Yotasuke meant? “No, I mean…” Yaguchi reaches a hand forward and momentarily grasps his. “I know what you mean, Yotasuke.” Oh. Oh. Eh? Ah. Ahh. Ahh! “Then… you… want to move in somewhere with me… alone?” Yaguchi nodded affirmatively. Yotasuke is pretty sure his heart might explode out of his chest. “Then… ahh.” He sighed, trying to decompress and focus. “My mother… is impossible. And my cat… she’d fight me on that too.” Yaguchi would have scrunched up his nose and furrowed his brow if he hadn’t secretly been kinda thinking about it. “Don’t worry about it at all, Yotasuke. I said make it happen, whatever it was, right? Trust me on this: just tell me when. For now though, we should enjoy the rest of our day!” Yotasuke was both happy and sad that he didn't almost say “date”. The rest of their… thing that day went by pretty fast.
Yaguchi face-planted on his bed that night and almost squealed. Holy shit, they like each other. But beyond that, he’d asked for help. Ahh, damnit, what was Yaguchi to do now? How could he make that happen? He’d had some ideas, but… which path to take? He kinda knows about what’s going on. Yuka. The thought appeared from nowhere. Ah, yeah, they’d know more about how to interpret the situation. He rolled over onto his back and took out his phone, messaging them. They responded quickly, and they’d agreed to meet up tomorrow. He still had to think about the exact details, and talk to his parents about things too. Knowing the details a bit better will help these conversations and plans.
They were already drinking some coffee when he arrived. Ahh, he doesn’t understand it, but they’d said “you don’t have to understand it: just respect it” and that was easy enough for him to do. “Yo” “Yo? What’s so dire, Yaguchi?” They said, lighthearted. Yaguchi sighed again and sat down opposite them. “Well, Yotasuke asked me for help with something, and it involves confronting his mother. I don’t think I understand the situation he’s in 100%, and definitely not enough to help properly. You know as much as I do, but maybe you know more because your situations are, uh, similar?” Yuka drank and sighed. “Yaguchi, this is the most emotional intelligence you’ve ever shown: congrats. Anyway… his mother’s manipulative and abusive.” That word… he’d feared it. “And how can I help him get away from her? How can I protect him from her?”. Yuka sighed again. “You’re adorable. But it’s something he has to do himself. You can stand right behind him and support him, but he has to be the one to step away and resist her shit. The manipulation, the gaslighting, the guilt tripping, the confidence destruction: all of that? He has to weather it himself. You just have to support him.” The air around him was tense. This was serious. But that’s also just how important it was. He resolved himself right then and there. Yuka noticed and whistled. “Wow, the resolved and intense Yaguchi is the best version.” He looked at them with strong eyes. “Thanks, Yuka. Thanks a ton.” They sat for a little while longer making awkward small talk before they went their own ways.
Yaguchi talked to his parents about it all. Despite how she acted, his mother knew it was a suspicious dynamic, and was all in. In a stroke of… something, she’d already had a few locations picked out. The details were all handled fairly quickly. Yaguchi then made a few calls to his old friends, and they were more than willing to lend their own aid. He considered certain other people, but didn’t bother. It seemed like too much. So then he texted Yotasuke “when do you want to leave”. He responded immediately “as soon as possible”. A few texts later Yaguchi sent “tomorrow at noon?” “Ok”. Neither could believe it was happening.
To say he hasn’t thought this through would be a catastrophic understatement. He had no idea what exactly he was going to do. Although, he’d tell you that that was his plan: to put Yotasuke in the driver's seat and support him and follow his lead. If only Yotasuke knew how to drive.
Yotasuke has been on pins and needles since waking up. It didn’t help that his mother seemed to be intent on picking at him. It was nothing out of the ordinary, but now, Yotasuke realized how bad it all was, so it hurt him like a grater over his skin. It was growing close to noon and it was just a never ending stream of the same usual nonsense. He knew he should just power through these last minutes, but he just couldn’t.
“Mother-” he interrupted her, and was promptly interrupted right back. “Takahashi! Don’t interrupt me! How can you not show me any respect after everything I’ve done for you? Now, as I was saying-” he interrupted her again. “I’m moving out.” He said it on the verge of yelling. She almost laughed. “Moving out? You? Oh please: you can’t survive on your own. All you can do is make art. What would you do without me? Where would you even go? Don’t be ridiculous, Takahashi. You’re not moving out.” Yotasuke ordinarily would have isolated himself in his room and pretend nothing had happened the next time he saw her. Now, he was different. “I am moving out-today. Yaguchi and his friends are coming to help me pack and move.” She stared at him for one beat. “Yaguchi? You’ve been tricked into being friends with that punk kid? Takahashi, how could you be so foolish? I forbid you from seeing him.” Yotasuke finally exploded at her before she could finish. “He is not a punk! And I’m not a child anymore! You can’t control who my friends are! And you can’t control what I do with my life anymore!” She slammed the table in response. “Takahashi! I am your mother! How dare you speak to me that way after everything I’ve done!” Yotasuke stood up, and she did so in immediate response. “You’re my mother! Congratulations for doing the bare minimum! You don’t get a medal for that!” Just then, a knock on the door. Yotasuke yelled quickly “It’s open!”, garnering almost a sneer from his mother.
In walked Yaguchi, followed by his three friends, Koigakubo, Utashima, and Sumida. “Yotasuke? What’s going on?” Yotasuke looked at him with an almost inscrutable expression on his face. He calmly said “Nothing. That’s my room over there.” He pointed to his room. Yaguchi nodded. “Alrighty then: guys?” His three friends were carrying stacks of foldable boxes, and started towards the room, all saying some variation of “pardon the intrusion” under their breaths. Yaguchi walked over and momentarily placed a hand on his shoulder. “You ok?” And he nodded. His mother finally said something, long after the trio and entered his room. “You! You’ve poisoned my son against me! You, a punk kid posing as an artist! Who do you think you are?!” Yaguchi just looked at her with a blank look on his face. Yotasuke planted a foot firmly on the ground. “Don’t y’all to him like that. You are the one who poisoned me against you. Yaguchi only helped me realize that, just by treating me like a person. You… you treated me like a pet, not like a person. All I am to you is my art. All you want to do is be successful and important vicariously through me. I’m… I’m not gonna be your possession anymore.” The glare in his eyes could cut steel. Even his mother was at a loss for words. She merely walked into her own room and shut the door.
Yotasuke nearly collapsed into Yaguchi. All the wind suddenly left his sails. Neither said anything for a moment. Then “Are you alright?” Yaguchi asked. Yotasuke peeled himself away and nodded. “Great then. Let’s see how they’re doing.” They went in and helped finish the packing. Yotasuke made it a point to also pack up Fumi’s- The cat’s - stuff. He scooped her up into a small carrier and hoisted it up. He’d written out a note and left it on the table as he left with everyone. The car ride was silent. They’d arrived at Yaguchi’s family home, and unloaded everything. “Right, so, we’ll be able to move into the new place tomorrow, so you’ll have to suffer one night here.” He joked. Yotasuke didn’t say it, but he couldn’t even jokingly consider it suffering. Yaguchi’s parents were so welcoming, so warm, that he almost thought he was dreaming or hallucinating. The casual conversation between him and his parents buzzed on like background white noise as he took in his situation. Tomorrow, he’d be moving into a place with Yaguchi. He’d just left his family. He’d just… had he just broken his chains?
The day was a daze. He almost had a heart attack when bed time came, but a futon was already prepared for him, and he was more embarrassed at himself than anything else. The next day, he ate breakfast with Yaguchi’s family. It was lovely, warm. He felt kinda like he was in a heavy fog before and only now can he see what’s around him. The process of moving to the new place and unpacking the essentials was also like a daze. When Yaguchi collapsed on… their couch and sighed… standing there seeing it happen, Yotasuke suddenly had clarity, as if he’d been slapped. His body and mind wanted to do so many things he didn’t do anything for a moment. He then slowly sat next to Yaguchi, fell over, and laid his head in his lap. The moment was awkward for Yaguchi. Then he said “Ya… Yatora… thanks.”
Yaguchi_Yatora.exe has stopped working. Yotasuke just used his first name. While he was resting his head on his lap. In their apartment. If he closed his eyes, he’d mistake Yotasuke for a cat. But that’d be wrong: he’s Yotasuke. And he… “Yo-Yotasuke?” He stammered out. He shifted a little before sitting up and looking at him dead in the eyes. “I can’t call you by your first name? I… I wouldn’t mind if you did the same.” Once again, Yaguchi_Yatora.exe has stopped working, though only for a moment. “That’s, I mean, uh… I guess, uh, well… are you ok?” Yotasuke, out of all the reactions he could have had, smiled. He then jolted forward and pulled Yaguchi into a hug. “Yeah. Yeah, I’m ok. I’m alright now. Thanks to you, Yatora.” He stopped functioning for the third time in a quick row. He wrapped his arms back around him and pulled him in closer. It felt almost too right. Then he spoke. “Yatora… yeah, screw it. Yatora. I like you, Yatora.” A fourth mental shutdown has occurred. Yaguchi was stock-still at those words. His mind raced, shuffling through a million thoughts all in less than 5 seconds before coming to what he figured was the obvious response. ”Ta… Takahashi. I like you too.”