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Taehyung likes to think there’s a balance in the world. Something that keeps the world spinning, the universe from dying. There’s a balance in who we love and who we trust, and who we choose to understand. If there isn’t some kind of balance, then, well, Taehyung isn’t quite sure what he’ll do.
In the universe, life exists beyond what we know. In the universe, time loops and twists and bends back around. Taehyung finds uncertainty but peace in what he doesn’t know. In what he knows and what he can control, he has balance. With balance, there are no surprises. No curveballs. He’s not good at baseball.
Without balance, there’s slipping. Without balance, one falls as the other follows them down. Without balance, there’s constant shifting. And Taehyung thinks without consistency, comes negativity. Acting as an anti of sorts. Something bad that he doesn’t want to think about.
-
Jimin and Taehyung believe they first met in 2014.
There’s a flyer in the window of a library that reads, Contemporary/hip-hop dancers needed! Previous experience required!
Below it is a series of digits, seemingly scribbled in a hurry with a fading pen. Written with a different colour, scrawled neatly across the bottom of the page, is an address and a studio name of sorts. Hope on the Street. A blond boy, he must be 19 at the most, takes a hyper-focused photo of the flyer before entering the library.
Through the window, one could see how he’s not actually reading or working. He stands by the front desk, waving animatedly at everybody behind it. A boy with dimples, a tall boy with dimples, smiles and waves back. He elbows the mint-haired boy beside him, who rolls his eyes and waves. The blond smiles and points back at the window, Dimples’ eyes widen, and he shakes the mint-haired boy’s shoulders.
A lot of nodding follows, and the blond bids them goodbye, so it would seem before he runs outside and down the street. A white building with a neon sign reading Hope on the Street sits in the distance. Auditions begin in two hours after all.
-
Hope on the Street is not an unknown studio. Hundreds audition to be part of their troupe every time they get the chance. So the building is full of dancers this day, all eager to showcase their skills. Or meet the choreographer; he’s a bit renowned. A fluffy-haired brunette sits behind a desk, writing down names and handing out stickers. Hello, My Name Is ___, courtesy of the studio head. The brunette, let’s call him Taehyung, keeps his head propped up on his hand as he works, wondering why he’s even there in the first place. He could be at home right now, doing what, he’s not sure, but he’s seen too many duffel bags to last a lifetime. Or three.
Amid his suffering, self-proclaimed, of course, a blond boy stumbles into the lobby. Taehyung had assumed he was almost done; only about thirty people or so left. If he ignores the growing line outside. He really wants to go home. The blond boy runs his hand through his hair 12 times, Taehyung counted, before he reaches the desk. Taehyung greets him with what he hopes is a smile and asks for his name. Someone starts yelling when he opens his mouth, and Taehyung lifts a finger. There’s a black button on his right, connected to a speaker, and a microphone, that neither he nor the blond thinks should work. Taehyung presses it, and a ding rings through the room.
“Please refrain from yelling in the lobby. In the event that you have an issue, please seek assistance elsewhere. Elsewhere includes; not my lobby, emergency services, and emergency services outside of my lobby. Thank you, speak with you soon.”
Taehyung removes his finger from the button and turns back to the blond. He, his name is Jimin apparently, lets a giggle escape his throat. A giggle! Taehyung composes himself as he writes JIMIN on the sticker. He peels it away from the sheet and hands it to the boy. Jimin, the blond boy, thanks Taehyung and follows the purple arrows on the floor. The signs lead him to believe that he’s heading toward an audition room. Taehyung presses the black button again as he leaves. There’s a series of texts coming through on his phone.
“Hello again. It is with my deepest apologies that I deliver this news to you.” Taehyung pauses to laugh internally at his lie. “I have received word from one Jung Hoseok that he and his assistant choreographer Jeon Jungkook will not be taking any more...”
Taehyung squints at the screen. “Auditionees. Please follow the orange arrows on the floor to find the nearest exit. You’ll note that it is the set of double doors behind you. Sorry, we hope to see you next time.”
There’s commotion, and audible protests, as Taehyung waves them away. He lets a smile take over his face when the last of them leaves. Good riddance, he thinks. He doesn’t even work here; he should get paid for what he’s had to deal with.
“You’re such an ass.”
Taehyung swivels his wheely chair around. “I think you’ll find that I’m a saint.”
A boy with tattoos running up his arms rolls his eyes. “I think you’ll find that you’re actually not. And speak normally; you’re going to weird Hoseok-hyung out.”
“Shut up, Jungkook.” Taehyung pockets his phone and follows his friend, he guesses, into the back.
Each practice room, there are ten, is full of people running choreography. It all looks exactly the same Taehyung, so he assumes Hoseok, the Jung Hoseok has run it over with them. They find him in one of the practice rooms, the empty one, organizing music and something else that Taehyung does not understand. Looks complicated, so it’s assumed we’ll never find out.
“Jungkook, can you go and kick the speaker? Jin-hyung brought it in and dropped it, so now it never works.” Hoseok points in a direction, the wrong direction; Jungkook understands nonetheless.
Taehyung is busy watching Jungkook abuse the speaker with his stomper boots when Hoseok chucks a ballpoint pen at his head.
“Ow, what the fuck?”
“Go get the first group. They’re in 01.”
“First group is in the room labelled 01. Who would've guessed.”
Hoseok lifts another pen. “Go get 04 then since you’re such a smartass.”
Taehyung rolls his eyes mockingly. “Oh, so rude! I’m your best employee.”
“You hate it here, and you’re not even an actual worker.”
Taehyung walks away then, towards room 04. Not even 4 or 104. 04. Taehyung thinks it’s stupid, but Hoseok is his best friend, so what can he do. He trudges down the hallway, ignoring the screaming coming from 07; he doesn’t work here, it’s none of his business, and stops in front of a door. A big white 04 stares back at him. He turns the handle and pushes it open; it smells like sweat in here. He may be 19 but he hates teenagers. At least he thinks they’re teenagers. It doesn’t matter.
The blond boy, ah, his name is Jimin, is in this room. Taehyung refrains from slapping himself silly and clears his throat.
“Hello. Jung Hoseok has sent me to retrieve you guys for your audition. Please make your way down the hallway, and follow the green arrows towards the room labelled rehearsal.”
There’s a nervous but excited mumbling that takes over the room. They exit the room in a very organized line, for this Taehyung is grateful, and leave their duffel bags behind. Taehyung sure hopes they don’t forget them. Jimin, the blond boy, looks back at him before he sets down the hallway.
Taehyung salutes him. He regrets that. “Good luck, Jimin. If I could offer any advice, I’d say to make sure your shoes are clean. Hoseok really values clean shoes on his floors.” He waves his hands around. “Respect for the floors or something like that.”
Jimin nods at his advice, eyes bright and starlit. He reminds Taehyung of Jungkook. Just less annoying and ten times blonder. Jimin waves goodbye to him, and Taehyung waves back, secretly thinking about how nice Jimin’s blond hair looks.
-
Auditions take far longer than both Jimin and Taehyung want. Taehyung spends five hours flipping pens into Hoseok’s empty mug and drawing angry faces onto Jungkook’s notebook. He watches Jimin, the blond, execute Hoseok’s choreography like a professional and holds himself back from bursting into applause.
Jimin finishes his audition and sees the brunette, whom we call Taehyung, from earlier smiling at him. He supposes that means he did well. The next four hours are spent texting Dimples and the mint-haired boy. Both of them try to convince him that he did great; Dimples with a series of emojis and mint boy with a :] and a thumbs up. Jimin routinely checks the bottom of his shoes to make sure they’re clean and flicks every speck of dust off them. He doesn’t want to disappoint j-hope.
At the end of it all, five dancers make it through. Kind of. Hoseok sends four of them to the studios of his colleagues, claiming they’re talented but not right for him. He keeps the fifth for himself. The blond boy, Jimin, with the clean shoes.
“Park Jimin! Welcome to your new home!”
Taehyung chuckles, he chuckles, at Hoseok’s welcoming. Jungkook is ushering the other dancers out and offering them free towels. Jimin looks confused at what’s going on, but he smiles anyway.
“Hi! It’s so nice to meet you!”
“You’re so sweet; I love you already! Let me properly introduce you to everyone.”
Hoseok throws his arm around the boy and pulls him out the door. Taehyung and Jungkook follow suit with armfuls of towels and Jimin’s duffel bag. There’s an apartment building down the street, past the library and around the corner. Jimin looks confused, and he makes eye contact with Dimples and the mint boy, who immediately grow concerned.
As they enter the building, Hoseok yells to someone called Seokjin. Jimin assumes this is his apartment and is proven correct when the man in question appears from behind a wall. It’s just a wall, nothing more to it, really.
“Hope, please stop yelling in the lobby.”
“Yes,” Taehyung chimes in from where he’s wrestling Jungkook for his keys. “Yelling in lobbies is very disrespectful to those working there.”
“Taehyung, shut up,” Jungkook says, throwing Taehyung’s keys at his face.
Seokjin, handsome, looks over Jimin and smiles. Jimin smiles back, unsure. “I know who you are. You’re always in the library. With the dimpled one and the mint-haired one.“
Jimin’s eyes widen. “Oh!”
“Yeah, hi, I know you all hate me, but is that the dimpled one and the mint-haired one?” Taehyung asks from the couch in the lobby.
The group looks back at the doors, and Jimin runs over to see them. They watch the blond wave his arms around, and Dimples’ eyes grow wide in response. The mint boy pats his shoulder and tilts his head towards Hoseok. Jimin nods rapidly and pulls them both over. Taehyung thinks he should be less out of breath, considering he’s a dancer, but what does he know?
“Okay! This is Namjoon and Yoongi!” He gestures to his friends before pointing at the other boys. “That’s Seokjin, and Hoseok, and Jungkook, and that’s Taehyung!”
Namjoon, Dimples, and Yoongi, the mint-haired one, wave. Hoseok bounds over to them and engulfs them in hugs. Taehyung could compare him to a father with his sons. He won’t, but he could.
“Jimin is a genius! I’ve never seen such a good, clean, passionate dancer since Jungkook!”
Yoongi unravels himself and nods. He doesn’t seem to say much. Namjoon pulls away too and starts talking about how proud they are of Jimin. Taehyung watches Jimin walk backwards and takes note of how he’s about to fall into a plant. He should do something about that.
“Jimin!”
Jimin startles at his voice and trips into the plant anyway. Taehyung drops his head into his palms. He stands up and walks over to the blond boy. The plant, conveniently, is fake, but Jimin’s got a nice red mark on the back of his neck. Taehyung wants to kiss it, but he’s a normal boy and so he won’t.
“Are you okay?” Taehyung asks as he pulls the boy into his chest. There’s a slight throb in his head; Jimin must do that to him.
Jungkook comes over then and peels him off of the boy. He points a finger towards the elevator where Seokjin is waiting with Yoongi and Namjoon. Apparently, they’re best friends now. Jimin is brushing off Hoseok’s and Jungkook’s concerns in the background and runs back up to Taehyung.
“Hi!”
Taehyung doesn’t respond until the elevator reaches Seokjin’s floor, much to Jimin’s dismay. “Hi!”
The others move on without them and invade Seokjin’s apartment. Taehyung runs his fingers through his hair. “Sorry, I didn’t want to start a conversation with you in a cramped elevator.”
Jimin nods, he understands. “Elevator conversations are a little odd anyway.”
“Aren’t they!” Taehyung exclaims. “The others think I’m ridiculous, but why would anyone want to converse in such a cramped and boring space!”
Their conversation continues at Seokjin’s kitchen counter. The other boys, Namjoon and Yoongi included, pull up a movie and squeeze onto the sofa. It’s a black sofa with velvety purple pillows and a green knitted blanket. Both courtesies of Hoseok. He loves Seokjin’s sofa.
Taehyung looks at Jimin from his seat on the stool and thinks he’s the most beautiful person he’s ever seen. He’s shovelling popcorn into his mouth, and Taehyung has never seen someone shovel popcorn as beautifully as Jimin.
“Do you want to go sit closer?” Jimin asks.
Taehyung nods and lets Jimin pull him towards the empty armchair in the corner. He sits down first, and Jimin squeezes in beside him. Taehyung decides his heart is beating too fast and refrains from screaming into his fist.
We don’t know what happens after that because Taehyung falls asleep, and so does Jimin, and that’s what happens when they think they’ve met for the first time. In 2014, two nineteen-year-olds slept in an armchair and ignored the racing of their hearts.
-
In 2015, Taehyung finally gets a job. Granted, it’s working makeup and wardrobe for Hoseok, but he’s getting paid, so really, it’s okay. He’s not even qualified to work with makeup; he just mentioned he knew how to use concealer and dress properly. Now he’s rapidly unzipping Jungkook’s jacket because the boy is foolish and thinks he won’t overheat. He’s also throwing boots backwards to where he thinks Jimin is because that boy keeps losing his shoes. Hoseok is already ready to go, and Taehyung just wants to take a nap. Competition season is his demise. He misses the lobby.
Another new development, Park Jimin, with his purple hair, is his boyfriend. How it happened, no one knows. One month they were new friends and the next, he was taking Jimin on dates to art museums. Namjoon protested, but Yoongi told him to calm down, so he did.
Having Park Jimin as his boyfriend comes with benefits. The biggest one is someone he gets to kiss when they’re backstage, and Hoseok isn’t looking. When he is looking, they wait until they get back to Taehyung’s apartment and kiss there. Taehyung makes sure Jimin doesn’t fall onto any houseplants.
Kissing Jimin makes his heart flutter like a concussed bird who keeps flying into windows. Jimin makes him feel things that he thinks are dangerous. His favourite person, Park Jimin, with his purple hair.
In 2015, Jimin looks into the concept of soulmates. He doesn’t know anything about them, but from what he’s gathered, Taehyung is definitely his. Soulmates are an interesting concept. He wonders what Taehyung thinks about them. Would he say the same? Maybe he’ll ask him one day; Taehyung probably has a very interesting take on life.
Taehyung, we’ll call him Jimin’s soulmate, has fascinating takes on life. He tells Jimin something about balance and how his love for Jimin leaves a balance in the universe. He explains to him how he will never love anyone more and the art of loving one like Jimin. Jimin understands everything and nothing in his lover’s words. But he understands Taehyung, and that is enough.
-
2015 passes very quickly. We wish we could pause and rewind. Go back to the boys with the towels and the library. Anyway, 2016 brings lots of money.
Hope on the Street becomes even bigger than it already was. Out of courtesy for Namjoon and Yoongi, who still work at the library, and Seokjin, who likes his streets quiet, Hoseok moves. He takes Jungkook and Jimin with him, Taehyung following suit. Their new building, which has several floors, is located in the heart of Seoul. Taehyung resumes his job in the lobby and suffers as Jimin takes up a teaching role.
His boyfriend, red-haired, teaches little kids how to dance and then competes. And then they win. They win so often that they keep competing and Taehyung rarely gets to see him. He goes back to the outskirts of Seoul and spends a weekend with Seokjin. He feels sad. Or he should feel sad. He mostly feels numb.
Jimin comes back to Taehyung a week later and finds him asleep on their couch. His boyfriend with thoughts on life and the odd ways of speaking. The one he calls his soulmate. Jimin tucks himself against Taehyung, and they sleep on the couch.
-
Hoseok meets with Namjoon and Yoongi one day, Jungkook in tow. He has some minor concerns.
“Has Jimin said anything to you? I feel there might be something wrong with their water or something.”
Yoongi shakes his head. “Are they okay?”
Hoseok frowns. “Taehyung’s been telling me that every day he wakes up with a migraine. But back when he went to stay with Seokjin, I didn’t hear anything.”
The boys turn to Jungkook, who’s pulling at Hoseok’s pant leg from his position on the floor.
“Jimin said the same to me. He was okay when we went to Tokyo last week.”
“That’s so odd. It must be something in their house.”
There’s a collective agreement.
-
By 2017, they learn there was nothing wrong with their house. What exactly is wrong, they don’t know. But they get into a fight one night, and they decide something is wrong there.
The fight was a blur. Both boys were consumed by stress and frustration; Jimin’s been overdoing himself, and Taehyung just wants him to take a break. What’s odd to them is that they don’t feel bad. Sure they feel bad about getting upset at each other; of course, they do. But why don’t they hurt? Why didn’t they feel sad when they were apart?
They consider couples therapy. But they don’t need it. They need sleep and they need each other, and they need love. Just them and love; they’ll be okay.
And so, Jimin takes more breaks. And Taehyung gets a job at an art museum. He works in the Greek mythology section. Jimin comes to visit him often; with his dark blue hair and kisses him in front of Aphrodite. They feel like they’re on their first date again. Two nineteen-year-olds who knew nothing about the world.
-
In 2018, Taehyung has a heart attack. So does Jimin. Their friends rush to their hospital and pray to whoever is out there that they’re okay. Taehyung doesn’t understand what happened, and neither does Jimin, but they’re alive, and that’s what matters.
“Hi. Why are you all in my room. I am formally requesting that you leave or take me to my beloved.”
Jungkook replies to him, his cheeks stained with tears. “Shut up, Taehyung. God...” He sniffles. “You’re the fucking worst.”
Taehyung rolls his eyes. “You would think after all our years together and my heart attack, you’d be a little nicer to me.”
Jungkook engulfs him in a hug then, and Taehyung relishes in his embrace. His best friend, Jeon Jungkook, the one who kept him grounded. Hoseok follows suit and smothers him. Taehyung doesn’t protest; he loves his friends.
In Jimin’s room, Yoongi and Namjoon are bombarding him with questions. More so Namjoon, but Yoongi is wringing the sleeves of his sweater anxiously. Seokjin is going back and forth between both rooms, making sure his adoptive children are okay. Seokjin is their rock. He always has been, and he always will be.
2018 is deemed the year of suffering. Jimin and Taehyung have near-death experiences all year, and they only grow worse. They don’t understand. They really want to understand.
-
In 2019, Taehyung understands. In 2019, he tells Jimin. And so, Jimin understands his soulmate.
-
In 2020, Taehyung and Jimin decide to keep going. They take pain medication to cope and fall asleep in each other’s arms. Every night they say goodnight to their friends and hope they wake up the next day. Every night they sleep, and every morning they wake up with migraines.
In 2020, they sleep one night and then there is balance.
-
There’s a balance between Taehyung and Jimin. They complete each other in a way most others don’t. They fit in all the wrong ways. To have a soulmate is to have balance with another. It’s to love and trust and understand. To say Jimin completed him would be true. To say he loved him and trusted him and understood him couldn’t be closer to the truth. But to refer to him as his soulmate would be inaccurate.
Jimin is a positive person, and so, by extension, Taehyung is as well. To remove Jimin from Taehyung would be to remove his positivity, making him negative. As one loves, they hurt less. To love is to be free from pain. Or so Jimin and Taehyung were told. Love, to them, hurts and grows more painful by the day.
The concept of anti-soulmates suggests a balance. Those who were destined to love and those who were destined to be apart. Those who would die should they remain together. To describe them as anti-soulmates would be better.
Soulmates who can’t love without death or live without suffering. Oh, how that fits them. For this, Taehyung hates balance. Jimin is his other half; the final beat in his chest won’t change that. It won’t take that away. They are soulmates who will love together as they die.
Till death do us part or something like that, right?
Till death do us part.
They’ll see each other again. Anti-soulmates aren’t much different than those who can love without pain. They’ll meet, and they’ll love, and they’ll hurt together.
It’s what they were born to do. And Taehyung will be damned if there’s ever a life where he isn’t undoubtedly in love with Park Jimin.