Chapter Text
He awoke in a terror-fueled cold sweat and bolted upright in bed. Disoriented and heart pounding, Jason forced his eyes open, fully expecting to see the raging fire his confused senses were telling him should be there. Instead, he stared sightlessly into the quiet dark. The aftereffects of the nightmare still lingered, momentarily deceiving his senses.
He could still hear the crackle of flames, the sounds of the structure failing, and feel the searing heat and weight of the burning beams as they fell. He pressed a hand to his chest, trying to ease the knife sharp phantom pain there as another sound echoed in his ears.
The screams…don’t forget her screams, his mind added, twisting the knife. Only this time, their voices were added to hers.
After a few seconds, the screams faded away and his racing heart began to calm. Jason grimaced at the sweat-soaked sheets and rose, padding his way to the bathroom. He splashed cold water on his face, neck and chest, then dried himself with a towel. He scrubbed a little too hard, as if trying to wipe away the remnants of the dream that called into question his carefully constructed reality.
Damn you, DiNozzo.
Jason trudged back to the bed and sighed at the clock; it was four AM. There was no trying to go back to sleep now, so he stripped the damp sheets and put them in the washer, then started a pot of coffee. Now with nothing to occupy his mind until the coffee was ready, he pondered the nightmare and what it meant. Even after all these years, he still dreamed about the tragic fire of his childhood from time to time, especially after he investigated fires where children had been victims. It was always the same…every time. Until now.
From his nine year old mind’s eye, the dream never changed in the way it played out. He was crying and clawing at DiNozzo in the upstairs hall; pleading to go back…get him to go back for his sister. He’d been too small; not strong enough to free himself from the young man’s hold as they left her behind. Then the moment on the stairs when part of the second floor came crashing down, injuring DiNozzo and delaying their escape. Through the thick, choking smoke, he’d heard the creaking from above and recognized the collapse coming just in time. DiNozzo ran headlong down the stairs, coughing and carrying a still-struggling Jason. Near the bottom, DiNozzo took a glancing blow from one of the falling beams and was knocked down the last few steps. Jason remembered DiNozzo turning his body as he fell, instinctively trying to protect the boy he held from being injured too.
DiNozzo had hit the floor hard, the fall leaving him winded and breaking his hold briefly. Just as Jason realized he was free, DiNozzo took him in that unbreakable grip once again, swinging him up piggy-back style. He limped toward the front door, trying to outpace the sound of the collapsing roof filling their ears.
Once outside they were immediately surrounded and helped away from the house. In shock, he’d let the firemen pull him away from DiNozzo and pass him to the waiting paramedics. The final moments of the dream replayed a glimpse of his childhood home almost fully engulfed in flames and imagining he still heard Jasmine’s terrified cries for help. The rest was chaos; a blur of sirens, fire engines, flashing lights, and crowds of gaping onlookers. After the fire, he’d never seen DiNozzo again, not until this arson case forced them to work together. Never seen, and had never forgiven him for the loss of his sister. Or what came after.
His grief-stricken parents were never the same after the loss of their baby girl. His father descended into alcoholism and unable to cope, abandoned his remaining family, ultimately drinking himself into an early grave. His mother raised him alone, caring for him as best as she was able. But she’d changed too, becoming withdrawn and distant. They never returned to the closeness they shared before the fire, when they’d been a close-knit family of four.
After the fire, every time he met his mother’s eyes, he no longer saw the pride and joy in her children he once found there. All the lost, hurting child in him could ever see was accusation. You were supposed to be taking care of her, her eyes said. He never felt the blame for Jasmine’s death was his to bear and it wasn’t fair.
Jason poured a cup of coffee and took a seat at the kitchen table. As bitter resentment flared once again, he set the cup down a little too hard, sloshing some of the hot liquid onto the table. He grabbed dishrag and wiped angrily at the spilled coffee. He still wanted so badly to hang on to the belief that the disintegration of his family all traced back to what he saw as DiNozzo’s act of cowardice. His refusal to go back and even make an attempt to save his sister. His fault and his alone. Or was it?
The same exact recurring nightmare about the fire had invaded his dreams for more than two decades. He remembered every moment of it vividly, intimately. This time was no exception. He let this morning’s vivid dream play out behind his eyes, trying to make sense of the changes. His subconscious was trying to tell him something, because for the first time ever, the events of that fateful night ended very differently.
This time, none of them had made it out.
~.~
Chapter two coming soon!