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Says the Yuletide newbie to an older fan, "Why does the hippo dance?" A veteran of challenges past turns to her and begins to tell a tale of terror and delight, the truth behind the legend of the hippo dance, most powerful in the land.
"When you were but a young thing, the Hippos were mighty race, with voices pure and strong. They sang out throughout the Internet, drawing betas with their beauteous cries. Their golden peals of laughter could make the biggest name fans break down and help the littlest; while their fierce war-cries could fell a zombie.
But one day a weary hippo wandered away from the wallow. Singing to herself, she is did not note the growing darkness, which carried danger with it. For in the darkness lived a grue, a terrifying beast. It's shape was shrouded in its darkness, and so the poor hippo did not know the fate she wandered into.
For while she could lull a bear with a soft lullaby, banishing terror, she had no answer for the grue. It came upon her in a fast moving cloud, sealing her away from light. 'O noes,' she cried in a piteous wail.
'Oh little one, do tell me please, what it is this song you sing.' The voice was crackling and strange in the young hippo's ear. She could not see from whence it came.
'That is my song to bring betas to the Yuletide authors, to calm the frenzy and dispel the flanick,' she recited it by rote, the honorable code of the hippo as set down by the wise Shu.
But those were the last words she ever spoke. The grue engulfed her, voice and all, til all that was left was one broad hippo tooth.
The next night that voice did ring out. It twas a siren call, drawing betas near and far. They came and fell under the trance of the singing grue. The power of the grue imbued the golden voice. It was an irresistible lure.
But when the souls did appear, confounded by the dark, they faced a fate eery. For as they stood, searching for the source of the song they were beset by tentacles. They oozed out quickly. Snaking and staking, they bound the poor souls to the ground.
It twas a horrid fate.
To this awful site and sight came the hippos the next morning. They had come from their wallow to seek the reason their song had been unheeded so long. The culprit, who moved with the night, was nowhere apparent.
'Whatever could have done this, and why?' they whispered and they wondered.
'I know what to do!' cried Hippo Snow. The other hippos all heeded, for she was a very smart hippo indeed.
'We must check with the stars, for they see and log all!'
The stars did tell them the awful tale, of hippos swallowed and unexpected tentacles appearing. The hippos sighed and chattered. They discussed their opinions with teal deer.
Oh what to do?
They all agreed that such a fate as lay before them must be avoided. They would set forth lights at the wallow to ward of the grues. But was it enough? They all agreed their voices must not be used for evil e'er again. But how?
Hippo Jules, a proud and fiery hippo, did then make herself heard. 'If we wish our voices not to be used so, perhaps then should we all stay silent?' The other hippos nodded.
But then appeared an author, desperately seeking a beta to whip their writing into shape. Could they do it? They must, but how?
One hippo, distraught, did twirl about to release the anger. Her feet did thunder as they landed on the ground. Her shape, it did soar with grace.
What was this? For lo, a beta did appear, drawn by the unintentional dance. Such grace there was in hippo's movement! It did draw a bundle of betas, all ready with red pens.
The other hippos did smile and joined with their fellow in her dance. Their dance was full of joy and glee. They knew then they had found their answer."
And so it is, my dear Yuletide newbie, that hippos dance to draw the betas, as it is a skill a grue cannot do.