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"It's going to rain."
Levi's voice cuts through the silence of the dimly lit room. He turns away from the window to the light source; a single flame dancing within the glass lantern sat next to the slouched body of his Commander. It's far too dark to be writing reports but Levi doesn't question it, knowing Erwin is dedicated enough to cause himself a headache from eye-strain.
Erwin only hums absentmindedly in response. He's too invested to reply, nothing new there, but even so, he makes a half assed effort to let Levi know he's listening. It's nice and Levi looks back to the thick clouds that cover the moon, thinking only of Erwin. His voice, his face, his eyes.
"Levi, I think you should call it a night." Erwin says.
Levi blinks out of his daze and looks over to the source of the interruption. Erwin is reclined in his chair, hands linked under his chin as if in deep thought except he's looking right at Levi - right through him like he does when he wants to say something but can't. Levi wishes he would say it.
His eyes focus on the tea left beside Erwin, long forgotten and cold. It was never touched to begin with but then again, Erwin was too indulged in his work to even notice Levi staring at him for an hour straight so he's not entirely surprised.
"Will you?" Levi asks and Erwin raises a brow but his gaze never falters. "Call it a night. You look like shit."
A smile cracks Erwin's deep rooted focus and he's chuckling. "Thank you for your honesty." Erwin regains his composure with a sigh. "Yes, I think I will."
Then he's shuffling papers on his desk, moving things as if trying to organise them and Levi only rolls his eyes at the attempt. Erwin will never learn to just ask Levi for help with things like this, he'll only struggle and sigh until Levi storms over with a click of his tongue.
Their hands brush momentarily but Erwin doesn't stop moving like Levi does. Levi freezes, letting the warmth from Erwin linger on his hand before catching himself. It's too late by that point because Erwin's stopped now and is looking at Levi with concern, with his beautiful blue eyes. They're close but not close enough for Levi to really see any intention behind those eyes.
Levi lets out a breath, deciding now would be the best time to vacate before his mind wanders away from him. So he says a quiet and quick goodnight and leaves, the only sound behind him is the click of the office door closing.
He doesn't go to bed, knowing his mind is restless and unnecessarily cruel. Instead, he heads to the rooftop to gaze up at the moon and the silence it offers.
Lunar can't judge him, neither can the stars, which in itself should be soothing but instead it leaves his thoughts scattered, relentlessly revisiting the scene in Erwin's office. He shouldn't be thinking about it, he knows this. They've known each other long enough to know nothing will come of their companionship. They have roles to play, lives to save and secrets to unfold.
Levi is living in a fantasy world, he knows, but Erwin's warmth is intoxicating. He wants that fantasy.
Even if nothing could come of it, he still dreams of it.
Levi's alert and already training when the sun peaks over the horizon. Recruits stagger tiredly into the yard, a few of them looking over at him. He's too far to read their expressions or know why they're looking at him, and he's thinking too much about it, missing a branch and almost falling.
He lands gracefully regardless, catching himself before causing an injury. The recruits are still glancing at him and he's still caught up in it that he decides his training is over.
He's always watched, always stared at with something akin to awe and it's never caused a bout of cold blood to rush through his veins like it had just then. Suddenly being watched is too much, suddenly he feels like it's invasive. He feels… vulnerable.
Erwin's in his office when Levi enters without knocking. He's in his usual place at his desk, staring down at some documents with a fierce look of concentration. Levi could have sworn the documents were the same ones as yesterday but doesn't question it. Erwin is thorough.
"I assumed you would be training." Erwin says when Levi sits down on the couch. Erwin glances over, his eyes twisting something inside of Levi.
"Got bored." Levi replies and looks down. "There's only so many trees you can swing from in that forest."
Erwin hums that sweet sound he always makes when he's concentrating. "And you've swung from them all."
Levi watches the way his eyes dance over the papers, how they move so gracefully and intensely at the same time. There are so many bold thoughts behind those eyes and Levi suddenly wants to hear them all. Erwin intrigues him.
"You're staring, Levi." Erwin says.
Levi blinks and looks down at his hands just as Erwin looks up. Their eyes don't meet - Levi doesn't let them.
"I was thinking. Didn't realize." He murmurs and notices a wound on his forearm. It's not deep and the blood has already clotted, but it stings when Levi runs his thumb over it. He's surprised he didn't see it earlier.
"It's not like you to injure yourself." Erwin's in front of him now, holding a large, gentle hand out.
Levi hesitantly lets Erwin take his arm, all the while trying not to get caught up in the moment. They're rarely intimate like this, probably because each time they are, Levi immediately cuts it off before he makes things awkward.
Erwin tuts and brushes a thumb over Levi's wrist. It sends a shiver up his spine but Erwin doesn't seem to notice.
"Wait here, I'll get some supplies from the infirmary."
"It's only a-" Levi begins to protest but Erwin cuts him off, already turning the handle of the door.
"That's an order, Captain." Erwin says, no bite to his tone but a warning in his eyes.
Levi leans back against the leather couch cushion and sighs. He's left alone and begins to wonder why Erwin's office suddenly feels so cold without the man's presence. Something crawls over him, sends a pang of anxiety through him and he sits up, unable to catch his breath for a moment.
He frowns. He's never experienced that before.
"Captain?"
Levi's head snaps in the direction of the voice in the doorway. It's Armin and he looks as feeble as ever.
"What do you want?" Levi asks, eyeing the books in Armin's hands.
"The commander asked me to leave these here." Armin says and approaches Erwin's desk.
"He's got enough books, he doesn't need any more." Levi mutters.
Armin drops the pile of books. Levi's head snaps in his direction, caught off guard by the noise to find Armin staring at him, a look of confusion mixed with worry on his features.
"I'm not going to snap because you dropped a few books, stop looking at me like that." Levi says.
Armin swallows hard and nods. "Sorry, sir."
He quickly picks the books up, places them on the desk and leaves but not before throwing a strange glance over his shoulder.
"Fucking weird kid." Levi mumbles once he's gone.
A few moments later, Erwin returns with some bandages and cream. He throws a kind smile at Levi before kneeling in front of him and extending his hand. It's another gentle gesture that leaves Levi's heart fluttering as he stretches out his arm.
The touches are soft as Erwin wraps his wound and occasionally his fingers linger on the skin longer than Levi deems necessary, but he's not complaining. It's nice to have such a soothing touch.
Then, the touch is gone and Erwin is looking at him. His heart begins to beat faster so he looks away; down at the bandage and runs his thumb over the crisp, white material.
"Thank you." Levi says quietly.
"Be more careful out there." Erwin gently scolds.
Levi rolls his eyes and stands.
"I'll make some tea." Levi says. "Try not to let it get cold this time. You waste so much of my tea."
Erwin chuckles. "My apologies. I'll try to remember to drink it."
They spend the rest of the bitterly cold evening in a warm and comfortable silence. Erwin is scribbling something down at his desk, Levi reads quietly and only occasionally glances up at the way Erwin's eyes dance over the paper, the way his mouth moves slightly when he's reading.
He ends up forgetting about the tea again and Levi scolds him, again .
Levi can't help but keep glancing up at Erwin's office. The light is out but Levi knows he's still up there, eyes straining to see in the dark.
A few recruits start singing loudly and Levi takes that as a sign to leave. He's suddenly not feeling very cheery - not that he was to begin with - but something just feels off tonight. He puts it down to the watery wine and stands, slipping out of the mess hall without being seen. Hange is too engrossed in a story to see him leaving but Mikasa is sitting opposite them and notices his movement. Their eyes meet momentarily as he slips out the door and he can't register the exact look in her expression, all he knows is that it's sad. It's pity, and it rubs him the wrong way.
Why? What is with all the prying eyes and sad gazes? He doesn't want them.
He clenches his fists, sets his jaw and heads to Erwin's office. If that bastard was down there, the attention wouldn't all be on Levi.
Erwin's not in his office when Levi enters. It's strange but Levi's too angry to think too much into it. He lights a candle, glances over the documents he's seen before and sighs. It's all about the next expedition. He doesn't want to think about it right now; the shitty wine is getting to his head. He makes a mental note to help Erwin figure out formations in the morning, in the meantime, he throws himself down onto the couch.
He's staring up at the ceiling and his eyes drift shut. He makes a mental note to not fall asleep or else he'll never hear the end of it from Erwin. Or worse, if Hange caught him. They'd assume he's drunk, falling asleep sprawled out on an uncomfortable leather sofa and never let him live it down.
Regardless, his mind wanders. It's filled with red, either rage or blood - maybe both. He's screaming, swords slicing through flesh but there's something wrong. He's in pain. There are no wounds because Erwin told him to be careful, so he was.
He promised him.
"Levi."
Levi starts awake, bolting upright. Erwin is standing in front of him, a smooth smile on his lips. Levi groans.
"I don't want to hear it."
"You look very peaceful when you're sleeping, you know." Erwin says and approaches the window.
"What the fuck did I just say?"
Erwin follows that with a deep chuckle and gazes out the window. Levi's rubbing his head, feeling a deep rooted headache coming on suddenly when Erwin speaks.
"The celebration is going well then, I take it?"
Levi blinks out of his sleepy delirium, trying to catch up with Erwin's words.
"Celebration? We haven't succeeded in anything yet." Levi replies and rubs his aching temple.
Erwin turns to him - watches him.
"What?" Levi asks.
"You should be down there." Erwin answers and turns to face Levi fully. The moonlight practically encases him, making him luminous.
"I was but they're all too loud." Levi sighs. "I was waiting for you."
Erwin's lips twitch before Levi can register what he's said. He blames it on the wine and clears his throat.
"Where were you anyway?"
"I was actually looking for you." Erwin says to his surprise, although he doesn't show it aside from an involuntary raise of a brow.
"Why?"
"I needed your help with something." Erwin says and leans against his desk. His cerulean blues scan over the documents. "However, It doesn't matter now."
"If it really didn't matter, you wouldn't have brought it up. Spit it out, Smith."
Erwin seems to contemplate his answer, leaving them both in an eerie silence. The singing from the mess hall can still be heard, although muffled, is still full with cheer. Levi's skin prickles.
"Come here."
Levi's fully intrigued now and stands from the couch. Erwin straightens when he approaches and Levi's suddenly too nervous, which is a bizarre emotion that he can't ever remember feeling.
"Will you dance with me, Levi?" Erwin asks quietly.
Levi stares up at him, waiting for the punchline. Erwin isn't one to tell jokes - well, good ones at least - but he's holding out for something like that because there's no way Erwin has just asked him to dance.
The amber light from the lamp illuminates Erwin's face, shadowing his cheeks and jaw and Levi thinks the lighting makes him look incredible.
"You're shitting me." Levi deadpans, though his mind is reeling.
Erwin smiles, takes Levi's hand and places it on his shoulder. He takes the other and steps closer - so close their boots are touching.
"Humor me."
Levi looks down at the hand on his waist, contemplating whether he should walk away or indulge in this. It's not that he doesn't want to - fuck, he would love to kiss Erwin right now - but there's a nagging. Some part of his brain tells him this is a terrible idea. His feelings are not reciprocated, never will be and he'll be left hurting.
But this is only a dance, and Erwin's eyes are so beautiful that Levi doesn't want to look away. He can't. So he smirks and leads, waltzing with Erwin in his dim office in the middle of the night.
At one point, Erwin takes over the lead and spins him. Levi could've killed him for that but once his body presses back against that warmth, all negative thoughts leave his mind. He's encased by Erwin; only seeing and breathing Erwin. He could lean in, steal a kiss and nobody would need to know. He could confess everything, let Erwin know why he chose to stay in the Survey Corps.
He loves Erwin. He loves him with every piece of his heart. That is why he fights, why he risks his life fighting for such a man - for a devil.
Erwin stops dancing, smiling down at Levi as if he's the only thing that matters and Levi can't find the words to tell him how he feels.
"I…" Levi's words die on his tongue. "Thank you, Erwin."
"No, thank you, Levi. That was wonderful." Erwin smiles. He steps away, leaving Levi cold and wanting more. "I can see you're tired, though."
"Yeah." Levi agrees quietly. "I… I'm going to get some rest."
"Goodnight, Levi."
The words fall out of his mouth before he can register them.
"Goodbye, Erwin."
After last night, Levi barely slept.
He's alone in the kitchens as he prepares the two teacups. He adds the indecent amount of sugar to Erwin's with a grimace, muttering about how the man will ruin his health. Erwin's always had a secret sweet tooth, and even with a drink that's meant to be bitter, he demands it sweet. It's astounding that a man like Erwin turns to putty over some sugar cubes, like a horse.
Levi's lips twitch at the thought.
He picks up the cups, carefully making his way to Erwin's office through the mess hall. It means he'll have to deal with glances and whispers, but it's quicker and more convenient.
There's a clatter beside him and a spoon lands next to his foot. He pauses, looks down and sees a smear of porridge on his boot.
Eren is looking rather sheepish - almost terrified - and his weird friends are staring. In fact, everyone is staring. It makes Levi unsettled.
"I'm sorry sir, I didn't- I was-" Eren stammers and stands from his seat. "Let me clean that for you."
Levi tuts and waves his hand at Eren to sit back down. He places the cups down on the table and pulls a handkerchief from his pocket.
"If you ate your food instead of throwing it around, maybe you would be able to remain a titan for longer than five minutes." Levi snaps, bending down to clean his boot.
Eren is still standing when Levi rights himself. He notices that Eren's eyes are fixed on the cups and for a moment, Levi thinks he's dropped something in one of them too.
"What are you staring at, Yaeger?" Levi asks, inspecting the cups.
The entire table shares a glance before Eren salutes clumsily.
"Sorry, sir. Nothing." Eren says.
Levi narrows his eyes at the brunette, sees the redness around his eyes as if he's not sleeping properly. His uniform is creased, juice stains - or something of the sort - on the collar.
Levi tuts again. "Go clean yourself up. You look like a mess."
And with that, he leaves the mess hall with all eyes on him. He's unnerved by the piercing gazes that send a chill up his spine.
When he steps into Erwin's office, it's cold. The window is open and Levi frowns, always having to open the window because Erwin never would.
Erwin's at his desk, head down and scribbling away. The only noise in the room is the scratching of his quill against the paper and the faint sounds of cadets training in the fields, so once Levi enters with a soft click of the door, Erwin glances at him.
"Good morning, Levi, how did you sleep?" He asks in that smooth voice of this.
"Fine." He lies. Erwin looks to not have left his desk all night. "Did you sleep at all?"
Erwin chuckles, leans back in his chair with a sigh.
"I would love some tea instead of a lecture."
Levi feels the tension in his shoulders soften.
"Eren's already pissed me off this morning." Levi says and places the teacups on the desk. He approaches the window and slams it shut. "He dropped porridge on my boot. Clumsy idiot."
Erwin's lips twitch upwards.
"You're too harsh on them."
Levi scoffs. "They need it. Armin almost shit himself because he dropped a couple of books the other day."
Silence follows his words and Levi glances at Erwin. He's sitting back in his chair, staring ahead.
"Levi. I'm glad you chose him." Erwin says.
Levi turns back to the window, Erwin's words not slotting into place. He doesn't understand what that means. Erwin's a peculiar man and that's one of the many reasons Levi loves him.
"It's going to rain." Levi says finally. The silence stays thick between them and he frowns, expecting at least a hum in response like always.
"Who are you talking to?"
Levi whips around, startled by the unexpected voice. Hange is standing in the doorway, books in their arms. They look at him with something akin to concern mixed with intrigue and step closer cautiously.
Ignoring the question, Levi turns back to the window and clenches his jaw. "What are you doing here?" He asks.
The thud of books being dropped onto the desk doesn't faze Levi, what does is the comment afterwards.
"I thought it was finally time to move into my new office."
" It's not your fucking office. " Levi snaps and sends a glare towards Hange.
Hange's expression doesn't soften like Erwin's. Hange's posture doesn't straighten like Erwin's. Hange's eyes don't glimmer like Erwin's. Hange remains stoic, unmoved and only crosses their arms at Levi's loss of control.
Erwin's desk is clear of paperwork, his bookshelves remain full but unused and his chair is tucked neatly under his desk. There is no longer any trace of his existence in the office and now. Now Hange is beginning to imprint themselves in the only space Levi found safe.
It's a sensation of the earth beneath him crumbling that sends him over the edge. The realization that Erwin is gone, he is never coming back and soon, he'll be just another body left behind. Levi dragged him to a place of comfort by himself, refusing any help. He laid him to rest, stroked his hair and sat by his bedside until the tears had long since dried. But all in all, he is just another body left behind. Levi swipes the books off the desk and grabs a fistful of Hange's jacket.
"It's Erwin's!" He yells. He cries. He practically screams over and over again until his voice cracks and he's forced into silence.
A hand cradles the back of his head, pulls him forward until he's pressed into Hange's chest. There's a coldness that settles in him, darkening his entire being until he's nothing but a mess. He tightens his grip on the jacket like it's a lifeline. It's not Erwin's.
The tea is left forgotten, cold. Rain begins to tap against the glass. There is no chuckle, no smirk and no remark about the weather. The only sounds are his own sobs and the constant spatter of rain.