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Xiaojun wouldn’t call himself unlucky.
Clumsy? Yes. Someone who gets himself into ridiculous situations by accident? Also, yes. (Which technically is usually Hendery's fault).
But still, Xiaojun wasn’t unlucky, and yet today made him feel nothing but that.
It started with his alarm not going off when it was supposed to. Thankfully, Hendery — who was also his roommate — woke him up, as his classes started an hour later, and he saw Xiaojun's things were still there in their living room.
Xiaojun hated skipping classes, he hated being late even more. Especially for a class where attendance was one of the main keys to passing it.
Xiaojun got dressed in a hurry, skipping doing his hair and things like breakfast before he rushed out of the apartment. He made it at last, exhausted from running, starving and without looking in the mirror, but at least he was there. From now on he hoped things would get better.
Soon enough, it appeared as if it was about to become better. Ten texted to ask if Xiaojun wants to have something to eat after class, and Xiaojun was happy to agree, sighing contently so loudly he drew his professor’s attention. Xiaojun felt his face getting red as he apologised and leaned deeper in his seat, embarrassed but also too happy at the thought of a meal to have the embarrassment hold onto him for too long. The last minutes passed with nice feelings awaiting the class being over, and Xiaojun trying to ignore the intensifying grumbling of his empty stomach.
//////
“You look like hell.” Ten announced the moment he spotted Xiojun leaving his class. Xiaojun rolled eyes at him, but proceeded to comb his hair using his fingers instead of saying something back.
“Bad night?”
“Just- alarm didn’t ring, I had to run” Xiaojun answered shyly, afraid his best friend would judge his clumsiness.
“And breakfast?”
“I’m eating with you.” Xiaojun grinned and it was Ten’s turn to roll his eyes at him
“Gosh what would you do without me?” Ten quipped, not hiding the amusement.
“Live a stress free life?”
“You mean more boring than it already is?” Ten smirked and put his arm around Xiaojun’s shoulders. “C’mon baby, let's get you fed so you won’t pass out during the rest of your classes.”
“Could you pay? I forgot my wallet.” Xiaojun asked coyly. Ten snickered and ruffled his hair.
“Of course, baby.” Xiaojun shook him off but didn’t say anything. If Ten was willing to pay for his meal, he would put up with his friend treating him like a child this one time.
Xiaojun had no time to react to what happened next.
When they were about to turn the corner, suddenly a tall figure jumped out, the person was in a rush and not paying attention which ended in them crashing into Xiaojun, literally.
Xiaojun almost fell down, if it wasn’t for Ten and whoever showed up at random catching him from preventing the fall.
“Oh my god, are you guys okay?” Ten asked, partly forcing back a laugh which didn’t escape Xiaojun’s ears.
“Yeah.”
“Yes.”
He heard a well known voice and froze all of a sudden, only now registering the person in front of him.
“H-hi Yuta,” he said, suddenly blushing. “Are you okay?”
“Yes, I’m fine! I should be the one asking you though, sorry for falling onto you,” Yuta said, smiling sheepishly, his hand scratching his neck.
“I- I. No It’s okay. Really.”
“Good.”
“Good.” Xiaojun said, blushing, and they fell into an awkward silence, which made him want the ground to swallow him whole. Ten sighed near him.
“Have you eaten already?” Ten asked, addressing Yuta, and Xiaojun was happy the attention was taken away from him.
“Yes, I was just going back from the cafeteria!” Yuta smiled at Ten. “Oh! By the way, Johnny said something about surprising you after class, so please make sure you attend it.” Yuta snickered, raising his eyebrow, and Ten stuck his tongue out at him.
“I attend all my classes, thank you very much,” Ten said proudly, pretending to push his hair back.
“Mhm.” Yuta grinned at him, then turned his attention back to Xiaojun “Anyways, it was nice to see you two, but I have to go. My professor hates when we are late!”
Yuta bid his goodbye and walked away. Xiaojun’s eyes followed his back until it completely disappeared, and when his gaze turned back to Ten, he was staring at him, something glistering in his eyes, his eyebrow raised with that knowing smirk Xiaojun hated every time it was aimed at him.
“What?” Xiaojun asked, and Ten only shook his head, biting his lip,
“Nothing, let’s go eat,” he answered and started moving again. Xiaojun decided not to object, and definitely wasn’t about to question whatever Ten was thinking.
Mostly because he had a vague idea of what it was.
******
„So what do you think about Yuta?”
“Who?” Xiaojun tried to play it off, acting focused on his textbook hoping Ten would drop this topic, but Ten was not one to give up easily.
“You know – Johnny’s best friend, long — currently silver — hair, very smart, stunning smile, quite tall, handsome, looking like an anime character.” Ten listed, not bothered by Xiaojun’s obvious attempt to drop the topic before it even began. Xiaojun shrugged, pretending like he was focused on his book.
“He is okay. I don’t really talk to him.” Xiaojun said casually, and could see Ten sigh and mockingly repeat what Xiaojun just said.
The thing is Xiaojun was fully aware where Ten was going, he wasn’t stupid, and neither was Ten, the crush was as obvious as it could be. They knew each other long enough. Xiaojun knew Ten wanted to help, but he also preferred not to push his luck in that situation.
Xiaojun and Yuta didn’t really talk. Sure they were friendly, but they weren’t necessarily friends. So it wasn’t like he lied saying they never really communicate.
Yuta was best friends with Johnny, who was Ten’s boyfriend. Yuta and Ten turned out to be pretty good friends too, getting along perfectly, and since Ten was Xiaojun’s best friend he knew Yuta by extension.
Xiaojun wouldn’t call himself a shy person around strangers, he was confident enough to help himself in a room full of new people and have fun if he only wanted. But this wasn't the case with Yuta.
Yuta intimidated him for some reason, or his brain became a pure mush just by the fact that Yuta was really attractive. It wasn't just the physical way, of a perfectly proportioned body, beautiful chocolate eyes, and smile that Xiaojun was sure could light up a room. It was also that Yuta was intelligent, he had a lot of hobbies and was good at them all as far as Xiaojun was aware, he read books, mangas and Xiaojun swears he saw him holding Agatha Christie’s book once too. Yuta was a good student, great at sports, and most of all – Yuta was kind. He was soft spoken when it was needed, and a tease with friends, if boundaries allowed. He was helpful. And not faling for him would be honestly idiotic.
And Xiaojun was not an idiot, with the one exception of the pure thought of potentially talking to his crush of few years made him stupid and unable to speak to him. The pure thought of talking to Yuta made Xiaojun so shy he wanted to hide.
Another reason to avoid potentially getting closer to Yuta which would risk in confessing — Yuta could and probably would reject him.
Xiaojun didn’t want to risk a situation where he made things so awkward. Ten would have to choose between him and Yuta, because Xiaojun knew choosing would be impossible, nor he ever wanted to put his friend in such a difficult situation ever. So Xiaojun prefered to keep his feelings at bay.
But of course it never really worked, especially when Yuta was near, and sometimes it made him feel helpless. Xiojun was scared of his growing crush and he wished it would go away.
******
Xiaojun and his friends decided to use the remaining warm days as best as they could. They were all sitting on a grassfield absorbing all the sunlight possible, some had free periods and decided to breathe some fresh air, there were people having a PE class not so far away too so they also could watch them play.
Xiaojun started to wonder if Ten picked this particular spot on purpose since Johnny was on the field, and if Hendery was so eager to agree to it because Jaemin apparently was there playing football too.
Xiaojun sighed, not really interested in wondering about his friends’ sneaky plans and closed his eyes facing the sun, Mark sat near him with his guitar playing a soft melody (bless music composing majors honestly), Xiaojun almost drifted away like that when he heard a familiar laugh from afar, he turned towards the sound to spot Yuta laughing at something Johnny and one of his friends were saying, looked like they were taking a break so Xiaojun just kept looking.
Xiaojun created a habit of staring at Yuta from far away, not in a creepy way just — admiring him from far away, the way he looked always good no matter what hairstyle or hair colour he got, how his smile made Xiaojun smile too, the way his eyes sparkled when he was talking about his interests. The warm aura Yuta seemed to be always surrounded with.
The problem was when Xiaojun lost his guard and was looking at him for a long time and was a bit careless to the point Yuta caught him in the act.
Just like it happened now.
A bright red blush creeped in on his face as he realised Yuta was smiling at him waving his way, and Xiaojun wanted to dig a hole and hide in it, he waved back embarrassed and hid his face in his hands trying hard not to groan — he didn’t need his friends ask what was going on but he could swear Ten snickered side eyeing him.
Xiaojun pretended he couldn't hear or see anything, quickly facing the other way picking his phone pretending he got a text, he was staring at the screen when he heard someone approaching and he didn’t even need to look up as he could hear Ten getting up to figure out who was now near them.
“Johnny!” Ten said happily running to his boyfriend, Xiaojun finally looked up to greet the visitor, and his eyes widened as he saw who else joined them besides Johnny.
Johnny was hugging Ten, picking him up and swinging them gently, not minding the crowd, Jaemin said hello to everyone and took a spot next to Hendery who was now beaming (Xiaojun needs to remember to tease him about it a bit later). And then there was Yuta.
Yuta who was now starring right at Xiaojun, smiling at Mark who was saying how great his team’s last football game was, Yuta was nodding his gaze sometimes turning towards Mark, showing him he was still listening, but it always made its way back to Xiaojun.
Xiaojun swallowed nervously not sure how to behave, his palms suddenly sweaty, heat spreading through his body and Xiaojun was sure the weather was not the only reason Xiaojun felt so hot right now.
Yuta thanked Mark for cheering for them and moved closer to the blanket where Xiaojun was sitting, he instantly made a room for him to sit down which Yuta took with a biggest smile.
Xiaojun’s heart felt like it was about to fall out of his chest.
“Are you enjoying your break time?'' Yuta asked, his face still reddened probably due to the constant running around and chasing the ball, there was still sweat on his forehead and his hair partly wet sticking to his face, and Xiojun could feel himself blushing. Just what was about hot guys sweating making them even hotter somehow?!
“Yes, very much, I love being outside.” Xiaojun smiled.
“I do too, although the heat makes me more sweaty, my clothes are sticking to me like second skin” Yuta whined as he grabbed the hem of his shirt and fanned himself with it, exposing his neck and collarbones even more. God, Xiaojun was in so much trouble.
“Ye-yeah” Xiaojun breathed looking down, his cheeks heating up, he could hear Yuta giggle which made him even more embarrassed.
“Do I make you nervous?” Yuta chuckled,
“I-what? No” Xiaojun blurred quickly, still very embarrassed.
“Okay then. Good.” Yuta answered grinning and looked like he wanted to add more, but the whistle coming from the field disturbed it.
“Ah, break is over,” Yuta rolled his eyes but started getting up. “It was nice to talk to you Xiaojun.” Yuta said his goodbye before running back toward his coach.
“Bye” Xiaojun whispered but Yuta was too far away to hear him. He took a deep breath, trying to calm down his heart.
******
“Is Hyuck the one always walking around with Jaemin?” Hendery asked, suddenly enthusiastic and Xiaojun had to fight the need to roll his eyes at him.
Hendery’s crush on Jaemin was just as obvious as Xiaojun’s crush on Yuta. The difference was: Hendery and Jaemin were already out together before, and were about to go on another date next weekend. Here Hendery was better than him. But when it was about simping after your crush Xiaojun took the lead, although he was pretty sure it was not a compliment, at least Hendery was about to get a boyfriend out of this, and Xiaojun? Xiaojun kept admiring Yuta from afar. He cleared his throat and focused back on Mark.
“Donghyuck is your new crush?” Xiaojun asked. Mark catching feelings for people every two weeks wasn’t anything new, it was amusing in a way. Mark always liked someone but was too shy to approach them, also wanting to focus on studying, knowing fully well he is not a right match for relationships now. So he always let it go. Mark knew how to move on, Xiaojun didn’t — although he wasn’t sure if it was a good or bad thing.
“Yeah.” Mark hummed, getting a bite of his sandwich, and almost jumped in his seat once he was able to speak again “dude but! Hycks legs in these heels? A masterpiece, holy heck.” Mark said, a dreamy tone in his voice “Oh to be in between those tights.” Mark added going back to his smoothie like nothing happened, while Hendery almost choked on his coffee, they made eye contact smirking. Xiaojun wanted to tease Mark about his crush but Yuta entered the cafeteria smiling at someone he spotted from the door. And Xiaojun forgot what he wanted to say. His brain immediately focused on the man entering the room.
Yuta had a black flannel on himself a white thee peaking through, black jeans and sneakers made the whole look simple, and yet Xiaojun could hear himself gasp when he saw him, Yuta wasn't aware of Xiaojun staring, most likely not even spotting him, he went the other way to his friends, not really looking around. Maybe that’s for the better. Xiaojun thought, his gaze going back to his salad, ignoring the thump in his chest.
Mark’s crush might be cute and funny, but one thing for sure — Xiojun now realised — he probably should stay quiet about Mark’s crush on Donghyuck and not do anything about it when Xiaojun himself wasn’t any better.
******
Xiaojun hated football. Maybe that’s a bit exaggerated. He just never liked it that much, he knew some basics, but he never was fully interested in this sport. Neither was Ten to be honest.
And yet his best friend still somehow managed to drag Xiaojun to the bleachers, to watch the players train.
Well, Ten went there to watch Johnny, but he didn’t want to sit there all by himself and watch his boyfriend for hours on his own, so he asked Xiaojun to join him, and Xiaojun didn’t want to be a bad friend so he went along.
Besides, Yuta played too.
All students were allowed to watch them train from the bleachers, but the place still wasn’t crowded, just a few more people either got here out of boredom, or to watch attractive men running around chasing a ball. Xiaojun kinda did both.
Xiaojun stared at them catching a break, he watched as Yuta started stretching, his shirt lifting up showing part of his waist.
Gosh was he always this stunning? Xiaojun thought as he was able to see his small waist even from there, even if he didn't show much skin. He could spot something shiny on his belly, could it be Yuta had a -
"You're drooling," Ten snickered and Xiaojun snapped back to reality.
"Says you. Your drool almost got on my shoes when you saw Johnny spraying water on himself earlier," Xiaojun rolled his eyes at his friend, but Ten's smile grew bigger.
"Not my fault seeing Johnny wet makes me feel things" Ten winked and Xiaojun made a disgusted face at him "ew" he murmured but Ten paid him no attention anymore, his eyes back on Johnny, a fond smile as he watched his boyfriend.
Xiaojun sighed, spotting Yuta again who was now staring right at him, Xiaojun felt himself blushing when Yuta waved. He waved back and seconds later he was hit with the realisation that Yuta probably saw him staring at his stomach, it wasn't like Xiaojun checked if it was safe to stare. Xiaojun groaned, leaning back in his seat facing the sky and trying to fight the warmth creeping on his cheeks. He tried to avoid Yuta’s gaze until he had to get back to the building for his next class.
******
Xiaojun stood in front of a big mirror trying to find the right outfit for him, but nothing seemed right. He threw another shirt onto the big pile on the sofa.
The full body mirror stood in their living room, and he hoped his roommates wouldn't mind the mess once they woke up to get ready for classes.
Xiaojun sighed loudly, putting his hand on his head and pulling his hair lightly. He considered skipping his classes, just curling up in his bed and watching Netflix all day instead.
“What’s all this?” Hendery’s voice rang from the side as he left his room.
“I- I’m looking for clothes to wear?” Xiaojun stated.
“Are you going to fashion week or something?”
“I don’t look good in anything.”
“You do though. You look good in everything. ”
“Stop lying.”
“I’m not-”
“What’s going on?” Mark’s surprised voice cut Hendery off before he managed to finish his sentence.
“He thinks he doesn’t look good” Hendery pointed at Xiaojun, and even without seeing his face Xiaojun knew Hendery rolled his eyes at him.
“That’s a lie,” Mark stated like it was the most obvious thing.
“Thank you!” Hendery cheered and Xiaojun groaned. Maybe it was time to buy a big mirror for his own room too. At least there he would be able to go through his breakdowns without the public.
“Not true! Everything looks like crap on me!” Xiaojun raised his voice facing his friends, they looked at each other startled, Mark faced him again after few seconds
“You sure it’s about the clothes?”
“I- I don’t know anymore.” Xiaojun huffed moving onto the coach suddenly feeling bad about the outburst, he pushed the clothes on the floor — he will deal with them later.
“What’s going on? Did someone say something to you?” Hendery said with a protective tone, Xiaojun felt guilty for making his friend feel like he had to protect him, but also a bit grateful he still had his back.
“No,” Xiaojun smiled at him reassuringly, he spotted Mark taking sit next to Hendery “I just- I’m trying to look good.”
“You always look good.'' It was Mark’s turn to disagree with Xiaojun.
“My ex would say otherwise.” Xiaojun chuckled but he wasn’t happy at the memory.
He missed the looks his friends sent each other, looking at his hands in embarrassment. He didn’t like to talk nor to think about his past relationship, but sometimes the thoughts were back and there wasn’t much Xiaojun could do about.
“It’s whatever guys,” Xiaojun sighed, getting up “I’m sorry for being dramatic.” He added refusing to spare any of them a look picking up his clothes that fell to the floor
“You aren't dramatic, and he was an asshole.” Hendery said getting up after him.
“Yeah, dude. Jaehyun can go to hell, he never deserved you.” Mark added reassuringly, Xiaojun’s lips stretched in a small smile, he looked back at them.
“I promise you, I’m fine.” Xiaojun said trying to sound positive, he wasn’t sure it was working based on the looks his friends gave him.
“What prompted that though?” Hendery wanted to know, Xiaojun played with the hem of his shirt for a few seconds before deciding to speak again.
“I just wanted Yuta to think I’m attractive enough to be worthy of his attention.” Xiaojun didn't look at them as he spoke, again embarrassed by words leaving his mouth.
It’s not that Xiaojun thought Yuta would be an asshole. Yuta was not vain. This much he was sure of, otherwise Ten wouldn’t be friends with him, neither would Johnny probably based on how well he knew him already.
Once upon a time Xiaojun had more confidence in himself, but years of relationship with the wrong person ruined everything, and here he was almost a year later, still pretty broken, and still picking up the pieces Jaehyun has left him in.
“First of all, everyone with eyes and brain can tell you’re hot as fuck,” Hendery started, resulting in Xiaojun snorting, he could feel his cheeks hitting up at the complement.
“He is right, you know? You are handsome and smart, and it feels good to be in your company.” Mark continued, walking towards him, putting hand on his shoulder and squeezing it reassuringly.
“Most importantly, Yuta knows all of these things.” Hendery added, his facial expression serious, Xiaojun rolled his eyes.
“He barely talks to me, no way he finds me attractive, there are so much better people around him everyday.”
“And yet he keeps looking at you every chance he gets.” Mark answered amused.
“Yeah right.” Xiaojun rolled his eyes at Mark’s words.
“Listen to Mark, he is right for once.”
“Hey!”
Xiaojun huffed trying not to laugh, shaking his head.
“I appreciate you both trying to make me feel better. But it’s fine. I have to get over this stupid crush, people would send him weird looks if he ever started going out with me,” Xiaojun wanted to say more, but was hit by the pillow, he turned surprised towards his friends. Mark looked between Hendery and Xiaojun, while Hendery’s gaze at Xiaojun was stone-like, his arms folded on his chest
“Don’t talk like that about yourself. You are the best person ever and don’t you dare to act otherwise" Hendery’s voice was firm as he kept talking, Xiaojun tried to fight the tears gathering in his eyes, seeing this Hendery’s face softened.
“Listen, I know Jaehyun broke you, and I swear I’d kick his ass all over again, but please, you’re an amazing person, always were, have some faith in yourself, okay?” Hendery’s voice was now gentle, his eyes full of worry as he spoke to Xiaojun. He felt guilty for making his friend feel like he needed to reassure him all over again.
“Yeah, sorry.”
“No, no. Nothing to apologise for. Unless you mean to apologise for the mess in the living room, I have no space to play video games now” Hendery joked and Xiaojun laughed
“Sorry, sorry! I will move the mess to my bedroom,” Xiaojun said, a smile not leaving his face, picking more of his things. Soon after he and his friends helped him clean, they decided to skip a day at uni and order take out instead. A day of playing video games and hanging out together, sounded way better for all of them.
Xiaojun felt lighter after the talk, still self-conscious but a bit better nevertheless. There was no reason to get stressed over whether Yuta liked him or not. Xiaojun hoped sometimes that maybe Yuta found him just a bit attractive, but he preferred to protect his heart instead of jumping into the cold deep water when he had no clue what’s there.
******
Nothing goes as planned in Xiaojun’s life. Not even his desire to pass all the classes in peace.
The semester and Japanese classes started pretty nicely, Xiaojun honestly felt like he had it all covered, but then the first test happened, and Xiaojun realised he should not be so chill about it.
By the third test he knew he was screwed if he didn't get to study properly. But also he needed help. The question was — who to ask.
Mark was out of the question, the language he studied was Chinese.
Hendery? Again, not an option, most of his Japanese came from watching anime, and while he could be a valid person to ask if a sentence structure sounded like it made sense, he couldn’t really count on Hendery helping with explaining grammar to him.
The last options were Ten and- no. Xiaojun was not about to think about that. He would rather eat rocks than to ask Yuta for help. Which he knew was stupid — Yuta was Japanese after all. No one could help him better than this. But his brain refused to ask Yuta for help. So he went to Ten instead.
Sadly Ten happened to be pretty useless in this case.
“Sorry baby, but I’m struggling too, and besides Johnny helps me at his place so we can spend some time together.”
“But Johnny doesn’t know Japanese?”
“Yeah, but his rewards are excellent,” Ten winked at him smiling, and Xiaojun made a disgusted face at him, Ten giggled amused and then suddenly made an expression towards him as if a lightbulb lighted up in his brain.
“Wait! I know who would be a great help for you!” Ten grinned his way, and Xiaojun didn’t need more
“No, I am not asking Yuta.” Xiaojun refused and Ten made a face at him.
“Oh right, because getting help from an actual Japanese person would be such a terrible idea.” Ten rolled his eyes at him, letting him know he was being ridiculous. The thing is, Xiaojun was aware of that, it was his pride not allowing him to ask for help.
“I don’t care. I’m not asking him to help me”
“Why?”
“You know why.”
“Isn’t that how relationships happen? You have a crush, you get closer to him, and bam! A date!”
“Easy for you to say, Johnny has been head over heels for you since the first day you two met!”
“Yeah, but it took me some more time. And besides — how do you know Yuta doesn't feel towards you the same way you do?”
“Don’t be ridiculous.”
“Well I’m not. Johnny is his roommate, remember?” Ten stated, “I know things” he winked at him, seconding it with a suggestive smirk.
“Doesn’t matter. I am not asking him to help me, Ten.”
“Alright, do as you wish,” Ten leaned back on the sofa, focusing back on the TV screen.
Xiaojun sighed, relieved that Ten dropped the topic.
But how stupid he was for thinking it was over.
//////
Ten ended up asking Yuta to help Xiaojun.
The first time Xiaojun heard that he was ready to throw fists, but Ten’s excuse was he accidentally let it slip that Xiaojun needed help with Japanese when he was talking to Johnny. Yuta just so happened to be close enough to hear and Yuta being Yuta offered help, Ten didn’t force him to do it. At least that is what Ten told Xiaojun.
Xiaojun, although still pretty angry, couldn’t be mad at Ten. None of this would happen if Xiaojun would grow some balls and ask Yuta himself. And maybe partly he was grateful Ten said it in front of Yuta — again. He will never admit that to him though.
Ten was smart here, Xiaojun had to admit. Besides getting Yuta to help him, he also already planned the time and place of their meeting, leaving Xiaojun no excuses to refuse the help. And maybe Xiaojun was grateful. But he also was nervous that the Japanese language will not be the main thing he will be focusing on, once he meets Yuta. Now besides sitting next to him for an hour, he had to be worried about accidentally making a fool out of himself right in front of Yuta.
******
The early spring wind danced around Xiaojun as he made his way towards the library building, where according to the text exchange Yuta was already waiting for him.
Xiaojun speeded up, afraid that the two coffees in his arms would get cold quickly, and maybe also because he didn’t want Yuta to wait for him this long, but he had to admit the books in his bag didn’t help him in walking fast.
Once he reached the building and climbed the stairs he looked around, looking for Yuta, he saw him on the other side of the room sitting by the desk, reading something — Xiaojun would recognize this figure and white hair from miles away, he was sure of this much. When Xiaojun approached closer Yuta looked up, sending him a wide grin once he spotted him. Xiaojun waved shyly, not sure how to act, he put the coffee on the table and proceeded to take off his jacket and set his stuff on the desk
“Thank you for the coffee, I needed that,” Yuta said, taking a sip of his drink.
“You’re welcome, that’s the least I could do as a thank you for your help.”
“Don’t thank me yet, I’m not sure how well I can do at teaching to be honest.”
“I’m sure you will do great.” Xiaojun grinned at him as he took a seat in front of him
“Isn’t it something I should say to you as your teacher?”
“I’m sure I will do good enough. Sir.” Xiaojun felt his face flushed bright red as Yuta laughed at the joke, few people grimacing their way due to the noise.
After a few more words were exchanged and Xiaojun listed what he needed to work on, Yuta proceeded to explain things to him step by step, and help him with tasks if Xiaojun was struggling.
Xiaojun found himself completely enchanted by Yuta, he listened to every word his soft voice said his way, most of all Xiaojun felt like he could understand some things more clearly, Yuta was definitely a good teacher. Xiaojun should add this to his list of all the perfect things Yuta was — not that he had such a list (he did). Xiaojun took a deep breath trying hard to focus on the grammarbook — he could do this.
Yuta turned out to be a perfect teacher, he was patient, he was making jokes and took his time to explain everything Xiaojun had issues with, he even tried to make Xiaojun speak in Japanese to him. Even though he stuttered and felt like he was butchering everything, Yuta still looked proudly at him complementing everything he said, which made Xiaojun’s legs weak, but his heart full and happy.
Yuta and Xiaojun had to say their goodbyes in front of the library building an hour later — Yuta still had football practice apparently, and Xiaojun just wanted to get to his room and sleep for the rest of the month.
Yuta said he is looking forward to the next session of studying with Xiaojun, and the light, happy feeling hasn’t left him for the rest of the day.
Getting over his crush turned out to be a failure yet again.
******
Xiaojun wasn’t a fan of parties, sweaty drunk people rubbing on each other constantly, the weird mating ritual some of them called dance and all the drinking games weren’t in Xiaojun’s taste, but Ten begged him to go so Xiaojun couldn’t say no (‘go have fun and live a little’ Hendery said once he heard from Ten about Xiaojun declining his invite the first time).
Here he was now in the kitchen of an unknown house, a drink in his hands (Johnny made it for him before he stole Ten away that’s the only reason Xiaojun trusted what he was drinking).
Quite frankly Xiaojun knew Ten would ditch him for his boyfriend — which he can’t blame him for, and was something completely predictable.
But now he was bored, sitting alone in the kitchen and debating if he should go look around in hopes someone he knows is here too, or just text Ten that he decided to go home wishing him happy night (Ten was save with Johnny so Xiaojun wasn’t worried about leaving him there alone), but then again was Xiaojun really willing to go home on his own in the middle of the night? He wasn’t sure where to go, he didn’t know the area that well.
Xiaojun bit on the cup trying to think when a well known figure showed up, smiling at him brightly.
“Xiaojun! Johnny and Ten said you will be here!” Of course.
Yuta had a leather jacket on, a denim shirt peeking through, ripped jeans, and sneakers on his feet. His white hair was tied up in a ponytail, he had a whole bunch of accessories on, and Xiaojun had really issues to look away from. Yuta was stunning.
“I- yeah. Parties are not my thing.” Xiaojun mumbled as Yuta approached closer his own drink in his hands
“Ah really? No wonder I never saw you around.” Yuta nodded. Wait, was he looking for him at some point? Xiaojun shook his head to shuhs the thoughts away.
“Yeah,” Xiaojun blushed looking away from Yuta’s gaze.
They chatted some more, Yuta asking about Xiaojun’s week and if he looked through tasks Yuta left for him on his tutoring session, making sure they still see each other for more teaching the following week — Xiojun with a fluttering heart answered that yes, they do in fact see each other in few days.
They chattered away not minding when more people started coming in the kitchen when suddenly someone behind Xiaojun tripped, falling right at Xiaojun who fell towards Yuta, whatever left in his cup spilling all over Yuta’s shirt
“Shit. I’m so sorry!” Xiaojun panicked, not knowing what to do, Yuta laughed “It’s alright, I was about to go home anyway.”
“You did?”
“Yeah, but then they told me you were here.”
Oh. “I see.” Xiaojun whispered, still embarrassed, still refusing to look Yuta in the eyes.
“It’s okay, no worries.” Yuta reassured him once again, this time putting his palm on Xiaojun’s arm trying to comfort him, this made Xiaojun look up at him, his cheeks blushing even more
“I- okay.” Xiaojun smiled shyly.
“So you wanted to go back home, right?” Yuta asked a few minutes later once he tried to clean up his shirt, hoping there won’t be a big stain the next day.
“Yeah.”
“Can I walk you home then?”
“You- you don’t have to.”
“I want to.” Yuta answered plainly not leaving his gaze off of Xiaojun
“Oh. Okay.” Xiaojun nodded trying to ignore the way his heart skipped a bit.
They walked out together, ignoring the pointed look Ten gave him, and the way Johnny grinned upon hearing Yuta is about to walk Xiaojun home, and with a pondering heart he left the building, cold wind sobering him up, and making his body cool down.
Xiaojun’s place wasn’t that far, and as it turned out, Yuta and Johnny’s apartment wasn’t so far away either. Despite the chill wind, they walked slowly, they were mostly quiet, but it felt enough. There was nothing awkward about this silence, Xiaojun enjoyed it a lot as long as it was with Yuta — he hoped Yuta didn’t mind it too.
They separated with a quiet goodnight and smiled at each other for a lingering moment before Yuta finally walked away, but not before Xiaojung was inside the building. He felt light in his steps, a smile not leaving his face even for a second.
Not even bothered by the way Hendery and Mark were grinning his way, probably knowing from Ten who Xiaojun walked here with. And most definitely watching them from Mark’s window who had a view on the street. This was however a problem for future Xiaojun.
The current one only cared about the way Yuta smiled at him. And with this imprinted in his brain Xiaojun quickly drifted to sleep.
******
Xiaojun felt like he was about to fall down and never get up again.
The days of studying, lack of sleep, and terrible diet finally affecting his whole body, and the amount of stress that the exams season brought him, made Xiaojun feel like he was going insane.
He was sitting in a class right now, and all he could think of was how sitting there was time he could spend on studying and finishing projects due whenever — Xiaojun’s brain was working at slower speed and memory for dates was long gone.
He was honestly happy he remembered to eat (sometimes) and stay hydrated (even less often). There was a chance he wouldn’t do either of these if it wasn’t for his best friends who knew him well enough and knew how he can be when put under too much stress. And the thing was — Xiaojun was always stressed, so exams weren’t helping much.
He almost drifted to sleep leaning against the desk when he heard a rustling sound around him, he looked up, his eyelids opening slowly as if he lost control, it looked like the class was over, with a sigh he rushed to pack his things so it wouldn’t look like he was waiting to ask question to the professor and rushed to the door, freezing in his steps seeing who was right in front.
“Yuta!” Xiaojun said surprised, suddenly too aware of the current state he had to be in. He stepped forward slowly hoping he didn’t look as dead as he felt for the past few days
“Hi. Ten mentioned you've been stressed the past few days, so I thought that-”Yuta looked down, and Xiaojun spotted a blush on his face. What? “Are you okay?” Xiaojun asked, Yuta looked up, seeming anxious.
“Yeah! I just- I thought I will bring you coffee-”
“Oh.”
“And some snacks.”
“Oh- Thank you.”
“I hope you like mint choco.”
“I love it,” Xiaojun smiled gratefully.
“Great.” Yuta sighed, relief clear in his voice, Yuta handed him coffee and something that appeared to be cookies and smiled towards him “When you have next class?”
“Ugh, in 30 minutes?”
“Wanna go outside then? Fresh air could be good for you.”
“I was actually thinking about it. So yes, please.” Xiaojun smiled
And as they marched towards the door leading outside, Xiaojun tried to fight the giddiness he felt caused byYuta quietly walking by his side.
They sat on a bench near the uni building, the fresh air — as Yuta stated, was definitely good for him as he finally felt a bit more awake and refreshed. They talked a while about nothing important — Yuta talked about his practices and explained things Xiaojun didn’t know regarding football (Xiaojun was grateful Yuta didn’t ridicule his lack of knowledge about this particular sport, and was happy that he seemed to be passionate about the sport and just as patient with explaining, as he was back when he was helping him with Japanese).
Then Yuta once again mentioned when he heard Ten talking about how he was worried about Xiaojun and how exhausted he appeared lately, so Yuta wanted to do something nice for him, hoping it wasn’t crossing any boundaries— which Xiaojun quickly assured him it was alright — and uni was just getting to him a little more than usual. Yuta was understanding about that as well.
Before they both knew Xiaojun had to go to the next class, asking Yuta if he was done for today.
“No, I have training in about- actually I’m late.” Yuta said sheepishly looking up from his phone.
“Oh my god! I’m so sorry!” Xiaojun grew nervous.
“No, no, don't worry! I knew it was happening, I just didn’t want to leave such a nice company.”
“Oh,” Xiaojun grew sheepish “I- thank you. For sitting with me.”
“My pleasure,” Yuta bowed slightly as he said that, and Xiaojun had to fight a giggle.
“See you around?”
“See you around,” Yuta nodded, smiling “Good luck with the rest of your classes!”
“Good luck with training!” Xiaojun said back and they separated. The day suddenly appeared bright and beautiful in Xiaojun’s eyes.
******
The thing was - there was no way Yuta was acting this way with Xiaojun only right? He was always kind to his friends, Xiaojun saw it in the way he treated Ten for starters, and he knew he is nice to strangers as well, always kind, sweet and polite — the crush started because of that after all. So why did Xiaojun feel like flying every time Yuta gave him attention? Which was happening more and more often. From getting him coffee and snacks in between classes to walking him home after classes, if they finished at the same time, Xiaojun was not sure how it happened, but he couldn’t complain.
The first two times were because Yuta was explaining Japanese grammar as they were walking, or when they accidentally met while leaving the library at the same time, anything after that was just — Yuta waiting for him. Yuta wanted to spend his time with Xiaojun for reasons he couldn’t understand.
And Xiaojun loved every second of that. He knew Ten was the reason Yuta knew his schedule so perfectly, but Xiaojun couldn’t understand why.
The only thing he was thinking about was that maybe Yuta was interested in him, which — according to Xiaojun — was a ridiculous idea. So maybe Yuta just wanted to be his friend? There was nothing more than Xiaojun’s delusions for him to think that Yuta was attracted to him.
Part of him wanted to believe that his friends and his guts were right — that Xiaojun had a chance. But even if he wanted to confess, Xiaojun had no idea how to get around that and how to ask, or how to start — anything, really.
Xiaojun was bad at relationships, both times he was persuaded by his exes and both times he ended up with a broken heart, and after the last break up also with insecurities that sometimes kept controlling him.
And Xiaojun knows that Yuta is not Jaehyun, they are completely different people. But that didn’t change the fact Xiaojun was lost and unsure of what to do with his growing feelings, too scared if he confessed Yuta would reject him saying he was really just imagining things. Xiaojun wasn’t sure how he would deal with it.
One thing he was sure of — if Yuta continued to act like this towards him, there was no way that crush was ever going away. Not when Xiaojun felt like he was going deeper and deeper in feelings that kept growing.
******
Xiaojun was gathering the courage for the whole weekend, from writing down what he would say to mumbling his mini speech while walking around the whole apartment to amusement of Hendery and Mark (and Jaemin, since apparently dating Hendery meant spending all day at their shared place and occupying the couch. “You will be all day at Yuta’s place I assure you” Hendery complained, winking his way — Xiaojun shut himself in his bedroom trying not to squirm at the image of him and Yuta cuddling potentially ever.)
The thing is — Xiaojun was lost, but the signs were there, especially when he compared with people like Ten and Johnny or even Hendery and Jaemin now. Yuta walked him home, and brought him food, kept checking on him through the messages they were now exchanging more often.
He even grew more hopeful after Johnny started saying how good of a boyfriend Yuta would be out of nowhere and at the most random times. Ten would just roll his eyes at him, still visibly amused, and Xiaojun’s heart would pick up pace at that. A hopeful feeling brewed in his chest every time Yuta did as much as locking eyes with him.
Xiaojun had enough of the unknown, they were friends now — sure. But Xiaojun wanted more, so maybe it was time to see if there was ever a chance to hope.
He was walking towards the stadium, knowing Yuta was about to have practice soon. Xiaojun tried to breathe deeply, he thought he should probably text Yuta if they could meet outside the locker room for a second when he suddenly froze in his steps, eyes wide, his heart dropping to his stomach.
He saw Yuta and some girl laughing and talking further away from him, and at the end they hugged, Yuta rocked them side to side jokingly as they both laughed once again — was Yuta in a relationship? Did Ten have no idea? When she turned around to go to the building he recognised her — it was Seulgi she played in the volleyball team. Xiaojun always liked her because she was funny. But right now Xiaojun felt dizzy and turned around, almost running, trying not to cry but feeling like something in his chest was breaking.
Xiaojun was debating whether to skip classes and just cry in Hendery’s arms for the day when he heard someone yelling his name from behind. He recognized this voice immediately with a small shiver he slowed down finally stopping, he could hear Yuta approaching.
Xiaojun took a deep breath trying to smile, he was sure Yuta would read his gloomy expression as tiredness due to exams, but he perhaps didn’t need to be asked what’s going on in case he would start crying.
Xiaojun turned around, trying hard to look happy, Yuta approached him “Hi! I saw you from afar but you went back so suddenly.”
“Yeah I- sorry.” Xiaojun stuttered.
“It’s alright, I was actually hoping to find you today.” Yuta said, still red and breathing heavily from running, he scratched the back of his head, and Xiaojun could swear Yuta looked shy.
“Yeah so Seulgi-” Yuta stopped and Xiaojun felt anxious. Did she know somehow? Does Yuta know?
“I think I have to go-” Xiaojun tried to evacuate from the situation, but Yuta grabbed his wrist, gently holding onto him. Xiaojun stopped.
“I- okay. My friend told me about that one cat cafe she went with her girlfriend last week and-”
Oh.
“You-r friend?” Xiaojun breathed cutting Yuta off once again but this time he was too surprised to control himself “Seulgi is your friend?”
“Yeah.”
“And she has a girlfriend?”
“Yeah?”
Oh. Oh. Xiaojun is so stupid. He hoped the ground under his feet would swallow him whole.
“Oh.” A pause, Yuta was looking at him curiously “I- I’m sorry! You were saying?” Xiaojun suddenly remembered that Yuta was about to say more, hoping he would move on from whatever Xiaojun was going through.
“Right! I was hoping you would like to go with me?”
“A cat cafe. With you?” Xiaojun asked, each word coming out of his mouth slowly making sure he heard right. Yuta nodded, still looking at him expectantly.
“Like friends?” Xiaojun asked in a hushed voice, too scared all of sudden, but then he thought this was a great opportunity to get closure on his feelings. He can’t be looking even more foolish than he already made himself to be.
“I- I was hoping, more like a date? Maybe?” Yuta asked.
Date. Xiaojun heard him correctly, Yuta asked him out just now. Xiaojun’s heart felt like it was about to fly out of his chest.
It took him a few seconds to realise he was staring at him with his mouth agape and no answer coming out. Xiaojun closed his mouth shut and nodded, not being able to help himself when a smile broke on his face “Yeah. A date sounds great.” Xiaojun finally said, and Yuta smiled brightly at him. Xiaojun was so gone for him already.
“Good. great. I will text you details later? I kinda have to go now.” Yuta pointed his hand in the way of the sports building and Xiaojun nodded “Yeah, go. I will be waiting.” He answered only now, realising Yuta was still holding onto him up until this moment, his wrist suddenly tingling in the place where Yuta’s hand was just a few seconds ago.
“See you later.”
“See you.” Xiaojun nodded his heart full of sudden happiness.
They separated and Xiaojun went to the dorm forgetting about classes completely, in need to share what just happened to Hendery. He had a feeling I told you he likes you was coming from his best friend but he didn’t care. Right at that moment Xiaojun was happy and excited and willing to take all “I told you so’s” his friends had to offer.
Xiaojun had a date to think about. That was the most important part.