Chapter Text
Regulus felt like he was going to be sick. Whether that was because of the ungodly amount of alcohol he had already ingested, or because of the countless people shoving their tongues down each other’s throats, he wasn’t sure. It was most likely a mixture of both.
He hated the feeling of being drunk, but how else was he supposed to cope with the thought of returning to 12 Grimmauld Place the next morning? Sirius obviously had the same idea, he was busy chugging firewhiskey somewhere else in the room.
Regulus wasn’t really one for parties either, especially ones held in Gryffindor Tower. His mother would certainly go ballistic if she found out, however he was simply too drunk to care at the time. She would always find something to criticise him for anyway.
There was no denying both of the Black brothers dreaded returning home for the holidays. December was one of the worst times, as all of the Black family would be present for Christmas. This only increased the number of lectures they were bound to receive on ‘pureblood supremacy’, and most importantly ‘keeping the bloodline pure’.
Neither of them ever listened. Sirius was dating another marauder, the half-blood covered in scars, as far as Regulus was aware. His mother certainly wasn’t, or he would have been hexed into oblivion by now. It wasn’t surprising to find out that she was incredibly homophobic - it would be more shocking if she wasn’t.
Regulus was gay. No doubt about it. He had known from an early age, but he never dared to act on it. He never told anyone, not even his brother, in fear of what would happen if his mother found out.
As much as he hated to admit it, all he had ever really wanted was his mother’s approval. Even after all the cursing, hexing, beating, he still longed desperately to please her. It was why Sirius was set on practically ignoring his existence altogether, except the occasional argument or two.
Their father wasn’t much better. While he was never abusive to the boys, he still made no attempt in stopping it. Not once. He only sat there, without an ounce of pity or sympathy for his sons.
Sirius was confident in how he felt about them, he didn’t even consider them his parents anymore. Deep down, Regulus knew he felt the same way, however he could never bring himself to admit it. Yet another reason his brother detested him.
So, there he stood, drinking away his problems in the Gryffindor common room. He was too pissed to care about the many judgemental stares thrown his way—he ought to be used to it by now. Being a Black made you somewhat infamous, with their family history and everything.
No one saw that when they looked at Sirius, though. That was something he was definitely jealous of. He didn’t have many friends, if any at all, but his brother had plenty. No one automatically thought he was a death eater either.
Regulus never wanted to become a death eater.
He tried his best not to dwell on it too much, and finished whatever was left in his cup. He had no clue exactly what he was drinking, but it had alcohol in it which was enough to satisfy him. Unfortunately, it only increased his need to vomit.
It was only until he very almost threw up on some innocent ravenclaws that he decided to go back to the Slytherin dorms. He felt better calling it that than the dungeons, what idiot makes kids sleep in a dungeon anyway? He found it rather unsettling when he first came to Hogwarts.
He was in his fourth year now, and every single one of his professors were incessant for them to start preparing for their O.W.L.S. They wouldn’t take them until the end of their fifth year, but he was already fed up with all of it. His mother would make sure to bring that topic up over the holidays as well.
After a while of confusion caused by the moving staircases, Regulus eventually managed to make his way back to the dungeons. It was around three in the morning, so naturally there wasn’t anyone in the common room upon his arrival. It was unlikely for any of the slytherins to have gone to a gryffindor party anyway; house rivalry and what not.
He carefully made his way up to his room, where everyone else was asleep. He shared a room with three other boys in his year—Barty Crouch Jr, Evan Rosier and, infuriatingly, Severus Snape. Snivellus was what everyone called him, but not in a friendly way. Not many people liked him, and with good reason. The only person he’s ever seen around is that Lily Evans, and even she’s not too fond of him. Not since she started dating James Potter at least.
Before a pounding headache could kick in, Regulus managed to strip to his underwear and crawl into his bed successfully. It was only a matter of hours before he would have to wake up again, and he already knew was going to be absolutely knackered. He could always get some sleep on the train, but that was unlikely with the anticipation of seeing his lovely parents again.
They - or rather his mother - always demanded for him and Sirius to depart the train together, and join them from there. His heart was pounding nervously already, the large amounts of alcohol in his system couldn’t prevent it.
There wasn’t anything that could help, in all honesty. Time after time, year after year, he would return to the dreaded house. And time after time he faced the punishments his mother saw fit for him. It never became any easier. It only hurt more as he tried to please her, whilst his brother would do everything in his power to disappoint her.
He didn’t gain anything from it. Only more severe methods, which were becoming more and more concerning. He knew it was going to kill him one day—but Sirius Black never listens to reason. Regulus only begged him several times to tone it down before his mother did permanent damage - like she hadn’t already - yet it never worked. Sirius only disliked him even more because of it.
He already knew he had something big planned this time round, and that only made matters worse. It prevented him from getting as much sleep as he should’ve, or rather needed to. Overthinking is a bitch.
He awoke the next morning to someone smothering him to death with a pillow, much to his discomfort.
“Oi, dickhead. Get up.” He recognised the voice as Barty’s. He wasn’t really close to him, but they shared some classes and a dorm room together.
“Fuck off.” He groaned in response, now chucking the pillow off of him.
“Trains leaving in an hour, pack your shit.”
This only made Regulus groan even more. Thankfully, he had packed his things beforehand, but he had a pounding headache that he recognised only as a hangover. His day was already starting off horrendously, and he wasn’t even on the train yet.
He didn’t bother getting breakfast, which he ultimately regretted, and resented that he had to go home over the holidays. He was usually allowed to stay at Hogwarts over the holidays, but Christmas was always an exception. One he fucking resented.
He struggled dragging his bags down to the train station, he was only 5”8 and quite thin. Not to mention the fact that he was exhausted and hungover. He needed to get over that within the next few hours though, or he would never hear the end of it from his mother. He knew what would most likely happen as well.
With a heavy sigh, he eventually found an empty compartment. He didn’t bother moving his luggage from the seats opposite him, he laid on the other seats hoping for a nap before he was due to arrive back in London.
He wondered if Sirius was as nervous as he was, which was the last thing that swept his mind as he drifted off to sleep.