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"If the doors of perception were cleansed everything would appear to man as it is, infinite." – William Blake
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"So I figure if a friend collects, I get the last laugh."
Chris stared at Vin. Something warm and familiar spread in his belly, something he hadn't felt in a long while. He knew it, knew the acid bite of fear that spread under it, too. But instead of trying to ignore it, or even stop it, he smiled, watching as Vin lifted the spyglass and looked through it out into the desert.
It had been a long time since he'd found someone with whom he was this comfortable, and as the silence between them lengthened, that comfort grew.
*&*&*&*&*
"Wouldn't blame you if you preferred to stay."
Chris watched as Vin shifted in the chair, letting Vin's words wind around in his thoughts. He did prefer to stay – it had been a long few days and he was tired and thirsty and not sure what to do next. The pull to get back on the hunt was growing stronger. It had bitten him hard when he'd watched Tastanagi with his grandson. When he'd helped the old man bury his son.
Across the table, Vin turned, looking out the window. A man with a price on his head, going out to hunt his own demon. But his demon – his demon could get him killed, probably would. And Chris couldn't let that happen.
He smiled, amused at his decision, at himself. But the warmth in his belly was still there.
*&*&*&*&*
"I'll take that chance."
Chris stared at the town of Purgatorio, at the men in the streets, the dirt, the grime, the poverty. He'd been here before, not often but a few times, but only recently, since Sarah and Adam had died. Something in the violence of the place, the anger that lurked just under the surface, the desperation that clung like a shroud over everything and everyone, it was a place where he found a strange comfort. Or at least a familiarity.
The thought of Vin here, though, the idea that he could be hurt here, killed here – he shook his head. If he had anything to say about it, anything that Vin would listen to, then he'd go in alone, and send Vin back to safety.
*&*&*&*&*
"Fine line between hunter and hunted. All the more reason for us to go get him first."
Chris nodded, not so much thinking about his words as about these past few days. He'd left town with Nathan and Josiah to watch his back and help with Blackfox – not Buck, not Vin, not anyone he might have to explain himself to. Despite that, Buck had shown up, riding in as if he had an open invitation. And maybe he had. Chris hadn't turned him away, or shot him, despite thinking about it often enough.
Vin, though . . . Vin had ridden in with Ezra and JD, coming when called. He'd led the way to Purgatorio, and this time, Chris had been too single-minded, too hellbent on his own plan to think much about the danger to anyone else.
Now, Vin was still riding with him, helping him hunt down the bastard who'd killed his family. And he hadn't asked one question, hadn't offered one criticism of the way Chris was conducting the search or anything else.
It was that thought that gave him pause. Of all the men with him, Vin was the one who seemed to understand most with the least amount of explanation. Something eased in Chris' belly, the knot of anger and tension giving way just a little. If anyone would understand the plan, it was Vin. And if anyone deserved to know the plan, it was him, too.
*&*&*&*&*&
"All I need is twenty-four hours."
Chris stared at the red welts on Vin's throat. For a second, the fear came rushing back, the gut-clenching, breath-catching pain that caught him when JD had burst into his room at the boarding house, calling out that Vin was strangled, laying on the floor of the jail, and Chanu was nowhere to be found.
The idea that Vin could go after this renegade and end up dead was enough to make him say 'no'. He would not lose this man.
But as he met Vin's gaze, his resolve faltered. Vin was angry, as angry as Chris had ever seen him. But he was also worried, and the worry was for the man who had almost killed him. Vin might be crazy, the townspeople thought so, as did Ezra and Buck.
Chris knew better, though. Vin had backed his plan against Fowler, even though there was nothing but Chris' own gut to go on. The least he could do was return the favor.
Though it was one of the hardest things he'd ever had to do.
*&*&*&*&*&
"Found some tracks this morning, headed east. Which way you going?"
Until this minute, Chris hadn't let himself think about what Vin was doing – or not doing. Not going with him. The two of them going their separate ways.
Chris had spent the evening at his cabin, thinking on what he was going to do. He hadn't given a lot of time to the situation with Fowler, not since he'd been in that prison camp. The outcome of his last quest for information on the man who had hired Fowler had ended up with him almost dead – and Vin, the idiot, exposing himself to a prison full of men and almost to the U.S. Army.
That had been over a month ago, and since then, they'd been busy enough with the town, enough so that the Judge's arrival with the 'new law' had almost been a relief.
Now, though, as he looked at the man he'd come to count on, he hesitated. If he said he was going on his own quest, they might never see each other again.
But then again, if he said exactly what his plan was, at least for the next few days, Vin could find him. And it'd be nice to have him at his side and helping. Vin saw things in different ways sometimes – that was how they'd discovered Fowler to start with.
A place, then, a place where he could both wait and do some investigating of his own.
*&*&*&*&*&
"I'm gonna find him. Wherever he is."
Chris didn't doubt Vin for an second. The fire in his eyes, the anger, it was familiar, drawing up a similar feeling in him. At least Vin knew who he was looking for, though, he had a name and a face and a reason. Chris was jealous of that, enough to almost be annoyed.
But the memory of the noose around Vin's throat, the fact that he'd almost been too late, still sat heavy on him. And now, Vin was going to go after this killer, on his own – with the killer knowing he was coming. That didn't sit well, not after the way this had just played out.
He hadn't had the chance to ask Vin to come along to find the man who had hired Fowler. Mary had showed up, the town in desperate trouble, and Chris had been the one finding Vin instead of waiting for him in Purgatorio. At the end of it, they'd been hired back on, the 'new law' dead from his own stupidity as far as Chris could tell, and Chris still hadn't found anything new about the real murderer of his family.
But he'd be damned if he'd lose Vin, not like this. One way or the other, he'd be there to back him up against Eli Joe – and next time, he'd be damned faster than he had been here.
*&*&*&*&*
"One more person sticks their nose in my business and I'm gonna do something I'll regret. So I'm telling you now, Chris: You stay out of this!"
Vin walked away, his back as straight as Chris had ever seen it. Angry, but under it, scared. Scared of getting hurt, scared of losing her.
He watched as Vin pushed through the horse line, disappearing into the collection of wagons on the other side.
Scared. It was how Chris felt too, and maybe for the same reason. He'd almost lost Vin to Eli Joe on that rooftop weeks ago. That had been closer than the noose, and he'd not yet begun to let go of it yet. He'd ended up killing the man, the shot instinctive.
Though it had saved Vin's life, it had also made things worse; Eli Joe had been Vin's best defense against the charges and Tascosa, and even though the Judge and Mary were working on getting statements from Yates and his outlaws, it was going to be a long while before the situation could be cleared up.
Now, Vin was courting trouble in the form of a married woman who he thought he loved. And he was scared of losing her, of getting hurt.
Chris tried not to think about it, but he'd never been very good, not sober anyway, at avoiding certain things. No matter how much he didn't want to think about it now, it kept coming back to him: the fear Vin was feeling was the same one Chris had, though the object of their loss wasn't the same.
He didn't blame Vin for wanting the woman, though it was a surprise. Vin had never shown much interest in women in a romantic way, and his comments had led Chris to the idea that he didn't feel that he could get involved as long as he had the price on his head.
But maybe the death of Eli Joe had made him desperate, or maybe he'd given up. Or maybe he was lonely.
Whatever the case, he was thinking on leaving, Chris could see it in him. And that made Chris scared.
*&*&*&*&*&*
"I'm right here."
Was he? Vin had already left once, taking off with Charlotte Richmond.
Chris had trusted him – hell, Vin said he'd see him back in town. But Vin and Charlotte hadn't been headed that way, they'd been headed south. Which was how they'd run into Dickey O'Shea's reinforcements. At least they'd come back to give a warning, but Chris had to wonder which one of them had decided that. And why.
Yeah, Vin was here now, but how long was he going to be here? When was he going to up and leave without notice again?
Nothing was sure in life, Chris knew that. But he'd counted on Vin, come to depend on him. And maybe that was the lesson here. Maybe it was time for him to start thinking about moving on, himself. When this was over.
*&*&*&*&*&
"Yeah, but it don't feel right just riding away."
The words caught Chris off guard – not because he didn't agree; it did feel wrong to ride away from the Chinese camp, knowing that there was trouble here, at least for the man who had been brave enough to come to them in town.
But the words also cut into his gut, burning into the knot of doubt that had been living with him since they'd arrived in town after escorting the wagon train. After leaving Charlotte Richmond behind with her husband.
For a while, Vin had been distant, and Chris had been surprised every time he'd turned around to find Vin still there. He'd thought Vin was ready to leave, but gradually, he'd realized that Vin's attention wasn't on the desert or the road or any of those areas that he stared at when he was feeling restless or bored. More often than not, when he turned to look at Vin, Vin was staring at the floor, or the sky or his eyes were closed, his face drawn tight, as though he were in pain.
Maybe he had loved her. Or maybe he had wanted that life. Whatever the case, Vin was still here now, and it sounded as if then, after he and Charlotte had run off, he were the one to make the decision to come back. Which meant that he had ended up sacrificing her to save the rest of them.
Chris knew he shouldn't have felt good about that, but he did. The warm feeling from so long ago came back, easing the tension he felt. Easing his own fear, even as they stood clustered in this railroad town, talking about these people they couldn't seem to find a way to help.
*&*&*&*&*
"Some of them must've ridden with the cavalry because they triple-crossed their tracks. Chased down two dead-ends. Had to come back for a fresh horse."
Chris nodded, not surprised; Achilles was smart and he was making this damned hard. But even has he sighed with the frustration of it, he felt a comfort that was becoming second nature again. He and Vin were working together, standing side-by-side through this whole thing, as if the whole thing with Charlotte had never happened. It felt good, even if this was a righteous mess, what with JD accidentally killing one of the women in the town and Achilles and his crew taking her body by accident.
It felt good to have Vin back where he should be, at Chris' back. At his right hand.
Hell, if it weren't for the mess with JD, this could have been almost . . . fun.
*&*&*&*&*
"Could hurt Josiah. Unless you think Josiah is who we're looking for."
Chris swallowed, catching his answer before it came spilling out of his mouth. Vin was watching him, the weight of that gaze heavy.
Vin didn't think Josiah could have done it. And he was willing to risk his own life on that belief, even though Josiah himself hadn't yet denied it.
Chris knew better than to believe that declaring innocence made a man innocent. And he knew from his own experience that not screaming one's innocence didn't make one guilty.
But he also knew that faith sometimes wasn't enough. And as much as he himself believed that Josiah couldn't have done this thing, there was a bigger situation here than whether they could keep the Pinkerton detective off of Josiah until they could find the real killer.
Like the fact that Vin Tanner had a price on his head, still, and it wouldn't take anything at all for this man to find it out. Chris needed to get Vin to settle down, to calm down. To think instead of reacting.
Vin blinked, and Chris knew he had to answer. But he had to be careful. If there was one thing he knew Vin would hate worse than Chris declaring any lack of faith in Josiah, it would be a warning to shut up and keep himself safe. That damned Tanner pride wouldn't allow for any caution, just to save his own damned hide.
And that was one of the things Chris liked best about him.
*&*&*&*&*&*&
"Watch your back."
Chris nodded at Vin, not liking this one damned bit, but knowing he had no choice. Vin was hurt, the worst Chris had seen him. Vin hadn't complained about the broken ribs, but Chris saw the tightness at the corners of his lips and eyes. Vin hurt, and that left him vulnerable.
With four of them leaving town to follow the two women bounty hunters, it left Vin with Ezra and Nathan, and the very real possibility of Del Spivak riding into town to save his men, just as they had done yesterday morning.
Chris didn't like leaving, but he had to agree with the Judge; it was more likely that the women would lead them to Spivak than that Spivak would come into town a second time.
But as he glanced over his shoulder to see Ezra slapping at Vin's injured shoulder, he wondered again if this were the right choice.
*&*&*&*&*&*
"Well, come sunrise, then, I'll be going."
The words cut through his anger like a knife. He'd been so caught up in this, Ella, the horses, forgetting about Sarah and Adam, being happy – being happy.
He stared at Vin, the idea that Vin was leaving – why the hell would Vin leave -
But he was. He'd lifted a hand to his hat, polite as always, and he was walking away. As if everything between them was done.
The anger came back then, deep and cutting. Hadn't he tried to talk to Vin about Charlotte? Hadn't he stood beside him, taken him back in, forgiven him?
But even as he thought it, he knew that it was wrong. He had wanted Vin to stay with him. He had wanted to keep Vin all to himself.
And that was what Vin wanted now, too.
Vin could stay here. Somewhere in the back of his mind, Chris had expected it, that Vin would always have a place here, helping him with the horses.
But he hadn't voiced that to Vin, so instead, Vin had done – well, the same thing Chris had done, months before. He'd tried to keep Chris with him the only way he knew how.
The same way Chris had tried to keep Vin from Charlotte.
But Ella – Ella wasn't Charlotte. Ella would make room for Vin – hell, she'd make room for Vin and Buck and anyone else who wanted to stay. She already had a house full of her own friends, a few more of Chris' was hardly anything to her.
He'd talk to Vin in the morning, make him understand. It wasn't what Vin thought it was. Chris needed him, right at his side. Vin's worries about Ella were exaggerated. He was being overly concerned.
But as he looked for Ella in the mass of people in the room, the collar of the shirt scraped once more across his Adam's apple and he reached up, tugging at it. He hated this damned suit, always had. And she knew that.
She knew that.
*&*&*&*&*&*&
"She leaked out of the landscape. We covered every town 'tween here and Red Fork. Sorry you didn't shoot her when you had the chance."
He looked past Vin, out into the desert. Oh yes, he was sorry he hadn't been able to pull the trigger, sorry she had gotten away before he'd finally been able to accept what he knew. What his brain had known, but his heart, his fucking damned heart, had taken so long to accept: she was crazy, through and through – and evil. Evil enough to kill his family, for no reason other than to have him.
He still couldn't understand what she had been thinking or why. And he didn't really want to. He knew all he needed to know about her.
And he knew all he needed to know about the men who had almost died for him, the men who had come to his defense. The men who had saved his life so he could find her, the bitch.
Vin moved, catching up the reins of his horse as he started away, toward the livery.
"Vin," he called, not wanting the other man to leave. There were things between them, things that needed to be said.
Things he needed to say.
Vin stopped, the horse's nose bumping against Vin's his shoulder. Vin turned to look at Chris, the brim of his hat casting a shadow over his eyes.
Chris wished he could see those eyes, even though he suspected he wouldn't like the doubt in them, or the crinkles at the corners that he'd seen before, after Charlotte.
There were words on his tongue, in his brain, but none of them seemed right, none of them jumped out. Maybe it was because there were too many, and they were too different in thought and meaning.
But as he drew a breath, feeling like he was choking on the sounds trapped inside, a single word escaped. "Thanks." It was rough and raw, like the memory of Sarah's locket in Ella's cabinet, the echo of Ella's crazy words in his head.
The stab in his gut as Vin had said he was leaving.
Vin didn't move for so long that Chris wondered if he'd actually spoken. But as he drew breath, thinking that he'd try to speak again, Vin tilted his head back slightly, so that Chris could see his eyes, his pale blue eyes bright and clear. "You can depend on me, Chris. I'm letting you know."
He stared, then, slowly, he nodded. Vin nodded once, then he turned and led his horse away.
Chris looked back out into the desert. He felt something brush along his thigh, and he suspected that the photograph had fallen to the boardwalk. It didn't matter.
He'd find her, and he'd make her pay.
But everything that he needed, everything that he could trust and count on, was here, now.