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Mike wakes with a start, heart beating hard against his ribs. The echo of his breath sounds loud in the silence of the room. He rubs a hand over his face as he tries to get his breathing to even out.
He feels the tension slowly leave his body as he tips his head to look at Harvey. The older man is still sleeping, his face a perfect picture of serenity. Mike's grateful that he hasn't woken him, but he still needs something from him, a moment of comfort, reassurance. He slides closer, gently presses his forehead to Harvey's shoulder, concentrates on nothing but that small touch and wills his heartbeat to slow.
It takes a few minutes to start feeling better. But he isn't ready to go back to sleep, so after pressing a quick kiss to Harvey's skin he gingerly throws the covers off and grabs some clothes from the floor. He dresses in silence before padding softly across the room and collapsing into the wingback chair with sigh. He brings his knees up to his chest, wraps his arms around his legs, and takes a deep breath.
The lights of the city sparkle outside the window. It's beautiful. He loves this view, still feels drawn to it even after all these months, can't ever imagine not loving it. He stares out the window, chin resting on his knees, and already feels comforted.
As the minutes tick by he can feel the anxiety slowly trickle from his body. It was strange, but he woke suddenly and in a complete panic, absolutely certain that something terrible and irrevocable was going to happen and soon. He tries to push the feeling from his mind. It's nothing, just a bad dream, a meaningless misfire of synapses. He tries to ignore the knowledge pressing at the corner of his mind, because he knows what is happening today, knows that's the reason for his anxiety.
But everything will be fine, or so he tells himself. His life, the old one that fell apart when Jessica fired him, and the new one, which started when he was offered a new job and Harvey appeared from nowhere and changed everything between them, are clearly demarcated and what happens today will not draw a bridge between them.
Or at least he hopes so. He closes his eyes, chants the fervent wish in his mind, begs whatever greater power is out there to watch over him, because, like he said from moment it happened, as much as he wants to he can't go back.
Harvey stirs in the bed, turns over in his sleep. The noise draws Mike's attention and he looks over at him.
A smile spreads slowly, his whole face lighting up with unabashed affection. It's something he never allows to happen during the daylight hours, because even though Mike knows Harvey feels the same as he does that doesn’t mean he is so open about showing it. And because, despite the fact that Harvey is no longer his boss and has no direct power of him, he still follows his lead in pretty much everything, so whenever he feels the rush of affection steal over him he schools his features and doesn't let it show. At least, not too much.
It still feels like a dream. It's been four months and they still fit together so easily away from Pearson Hardman, like they were always meant to circle each other, be in the same space and breathe the same air. It feels like everything, his whole life, was leading up to this, and it's the reason Mike now believes in fate.
Mike sighs, rubs a hand over his face. He's tired, but he also knows that sleep is something that has left him for tonight. So he grabs at his ipad, which rests on the nearby side table, and fires it up. The glow of the screen bathes him in light but it doesn't disturb Harvey, who can apparently sleep through bright lights and noises better than anyone Mike has ever met, so he flicks through the books he has stored on the tablet, deciding what to read.
He comes across a book on Zen, something he downloaded simply to show Harvey and suggest he give it a go during a particularly bad case a few weeks back, when Harvey was grouchy and short in temper. And while Mike was sympathetic he also wasn’t going to put up with it for too long either, so he downloaded the book and handed it to Harvey and it drew the first smile from Harvey all week.
He taps on the book and it opens for him. He doesn’t think about the fact that he bought this as a gag gift for Harvey and yet he is the one who ended up needing some guidance in calming his soul. He starts reading, lets the words wash over him. It's interesting but he doesn’t really get it. He understands the words but they don't speak to him, don't seem to help in any way. That is until he comes across something, something that feels like it was written just for him, just for this moment.
What we learned as children, that one plus one equals two, we know to be false. One plus one equals one. We even have a word for when you plus another equals one. That word is love.
Looking over at Harvey, he can't help but agree.
Mike showers and dresses and leaves Harvey's apartment before the older man wakes. He heads into work, so early he is the first to arrive. His phone rings just after 6.30am, and Mike was expecting it. Harvey's schedule is pretty rigid, and he can almost calculate to the second the time it took for Harvey to wake up and search the apartment and realise that Mike has gone before he calls.
Mike hits the ignore button and goes back to work.
All he can think about is what is going to happen at eleven this morning. It's stupid, to worry about it. It's just business and it has nothing to do with him and it will actually make everything better, for both Claire and Harvey, but the way he has dealt with everything that happened was to compartmentalise his life and this, this could break everything down.
When he met Claire he was completely honest about who he was. Up to a point. He told her about his work at the bookstore and some of the odd jobs he had held before that. He told her he was kicked out of school and had no qualifications but was willing to go back if that was something she wanted him to do. But he kinda fudged over his tenure at Person Hardman and the whole LSATs thing. He mentioned he worked briefly for a law firm, didn't say which one, didn’t say exactly what it was he did. And she didn't press for more so he left it at that.
But then last week during a departmental meeting Claire mentioned the legal issues they were having with a rival publishing house, who claimed they had the rights to a book Claire was about to publish, and she moaned about how crappy their in-house lawyers were and without really thinking about it Mike said, "Well, I know a good lawyer if you need one." That one sentence inexplicably set the ball rolling and Mike got Claire an appointment with Harvey and they are meeting today and he is terrified that everything is going to implode.
The one saving grace is that he doesn't have to go. He had set the meeting up and his work was done. Claire and one of the other executives are heading to Pearson Hardman without him and that is just how he wants it.
Only when Claire arrives at work almost two hours after Mike did she tells him that Kerrie has had a family emergency and won't be in and does he want to come to the meeting.
"But, I don't know anything about it," he stammers, shocked. "Why do you want me to come?"
"Because I need another pair of eyes and ears to make sure everything goes as it should. And since all the other execs aren't available you were the obvious choice."
"I still don’t know anything about the case," he reiterates, hoping it will be his last saving grace.
She holds up a hand (and it reminds him of Rachel so much it makes his stomach hurt) before ducking into her office and returning with a bunch of folders. "Our contract with Washington to publish the book, and all the paperwork from McGregor & Banks about the suit. I trust you can have it read in time," she says with a smile.
All Mike can do is nod and start reading.
He doesn’t return Harvey's call, but he does send him a text: I'm coming to the meeting today. Is that going to be an issue?
It takes all of three minutes for him to get a reply: Of course not. See you soon.
Not very forthcoming but Mike can't really think about that right now. He nibbles at a muffin and downs a cup of coffee as he reads through everything to get caught up in time and before he knows it he and Claire are in a cab and he is on his way back to Pearson Hardman.
Mike looks up at the building before him. It looks the same, everything looks the same, even though his whole world is different now.
The sound of Claire's phone ringing pulls Mike's attention away. She answers and her face immediately conforms into a grimace. She's nodding, even though the other person can't see, and she rolls her eyes, which thankfully the other person can't see. After a minute she interrupts them enough to say to Mike, "This might take a bit. Can you go in and let them know I'll just be a few minutes late?"
Mike nods and in a slight daze he enters the building. He stops by security and gets a visitor's pass and when the guard points him in the direction of the elevators Mike says, "Thanks, I know my way."
He enters the lift and is thankfully alone, so after he presses the floor button and the elevator starts ascending he pulls on the emergency stop button, needing a moment to just breathe. His heart is beating hard in his chest and his palms feel warm and sweaty and he wasn't this nervous his first day and it's ridiculous to be this nervous now. But he hasn't set foot in this building in seven months, swore he never would again after the last time he walked out. After his head stops swimming he presses a button and the elevator continues its ascent.
Stepping out onto level 42 feels so normal and familiar and everything is so unchanged. It shouldn’t feel surprising, because Mike knows that life at Pearson Hardman went on well enough without him, but somehow the familiarity of it all hits him like a punch to the stomach.
His feet take him to Harvey's office and when Donna sees him, she just stares, like she can't believe what she's seeing. She stands slowly, looking as flawless as always.
"Mike?" she says, disbelieving. Clearly Harvey didn’t tell her he was coming in today. Gotta love surprising Donna since it happens so rarely.
"Hey, Donna."
Donna winds her way out of the cubicle and throws her arms around him. Mike smiles and returns the embrace, but then she smacks him across the back of the head and pulls out of the embrace, locks onto him with a stern expression and says, "What the hell, Mike? You better start explaining yourself right this minute."
"Geez, Donna, let the poor kid breathe," Harvey says, sauntering out of the office.
Mike meets Harvey's gaze and already feels better, breathes more freely. Donna just stands there with her hands on her hips and turns the glare to Harvey. "You knew he was coming in today and didn’t tell me?"
"Must have slipped my mind," Harvey says, all mock innocence.
"We are going to have words later."
"I quiver with fear."
Mike watches the back and forth between Harvey and Donna and he wants to leave right this second, because seeing them together like this is so warm and familiar but this isn't his life anymore and there was a reason he cut ties with everyone apart from Harvey and he knew being here would be hard but he didn't think it would feel like this.
Harvey, who has always been able to read him better than anyone else, must see this on his face, because he silently guides Mike into his office, closing the door behind them.
"You okay?" he asks, soft and concerned, the voice not of the lawyer but of the lover.
"Yeah," Mike says, taking a few deep breaths. "Sorry. It's just … it's weird being here, you know."
"Yeah, yeah I know." Harvey squeezes his shoulder, but since they are in the office that's all he can do. "Grab a seat."
Mike automatically sits on the chaise as Harvey returns to his desk. They look at each other across the room, and just for a moment it feels like nothing has changed.
"Claire had to take a phone call. She'll be here any minute now."
Harvey nods. "You were gone this morning," he says. His voice is soft and Mike can tell he is aiming for indifferent, for blithely curious, but there is an undertone of hurt that bleeds through.
"Yeah. Sorry. It's just, I couldn’t sleep, so I got up and went into work early."
"Why couldn’t you sleep?"
Because I knew something bad was going to happen today and I was right because here I am and no good can come from this, Mike thinks but knows better than to say. Instead he just shrugs and asks, "Can we talk about this later? Tell me how your day has been so far."
Harvey looks at him for a moment before conceding, telling Mike about the Bagnato case that Louis is currently flailing with and how, "I'd give it another hour before he gives up and comes crawling to me for help."
Mike grins. "Man, I wish I could be here to witness that. It would totally make my day."
Harvey smiles and is about to reply but is interrupted by a knocking on the door. They both look up to see Donna there, with Claire lurking behind her. They immediately stand as Harvey waves them in. Claire thanks Donna as she enters the room and Mike makes the introduction.
"Claire, this is Harvey Specter. Harvey, meet Claire Lee, my boss."
"Pleasure to meet you, Ms Lee. I've heard a lot about you," Harvey says, shaking her hand.
"Oh?" she replies, looking at Mike. "All good things I hope."
"Of course," Harvey says, indicating for her to have a seat.
She sits on the couch and Mike joins her. Harvey sits in the chair to their right.
"I didn't realise you two knew each other," Claire says, looking between them. "I mean, I knew that you knew each other, obviously, since Mike recommended you, but I didn't realise you knew knew each other."
Harvey laughs, and Mike can see on his face that he already likes her. "Mike used to work here, and we've kept in touch since he left."
Well, that's one way to put it that while being completely true somehow manages to leave out everything that actually matters, Mike thinks. But the alternative ("Mike used to work as my associate only he didn’t actually have a law degree and our boss found out and fired him and after he left we realised we kinda had more than platonic feelings for each other and have been together ever since") probably wasn't really appropriate given the circumstances.
"You never mentioned that to me, Mike," Claire says.
"Yes, I did. Remember, my first day, when you asked if I had ever done any proofing before and I told you I did some work for a law firm, researching and proofing contracts. It was a Tuesday at around 10.20am and you were wearing that pinstripe suit with a light blue shirt and you were holding the Adams transcript in your right hand."
Claire looks to Harvey. "Did that genius brain freak you out too?"
"You get used to it," Harvey says, and when he catches Mike's eye he drops a subtle wink. "So, tell me what brings you here today, Claire."
Claire has barely started explaining the sticky legal situation they have found themselves in when Jessica appears in the doorway, as though materialising from thin air.
"Sorry to interrupt," she says, coming into the office.
"Not at all," Harvey says, standing to greet her. Claire and Mike stand too and Harvey introduces Claire and Jessica. As the two women greet each other with a handshake Mike looks to Harvey. Harvey's face to anyone else would be impassive but Mike can see the message he is trying to send: no, I didn't know she was coming, just relax, I've got you, everything will be okay.
Mike feels all the levity he had managed to acquire flee from his body as Jessica looks at him. She doesn't shake his hand in greeting, just stares him down. Mike had always been a tiny bit afraid of her, and it didn’t even have anything to do with the possibility of her discovering his secret; she was a powerful and successful woman and as Managing Partner it would be insane to not be intimidated by her. And now that she knows everything it should even the playing field, because the power she had has been taken away, but in truth the feeling had trebled. Her eyes are cold as she looks at him and he looks away.
"Mike, would you like to step out of the office while we go over everything?"
She poses it as a question but that's not really how she means it. He feels himself shrinking under her words, which, though they were delivered in a tone that was both sweet and professional, still had a hard bite underneath. She wants him out of here, away from her firm's business, doesn’t want him causing any more trouble. And Mike knows that Jessica did what she had to, that she was just protecting her firm, and he understands that. But Harvey has taken a small step in front of Mike, a classic protection mechanism, and he can see Claire look between the three of them, like she knows there is some history here she isn’t aware of, and if Jessica's actions expose Mike and threaten the new life he has built for himself away from here then he won't be responsible for his actions.
"Jessica, Mike can stay. He is, after all, our client," Harvey's voice is firm.
"Actually, I believe Claire and Random House are our clients," she retorts, voice still simulating sweetness.
"Excellent point," Harvey says, turning to Claire. "Claire, it's up to you. Would you like Mike to stay or leave?"
Everyone turns to her at that and Mike can see her looking between all three of them, trying to read between the lines of what she can see and hear. Mike sends her a sympathetic look, tries to let her know that he will be okay with whatever she decides.
"Mike can stay."
So they settle themselves back down and start working through everything. Claire tells them about a rival publishing house who claims they have the rights to a book they are about to release. She goes through everything she knows, from what contracts were signed when to what their opposition is saying and whose council they have retained. After a while Harvey starts formulating a strategy, tells her how he is going to fix this.
It feels strange, being on the other side, being opposite Harvey instead of beside him. At least Harvey doesn’t have a new associate sitting beside him, in Mike's place. He doesn’t think he would be able to deal with that. A couple of times Mike wants to suggest something but he sits back and bites his tongue and doesn't say a word the whole time he is there. Because they might have let him stay but he doesn't want to risk further unravelling the tentative balance between his old world and the new one he has begun creating by provoking Jessica in any way.
The meeting starts to wrap up and Mike feels like he can start breathing again, only as Jessica is shaking Claire's hand she says, "Claire, do you mind if I steal Mike for a moment before you go?" and Mike can feel the stone walls he built to divide his life come crashing down around him.
He trails after Jessica, follows her to her office, head hung low.
Claire had a lunch meeting she needed to get to so told Mike she would see him back at the office, and Mike could see Harvey about to object but he sent him a quick look and Harvey remained silent, was forced to reluctantly watch as Mike followed Jessica, helpless to do anything.
When they enter the office Jessica waves her hand and asks him to take a seat but Mike continues to stand in the middle of the room. He listens as she rants, lectures him about coming back here and how she could still go after him for defrauding her and how she thought she made it clear she never wanted to see him again.
And apparently some of that Zen stuff he read in the morning sunk in, because he focuses on his breathing and lets the words rush over him without growing too upset by any of it. When she has finally finished, stopped for breath, Mike has his chance.
"Look, I get that you hate me, and I understand why you fired me. But I still respect this firm and its employees and still want to see you succeed. And I just brought you a multi-million dollar case and if Harvey wins, which I'm sure he will, they will retain you as general council. Now I'm sorry if you don't like me being here. Trust me, I didn’t want to come. But if you would rather I left and took this lawsuit with me, just say the word."
It's a threat he's not sure he could follow through on (and the truth is that even if he could he probably wouldn’t because Harvey is still the best) but that's not the point. The point is that she has no power over him, not anymore, because exposing him would open her firm up to all kinds of liability and she wouldn’t do that either.
Jessica nods at him, and he thinks that maybe they finally understand each other. He turns and walks out of the office without looking back.
Mike can feel the stares and whispers of his former colleagues as he makes his way back to Harvey's office.
Harvey never told him what Jessica told people about his sudden disappearance and he never asked. But whatever was put out there to explain away his leaving it must have been something that would indicate he would never be back, hence the confused stares. Mike ignores them, just keeps his eyes locked straight ahead, and when Donna's desk comes into view he can see not only Donna but Harvey and Rachel too.
Rachel grins brightly when she sees him and he incredibly finds himself returning it, accepting her hug and returning the embrace with genuine warmth. "I couldn’t believe the rumours were true."
"I suddenly feel like Bigfoot or something, like I'm some mystical being that people tell each other they saw and no one believes them," Mike says with a grin.
"Well, you did disappear and completely ignore all our calls and texts," she admonishes, and he has the grace to feel guilty about it.
"Yeah, sorry about that," he says.
"Well," Donna says, "you can make it up to Rachel and me by taking us to lunch."
Mike looks between them, their bright and pretty faces and the way they are looking at him. And he thinks about the rubble of his stone wall, which has so clearly been completely and utterly destroyed that there is no reason anymore to say no.
"Okay," Mike says.
As Donna and Rachel gather their belongings Harvey and Mike take a few steps back to get a modicum of privacy.
"Everything okay?" Harvey asks, and there is so much behind those two words. The knowledge that being here isn't easy for him, worry about what happened with Jessica, knowing how hard Mike worked to move on from everything and everyone at Pearson Hardman and how all that has come crashing down around him.
And truthfully, he's not completely okay. But, "It will be."
Donna and Rachel suddenly appear by their side and it's time for Mike to go.
"I'll see you later?" Harvey asks casually, the are you coming over to my place later implied.
Mike grins. "Definitely," he replies to both the spoken and unspoken words.
Lunch with Donna and Rachel is surprisingly fun. Donna of course knows the truth about his sudden departure from Pearson Hardman but apparently the rumour mill had explained his absence by saying he couldn’t take the pressure, burned out. Mike doesn't dissuade Rachel of this.
They talk and eat but the time flies by and soon enough it's time to go. They part in a flurry of hugs and kisses and promises to catch up properly sometime soon.
Mike heads back to the office and sits in his cubicle and gets back to work. He focuses on the words in front of him as much as he can, but in the back of his mind he's deciding what to do when the inevitable occurs.
At the end of the day Claire calls him into her office. He had been expecting it. He closes the door and sits down, tries to keep his body language open and relaxed.
"Anything you want to tell me?" she asks.
Mike takes a deep breath. Here goes nothing. "I know I made it seem like I worked at Pearson Hardman as a temporary thing but the truth is I was there for nearly a year. I didn’t leave under the best of circumstances."
Claire nods, like she had already figured that out. "Care to elaborate?"
"I lied on my resume. Jessica found out."
"And yet you still recommended them to me."
"Because they're the best. I worked directly under Harvey and I promise you will not regret hiring him because he is the best at what he does. But yeah, Jessica hasn't forgiven me and I can't really blame her for that."
"Okay. Anything else you want to say?"
"Remember when I called you after you offered me a job and I told you I didn’t have any qualifications? I learnt my lesson about lying and have been nothing but honest with you. I promise."
Claire nods and tells him that she believes him. She dismisses him and with a grateful smile he nods and leaves her office. He swings past his cubicle to collect his messenger bag and heads out for the day.
Mike has a key to Harvey's place so he lets himself in, watches TV while he waits. He wonders what Rachel has told the other associates about him. He wonders what happened with Jessica after he left, and the anxiety from this morning returns, hums through his veins, and he paces the floor as he waits for Harvey to return.
Harvey finally enters the condo with bags of Chinese food in his hands. Mike grins and they silently move into the kitchen, Harvey digging all the food out of the bags as Mike grabs bowls and cutlery for them.
Mike has just set everything on the counter when Harvey says, "I told Jessica everything."
Mike freezes as the words lodge in his brain. He pulls on Harvey's arm, diverts his attention away from their food, and Harvey lets himself be pulled away, avoiding Mike's eye. Mike cups his face in his hands, forces him to look at him. But then he drops his hands and takes a small step back before asking, "Everything or everything?"
"I told her that I knew the truth about you from day one-"
"Are you insane?"
"-and that we've been together for the last four months."
Mike is genuinely stunned by this. He turns on the spot, doesn’t know how to begin processing this. He looks to Harvey, and the older man looks tired and resigned and Mike can't help but feel that it's all his fault.
"Are you fired?" he asks, afraid of the answer.
"No. She threatened, but the truth is that at this point we are in this together. We both know too much about the other to begin turning on each other. I was however persuaded to use up some of my leave that has been accumulating for the last few years. Immediately."
Mike nods, even though he is having trouble processing everything. He doesn't get it. Mike sacrificed himself so Harvey would be safe and now after all this time Harvey has exposed the truth and he doesn't know why. It's all too much. He needs to sit down.
Mike stumbles back into the lounge and collapses onto the couch. Harvey follows, shedding his suit jacket and sitting on the other end of the couch, hands fidgeting slightly.
"Why did you do it, Harvey?" Mike asks, small and tentative.
Harvey takes in a deep breath. "Because of how she treated you today, like you were some kind of mistake, a blemish she wanted to cover up and pretend never existed. But that's not what you are. You were a great lawyer and you're an even better person and you've made me happier and smarter and better and just … more. And you deserve better than what happened today and she needed to know that."
Mike smiles slowly, blinks in rapid succession to keep the emotions that are threatening at bay. He reaches over and grabs at Harvey's shirt and pulls him down. Harvey makes a noise in shock but settles himself on top of Mike. Mike presses their foreheads together, fingers ghosting over his cheeks. They breathe the same air, silent and still until Mike finally shifts forward and presses his lips to Harvey's.
"I love you, too."
It's the first time he's said the words and he doesn’t know why he has been waiting so long because sometimes he wonders if he didn’t fall a little bit in love with Harvey the moment they met.
They are so close; Mike can feel every inch of Harvey that presses against him. Harvey lifts his head up to look Mike in the eyes, searching for confirmation, and Mike smiles shyly at him. Harvey grins and kisses him, desperate and urgent. Mike meets the embrace eagerly. Harvey manages to slide his hands between them, despite how close their bodies are pressed together, and he pulls Mike's shirt from his pants, slips a hand underneath to trace the warm skin he finds there. The first touch of Harvey's hand to his skin still does something to his brain, even after all these months, switches it into overdrive until he can't think. Harvey's mouth moves slowly down his neck, the pressure just right. Mike writhes beneath him.
"Dinner will get cold," Mike murmurs, but then his fingers go to Harvey's tie and start pulling, effectively rendering the objection moot.
"It can be reheated," Harvey replies, claiming his lips once more, and Mike makes no further objections.