Work Text:
Happy Birthday!
Yeah, I thought that those are the last words I’d like to say before I die… to you, Josh.
Oh, and “I love you”.
I’m not sure if I’m actually dying though, but lying on the pavement and seeing what I think is my blood mixed with murky rain water flowing into the gutter is not a very reassuring sight. Oh, God, I want to laugh but I can’t.
Actually, I could barely make a sound. What are these then? These are my inner thoughts.
While I’m hearing everyone talking about what to do with my most-probably-broken body, I’m just going to talk away. In my head. Until I can’t anymore. I have to keep talking—thinking because I feel that if I stop, I would really die, and I don’t want to die yet, because I have to say “Happy Birthday” and “I love you”.
Happy Birthday, Josh Cullen Santos. And I love you. God, I have to say those to you, actually say those to you. I waited months to say those, you see?
Anyway, how did we get here?
Since it’s your birthday, there’s going to be a party. Everyone’s been planning for that surprise, although I know that you know that there’s going to be one. Of course, Stell, Justin and even Pau aren’t actually very good at keeping quiet about these things. AH! But what you actually aren’t aware of is the fact that I have feelings for you. Or maybe you are, but you probably thought they’re the bad kind of feelings. I know I’ve been semi-avoiding you, but well, it’s because I’m not good at keeping quiet about these things too.
I so want to laugh but I can’t even move my face. Fucking car. Dre, gusto ko lang naman kunin yung sukli ko!
Oh! They’re gonna lift me? Dumbass, don’t move me and wait for the fucking ambulance! How about pressing on my wounds instead?! Oh thanks, lady. She’s smart. Thank God. Good— Holy…
I…
I’m still here. I blacked out for a while because of the pain. I wasn’t feeling it at first but when the woman was pressing on what I think was my stomach I felt like I had gone away for a bit.
Josh, I don’t want to go away. I want to bring you the isaw I bought. I want to be with you.
Right, keep talking, Ken. Keep talking so you’d stay alive.
What did I buy? Lotsa stuff: isaw, barbecue, hotdogs (of course. Damn Pablo), kwek kwek, tenga, chicken barbecue, fishballs which I had to get from a different stall and the sauces. I got you the spicy kind siyempre . We bought other types of food, of course, but di na ako toka duon . Yeah, we bought a lot we bought a lot.
Happy Birthday, Joshie. I love you. I’m sorry cuz I’m probably going to ruin your day or maybe I already have if you’ve already found out I’m still lying here. Where’s my phone by the way?
My phone… my phone…
Forget it. I can’t even move.
Wow, perfect timing! That’s my ringtone! Hey, smart woman, please answer my— ah there you go.
Is that you at the other side of the phone call? Josh, I want to hear your voice. Lady, let me hear Josh’s voice. If I’m going to die soon, I’d like to hear his voice please. One last time I’m begging…
She said you’re on your way. Oh God, thank you. Thank you. She said I’ll be okay. I want to believe her. Okay. Okay.
Okay.
Let’s get back to “talking” and to staying alive. Okay.
There’s a kuya in an orange shirt looking at me right now. I don’t know who he is but he does look concerned so that’s nice of him. There’s a barangay tanod or something like that ordering people around. I can’t really understand what he’s saying, but he looks like he’s on the top of things. Rain is still falling on me. My blood seemed to have stopped flowing out of my body. That’s cool. I can’t turn my head to another direction though so I can’t see who and what is behind me. A policeman arrived. He’s wearing a blue uniform. A white Honda Civic with plate number ASA 4549 passed by. A dog ran by. The gutter looks like a river now. The sidewalk looks dirty. That’s gross. This road is probably dirty as fuck, and I’m still lying here. I bet this was even dirtier before the rain. A kid on a bicycle stopped right in front of me some feet away. I bet he’s just curious. Another dog. The lamp post turned on. Gabi na. I hear the ambulance! It’s coming. I hope you’re on your way too. Happy Birthday. I love you. Josh. Josh.
Josh.
Remember the time we were going to Japan to shoot this show and I was so excited that I got sick?
I know you thought I was lame, but I really appreciate that you didn’t tell the staff I had a fever until we were already in Osaka. You know I’ve always wanted to visit Japan but we never had the time because our schedule had always been jampacked. I was burning from the fever but you still helped me hide it even when we were shooting. Sure, we got scolded, but I was happy. Then in the evenings you’d check on me while saying that making sure I don’t die is your punishment for keeping my fever a secret. You were already taking care of me even before the staff found out. That’s when I fell in love with you. I just thought you’d be curious.
Anyway, my shoe. Guy in green shirt. Another policeman. Rain stopped. Trash. The same brown dog. A red Toyota vios. A taho vendor. A plastic bag stuck to the grills of the drainage. Guy in red shirt. Guy in Vans. Black umbrella. Woman in red floral blouse. You like red but I see you in black more often these days. Candy wrapper. Concrete. The sidewalk. The gutter. The smart lady. A black SUV. My shoe. A white SUV. Was that Azkal? Josh, is that you?!
Ay, false alarm, puta ! Gusto ko atang umiyak.
Another lady in a floral shirt stood in front of me. A man grimacing. Grey shirt. Pikachu umbrella. See-through raincoat. Grab bike. A cat. Finally. Orange on white fur. Black kitten. Cute.
Cutie Joshie. My cute Joshie. Sagutin mo sana ako. Kapag nabuhay talaga ako mamahalin kita habang buhay, until I find myself in this situation again and even after that.
Ipagsisigawan kong boyfriend kita kahit sabihin nilang bawal. Unless siyempre ayaw mo pero sana okay lang sa’yo. Gusto kita pagyabang eh. Ang swerte ko kaya.
Mahal kita, Josh Cullen Santos, kaya kailangan kong mabuhay.
Blue sando. Nirvana shirt. Denim pants. Rain boots. Tanjiro. Slippers. Black socks. Rain. Fire hydrant. Nike. Same tanod. Paper. Same policemen. Blue guy. Yellow guy. Flower design. Plastic cup. Barbecue stick. Putik . My hand is here. Black tire. Goodyear. White dog. Happiness. Cabinet. Paper. Hello. Baby. Cradle. Lullaby. Riddles. Tree. Top. Bird. Insects. Flowers. Nest. Sky. Clouds. Sun. Moon. Star. Planets. Satellites. Angels. Aliens. Clouds. Water. Rain. Sidewalk. Sneakers. Woman in green. Woman with short hair. A lola. Posters. Post no Bill. Tricycle na de padyak. Policeman again. White SUV. Guy in black shirt. Black cap. Guy in yellow. Lamppost. Sidewalk. Plastic cup. Boots