Archive of Our Own ^beta

Message #rules

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Jan 11th, 2022

nyasougi (crime)01/11/22

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April 8th, 2022

Barok van Zieks04/08/22
@everyone This Is An Announcement That I WILL BE UNREACHABLE FOR THE NEXT TWO WEEKS WITH THE RELEASE OF KIRBY AND THE FORGOTTEN LAND. Please Refer To Previous Guides For What To Do If You Require My Assistance, And Only Text Me When Emergency Arises. Thank You.

Message #gen

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April 8th, 2022

nyasougi (crime)04/08/22
I told you to stop using the informational channel like that? That’s for important rules

Barok van Zieks04/08/22
There is only a gif of Raiden “Ei” Shogun turning around and saying “You will be inlaid upon this submissive catboy maid outfit.” (Appropriate punctuation added by yours truly.)

nyasougi (crime)04/08/22
Precisely
Important information
Catboys are important we are all catboys
Meanwhile who cares about you disappearing for two weeks? Nobody

Barok van Zieks04/08/22
You’re my apprentice...
This means while I’m missing, you’re to report to my boss.
Who is my brother.

nyasougi (crime)04/08/22
OH FUCK NO I DON’T WANT TO TALK TO KLIMT VAN ZIEKS

genshin asougi impact04/08/22
hey. what did i ever do to you

nyasougi (crime)04/08/22
You keep talking about my father and sex in the same sentence in relevant context
It’s disgusting

genshin asougi impact04/08/22
yeah but he’s so good

nyasougi (crime)04/08/22
You finish that sentence and I’ll come into your house

genshin asougi impact04/08/22
¯\(ツ)/¯
idk how you ended up a bottom when your dad is.
heh

nyasougi (crime)04/08/22
Don’t do that either

genshin asougi impact04/08/22
what do you mean uwu

nyasougi (crime)04/08/22
I hope you get hit by a bus

genshin asougi impact04/08/22
don’t be ridiculous kazuma we both know that’s unlikely
i would never be in the proximity of a bus i only ride on limousines

nyasougi (crime)04/08/22
Dad what do you see in this loser who should have been decapitated in the french revolution a hundred years ago

klimt please change your name04/08/22
He pays rent?
I believe I’m practicing what you kids call ‘rob the rich’.

genshin asougi impact04/08/22
so true he robs me of cum every night
wait what’s that sound
kazuma asougi why do you have karuma off the wall
wait kazuma we can do this with words we’re both lawyers
kazuma
@klimt please change your name control your devil spawn

klimt please change your name04/08/22
You made your bed, Klimt. Lay in it.

genshin asougi impact04/08/22
i can’t believe i’m going to be killed by the asougis TWICE

klimt please change your name04/08/22
Don’t worry. I won’t let you die yet.

chuuchuu04/08/22
wow I came online because my phone was ringing so much and that is such a threatening message Mr. Asougi
but damn. press F to pay respects
F

klimt please change your name04/08/22
F

nyasougi (crime)04/08/22
F

genshin asougi impact04/08/22
DID YOU SERIOUSLY GET YOUR PHONE JUST TO SEND THAT MESSAGE

Barok van Zieks04/08/22
F

genshin asougi impact04/08/22
OH YOU’RE IGNORING MY TEXTS BUT YOU’D COME BACK TO SEND F TO ME

Barok van Zieks04/08/22
You can handle that case on your own, brother. This, however, was too amusing to miss.
I shall return to Kirby and the Unforgotten Land. Thank you for informing me of this, @chuuchuu.

chuuchuu04/08/22
What are friends for :smile:

Barok van Zieks04/08/22
Also, @nyasougi (crime) the French Revolution happened two hundred years ago.

nyasougi (crime)04/08/22
I hope you also get hit by a bus
or even worse I hope someone slips a red sock in your cravat and make all of your neck tissues pink

Barok van Zieks04/08/22
Don’t be absurd. We have our suits dry-cleaned.

nyasougi (crime)04/08/22
I hate this family

Message #streaming

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April 8th, 2022

chuuchuu04/08/22
@everyone I’m going to stream! Who wants to come around to watch?

susie04/08/22
Sorry, Ryuunosuke-sama! I have a little more assistant work to wrap up, then I can join. Are you going to play halo?

chuuchuu04/08/22
Yes!

susie04/08/22
Haori said she can join, too! If Kazuma-sama could come around, it could be a double date~

chuuchuu04/08/22
@nyasougi (crime) will you come around to watch!

nyasougi (crime)04/08/22
fuck no you’ve given me enough nightmares and Barok still can’t play Mario Kart because of you

chuuchuu04/08/22
pussy

Message #klimt-go-to-therapy

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April 20th, 2022

nyasougi4/20/22
[waking up] hey how fucked up would it be if we were all in a computer simulation
We aren't even real. We are just a bunch of zeroes and ones created to amuse a bunch of people in the ""real world""
What if Herlock Sholmes is called Sherlock Holmes actually and all our life is a lie

chuuchuu4/20/22
Kazuma did you eat the spoiled milk in the fridge again. Barok should have cleared that... Right he's gone in

nyasougi4/20/22
STOP DERAILING THE TOPIC. i need this question answered

genshin asougi impact4/20/22
haha that's just like my coma brainrot

klimt please change your name4/20/22
Oh, Kazuma. What have you done.

nyasougi4/20/22
this is your fault
both of your fault. if you didn't want this you should have never let me come to britain

klimt please change your name4/20/22
You asked me to bring you along.

nyasougi4/20/22
THEN YOU SHOULD HAVE STOPPED ME!!!

chuuchuu4/20/22
Um. Coma brainrot, mister van Zieks?

genshin asougi impact4/20/22
oh have you never heard this story from me

chuuchuu4/20/22
I have heard about how you spent the last nine years in a coma from kazuma

genshin asougi impact4/20/22
okay this one needs to go inside the redact tag give me a minute (warning for suicide ideation/intimate sword stabbing) so the year is 2012, and it is a fucking steam pot outside in central london on june 12th. i have freshly wrapped up an extremely concerning case involving a series of chid kidnappings and traffickings because the instigator ended up being a man i really respected (my mentor, lol.) he was nice to everyone else especially me which is why i never suspected him and he got away for so long.
and it sends me into a suicidal pit (because if you haven't noticed i have Psychological Issues and getting frequent assassination attempts does get to you even if you laugh it away apparently?)

klimt please change your name4/20/22
Everyone noticed but keep going.

genshin asougi impact4/20/22
i try to drink away the feeling for a while but the next case has the culprit walking because genshin was busy at the time and i got stuck with a fucking rookie who couldn't even remember the chain of custory. anyways while drinking scotch out of the bottle i get depressed bec am i even making the change in the world that i want? can i not just be a depressed rich person?
i rant this all out to genshin. and upon listening to all of it genshin goes "well if you want to die that badly die then" and presses the blade to me. because i don't want to seem like a coward i stab myself. i think genshin tried to call out my bluff but boy i was not bluffing

chuuchuu4/20/22
Christ.

genshin asougi impact4/20/22
VERY LONG PREVIEW but that's how i ended up on life support for nine years while i was thinking i was living in victorian london crimefighting with a genshin who wore a disgusting mustache

klimt please change your name4/20/22
I think I would be distinguished with a mustache.

genshin asougi impact4/20/22
nope! most realistic dream i had

nyasougi4/20/22
I knew about the general story but not the sword part??? Is this why you and my father have therapy together

genshin asougi impact4/20/22
yeah
the point is, even if this was a simulation you would have no way of knowing and it's pointless so just live life and die one day lol

klimt please change your name4/20/22
Concerning ending but good advice.

Message #digital-retirement

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April 20th, 2022

genshin asougi impact4/20/22
anyaways want to play stardew valley i'm stressed

klimt please change your name4/20/22
No shit. But yes I'll turn on the computer.

genshin asougi impact4/20/22
uh uh mister asougi your language

klimt please change your name4/20/22
shut the fuck up klimt before i make you.

genshin asougi impact4/20/22
make me? i would like to see you try (with your mouth)

nyasougi4/20/22
GROSS
Why did I think this channel was a good idea

genshin asougi impact4/20/22
if i have to tolerate you dating your boyfriend you have to withstand this . whippersnappers nowadays

nyasougi4/20/22
No I don't

klimt please change your name4/20/22
I turned on the game, by the way.
You play this game too competitively. I know your brother got you the game to help you relax but it's not working.

nyanzieks the superior4/20/22
It's my favorite game. I named the kitten after you, Klimt. And the cow after Genshin. :)

genshin asougi impact4/20/22
awwwwwwwwww look at that genshin
i'm a cat and you're a cow
does that mean you milk genshin every day

klimt please change your name4/20/22
This was a mistake.

genshin asougi impact4/20/22
now get out of the way genshin and let me finish the bundles. be a good wife for me

genshin asougi impact4/20/22
don't underestimate me

klimt please change your name4/20/22
He's not calming down. It's not working. He's running to the mines again.

genshin asougi impact4/20/22
BE A GOOD WIFE

Message #gen

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April 25th, 2022

nyanzieks the superior4/25/22
I return.

chuuchuu4/25/22
FINALLY SOMEONE I CAN TALK ABOUT VIDEO GAMES WITH

nyanzieks the superior4/25/22
Nevermind. I'll some more play Cozy Groves.

chuuchuu4/25/22
no mister van zieks come back.

Message #gen

nyasougi08/25/22
Don’t you think I would be an exemplary AV film star

chuuchuu08/25/22
your dad is literally in this discord? he can see this conversation?

nyasougi08/25/22
Stop derailing The Question Naruhodou Ryuunosuke. this would singlehandedly solve all my financial issues

chuuchuu08/25/22
you don’t have any financial issues though you have four scholarships…

nyasougi08/25/22
But what if I Did. What if my Father got into an accident because his dumb boyfriend dared him to do something stupid

genshin asougi impact08/25/22
hey :/ i have feelings too you know

nyasougi08/25/22
It doesn’t make it any less true

genshin asougi impact08/25/22
he and i are not the one who tried using the secret asougi technique on our dicks

nyanzieks the superior08/25/22
Brother. Are you not in court.

genshin asougi impact08/25/22
UGGHHHHHHH BAROK THEY'RE TALKING ABOUT PRECEDENTS
i hate this case

nyanzieks the superior08/25/22
You are the Director of Prosecutions. The case you are currently prosecuting is regarding the Strongman Corporations who bought out the entire jury last time. With great power comes Great Responsibilities.

genshin asougi impact08/25/22
don’t you dare quote spiderman at me i know you dont even believe in him

nyasougi08/25/22
Answer the question you cowards would I not be a great porn star

klimt please change your name08/25/22
Why are both of you texting?
Kazuma, what is this about porn?

nyanzieks the superior08/25/22
Okay, I'm confiscating both of your phones. Now. Mr. Asougi, you’re supposed to be testifying?

klimt please change your name08/25/22
The man is obviously guilty. The cross-examination is a waste of time. If it weren’t for Klimt’s position forcing him to take the case I wouldn’t even be here. Barok van Zieks Stay away From Me or I swear on my ancestral blade

nyasougi08/25/22
Nothing father I said nothing father. I don’t know anything about porn. I’m still a virgin and I don’t know any alternate functions for penises other than peeing

nyanzieks the superior08/25/22
I took their phones.

nyasougi08/25/22
thank GOD
`@chuuchuu` answer the question we’ve had sex before

chuuchuu08/25/22
Okay, the question is negligent because you shouldn’t film porn. You want to become a respected defense barrister. If you have porn videos of you floating around in the dark web you won’t garner the right reputation.

nyasougi08/25/22
Personally I think it’d be awesome to have an AV star defend you. I would trust a man I've literally seen naked than some ivy graduate who’s never had sex in their lives
`@nyanzieks the superior`

nyanzieks the superior08/25/22
Yes?

nyasougi08/25/22
Nothing I was just giving examples

nyanzieks the superior08/25/22
I take offense to that.

Message #klimt-go-to-therapy

genshin asougi impact08/25/22
do you ever wonder what you did to deserve this from the world? i know karma isn’t real and people rarely get what they’re coming at them but there’s limits you know if i actually do my job i expect people to be in prison where they belong. and this is what i get
a single (1) man goes out and drains thousands of peoples pensions and they get what??????? four years of prison??? four???????????? why dont i just embezzle thousands of dollars worth of the queens jewels and see where it gets me
sometimes i get this urge to hunt real people and not just fowl through the forest like we should make that a legal sport. execute people by letting them out in the wilderness and hunting them with dogs and falcons like we’re nobles in 1900s instead so executioners don’t get traumatized and some of us get to vent out some stress. if they get out they’re pardoned from the crime

nyasougi08/25/22
I'm assuming the case went badly

nyanzieks the superior08/25/22
The case went badly.

riri08/25/22
Mr. van Zieks the older, I know I might be overstepping, but have you taken your meds, sir?

genshin asougi impact08/25/22
oh fuck my meds
never mind. law is perfect law is good the sky is blue and the sky is bright clouds are floating by and i love everybody

nyasougi08/25/22
God you are mentally ill

genshin asougi impact08/25/22
so are you. you also need therapy

nyasougi08/25/22
why get therapy when stuffing my face with dick is free

genshin asougi impact08/25/22
STUFFING MY FACE WITH DICK HAS NEVER SOLVED ANY OF MY LIFE PROBLEMS THIS UNFAIR HOW COME I NEED TO DO BOTH FOR MY HAPPINESS
`@klimt please change your name` explain

chuuchuu08/25/22
No need to @ Mr Asougi I can explain!
It’s probably because I take concerta and some of it comes out of my dick and treats Kazuma’s mental illness as well.

genshin asougi impact08/25/22
alright

riri08/25/22
That’s not how medicine works…

nyasougi08/25/22
It is now

Message #gen

Inspecter Lestrade08/25/22
howdy pardners

susie08/25/22
Hello Gina!

chuuchuu08/25/22
hi gina!!!!!!! finally someone who can play video games with me…

Inspecter Lestrade08/25/22
HELL YEA VIDEOGAMES
who wants to play nintendogs!!!!!!!!!!

nyanzieks the superior08/25/22
I do.