Chapter Text
"The eyes shout what the lips fear to say." - William Henry
Prologue
When one of them wants the other they use their eyes to communicate. After so many years of silent longing and secret desire, of thinking they were alone in their feelings, and that they could never have each other, there are certain things that neither of them can bring themselves to say out loud.
When their eyes speak, the love that now always shines in their eyes grows in intensity. It shouts. It burns like a fire that warms their souls and reaches to the deepest part of their being. The part that still wonders...that still doubts.
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Chapter 1
Cas slowly fell in love with Dean over the weeks and years. While they shared meals that Cas didn’t need to eat and watched movies that Dean insisted Cas needed to see. When they worked on cases and even when they fought. All the while, Cas was absolutely oblivious to what was happening. Everyone around him apparently saw it though. Naomi, Metatron, Crowley, and even some random demons made comments, all of which seemed absurd at the time. By the time Cas realized what was happening, it was too late. He was in love with Dean Winchester. Deeply and ineffably in love. But he wouldn't have stopped it if he could. Wouldn't change it. Even if Dean didn't love him also. Loving Dean was the greatest privilege, the highest honor, and the most precious gift Cas had ever received in all his many years of life.
However, it turns out that loving someone and not being able to express it to them can make you very irritable. So several years ago, Cas started writing poetry as a way to process all his thoughts and feelings. Sometimes when he and Dean would make eye contact, a line from one of his poems would run through his head, and it made Cas feel more at ease. Now that they were together, he thought about sharing the poems with Dean, but something always stopped him. He hoped that someday he could tell Dean about them.
Cas never had aspirations of an intimate relationship. Even his poetry didn’t express that particular longing. But finding out that Dean returned his affections awakened desires in Cas that he didn't know existed. He knew how physical Dean was in his other relationships and since Cas was inexperienced in that area, he decided to let Dean lead the way. They had been back on earth for a week, and much to Cas’ surprise, Dean had limited their physical contact to short, cautious kisses. Maybe Dean didn't want the same thing as Cas?
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When Cas saw "that look" in Dean's eyes for the first time, as he was telling Dean the latest news from Jody and the girls, he stopped speaking in the middle of a word. It was as though he not only forgot how to speak, but how to breathe as well.
Dean didn't ask why Cas stopped or what was wrong. He just sat and sipped his coffee, eyes burning bright.
Cas knew. He didn't know HOW he knew, but he knew what Dean's eyes were saying. Dean wanted him. No, more than want. Dean needed him.
That Dean was the one to communicate this desire meant more to Cas than he would ever be able to explain to Dean. Part of Cas’ lingering doubt came from the fact that Cas was the one to first express his love. No matter how many times Dean said “I love you” since then, Cas still felt uncertain. There were so many reasons why Cas believed it couldn’t be true. Couldn’t be real.
But seeing Dean hunger for him, knowing that he wanted more than the short, hesitant kisses they shared up until now... healed a part of Cas. He finally felt himself breathing again. Did Dean literally take his breath away?
Cas reached across the table and took the coffee mug from Dean, his fingers gently brushing Dean's hand. Briefly he thought about setting the mug down but instead he brought it to his lips and took a drink, sipping slowly. He needed an extra moment before everything changed.
Dean's eyes continued to burn with desire but now his mouth had an adorable confused smile. Part of Cas enjoyed that his Love was uncertain of what he was doing. He thought about dragging things out and drinking the whole rest of the cup of coffee. But he wanted Dean too. Ached for him.
He set down the mug and extended his left arm towards Dean, with an open palm. Dean stared at it, still wearing a confused smile.
Cas wanted to say something. A hundred possibilities ran through his mind but none of them felt right. Although he might be breathing again, he didn't know if he would be able to speak. Or if he could speak, he knew that he would start crying. And crying once in front of the man you love was enough thank you very much.
Finally, Dean's gaze shifted from Cas’ outstretched hand to his face and Dean saw the same fire burning in his eyes that was in his own. Dean swallowed, licked his lips, and slowly interlaced his hand with the one being proffered. With his other hand, Dean reached for the mug and quickly knocked back the rest of the coffee, setting it down when it was empty.
Cas stood up, his hand still entwined with Dean's, and moved slowly toward Dean's side of the table. That was all the encouragement Dean needed. He was up out of his chair in a flash. Never letting go with his right hand, Dean's left hand wound its way to the back of Cas' head as his lips pressed into the angel's. The kiss was long and deep and hungry.
Cas was the one who finally pulled away. He needed to look in Dean's eyes again. To see what they were saying now. What would he find there? Regret? Disappointment?
No. Love. Still love. Blazing, burning love. And happiness. And hunger.
Dean quietly waited, sensing that Cas needed a moment, and rubbed Cas' hand gently with his thumb. His gaze never wavered from Cas' face but he was still surprised when Cas surged forward and crashed his lips into Dean's. This time Dean was the one who moments later reluctantly pulled away and only when he realized he couldn't breathe. He gasped for air as though he was drowning. And oh, he was. Drowning in the most intense, passionate kiss of his life.
Dean leaned his forehead to rest it on Cas'. This time it was Cas who gave Dean a moment. But when Cas decided Dean had taken long enough, he gently stroked Dean's cheek with his right hand. Dean lifted his head and Cas gestured toward the right, towards Dean's bedroom. Dean grinned and nodded. Then he planted one more fervent kiss on the angel before leading him by the hand toward something that was long overdue.