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aoyagi has cancer and it's terminal and teshima is fully ready to go thru the motions with him, but aoyagi doesn't want him to watch him at his lowest. so he breaks up with him.
teshima taking aoyagi to the hospital when aoyagi springs up the proposition to him. it's not out of anger, no he could never be angry at the other. he wants to protect him. aoyagi is all he has, after all. "you're not being fair," teshima says at the red light. his hands are gripping the steering wheel, knuckles white as he tries to hold what little composure he has left. aoyagi opens his mouth to say something, but teshima cuts him off. "do you know how much i care about you?" he asks. his words cut deep, but there's no malice in his voice. "you're the only thing i have left." the car slowly starts again; he turns into the parking lot of the hospital. he turns the ignition off and takes the key out, but doesn't unbuckle. he turns to aoyagi. there's bitter tears in his eyes, and his face contorts into a sick smile. "why can't i be there for you?"
aoyagi's heart sinks. he wants teshima to be there for him. he wants to wake up from treatments and procedures with his boyfriend to his side. to hold his hand as he meets with different doctors and specialists. to hold him at night as he cries. but it'd be unfair. and he knows it. when he's all but forgotten, who has to live with those memories? not him. "junta..." he starts, but his voice falters. he sees teshima's face, and his true emotions finally show. as more tears stream down his face, his smile also falls.
teshima unlocks the door, silently telling the blond to leave. "i get it," he says. his voice is calm. eerily calm. "i won't pry any further." there's so much aoyagi wants to tell him. he wants to comfort him. take it all back. apologize. but he can't figure out what to say. so he leaves without a word.
that's the last time the two saw each other. nature took its course, and aoyagi died after a tough battle. it'd been months since their exchange. teshima moved away by now; back to his hometown to restart. despite his new surroundings, he hasn't gotten used to it. his new life without aoyagi. he relives this experience in his mind every day. was there anything he could've said to change the future? if there were, he couldn't find those words. even after all this time.
teshima's phone lights up, getting his attention. he's at work right now; a cashier at some bookstore that he doesn't care about. he just needed something, anything, to busy himself with. one of his old teammates from his high school cycling team sent him a message. he scrolls through the message, not bothering to read it. he's heard it all before. at the bottom is an image of the funeral invitation. the wake is tomorrow. without responding back, teshima stands from the store. with haste, he walks to the backroom and changes, yelling to the owner that something important came up and he has to go away. he's already out the door by the time he's asked to explain.
he buys a ticket to the first bullet train back home. there's no thoughts in his mind. he didn't even stop home to grab anything; only his phone, wallet, and a mind full of regrets. he's tired. he's scared. there are second thoughts in the back of his mind. he thinks he isn't ready to see him. still, he doesn't close his eyes as he makes the long trip back to see aoyagi. to see hajime. he's ready to face him head-on. teshima texts one of his old teammates to crash at their place for the night, but once his head hits the couch, he realizes he can't sleep. when he hears the birds chirping in the morning, he forces himself up and gets ready. he moves like a robot, monotonous and devoid of life. his teammate greets him good morning. he says nothing back.
they go to the wake together; it's an open-casket service. once he finds himself there, he lingers in the back of the room. all the bravery he mustered to make his way here is gone now. teshima was in over his head. only when he feels an arm around his shoulder does he snap out of his thoughts. "aoyagi?" he asks instinctively. his face drops when he sees a teammate instead. "oh... sorry."
"don't be," he said back, giving teshima's arm a slight squeeze. "just thought that it's time to properly pay your respects to him. i'm sure he'd be happy to see you."
teshima doesn't say anything, but knows he's right. "can you come with me?" he finally gets out after a long pause. "i'm scared."
"of course." the two walk over to the casket and teshima sees aoyagi's peaceful face. his eyes are closed, but there's the faintest smile on him. as if all the regrets and stress that was building up on him had finally been lifted. through tears, teshima smiles back.
"i'll always love you."