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FIFTEEN DAYS
Xiao isn't really sure how he ended up in this situation.
Actually, alam niya. Kasalanan niya rin naman, pero mostly it's Venti's fault.
( 'Kahit ikaw naman talaga pumayag diyan?' the little voice in his brain nags, which he promptly chooses to ignore.)
Kasi naman, if his best friend wasn't such a persuasive talker eh hindi naman siya mapupunta sa ganito. Ganito, meaning, the rehearsals for the school's annual Mr. and Ms. Intrams pageant he never really wanted to be a part of. Pero naman kasi, hindi niya ba alam kung bakit hinayaan niya sarili niya pumayag sa mga sinasabi ni Venti, kung ano mang otherworldly force na sumapi sa kanya to agree to be their class' representative for said competition.
(Again, the voice in his head disrupts his thoughts: gusto mo kasi siya, so you want to agree to everything he says. He rolls his eyes just at the idea, pero… he can't really deny it.)
He said yes because he really had no other choice when Venti sweet-talked him into accepting the proposition as they ate kikiam and fish balls outside the campus. Wala siyang kahit anong experience sa ganyan, really, so he didn't know why their classmates pledged him to do it. Xiao's clubs mainly consisted of the school paper and home ec (he had taken a liking to gardening and cooking, okay!), far from the usual dance club, glee club, o kahit ano pang usual na pinipili ng mga sumasali talaga sa ganyan. So, kahit medyo nawindang siya at labag sa loob niya, there was something in him that said yes, fine, sasali na nga ako.
Said something was feelings kasi lo and behold, Xiao had been hopelessly pining for his best friend for over a year now. The smile he got in turn as he agreed was priceless and fuck, saka lang niya narealize how down bad he's gotten kasi he really doesn't have any interest in activities like this. Nung bumaba siya ng jeep sila sa kanila, medyo dun lang niya napagtanto mga pagsisisi niya. He can't really back out now, not when Venti excitedly messaged their class adviser saying he would do it.
So yes, now that he thinks about it ngayon habang nasa first practice sa school gym kasama yung ibang contestants, siya rin talaga may sala.
(Pati na rin yung ngiti ni Venti, oo. Fellas, is it gay to say yes to an activity you're not even that interested in but want to see your best friend smile kaya um-oo ka na lang?)
"How was the rehearsal?" Venti asks excitedly, greeting a worn-out Xiao who seemed overwhelmed with just one meeting. He knew practices would drag out late, but he was kind enough to wait for Xiao even after his duties sa glee club had long ended. When Xiao looks at him, all wide, starry-eyed and ecstatic, he doesn't really have the heart to mutter out an excuse.
It was tiring and stressful and very new to him, pero hindi niya naman itatanggi na he had fun. The teacher handling the pageant was nice, and the other contestants from different year levels were equally as welcoming. He recognized a few faces before, mga constant na pambato sa ganitong klaseng event, ones he was so used to seeing from the audience. His partner for the pageant, Hu Tao, was super cool about it too, guiding him whenever he needed, explaining things to him in whispers as it went along. It was culture shock, pero all the nerves aside he did have fun. Such things he relays to Venti.
"It was fine. Kind of fun nga," he admits, bringing a smile to Venti's face. His best friend claps delightedly. Eyes turned to crescent moons, Xiao wanted to pass out then and there kasi fuck, sobrang cute ni Venti. We must stay focused, brothers! Tibayan ang loob!
"Sabi sayo masaya eh!" Venti cheers, "meron uli bukas, 'no?"
"Yes. Kaso I'll be running a little late kasi may meeting pa kami sa paper," Xiao replies.
"Okay. Hintayin kita uli."
He hopes his best friend doesn't notice how the tips of his ears turn red, and how hard he's trying to conceal the kilig on his face. "'Wag na, uy. Kaya ko naman umuwi mag-isa eh." Pero sa loob-looban niya, there's a slight tinge of hope na maybe, maybe Venti feels the same way.
Then again, ayaw niyang umasa kasi he knows his best friend's just being nice knowing siya rin may kasalanan kung bakit napunta si Xiao dito. He won't admit it, pero deep down he knows. So he doesn't prod his feelings any further, just scoots them at the back of his mind, and focuses on winning to make him proud. (Para makita siya ngumiti uli, we're not really sure at this point. Him lang, eh buong klase nila nga yung todo suporta sa kanila! Pag in love ka nga talaga, isa lang makikita mo. Hay, buhay.)
"I know. Gusto lang kita makasabay, bakit ba?" Venti says as if it's nothing . Xiao could only sigh, knowing there's nothing that will change his mind.
"Sige, basta libre mo ako ng palamig pagtapos."
"Fine… Wait, ano ba yan! Budol!"
TWELVE DAYS
Preparations are in full swing. He discusses costume plans with his adviser and classmates, practices for the Q&A with Ganyu, giving him points to better his answers. During his free time, Xingqiu and Venti help him work on his walk. ("Dapat malakas dating mo!" they say, making up poses that Xiao can do when he reaches the audience. Most of them were things he absolutely refuses to do, pero kapag nauuto siya nagagaya niya. They all double over in laughter, and Xiao thinks he doesn't mind doing it again just to hear Venti laugh like that.)
EIGHT DAYS
Xiao was never one for unwarranted attention, or any of it in general. He saw this coming naman na considering pumayag siya sumali sa pageant, pero he wants to shy away from it outside rehearsals. People are starting to notice him, giving him curious looks and shy waves in the hallways or at the canteen. Ever since narelease na yung listahan ng contestants, dumadami na nag-aadd sa kanya sa Facebook at bumabati kapag dumadaan siya. It's kind of pressuring, and he still doesn't know how to respond to it, but he tries his best anyway. He accepts the friend requests (wala rin namang laman yung timeline niya, just posts his friends tag him on), reciprocates the smiles and nods he gets.
Inaasar niya si Venti lagi na para siyang mayor sa dami ng stopover tuwing naglalakad sila, because he always had someone to talk to or may kakilala siya kaya tumitigil sila. Ngayon, siya naman yung tinatawanan nito ngayon.
What's most surprising though, is someone asking for a photo with him. His ears turn red in embarrassment, kasi this has never happened ever . Here's how it went: nakapila sila sa canteen to buy lunch, chatting with Xingqiu and Chongyun while they wait for their turn, when some girls approach them with shy smiles and a request for a photo with him. His friends holler in laughter, making jokes about how they're with a celebrity now, with no malice to it. Xiao agrees, pero hindi pa rin niya maintindihan kung bakit . He smiles as genuine as he could, with Xingqiu saying "Anak, smile ka, anak!" as he takes the picture for them. Venti's giggling next to him and Chongyun.
(He notices his smile never quite reaches his eyes, though. It concerns him a little bit, but decides maybe Venti's just tired from rehearsals and student council duties. Malapit na yung intrams, and he's been working hard as ever. Baka nga pagod lang.)
FIVE DAYS
The change in Xiao's routine was starting to feel normal. Kahit ilang araw pa lang nakalipas simula nung unang rehearsal nila for the blockings and everything else for the pageant, he's come to slowly welcome the new shift kahit nakakapanibago. Never had he thought before na he'd be competing in something like this , and it still felt surreal. Still, nasanay naman na siya slight.
Venti had been too enthusiastic about it too, constantly reminding Xiao how happy and proud he is of him, for finally letting himself step out of his comfort zone. This sends warmth throughout his body, trying hard not to let himself slip. He has to constantly remind himself na Venti was like this with everyone at hindi naman niya dapat bigyan ng meaning, pero…
"Wala kayong rehearsal sa club?" he asks, getting ready to leave the classroom to head to the gym where they'll be meeting with the other contestants again. His best friend shakes his head no.
"Rest day daw muna," sagot niya. "Pero hatid pa rin kita, tapos sabay na tayo umuwi."
Xiao gives him a look. "You're still going to wait for me? Malelate ako uli."
"I know."
"Rest day sabi sayo, 'di ba?" Xiao pushes. Kahit hindi halata, Venti's always overworking himself sa mga binabalance niyang extracurriculars. "Ang init kaya sa gym, saan ka naman maghihintay niyan? Go home na."
Venti pouts. "I want to wait for you," he says, and gods, paano ba siya hihindi rito? This is what he meant when he says ayaw niya naman bigyan ng meaning yung mga ginagawa't sinasabi ni Venti for him, pero when he pulls shit like this , ang hirap hindi mag-assume na maybe, may chance siya sa kanya. "Sa library na lang muna ako, gagawa ako ng assignments."
Xiao still feels uneasy. "Sure ka? Ako na maghahatid sayo sa sakayan kaya?"
Venti pauses. "No need! Sige na, ayaw ko pa rin naman umuwi kasi maingay eh," he reasons. "Sige na, don't worry about me."
True to his word, Venti does end up waiting for him. Xiao finds him in the library as promised, having fallen asleep on one of the tables at the back. He rouses him out of his nap, gently putting on his own jacket over his shoulders because Venti's always too lazy to bring his own. Xiao keeps a spare one on him at all times for instances like this, because he just knows him too well. He doesn't mind, not one bit.
The librarian gives them a kind smile as they leave.
Venti is quiet as they wait sa sakayan ng jeep, and Xiao shrugs it off. Baka pagod lang, nakatulog na nga eh. Still, it was unusual, because the other boy would be brimming with stories and anecdotes throughout the day: what happened at the club rehearsal, what the council's up to (best friend privileges na may nasasagap siyang kwento!), and other things he can remember. He pipes in with his own kwento sometimes, but he thinks it's never as exciting as Venti's. The encouraging expressions his best friend gives make his heart flutter.
"Hey, okay ka lang?" Xiao asks, after another minute of silence. He's come to learn every part of Venti after being friends for so long, and being this quiet meant something was on his mind. "Tahimik mo ah. Pinagod ka ba ng assignments mo?"
Venti laughs weakly. "Inaantok nga ako." A lie , and Xiao knows this. He knows better than to press on though, because he knows his best friend isn't really one to tell him things like this agad. While he himself is someone who prefers to talk about his feelings agad, Venti's the exact opposite. It takes him a little while before speaking up—hahayaan niya na lang muna, he decides, Venti will tell him when he's ready. He hums a reply. Sakto, dumating na yung jeep nila, and they board it in silence.
While inside, napapansin niyang bumabagsak na ulo nito. Hindi ba natutulog 'to sa kanila? Xiao wonders. Wordlessly, he gently coaxes Venti's head onto his shoulder para komportable siya kahit papaano.
Malayo pa naman eh, so he can still sleep it off.
Malayo pa naman, kaya okay lang.
Malayo pa naman, so Xiao savors the feeling for the rest of the ride home.
(Kahit nakakangalay on his part, okay lang. Tinamaan nang malala eh.)
THREE DAYS
Intrams season comes rolling in, and he has three days left until the pageant proper. He has one general rehearsal left the day before it, but for the most part they're given the days off to enjoy the festivities put together by the council. It doesn't stop Xiao, though, because he still has his duties as a member of the paper. He tries to squeeze it in while still trying to practice on his own, the pressure slowly creeping up on him knowing the big event's just a few days away.
Xiao tries not to let it show as they watch the games and roam around campus grounds to savor one of his last school activities as a graduating high school senior. He buys snacks with Xiangling, requests songs with Xinyan, and plays parlor games with the rest of their friends. Tries to move
Venti, however, is nowhere to be seen. He blames it on the council's last minute issues with one of the stalls and he has to be there to resolve it, so he was rarely around. Xiao tries not to make missing him too obvious, but the knowing look Ganyu throws his way one time they were having lunch meant he failed to hide it.
ONE DAY
He waves goodbye to his friends before he wading his way through the crowd to head to the last rehearsal before the competition tomorrow. It was starting to get dark and they were told it wasn't going to take long, just a final run through for their places and minor details, so Xiao hopes Venti would be there when he gets back.
Ilang araw na silang hindi nagtatagpo, and it was real weird why Venti was making excuses to hang out with them. Council duties, club rehearsal for the intermission, and the list goes on. Xiao thinks wala naman siya sa posisyon para magtampo kasi they are just best friends, pero nasanay kasi siyang lagi silang magkasama kaya as cliche as it sounds, being away from him felt… weird.
Still, he tries his hardest to focus. He makes plans with Hu Tao to grab a quick snack after, thinking it will take his mind off things. It goes by relatively fast, and before he knew it they were being given final reminders for tomorrow. Xiao heads off with his partner to one of the few food stalls offering vegetarian options, saying he would like it. "Hahatid naman kita kay Venti pagtapos, 'wag ka mag-alala!" she winks after placing their orders, standing by the side as they wait.
He sputters. "Venti? Ano meron kay Venti?"
With a wistful sigh, Hu Tao pats his arm. "You think you aren't obvious, 'no?" she says, "hay, Xiao. Kung alam mo lang itsura mo habang kasama siya. You don't even try to hide it!"
"Paano? I… don't follow…"
"Kunwari ka pa eh! Crush mo siya, diba?" he blushes at this. While it's been a while since he's come to terms with his feelings for Venti, it was so weird to have someone else verbalize it for him. "Sad ka, hindi nagpapakita 'no? Hayaan mo, busy lang yung tao. Mag-bebe time na lang kayo after ng pageant bukas."
"Keep it down," he mutters. "Bebe time ka diyan." Xiao heaves a sigh.
She raises her hands in defense. "Totoo naman eh! Ano yun, wala lang yung paghintay niya sayo kapag may rehearsal? Eh ikaw, sinusundo mo pa nga kahit noon pa sa council room! Imposibleng hindi ka rin crush nun, 'no."
"You're getting my hopes up," he says, resigned. "Friends lang kami ni Venti." While he would love to have his feelings reciprocated, there was still a part in him na okay lang kahit hindi ito mabalik. He still hasn't thought about it far enough, kung sakali mang mutual yung feelings nila sa isa't isa. He's afraid it would ruin what they have in the long run, that he would lose Venti forever kung sakali mang sumugal sila pareho. As much as he would love to love Venti with no hesitation the way he should be loved, he's afraid something will go wrong and he'll lose Venti forever. Xiao doesn't want to put him through that, the very reason why he's kept these feelings to himself all along.
"But you want it to be more?" Hu Tao presses, handing him his food. They find a spot in the middle of school grounds and wow, Xiao cannot believe he's actually having this conversation right now, with Hu Tao nonetheless. It felt freeing, pero it still was scary to be this vulnerable especially about something and someone he's kept too close to his heart.
Xiao shrugs. "I don't want him to get hurt," he confesses.
"You don't know that," she reasons, taking a bite of her food. "Hindi naman tayo super close, but I've seen how you look at him and how you care for Venti. I don't want to make assumptions, but I'm pretty sure he's only waiting for you, too. Besides, save the class the stressful pining na. Ang sakit niyo kaya panoorin!"
Naubo siya upon hearing this. He pretends not to hear about their entire class knowing about his feelings, pero thankful na rin na nobody approached him about it. "Stop overthinking it, Xiao. You deserve love just as much as he does, you know. 'Wag mo muna isipin yung future. Masyado kang advance eh, hindi naman kayo mapupunta dun kung hindi ka pa aamin."
This resonates with him the entire night.
D-DAY
A few hours before the show and Venti finally shows up backstage—Xiao can't even bear being tampo at him masyado kasi namiss niya talaga ito. He holds a small bouquet of paper flowers, expression as hopeful as ever. "Good luck mamaya!" he chirps, parang hindi siya nang-ghost for the past week. "I made these for you!"
Hu Tao coughs in the chair next to him. When Xiao shoots her a mean glare, she whistles and goes back to her phone.
"Suhol?" he jokes. "Bumabawi ka?"
Venti pouts. "Sorry na nga eh. Nagkaroon kami ng changes sa lineup ng songs mamaya, kaya inayos namin." That explains why he was gone, pero really, a week? He narrows his eyes at him yet takes the flowers gratefully. "Libre na lang kita mamaya, I promise! Kaya galingan mo!"
"Mga hindi po kasali sa competition, exit backstage na po," the floor manager yells, interrupting their conversation. "Glee club members sa kabilang wing po, for participants lang po ito." She gives Venti a pointed look, so he shies away.
"I'll see you after the show!" he says, earnest. Around them, everyone's bustling to get their finishing touches before the competition begins. Even Hu Tao had been whisked away by their assigned makeup artist to get her ready, so it felt like it was just the two of them. The stage manager's turned her back away from them na, expecting Venti will leave eventually. He does not, instead gives Xiao a kiss on the cheek. "For good luck! Hehe."
He malfunctions then and there, his brain going fuzzy, trying to find an explanation as to what and why. Before he could come up with anything, Venti was gone. He places a hand on his cheek, nararamdaman niyang mainit ito. Namumula na rin siya most likely, and there's a stupid smile on his face he can't even bother to hide.
Parang hindi naman na niya kailangan nung libre. Parang nanalo na nga siya eh and fuck, this sounds so cringy. Medyo nawindang din siya sa naisip niya dun, ha.
Mamaya na niya ip-process feelings niya. Tulad ng key takeaway niya sa usapan nila ni Hu Tao kahapon, hindi naman lahat kailangan i-overanalyze. He keeps this to himself, a secret only he and Venti share.
When it was time for the glee club's intermission performance, Xiao was lucky enough na una siyang natapos magpalit ng outfit. They had approximately ten minutes before they were to go back on stage again, and he really didn't want to miss out on their performance. He was feeling good, high from the adrenaline rush brought about by the crowd's excitement. Not to mention Venti's little stunt earlier na he's still yet to get over. He doesn't mention it to Hu Tao, only telling her he's excited to hear him sing again.
Usually nakakakinig siya minsan sa practices nila pero dahil busy rin siya, he had no clue anong mga kanta hinanda nila tonight. He makes his way to the right wing to get a better view. It was a rendition of older love songs, something you would probably hear during your elementary to early high school years, a medley of what Xiao thinks about but can't really put into words. He smiles the entire time.
What catches him off guard, though, is Venti singing a small part by himself. Halo halo yung nararamdaman niya: kilig, tuwa, excitement, fondness all a mix in his heart all at once. Hindi naman bago sa kanya na marinig boses nito, pero there was something in him saying na this is for him.
"Ngiti mo uy, todo titig pa! Matunaw 'yan!" Hindi na nga niya napansin na nasa tabi niya pala si Hu Tao. "Wala na, you're in deep . Wala nang lunas 'yan, I fear."
Xiao thinks so too.
He places fourth runner up.
It's surreal, how everything went by smoothly kahit na he felt like he was a blubbering mess the entire time. Xiao did his best, channeling Xingqiu and Venti when he did his walk, remembering the key points Ganyu taught him. Noong Q&A, he tries not to make any eye contact with the audience too much, kahit sobrang distracting ng banner na ginawa ng section nila. Adib adib things, pero he's thankful for it anyway. The talent portion goes well, too, with him playing guitar for Hu Tao and doing the backup vocals as she sings about a lost love. They kept the audience entertained, and guessing how they received him despite it being his first time, it wasn't so bad after all.
Venti finds him backstage, along with their other friends. Hu Tao is absolutely thrilled (having won special awards with her second runner up title, it's sure to put anyone in a good mood) after seeing the two of them in good spirits. After much commotion and cheer from their class, they part ways with promises of meeting up after an hour.
Dalawa na lang uli sila. They find themselves in the line for the lantern ferris wheel, pretty lights surrounding school grounds and loud music filling the air. There's a slight chill too, pero iniisip ni Xiao baka yung pagiging kabado niya lang yun.
"Asan na libre ko?" pang-aasar niya sa best friend niya. They head inside the light-shaped cart, fastening their seat belts as they sit across each other. Venti gives him a bashful smile. "Hindi pa ba libre yung kanina?" he counters.
"Parang deserve ko pa ata ng isa eh…" Xiao trails off. Hindi niya alam kung saan siya kumukuha ng tapang right now pero if this goes well, naririnig na niya yung hiyawan ng mga kaibigan nila.
"Masyado kang abuso," Venti tells him, but there's no trace of bite in his voice.
Xiao hums. "I think I do deserve it, after mo akong i-ghost," he replies.
Venti whines. "Sorry na nga eh, nag-process lang ng feelings!"
"Feelings, sa akin?" Not overthinking really has its way with you, 'no? Bigla ka na lang may lakas ng loob. Then again, he'd really become someone else after the past few weeks. First, saying yes to representing their class, and now this. The ferris wheel starts to turn slowly.
"Maybe," Venti teases. He looks beautiful like this, Xiao thinks, only illuminated by the few lights below them, and the moon. Pinamumugaran na yata ng kung anu-anong hayop yung sikmura niya, hindi lang puro butterflies eh. "Took me a long time, I'm sorry. I'm here now, though. I like you, Xiao."
He responds by giving him a kiss—a proper one this time.
It couldn't get any more cliche than this, really. Fellas, is it gay to confess to your best friend habang nasa ferris wheel on your last year of high school? Is it even gayer to respond to his confession with a kiss?
Needless to say, Hu Tao cheered the loudest when they went to their table, hands intertwined around each other, mirroring the same smiles.