Chapter Text
Roronoa Zoro very much enjoyed retirement. Love of his life married. Title of world’s greatest claimed. Finances handled by the witch in exchange for showing up every now and then to intimidate various factions she didn’t like. Peaceful mornings sleeping in. Afternoon naps. Early bedtimes. Incredible food cooked lovingly by said love of his life.
“You need a job.”
Zoro cracked an eye open and looked impassively at his husband before turning to face away, hoping Sanji would get called away to the All Blue kitchen.
“Turn around, Zoro.”
Zoro sighed and turned around.
“You need a fucking job.”
“I have a job.”
“And what is that?” Sanji asked, eyes narrowing.
“World’s greatest swordsman.” Zoro rolled expertly to the side just as Sanji’s leg came slamming down where his head used to be.
“That’s not a job. You need a real job. Something that involves more than just waiting around for people to find and challenge you.”
“Why?” Zoro whined asked.
“Because you’re 25. You’ve been lounging around the ship for months. I feel like I have to stumble over your comatose body every hour. You’ve got your entire life ahead of you and you need a reason to get out of bed every day.”
“You’re the reason I get out of bed every day,” Zoro tried.
“That’s not going to work,” Sanji seethed, still turning red at the comment. Zoro added that to his mental accounting of Things That Make The Cook Blush.
“I’m probably going to die before I’m 40 from all the injuries I’ve gotten, so I’m basically 75. That’s a good retirement age,” Zoro yawned.
“Don’t say that,” Sanji hissed, “Don’t you dare say that, you asshole. Come up with something to do, or you’re sleeping on the deck for the foreseeable future.” He turned on his heel and stomped away. Zoro sighed again. Sleeping on the deck wasn’t that bad. He’d found a couple of quieter places to hide away from the noise of All Blue’s customers. Today, the ship had sailed into calm waters somewhere in East Blue, so the weather would be nice.
But Sanji was upset and just pretending like the conversation hadn’t happened and sleeping under the stars was a no-no. Zoro rolled onto his stomach and propped his chin on his hands, thinking of what job he could possibly do. Sanji had already forbidden him from working in the kitchen when he had accidentally cut a counter in half with the force of his onion-chopping. Nobody really messed with the restaurant ship housing the wings of the Pirate King, so he wasn’t needed as a bodyguard and Sanji was more adept anyways at defending his ship with minimal damage. Some kind of assassin or hired gun would suit him best, but that would take him away from Sanji, and he had no interest in that.
He stood up stiffly and made his way to the aquarium. Franky had modeled it after the one in the Thousand Sunny, but it was ten times larger. When they’d finally found the All Blue, Sanji had considered parking permanently in the sea and letting customers come to him. When Zeff pointed out that only strong pirates would be able to make the arduous journey to All Blue, Sanji decided to take the All Blue on tour. He had worked with Franky and Usopp and carefully designed the aquarium with dozens of ecosystems in order to support every possible kind of fish on the ship. They set sail a few months ago, intent on visiting all the seas before returning to All Blue to restock.
Zoro sat down on one of the plush couches and stared at the shimmering waters around him. Sanji was so unbearably happy these days, working with any seafood he wanted, sharing that joy with customers who had never tasted a North Blue mackerel or a West Blue sunfish. Today, an old man had broken down weeping after spending decades cut off from his homeland in South Blue and finally eating a South Blue Silvertip again. A fair amount of sniffling had come from the head chef in public, but Sanji managed to keep the tears in until Zoro held him tightly at night and whispered how proud he was of his cook and the joy he brought to others.
He watched two brightly-colored jellyfish dance in one of the tanks. A long thin net extended into the tank and grabbed a nearby fish, and the jellyfish fled. The fish would be prepared and served fresh. Sanji would peer into the dining room to watch the customer eat, taking notes on their reaction, grinning ear to ear when they finished the whole plate. The only thing that bothered Sanji these days was Zoro. And he would have to fix that.
Nodding to himself, he grabbed the Den Den Mushi sitting on a table nearby and dialed the first number he could think of.
“What is it?” Nami hissed, “I’m busy.” Zoro heard the sound of screams in the background and perked up.
“What are you up to, witch?”
“Some idiot tried to pay me with fake money. We’re sinking their ship. I’m in their treasure room trying to figure out whether any of this shit is worth looting. What do you want, Zoro?”
“I need a job.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know, Sanji said I needed a job so I can have purpose. But I need a job where I can stay here with him.”
Nami’s next statement was interrupted by the ominous sound of bones cracking and wood splintering and then a boisterous voice rang out in the background.
“Oiiii, Nami, who are you talking to?”
“Your ridiculous crewmate who is having an existential crisis right now,” Nami said.
“A what crisis? An eggs crisis?”
“Zoro doesn’t know what to do with his free time. Sanji wants him to find something to do. Zoro’s only skill is killing people. There is nobody to kill. Hence the existential crisis.” Nami said the last words slowly as if that would help Luffy understand.
“Zoro has plenty of other skills.”
Nami snorted, “No, he doesn’t. Drinking a lot doesn’t count.” (Zoro was offended, but agreed).
“He’s good at taking care of Sanji.”
Nami went quiet, only the sound of Luffy humming happily coming through the Den Den Mushi that Zoro was clutching tightly in his hand, chest flooded with gratitude.
“That’s not a job though,” Nami said finally.
“Why not?” Luffy asked, “Sanji’s the captain of All Blue. Zoro can be Sanji’s vice-captain and help with whatever Sanji needs. Be right back, Mr. Weird Gold Man is making noises again.” Zoro heard the sound of Luffy giggling and the slap of his sandals as the Pirate King ran away to terrorize the enemy captain.
“He’s right, you know,” Nami said, “You are good at taking care of Sanji.”
“Thanks, witch,” Zoro said softly.
“Sanji probably has his hands full managing a huge crew and cooking and it’s a pretty ambitious restaurant. Maybe you could help him with… administration.” Nami started laughing herself, “The World’s Greatest Swordsman. Currently dabbling in accounting, human resources, and inventory management.”
Zoro frowned. None of those things appealed to him. But if it would help Sanji, he could figure it out.
“Anyways, I should go, I heard someone yelling about Marines. They’re such a bore. Call me again once you’ve figured this out.”
“Bye Nams,” Zoro said, ending the call. He spent a few more moments staring at the East Blue coral reef tank, his favorite of them all, before standing up and going to look for his husband.
---
He found Sanji in his office, rifling through sheets of paper and muttering to himself.
“Hey, curly,” Zoro grinned, sitting down across from him.
“What is it, mosshead?” Sanji muttered, writing something down in his notebook.
“I’ve come up with a job. For me.”
Sanji’s pen paused mid-movement. He put it down and looked up suspiciously, “Have you now?”
“I’m going to be your vice-captain.”
Sanji’s eyes widened and, for a moment, Zoro was worried Sanji would laugh at him. Then, his face softened, and a tiny smile drifted onto his perfect face. “Is that so? And what does that mean exactly, marimo?”
Zoro shrugged, “I’ll figure it out. It just means I help you with whatever you need, right? I’ll be your right-hand man.”
Sanji sat back in his chair and smirked, “The world’s greatest swordsman is going to be the first mate of the Pirate King’s former cook?”
“I don’t see any problem with that,” Zoro said, crossing his arms.
“It’ll be pretty boring,” Sanji said doubtfully, “When I told you to get a job, I figured you would extend your murder services to various Warlords or, I dunno, become a Warlord yourself. I didn’t think you would want to…” Sanji beckoned at the paperwork in front of him, “…settle down, manage personnel, run a small business.”
“Being a Warlord seems shitty. Working for the World Government? Bullshit. And I don’t wanna leave All Blue,” Zoro responded, “Don’t wanna leave you.”
Sanji flushed and Zoro added another checkmark to his List.
“Okay, well, sure, I accept, you can be my vice-captain,” Sanji said shyly.
“It’s okay for the vice-captain to be sleeping with the captain, right?” Zoro asked.
“We’re pirates, darling, we can whatever we want,” Sanji laughed, standing up, grabbing Zoro’s shirt collar, and pulling him toward their room.
---
“This is Zoro,” Sanji explained to his crew of fighting chefs the next morning.
“We know who he is, captain,” one of them said snarkily, and Zoro memorized his face for later.
“Yes, well, you’ve probably seen him lurking and sleeping in random places the past few months,” Sanji said, after clearing his throat, “He’s going to be the new vice-captain. So… if you’re not able to find me and you have an issue, you should go to Zoro.”
“What if we have a cooking question?” another asked.
“Then you should find me.”
“What about if we can’t figure out which fish is the right fish?”
“Then you should find me,” Sanji repeated.
“What if a customer is being rude?”
“Then you should definitely find me,” Sanji seethed. Zoro smirked to himself when he remembered the snooty customer from earlier this week that he had taken care of by making a customer-sized hole in the wall and slicing a dining table into splinters.
“So when do we go to the vice-captain, captain?”
“We’ll… play it by ear,” Sanji sighed, “Now go to your stations, I’m tired of seeing all of you gaping at me.” They hustled off.
Sanji leaned back against the railing and pulled out his cigarettes, lighting one and blowing a stream of smoke off the side of the ship. Zoro took in his husband, shirt sleeves rolled up to his elbows, bangs fluttering with the slight breeze, slender fingers delicately holding the cigarette.
“Stop staring,” Sanji muttered.
“No,” Zoro replied.
Sanji glared, but beckoned for Zoro, who bracketed Sanji’s thin body with his own, resting his hands on the railing. Sanji placed his chin on Zoro’s shoulder, brought his arms around him, and sighed, “Do we deserve this life, marimo?”
“Why wouldn’t we?” Zoro rumbled back.
“I dunno, seems like we deserve to be chased around the world by Marines, not to have them stop by for dinner and drinks. To be haunted at night by ghosts of everybody we killed and everybody we couldn’t save, not to sleep peacefully in each other’s arms,” Sanji mused, breath warm against Zoro’s cheek.
“You think too much, curly,” Zoro replied.
“You don’t think at all.”
“And I’m happier for it,” Zoro chuckled, leaning back, “So what should I do first, captain?”
“Don’t call me that, it sounds weird coming from you,” Sanji muttered, letting go and pushing Zoro away to finish his cigarette, “And I have no idea. Why don’t you… shadow me today or something, figure out what actually happens on this ship while you’re sleeping the whole day?”
“Okay, captain,” Zoro drawled, dodging a kick to his shoulder. He grinned as he followed Sanji to the kitchen. If he had known getting a job would mean being able to be with Sanji the entire day, he would have come out of retirement earlier.
Sanji brought them to the kitchen, where the various chefs were busy prepping for All Blue’s lunch and dinner service. As soon as Sanji entered, they all said in unison, “Morning, chef.” They paused to stare at Zoro. Zoro stared back.
“Vice-captain,” one of them nodded at him. Zoro nodded back, wondering if he should consider learning their names.
“I decide the menu for the next day in the evenings,” Sanji explained, “We go over service at 8 and then they prep all the ingredients.” He beckoned to a large chalkboard on the wall.
East Blue Catch of the Day: Poached Halibut; Geoduck-Ginger Salad, Seaweed-Roasted Nori Dressing
West Blue Catch of the Day: Sautéed Dover Sole; Toasted Almonds, Wild Mushroom, Soy-Lime Emulsion
South Blue Catch of the Day: Baked Snapper; Squash Blossom - Crawfish-Corn Étouffée Sauce Bisque
North Blue Catch of the Day: Grilled Hiramasa; Roasted Maitake, Bone Marrow-Red Wine Bordelaise
Zoro’s eyes glazed over reading the menu.
“You don’t actually have to know anything about that,” Sanji sighed, “Come with me, I’m going to go over our reservations.” Zoro followed Sanji to the office, scooting past the line chefs doing chopping, simmering, toasting, mixing, blending, and other Cooking-ish Things.
“Thank you, chef,” they all said in unison when Sanji left.
“You’ve trained them well,” Zoro said when Sanji closed the door to the office and sat down at his desk.
“They’re a good crew,” Sanji said proudly, “I’m going to need to recruit a few more eventually though, we’re spread a bit thin.” He peered up at Zoro, “And you should learn their names.” Zoro winced, but nodded.
“These are the reservations for the day,” Sanji said, opening a large book and showing it to Zoro, “I publish where we are planning to be any particular week in the paper and anybody can call for a reservation. Then I select diners at random.”
Zoro stared at the long list of names written in Sanji’s neat handwriting across several pages, with a few circled here or there.
“This many people tried to get a reservation today?” he asked.
“It’s a slow day,” Sanji sighed, “Doing it this way is a bit tedious, but it’s the only thing I could think of to make it fair. I wish we could serve everybody.” He looked wistfully at the list.
Zoro scanned the list, noting where Sanji had written “Marine” or “Pirate” or “Kid’s birthday +1 lotto chance.” He knew Sanji locked himself in the office late every evening, was this what he was doing? Listening to Den Den Mushi messages and making sure to give every person a chance to eat at All Blue?
“I can do this,” Zoro said, swiftly coming to a conclusion, “Let me do this from now on.”
Sanji eyed him, “It’s pretty boring. Some people leave long messages.”
“I can do this,” Zoro repeated, “Then you can sleep earlier, right?”
“Well, I also check the inventory every night and decide which supplies we need to order and come up with menus—”
“But you like that stuff,” Zoro interrupted, “Give me stuff that you don’t like to do.”
“Mosshead, if I don’t like it, you’ll absolutely hate it.”
“I won’t,” Zoro said, shaking his head, “You think doing 10,000 bench presses a day isn’t tedious? I’m used to it. It’ll be like meditating.” He sat back and crossed his arms, “I’m your vice-captain. You have to give me some dogshit stuff to do to keep me in my place. What else you got?”
“I’m sure other dogshit duties will come up,” Sanji laughed, his eyes warm as he smiled at Zoro, “Thank you, darling. I should have gotten you off your ass months ago."
“Retirement was getting boring anyways,” Zoro yawned, “On to the next challenge.”