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You've been fighting the memory all on your own
Nothing washes, nothing grows
I know how it feels being by yourself in the rain
We all need someone to stay
──Someone to Stay, Vancouver Sleep Clinic
This is the last piece of his puzzle. Step through that door, kill the man inside, and he can finally call it checkmate to the game he’s been playing for too many years.
Six months ago, he left the Wayne manor and the Bat Cave alone, and began his final moves of taking his grandfather and the League of Assassins down. He defeated the enemies in his way, and he left no effort to weaken Ra’s al Ghul’s power, tearing the League apart. Finally, several hours ago he and his men landed on his grandfather’s island. They had killed their way to the power-center of the League. He never took a step back.
The dawn was coming. Damian calmly placed his left hand on the doorknob and pushed. Upon stepping into the room, the first rays of sunlight shone through the gaps in the curtains. Not even the slightest movement in the room could be found. Damian didn't pick up anyone's breath. He wasn’t surprised; after all, he had given his grandfather enough time to run away like a loser.
Lowering his arm, he walked towards the bed, but he stopped a few steps away from the sofa by the window. He saw his grandfather on the sofa. With leisure, the old man who lived for hundreds of years was leaning against the back of the chair, no longer breathing. Eyes void of emotions, Damian walked around the sofa to look at Ra's al Ghul's body. He raised his hand—an order for his men to go out—and he bent over to take a closer look. He checked the burns in the chest of the corpse. He was pretty sure, that the burns were caused by shooting with the gun pressed directly to the skin. He looked around room, and he decided that the killer was alone.
When one of his subordinates entered the room again, Damian frowned with displeasure, but he also knew that it was probably about important matters. "Speak." He spat out a word coldly.
"People on the other side of the corridor were all shot in the knee first, and then knocked out cold. Should we keep searching for the murderer?"
"...it won’t be necessary." Damian said after a few seconds of silence, "I already know who did this. You can't find him, not to mention bringing him to me." He shifted his attention back to the body. There was no panic or embarrassment on his grandfather's face, only comfort. Damian could even imagine that there must be pleasure in those piercing eyes before they eventually closed. There were perhaps some regrets, too, about not being able to see the development of his object of interest.
"Wait," Damian said before his men exited again. "Call someone for an autopsy, I want to know all the details." Then he quickly scanned the space between him and the door, and picked up the white envelope lying on the table. He has noticed it when he entered the room. He studied the envelope and opened it. There was only a slip of paper inside.
JUSTICE.
The word was alone on this thin sheet of paper. But it confirmed Damian's guess. The person who had entered this room, killed his grandfather, and left the envelope was his brother, Jason Todd, the black sheep of the family; Damian once found Jason's reading notes in the mansion, and that elegant handwriting was exactly the same as the one on this slip of paper.
Damian was lost in thoughts. What this JUSTICE was implying or expressing, he did not yet understand. Was it telling him that the action of killing his own grandfather, Ra’s al Ghul, was justice? Was it a mockery, because he who had followed Batman’s justice for years, still came back for power? Was it a persuasion, telling him to change the League from bad to true good or justice? Damian wasn't in a hurry to understand whatever Jason was trying to tell him. He believed he would have enough time to think, and try to figure out the man he’d never quite seen through.
Damian slid the piece of paper back in the envelope. He stepped out the door, briefly giving orders to his men. He was going to get out of this hellhole. There was no joy in his victory.
Instead of using Ra's al Ghul's plane, he called his submarine and switched it to autopilot, then he made a video call to Tim.
"Damian." Tim picked up quickly. He reads Damian’s expression from the screen, trying to see how he was feeling and thinking. "Looks like it's over."
"Timothy, do you know where Jason is?" Damian rubs his own temples.
"What for?" Tim furrowed his brows.
"He killed Ra's al Ghul," Damian said, and Tim's frown deepened. He added: "He was gone when I entered the room. He left some…messages, and I want to find him."
"I can look into that for you, if you wish."
"No, I'll do it myself." Damian thought about it and then said, "I know this request is too much and inappropriate, but if you're not too busy lately, can you handle the Assassin League for me? I think that you’ve already got your hands on my plan somewhere, somehow."
"After whatever you’re going to do is over, you manage Wayne corporate affairs for three months, and I'll help you with the League of Assassin for three months. Quid pro quo." Tim said. Truth was, Tim needed nothing more.
Damian agreed with no hesitation. Time had proved that it was wise to build a relationship with Tim after he grew up. There were things Richard just couldn’t help, and wouldn’t help after all.
"Damian, what do you think about Jason?" Tim asked flatly.
"I love him," Damian replied in the same tone, knowing that Tim must have been aware of his improper thoughts about Jason. "I used to think I was simply infatuated with him, but now I know I love him."
"I hope it’s worth it, your love, comparing to Bruce's..."
Damian cut him off, "Not to worry, he doesn't think about me like that in any way, and I'm not going to force him."
Tim gave him a loaded look. "No, I'm talking too much. Take a break. Contact me if you need anything." He hung up the video.
Opening a bottle of water and finishing half of it in one go, Damian adjusted his sitting position and closed his eyes. But as soon as world fade out, he thought of the word justice. It was as if Jason was right in front of him, staring at him with his blue eyes, looking neither happy or sad, letting the word slip out of his thin and bloodless lips, with no respect nor contempt in his voice.
Damian forced his mind to go blank for a while. He had practiced for months to be mindless and alert at the same time. When voices in his head died, it went smoothly after. He arrived at Gotham Harbor, then he drove back to the manor.
As he walked down the Batcave, Damian read Tim's message of where Jason might go; even if he’d turned down Tim's offer to help him find Jason, his third brother still offered some information.
"Jason killed Ra's al Ghul." Batman said after hearing his footsteps; his father didn’t look back or pause whatever he was doing. "And your men almost slaughtered the entire island."
"I'm going to find him. Are you going to throw me out of Gotham? It’d be just like what you did to Jason before," Damian said, standing behind his father. He wasn't surprised that Bruce knew about this so quickly. When Bruce finally looked back at him, he saw a little disappointment in his father's eyes. He quickly hides all the emotions, knowing that he can’t lie to the man sitting in front of him. It was kind of funny, though; he was totally convinced that it wasn't Tim who ratted him out.
"...I can't keep Dick close, nor Jason, nor Tim, they all belong somewhere else." Bruce said suddenly, "Damian, will you come back to me?"
"I will," Damian said quietly. "But I'm not you, and I can never be someone like you." Damian was not Bruce Wayne. He refused to walk alone, use empty words for sincere love and affection. He looked at his father, but he didn't even bother to guess what made his father change his style.
Time was enough to soften hearts, just as it was enough to reveal certain facts. It was like learning how to cherish after one loses enough, like learning how to be merciful after breaking off some relationships.
"Everything I do is to make sure that none of you will become someone like me. I have always trusted you. All of you." Bruce didn't hide his sadness, which surprised Damian a bit though he didn't show.
"You trusted Richard, and that trust never wavered, not once. You never really trusted Jason. You didn't train me to be someone who couldn't see through such a clumsy lie. And do you trust Timothy and me?” said Damian. "That's one of the answers that I don’t want to get to the bottom of."
Bruce lowered his gaze. "You'd be a good Batman."
"The best Batman will always be you, Father. Maybe Richard can do better, but over the years, I've known that I can never live up to your standard." Like Batman could never reach Superman when it comes to positivity. Damian truly believed so. Maturing was always painful, Damian knew that. Gods could be cancelled. Idols of gods can be shattered, Damian knew those things. His father had told him to suffer, instead of cherishing his family, having confidence, or fully investigating everything; considering the fact that, the people who were told to cherish family, have confidence, and investigate, could not outrun the final fate of pain, it seemed fair that his father jumped to the final result.
He had said countless times that he was the best Robin, the Robin who would become Batman; he also said to his brothers and sisters, even his aunt who was related by blood to him, that they had no right to call themselves a Bat. He didn't know when he stopped saying these words, or even when he had stopped believing them. That didn't make him weaker, because getting rid of that senseless arrogance only made him stronger. He was still proud, but he no longer despised all living beings. He extended the remaining goodness of his soul to its greatest, and then he drew the line between pride and arrogance.
Damian still remembered that night when he nearly killed Dick in a fit of rage. Dick, who trusted him implicitly, was defenseless. When Dick's head almost hit that sharp stone, in the dark out from somewhere, Jason suddenly rushed to catch Dick's head, so the stone stabbed trough Jason’s wrist instead. Jason spared no look at Damian. He took Dick into his unharmed arm, and he pulled the stone out. Blood splattered that instant. But Jason didn't care about his own wound. Instead, he picked up Dick who had fainted, and took him back to the manor as quickly as possible; when Jason could barely hold on, Tim finally appeared and took them all back to the Batcave for treatment.
Jason left the manor as soon as he woke from a coma, which was caused by the blood loss. At that time Damian was the only one in the Batcave. Jason said to him, "I don't care how arrogant you are. Sometimes your overconfidence can be just as nauseating as it is cute. But who do you think you are, Damian Wayne? Why should anyone pay for your arrogance and self-esteem?"
He later learned that his actions from when he was younger had the Flash's put a rhythm regulator on his heart. He couldn't help remembering what Tim had said after Kate shot Clayface, "we always find another way". He doesn’t think Tim actually believe that anymore after all these years, but he knew, that even himself at that time could definitely have come up with a better way to stop Wally West's heartbeat. Yet, he picked a terrible one.
Why should anyone pay for your arrogance and self-esteem? Jason walked away without giving him a chance to argue, apologize or thank him.
Planting himself before his computer, Damian used a whole week to check out all of Jason's safe houses around the world, and all his fake identities, bit by bit. He felt that all of this was worthy. For the first time in many years, he felt relieved and excited.
He re-analyzed where Jason might be and called Starfire.
"Koriand'r," he greeted. "Do you know where Jason is, or have you heard anything of him?"
"He borrowed a small airship from me weeks ago." The sound of a spoon stirring in a ceramic cup came from the other end of the phone. "He said he was going to an island for vacation, and I'm guessing it was one of those places we've been together before."
“Thanks.”
“No big deal. He told me to tell you if you asked.” Said Kori gently, “If you called a few more people, maybe you’d find out where he is.”
After hanging up, Damian stared thoughtfully at the phone screen. He grabbed a piece of paper, wrote down a few names, found the numbers one by one, then he called all of them.
Roy told him, that Jason borrowed a wooden bow and some arrows from him, which were basically more for practice than harm. Kate told him Jason wanted to borrow a guitar with good quality, and great to travel with, so she just gave one to him. Bizzaro and Artemis said Jason took his tool set for repairing, maintaining, and remodeling guns, as well as some coupons of fast food restaurants. Kara said that Jason invited her to go shopping, and they bought a lot of clothes and books; she complimented Jason's fashion taste. Barbara said he helped her upgrade Batgirl's mobile, and reorganized her medicine cabinet since she was busy. Tim said that Jason stocked his refrigerator full of homecooked meals, and told Damian that Jason said there was no need for Damian to find him immediately. Instead, first he should travel to the places on the list Tim gave him.
He called every single person he knew who had been on missions with Jason and became friends with him. Except for Dick, because he knew that Dick would ask every question he didn’t want to answer. Now he was sure Jason was waiting for him too, but he had no idea why. With a sigh, Damian pulled up Tim's list again and started to plan his trip.
His travel is peaceful. He did not encounter robbers, drug lords, gang bosses, arms dealers or human traffickers, and there was no case and crime. He stepped across cities and tasted delicacies that he had never thought of. It was like a real vacation. But it was also empty and lonely. His purpose of going anywhere had never been like this, so simple.
Leaning on a lounger on the hotel terrace, he realized that he’d been working alone mostly. After a certain age, the frequency of patrols and investigations with his father plummeted. Although he got partners, about two-thirds of the time, he still investigated his own case and dealt with his own enemies. He didn't have the time and energy to feel empty those days, but now he did.
It would be like a busy and single office worker who could finally go home and enjoy the weekend after finishing a big case, watch a movie on a Friday night in the apartment, wash up plates and wine glasses after the movie, and letting the emptiness fill in the mind and space.
Damian picked up his notebook and looked at the last spot. It was an island. The island paradise of St. Martinique... it was indeed where Jason had spent time with Roy and Koriand'r.
He arrived at this small island, using his real identity, Damian Wayne. He went to the beach that Kori told him right away, and looked for the cabin where the first generation of the Outlaws used to stay. He secretly hoped it was not yet occupied.
He never thought that when he found the cabin, Jason would be standing in front of the door with a smile. It was like a hallucination.
"Damian." Jason greeted first, "Are you staying with me?"
Damian hummed softly, almost inaudible. Jason opened the door and told him to bring his luggage in. Damian was still in a daze, and before he knew it, Jason had already taken him to the beach. The sun is setting, melting with its golden light into the duo’s break of silence: for the time being, neither Jason nor Damian speaks.
"You're more and more like him. Your father." Jason finally spoke. He looked afar, his gaze traveling to the purple skyline where the light and dark met. "You look just like him. I mean...you look just as lonely."
"This road is always pure solitude," Damian said. It had been a long time since he had a real conversation with Jason. When he was ten, never in his wildest dreams had he imagined they’d get pass all that tension and disagreements, reaching the peace that they had now. But on second thought, who hadn’t been through that with him? To be the sanctuary when they needed each other, and when the story ended, being the lonely selves that they were.
After a sigh, Jason spoke no more. A smile hung on the corner of his mouth, and if one looked pass all that wistfulness and fatigue, the smile was gentle. Serene, even.
"Jason," Damian said while the last beam of light faded into the darkness of the sea, "Will you tell me what that JUSTICE... is trying to say?"
Jason turned his head to look at him. "What do you think it means?"
"I'm not sure," Damian said, and Jason didn't press because he knew what Damian was probably thinking about.
"Then why are you looking for me?" Jason asked.
"I want to know the reason you killed my grandfather." Damian craned his head a little to his direction. In the night, the greenness in Damian’s eyes had darkened into a shade close to ink-black. There was a speck of gold in those bottomless greens, too, reflecting the lemony glow of the outdoor bar ahead. Jason looked into his eyes, staring when those the gold-yellow dusts flickered and said, "Only that?"
"And I want you to take over the League," Damian said. "You once served as the leader, although for a short time. Grandfather founded it to create a better world, but he went astray in his seemingly endless life. You do not seek eternal life, surviving is never your first priority. Under your leadership, the League can really do some good. Also...the League has no rule for not killing people, with the word assassin written plainly in its title. You are the only person who is right for it."
For a long time, Damian thought about what to do with the League of Assassins. The League was not so easy to dissolve, even if he did it forcibly, there was no guarantee if the rogue assassins wouldn’t be used by people with evil intentions. With so many people being a potential threat, Damian thought it was better to find a reliable person to keep them under watch. Jason was trustworthy, and he had the ability to keep the League together; the League could be purged, it could stay in the gray area, it could follow Jason's principles... Plus if Jason took over the League, it would be easier for him to see him.
"If it had been a few years earlier, I would have definitely refused this offer."
"If it had been a few years earlier, I probably wouldn't have come to see you."
Too many things had long been different. They held on to their signature characteristics. Dick held on to his smile, and insisted that no one would tear him apart. Jason held on to the distance he kept from the rest of the family, as if he still was a rebellious teenager. Tim held on to his indestructible Utopia of principles, so he could take the lead of everything, so he could step on the so-called boundary of justice without crossing or backing away. As for Damian, he held on to his pride not because he was better; he just got up wherever he fell, crawling to his own goal.
"Anything else you want to tell me?" Jason asked again.
"..." Damian’s eyelashes fluttered downward. "I miss you. I want to see you."
Jason laughed, without a hint of gloom in his laughter. "You've been with Bruce for so long, I don't believe you really believe in his endless list of rules, not even Dick did believe in that, let alone you. In that endless list, those rules of how to do things in bat-style, the most important one is always JUSTICE, after all, holding on to justice is what makes you a hero. You are the heir of an overly complicated family. I think your definition of justice is different from Bruce or me. "
He paused until Damian looked up at him again. Then he asked Damian the question that every hero had to stop to ask, or ask oneself at some point. "That JUSTICE from me is to ask you; how much justice is left in your heart?"
Jason put his gun back in the holster and glanced at the men lying down at the end of the hallway. Tonight's victory would belong to Damian, he knew. And now the sounds of murder and fight outside was so loud that even if he was on the top floor of the building, he could hear it.
He opened the door, and the master of the League of Assassins stood by the floor-to-ceiling window, looking at the battle below. "Jason," Ra's al Ghul said without looking back at him.
"I'm here to kill you." Jason didn't want to waste time talking nonsense. He stated the purpose of his visit very bluntly.
"So Damian doesn't have to kill me himself, or worry about how to, once and for all, finish me." Ra's smiled, settling on the sofa beside the window. He pointed to the seat across from him and said, "Come sit down. Let’s have a talk.”
Jason thought a fight waiting was inside. He even had his All-Blade ready. After a moment of hesitation, he accepted the old man’s invitation.
"My beloved grandson, who has been following the Detective for so long, who hasn't killed for so long, is now watching his men slaughtering this island." Ra's said with a small smile, but Jason didn't hear any sarcasm or sentiment in his voice.
Jason just wanted to complete what he came for as soon as possible. "Aren't you going to stop me from killing you?"
Ra's ignored him. "He has really grown up. He probably had planned all of this for a long time, years maybe, but I didn't get any news."
Jason was getting impatient. Ra's finally looked at him and said, "I started off raising this kid to take his body. But if I still wanted to do it, it would have been done. No doubt of that."
"But you didn't." Jason narrowed his eyes, wondering what the old man is trying to say.
"I chose to find a suitable heir who will one day fulfill my goal. Don't you think Damian is just the one? You know he is now better than anyone, even better than the Detective."
The sound of swords and firearms never stopped. Whether Damian was a good fit or not wasn’t his problem now, Jason thought.
The old man continued, "And you came here, trying to kill for Damian. You came here to prove that you were willing to kill for him, even to die for him. And maybe you loved him."
Jason didn't respond, he didn't know what to say, so he just wound himself tighter, like a leopard ready to pounce on its prey.
"You can kill me now," Ra's said, and Jason froze.
"Damian will eventually become what I expected him to be, and I don't have to see that future because I’ve done everything to make it happen." Ra's reclined comfortably to the back of his chair. "I know you bats all too well. Like the Detective who couldn't stop you from becoming who you are, there's no way for any of you to stop Damian from being what he was meant to be."
Jason silently reached for his holster, keeping an eye on Ra's al Ghul as he pulled his gun out, lest he might jump up and try to kill him in the next second. But until he loaded and aimed the gun at the old man's chest, Ra's was motionless. He just stared at him calmly.
"You don't know what Damian is going to become," Jason whispered, the trembling in his voice hardly detectable, but it was there. Ra's reached out and gently grasped the muzzle of his gun. He pulled it toward him until it was against the skin, less than two inches from the beating heart in his chest.
The master of the League of Assassins said, "How well do you know his future?" and closed his eyes.
Jason didn't answer. He knew Ra's al Ghul would think in this temporary silence, he didn't know either. He inhaled, pulled the trigger, and let out the breath. He then said, "Far better than you. Because I love him much more than you do."
Damian had been staring at the horizon from when Jason started talking about Ra's al Ghul's death. It was so difficult to be reminded of justice. It was so difficult to never stray from the right path. It was so difficult to suffer.
It was so difficult to fall and drown in love. But it was so easy to feel all alone.
"You chose to let your men kill, and that's not the justice you've followed over the years," Jason said. "That's why I'm asking you that. Whatever your justice looks like, you already know it. You don’t have to argue, you just know it."
Jason reached out to touch Damian's face, gently turning his face towards him. He closes Damian's eyes with the tips of his fingers, but that didn't stop Damian's eyelashes from catching the wetness from the corners of his eyes. "I'll take over the League of Assassins. I'll make all of these work out. We will take the consequences," Jason said.
The breeze blew past Damian’s ears, quickly drying his lashes, and he reopened his eyes. "Why did you agree?"
"The same reason I'm here." Jason hugged him and kissed the edge of his brow lightly. Damian bent over, and rests his forehead on Jason's collarbone. Damian waited for Jason to explain a little more, and Jason watched as the dark waters came towards the shore, wave after wave. The sea was a mirror to the sky, shining the stars above that are just as bright. Damian suddenly understands Jason's intention to leave trails to all his friends.
Fires of rage would die, leaving only the ashes and burns to mark where it all came from, where it all began. Towers of arrogance would fall, leaving only the broken walls or pillars, and the hero who has walked out of the ruins. We are going to be the sanctuary when we need each other, and when the story ends this time, we will no longer being the lonely selves that we are.
"Whatever path you choose, I will be waiting for you at the end, somewhere. You will always find me."
End.