Work Text:
He wasn’t in a bad mood.
No, not at all.
Nothing about today got on Taiga’s nerves. The way he was loudly tapping his fingers on the table was not a sign of his irritation. The female model who was assigned as Hokuto’s counterpart today definitely did not make something well up in his stomach, making him feel sick when she casually hung on him like some kind of object.
He absolutely didn't hate that he had these feelings most of all. The feeling of his chest growing tight, his stomach turning into knots and the lump that was caught in his throat. Taiga didn’t even know what to call these feelings.
Well, no.
That’s wrong.
He did know what to call it but he didn’t want to call it that. After all, it couldn't be that. There was nothing between him and Hokuto. This was his job and his personal feelings about how Hokuto interacted with his coworkers was none of his business. It’s not like him and Hokuto could be called anything but a model and the photographer that worked with him.
Even if that model and photographer had frequently snuck off together to sneak kisses and make out in dusty supply closets during breaks, it didn't mean that there was anything else between them.
Their shoots were few and far apart since it was ultimately up to each of their agencies and the publisher to determine who would be selected for the work. This meant that it could be weeks or even months between them having the chance to see each other, but when the stars aligned, they always found each other in small private rooms to have a ‘discussion’. Even though those discussions consisted more of heated kisses and tangling themselves into one another than doing any discussing. Once knowing that they would be working together, both of them would start making small plans or breaks which allowed them to sneak away. Most times, they would arrive to set early or stay late just so they could ‘discuss the shoot for the day.’
But despite their frequent ‘private meetings’, what they were wasn’t made any clearer. There were plenty of things that Taiga did learn. He learned that Hokuto was far from the rumor that made him out to be a stuck up starlet with nothing but work on his mind. He had also learned that deep inside, Hokuto was shy, sensitive and sweet, all things that only endeared him to Taiga. Things that only made Taiga more frustrated that he didn’t know where the two of them stood. Neither of them had each other’s numbers and they never met outside of work nor did they know anything about each other’s private lives. Yet when they had each other in those small dusty rooms, it felt like there was nothing else in the world. During the few minutes they had with each other, nothing else mattered. All that they had were each other and how it made them feel being in each other’s arms.
For the most part, Taiga didn’t try to think about it too much.
Wasn’t this all just going to be temporary? He didn’t really think that this would go on forever, did he? Soon enough, Hokuto would grow bored and would stop showing up early, asking him to meet during breaks and just happening to find himself alone with Taiga. Eventually this would also just fade into a memory of a weird time in his life.
Once he was told that Hokuto would be working with a female model today, he didn’t figure that the day would be any different. Things would just happen as they did. It just happened to be that there would be an extra person on set and another person to photograph.
He didn’t expect that Hokuto would be walking onto set with her on his arm.
If he hadn’t been quick enough to notice, the extremely expensive camera lens in Taiga’s hands would have smashed to the ground. Thankfully, he had been able to tear his eyes away just in time to regain his grip. The two of them would usually look for each other when they first entered the set, be it that they shared a glance or found each other right where they wanted the other to be. This time Hokuto didn’t look at him once. Taiga watched the two models make their way to the back rooms with their managers and staff to have their hair and make-up completed. They seemed to be so distracted with each other that they left without sparing any time beyond polite greetings to the workers on set, leaving the studio to fill whispers and rumors.
Before, Hokuto would come out before his call time with some excuse. Either to observe the set or get some fresh air before eventually making his way to Taiga where they would then go off to share kisses behind closed doors.
This time Hokuto didn’t show up to set until the exact time he was scheduled. To also rub salt in the wounds, he and the girl arrived side by side.
Taiga had gone to do his usual formalities, sharing his card with the female model who seemed to have her hands glued to Hokuto’s arm.
“I see the two of you seem rather close,” Taiga said, trying to hide the bitterness in his smile as he noticed that Hokuto had yet to meet his eyes.
“Oh, no! We just met outside the studio when our cars pulled up together! I heard that Matsumura-san liked to arrive to set early but I didn’t imagine it would have been at the same time as me!” she laughed casually, placing her hand casually on Hokuto’s chest, which Taiga noticed he did not bother to pull away.
“Well, I’m sure this will lead to a great shoot then. You two already seem very comfortable with each other.”
“I think so too,” she smiled, pulling on Hokuto’s arm causing him to finally look over to her.
Taiga didn’t know if it was just to be polite, but that was the first time he saw Hokuto smile today. It was also the first time he felt his heart sink.
It was as Taiga said. The two of them looked very natural together as the shoot started. He couldn’t even deny that they were beautiful together as he looked through the small viewfinder of his camera. Whether he liked it or not, they looked like they had been yearning for each other for ages, as they shared just brushes of touches and gazes that seemed to carry the weight of the world. After all, they were experts. They were following the assignment. Taiga knew this.
This was a job.
This was nothing else.
This shouldn’t bother him. This shouldn’t be making a pit grow in his stomach. He shouldn’t hate seeing how she went to spend her breaks at Hokuto’s side, laughing at the jokes he wasn’t making. He shouldn’t hate how he seemed to be okay with it. He shouldn’t hate how Hokuto hasn’t looked at him once. How Hokuto hadn’t looked for him once.
The hand that was tapping at the table clenched into a fist as he stood up.
“I’m going to take a walk. Just message me if there is anything you need,” he said to the director as he grabbed his phone to just go somewhere else that wasn’t here. He made quick pace to walk past the model’s tables, making sure not to spare them any more glaces than he already had, and entered into the connected office space. Maybe a drink of coffee or something cold would get his mind off of everything. If he was quick, maybe he could get to the convenience store across the way to just have something distract him. Just anything to make him stop thinking about Hokuto.
Taiga was completely lost in his own thoughts that he didn’t notice the second pair of footsteps that followed him. Nor did he have the chance to pull away from the grasp on his wrist that pulled him into the nearest office room.
It wasn’t long after he heard the door lock behind him before he felt arms circle around his waist. Taiga knew well what would happen next, but he covered Hokuto’s mouth with both of his hands before they could meet his.
“Stop.”
Taiga could see how Hokuto’s eyebrows furrowed as his hands let go of his waist and to move Taiga’s hands from his mouth.
“Is there something wrong?...”
Taiga wasn’t sure how to answer. It wasn’t that there was nothing wrong. It was more that nothing should be wrong.
“No, there’s nothing. I just can’t do this today.”
“Is it because I didn’t meet with you this morning? I’m sorry, it’s just that she was there and I-”
Taiga cut Hokuto off with a heavy sigh.
“I told you it's nothing. I just don’t want to today.”
The room grew quiet. Even though there was the cool breeze of the air conditioning through the building, it felt like it was blazing hot in the small room that he shared with Hokuto.
Hokuto’s mouth opened to speak before slowly closing again.
Taiga thought that maybe this was the end. Maybe with this rejection, Hokuto wouldn’t come to him anymore. He had always felt like there would be some end, he just hadn’t thought that it would end like this or this soon. Maybe this was fine, that it was better to rip the bandage off instead of waiting for the slow dwindling of Hokuto’s interest in him. Before feelings got involved. Before it would hurt when it was all gone.
“Are you jealous?”
There was the word Taiga didn’t want to hear.
Jealousy.
Taiga let out a bitter laugh, “Jealous? Why would I be jealous?”
When Hokuto took a step forward, Taiga took one step back.
“Isn’t it because of her? She just came onto me, but I couldn’t push her away. I was just being polite. I didn’t want her to know that you and I-.”
“You can do whatever you want with her. I don’t know why you’re telling me this. You have to be nice to her, right? It’s all work. It doesn’t matter to me.”
Another two steps forward, another two steps back.
“Kyomoto… I’m sorry.”
“Why are you saying sorry? There’s nothing to be sorry for.”
Hokuto reached out and took Taiga’s arm, stopping him from moving away any further.
“I’m sorry… I didn’t want to make you jealous.”
That was enough.
Taiga had enough. He didn’t want to hear it anymore.
He couldn’t take it anymore. His heart pounded in his ears and everything felt it was going to erupt from his chest.
He slapped Hokuto’s hand away and met his eyes for the first time today.
"I'm not jealous! How can I be jealous!?” he shouted, laughing bitterly as he spoke.
“You are a model and I am your photographer!! Nothing more!! That girl can crawl all over you for all I care!! It's not like I own you!! I don't even know your number!! I barely know anything about you!! Even if I was jealous, what right do I even have?? We're not dating, we just–!! You-!! You…."
Taiga trailed off, his chest heaving, not even really sure what he was saying anymore. His eyes wandered to stare at the floor, no longer able to meet Hokuto’s eye. If what happened earlier didn't do it, this was surely the nail in the coffin. There was no way that Hokuto would stick around someone like him. He wouldn't be seeing him anymore. This had to be the end.
Every silent second that passed weighed heavier on Taiga’s chest. There was no way he would be seeing Hokuto after this. He didn’t even have the courage to look at him again.
"Are… are we not dating?"
".............. Huh?"
Taiga's eyes shot up to stare at Hokuto with disbelief. The both of them stared at each other as only silence filled the room again. The anger and regret in Taiga's body completely drained away, replaced with utter confusion.
What did Hokuto just say? Did he even hear him right?
Before Hokuto could open his mouth, the voice of the director rang through the halls, calling them back to continue their work.
"W-wait, Kyomoto-"
Taiga pushed past Hokuto to unlatch the door before sprinting down the hall as if to run away from the confusion that threatened to consume his head.
The director was caught off guard when Taiga stumbled in in a rush, making the excuse that he went for a light jog, before trying to fill his head with his work. He positioned himself behind his camera and willed himself to focus on his job, but the moment Hokuto came back, almost looking just as lost as he was, he couldn't stop the thoughts from flooding in.
At this point, he couldn't care less how the model hung off of Hokuto. His head was completely clouded with questions and confusion.
He didn't get it.
He didn't get any of it. What the hell was Hokuto talking about? Dating? How could they be dating? All they ever did was kiss. They barely even talked. How could anyone even believe that this meant they were dating? Sure, there were times where before they kissed, Hokuto looked at him like he was the only one in the world. Yeah, maybe Taiga would circle his arms around his neck and smile like no one else made him happier. Maybe sometimes the two of them would bump foreheads together, forgetting where they were and completely lost themselves in each other. But that didn't mean they were dating. Surely, the one or two times that Hokuto laced his fingers with his and gently kissed the back of his hand or the way he would kiss each of Hokuto's moles gently after they finished kissing before they had to return to work didn't mean that it was anything more than physical.
Right?...
Right??...
With a blink of an eye, the shoot ended. Taiga was so lost in his own thoughts, he took photos like he was on auto-pilot which he was so thankful still turned out decent. Taiga felt the director's heavy hand whack on his back, shocking him back to reality, making him realize he had been polishing the same lens for far too long.
"Good job today, Kyomoto-san! Great results as always! You were kind of a space case during the second half… I'm not sure what happened during your run, but the pictures were still great! Pleasure working with you again!" He said, taking his hand enthusiastically and giving it a shake so strong that almost made Taiga feel like his arm would come off.
"Y-yeah! You too! I'll be sure to do better next time!" He said, bowing after the director as he headed off.
With the director gone, the studio had grown much quieter. The bustle was gone and the humming of machinery and lights were all off, leaving Taiga alone with his thoughts, save a few distant clatters of the last pieces of the set being put away. Taiga stared at his scattered things before slowly beginning to put them away.
He didn’t get it.
What exactly were he and Hokuto? Clearly Hokuto had thought they were dating, but Taiga had always thought it was just physical attraction that led to a fling that had an eventual expiration date.
This whole time he thought Hokuto would be the one leaving him behind. How long did Hokuto feel this way? For just how long had Taiga ignored his feelings only because he was caught in his own insecurities?
The feeling of guilt got caught in his throat. He let out a long sigh before placing the last item, the body of his camera, into his bag. He looked up at the empty studio that had fallen silent. He wasn't sure if there was any use to staying late tonight. Even if he did, what were even the chances of Hokuto coming out to meet him?
And if he did, what would he say?
He didn't know. The growing guilt in his throat made him want to run, just as he did earlier that day. Taiga stared at his packed bag, the strap clutched tightly in his hand.
All he wanted to do was go home and forget everything.
He glanced at the door he had always seen Hokuto walk through, waiting just a few more minutes. If Hokuto walked in right now, then he would have no choice but to stay.
Just 1 more minute…
Maybe just 30 more seconds…
If he doesn't show up in 5-...
Taiga stared at the motionless door, knowing that the world wouldn't make his choices for him.
He had to go.
He took the long way to the exit, knowing it was foolish to walk by the door one last time, but the sound of voices made his feet stop.
"Come on~ I know a great place the two of us can go. They have wonderful drinks and a place where we can be in private."
"I'm sorry, there's somewhere I need to be tonight…"
"Aww are you being shy? Your manager already let mine know that you're free tonight. Don't worry about formalities, let's just go and get to know each other a little better."
There was no mistake that it was Hokuto and the girl. Taiga stared at his feet as he listened, not sure what to do. He wasn’t even sure if he should be listening.
If Hokuto decided to go out with her, what would he do?
What did he have the right to do?
Hokuto wasn't his. Especially after how he treated him today.
He had no say in what Hokuto would do. All he could do was listen.
"Really, I'm sorry. I can't go out with you tonight." Hokuto said, trying to be as polite as possible. She had caught him on his way out, before trapping him in endless questions and offers for him to be with her tonight.
His eyes looked over at his original destination. The door that lead to the studio. He wasn't sure what he'd find on the other side, but it was a chance he was willing to take. He knew that every second he waited, the more likely he would be disappointed when he opened that door. But he at least needed to find out.
"You can stop playing hard to get already, I saw how you were looking at me during the shoot," She said, drawing her finger across the short length of collar bone Hokuto had exposed, "you were looking so deep into my eyes that it told me everything. I already felt your love the moment you looked at me."
"I was just-...That was-... That's just part of my job."
"It was far too convincing to have just been acting."
How could he tell her he was thinking of someone else the whole time? That the only person he saw on her face was someone completely different. That the color of her eyes could only make him think of one person and how much more beautiful the color was on him over her? That the love and affection he had in his eyes were all meant for that person as he only ever thought of that one person? That the person who was constantly on his mind ran away from him and he desperately needed to find him. He needed to find him before-
"Could it be that there's someone else?"
"Huh?..." Hokuto said, snapping back from his thoughts, not realizing he had been staring at the door the whole time.
"You keep looking at the door. Is there someone out there waiting for you?"
As much as Hokuto wished he could say, he didn't know. He had hoped so.
He desperately hoped so.
"I… I don't know."
"You don't know? Do you mean that they're not waiting for you?" She tugged at his hand, lacing his fingers with hers, Hokuto noticing how small they felt compared to the others he had become used to.
"I'm right here in front of you. It's not like you're seeing someone, right?"
Hokuto froze.
His eyes broke away from the door and shot over to hers, the smile on her red painted lips growing when their eyes met.
He didn't know.
He knew what he wanted but he didn't know. He wanted so badly to answer with what he thought was real but…
"I… I'm-"
She shrieked in surprise when the door slammed open.
"Ah! Matsumura-san! Just who I was looking for! I have something to ask you!" Taiga said with the brightest fake smile he could muster.
"Uh- Oh! Um… of course." Hokuto stammered, looking down at the girl who clung onto his arm, still shocked by Taiga's sudden entrance.
Her grip tightened as her brow furrowed, "We were in the middle of making plans. Do you mind giving us a few minutes?"
"Sorry, this is extremely important." Taiga lied through his teeth, grabbing Hokuto's free wrist and pulling him free from her grasp as he led him down the hall. Hokuto looked back and forth between the two of them, giving a bow of apology to her as he let himself be taken away by Taiga.
She stared at the two of them in disbelief as they walked away, "M-Matsumura-san! I'll wait for you at the-"
"Don't bother waiting! We'll be taking all night!" Taiga called behind him, cutting off her last desperate attempt for Hokuto's attention, leaving her fuming.
He didn't care if she would tell her manager about his unprofessionalism. If he lost a few jobs, he didn't care. He would bounce back eventually. One person's bad experience wouldn't wreck his career. When he heard Hokuto through the door, he couldn't stop himself. The moment he heard how pained Hokuto's voice was, his body moved by itself.
They walked in silence, Taiga's feet only stopping when he felt Hokuto's wrist slip from his fingers to interlace with his. It hurt, feeling how Hokuto squeezed his tightly.
"... Did you hear all of that?..." Hokuto asked in a small voice, watching Taiga's silent back.
Taiga didn't look back before he started to pull Hokuto again, holding his hand tightly in his. Taiga tugged Hokuto forward, making him nearly tumble over before he pushed Hokuto hard into an all but familiar room.
Once the door shut, Hokuto was swallowed by darkness leaving him squinting, trying to get his eyes to adjust. He couldn't see anything. For all he knew, Taiga might have even pushed him in here alone.
"...K-Kyomoto? I– oof!"
The wind was nearly knocked out of Hokuto's lungs when a weight hit his chest. At first it startled him, but then he felt the arms that wrapped tightly around him.
Hokuto hesitated. Everything still confused him, but when the silence was only filled by the pounding of each other's hearts, somehow everything felt okay.
He wrapped Taiga into his arms, stroking his hand down the back of his head, feeling the soft hair he had come to know. Even in the dark, he knew it was him.
"I'm sorry…"
Taiga's soft whisper was enough to break the silence. Hokuto rested his cheek against his temple, feeling Taiga's soft hair on his skin.
"For what?"
"I don't know… anything… everything…"
Taiga spoke into Hokuto's shoulder. His fingers gripped into the back of Hokuto's clothes. He almost didn't know himself what he was apologizing for, but the guilty feeling in his stomach made him know he had to.
"...For running away from you… for not understanding your feelings… for feeling…"
Taiga trailed off, still unable to say it. Even with Hokuto here in his arms, he still couldn't bring himself to believe it. Was he really allowed to feel this way? Did he have the right to think Hokuto only saw him? Was it okay for him to believe that Hokuto was only his?
"It's okay."
Taiga blinked, staring into the dark, processing Hokuto's words. He could feel Hokuto's heart beating against his chest. What was okay? What he did? Or was it okay for him to feel-
"I've only been yours since the beginning."
"It's okay."
All of Taiga's emotions caught in his throat. Everything he had tried to suppress came flooding forward as he buried his face into Hokuto's neck.
"I hate all of it."
Taiga clung to Hokuto tighter as everything came pouring out of his tired body.
"I hate how she clung to you."
"I hate how she flirted with you in front of me."
"I hate how she looked at you."
"I hate how nice she looked next to you."
Hokuto stayed silent, quietly listening to every word as he held Taiga closer, only making Taiga's emotions bubble over further.
"I hate how we couldn't meet in the morning. I hate how you wouldn't look at me. I hate how you looked at her like you had looked at me."
"I hate how it made me feel."
"I hate how I thought it would be the last time I'd ever hold you."
Taiga's voice began to crack as he fought back tears.
It was all so stupid. All of it was so petty and childish. This was all just over one girl.
Hokuto pulled back to wipe away the tears that threatened to fall from Taiga's eyes.
"I hate that I ran away."
Hokuto kissed his head softly.
"I hate that I didn't open that door sooner."
Hokuto lifted his chin to kiss away his tears.
"I hate how you couldn't tell if I was there waiting."
Taiga took Hokuto's face in his hands and kissed him deeply and Hokuto kissed him back.
When they separated, it had been long enough that they could begin to see each other in the dark room that they shared. Finally, Taiga saw the gaze that belonged to him. The one that was only meant for him and would always be his.
"I hate how you couldn't tell her that you are mine."
Hokuto kissed him again.
And again.
And again.
As many times as it took for Taiga to understand how he felt. Every time Hokuto kissed him, Taiga kissed back.
In the dark room where they could barely see each other, they finally knew how the other felt.
Hokuto kissed Taiga until his lips turned red and his tears had dried.
When Hokuto pulled away, Taiga let out a tired laugh, dropping a weak fist against Hokuto's chest as he rested his head on his neck.
"How could you believe that two people who just make out could be dating, you idiot."
Hokuto pressed his lips to Taiga's crown as he mindlessly caressed Taiga's arm as he held him.
"I thought when two people liked each other and only saw each other, you called it dating."
Taiga dropped his fist onto Hokuto's chest again, but harder.
"Both parties need to know that, stupid."
"I thought you knew."
Another hit against his chest.
"I didn't."
"Do you know now?"
"..."
Taiga placed his hand gently onto him.
"Will you tell me?"
Even though Taiga was barely audible, it was crystal clear in Hokuto's ears.
"..."
"You're taking too long."
"Sorry, I got nervous."
Taiga knew without him telling him. He could hear how Hokuto's heart began to pound in his chest and his skin began to warm against his.
"Kyomoto Taiga?"
"Mhm?"
Hokuto took Taiga's face in his hand to look at him, not knowing whether the darkness helped or made it harder for him to say it.
"I have fallen in love with you. Will you go out with-"
Taiga caught his lips with his, smiling against Hokuto's as he kissed back.
"I'm in love with you too."
"I'll take that as a yes."
"It's a yes." Taiga laughed, as Hokuto pressed kisses onto the corners of his smile.
It felt like they could have stayed in the dark dusty back office room together forever, but reality came rolling in when Hokuto got a text from his manager asking where he was.
This time, they exchanged numbers before he left.
Hokuto took a few last kisses from Taiga's lips before leaving the room, not knowing when would be the next time they would see each other, but hoping that maybe it could be somewhere that wasn't work.
Taiga headed to the train station after watching Hokuto's car pull away.
He knew that this wasn't going to be the last time he felt jealous because of Matsumura Hokuto. This wasn't going to be the last time he had shoots with other girls or even the last time he would see Hokuto getting hit on.
But at least behind all that jealousy, Taiga could always know that Hokuto was his.