Chapter Text
“How is she?”
“I’m not going to sugarcoat anything. I’m afraid she has gotten worse the last time I saw her.”
Armin peered at the window once again—silently watching his childhood friend, cloaked with the same 𝐫𝐞𝐝 𝐬𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐟 around her neck, sitting against a tree with her chin resting atop her knees.
“Based on my observation, I believe she’s going through a great deal of Post–Traumatic Stress Disorder and Survivor’s Guilt. This usually occurs among soldiers who came back from a big war. I’ve heard that Miss Ackerman participated in the last war against the Rumbling, yes?”
Armin nodded.
“And she happened to be close to Mr. Eren Jaeger?”
“Close would be an understatement.”
The doctor, Dr. Brandt would let out a hum before he took off his glasses and clasped his hands together—eyes staring at the Commander situated before him.
“Commander Arlert, I believe you are very close to Miss Ackerman. And I believe you’ve witnessed things that aren’t broadcasted to the public. But I’m a doctor and I swore that whatever the patient has endured will have a guaranteed veil of secrecy should I ever find out what happened to them.”
A sigh would escape from his lip.
“What I’m trying to say is—”
“You want to know what 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 happened in the war.” Armin cut him off, finishing his sentence, “You want to know what really happened to Mikasa.”
“It’s the only way I can know how to help her. Her diagnosis is accurate, no doubt about it. But my gut tells me that something else happened during the war, that she’s not telling me.”
It was Armin’s turn to sigh. There was no doubt that the Rumbling affected everyone in some ways. Everyone was still on edge and preparations were still being made. Eren’s eradication of 80% of the human population was just a beginning to the new ordeal they were about to face.
As much as the military needed a soldier of Mikasa’s caliber, Armin heavily forbade anybody to try and recruit her. Should they ever do such a thing, he won’t be so lenient to serve the needed punishment. War certainly sharpened him and losing a dear friend not too long ago didn’t help his case.
Mikasa’s predicament certainly took a toll on him as well.
It was like watching another friend—another family fading away right before his eyes. It was tiring, he thought. To keep on losing the people you love and you have nothing to do about it.
“Would you believe me if I say that all of this is just a tragic love story, Doctor?”
Dr. Brandt was visibly caught off guard with Armin’s words.
“Whatever do you mean by that?”
“Exactly what I meant. Would you believe that all of this wouldn’t have happened if two people who were meant to be together just… ended up being together?”
“Sounds… absurd, I’m not going to lie.”
“Because it is.” Armin peered outside the window once again, seeing Mikasa stare at her scarf and truth be told he lost count at how many times looked at and touched her precious scarf.
“It wasn’t me who really killed the Attack Titan. It was Mikasa.”
The shock of the bomb being dropped was apparent on the doctor’s face but as confidential as this information may be, Armin had a feeling he can trust Dr. Brandt.
“Mikasa always loved Eren. Ever since we were kids she was always trailing behind him. There was no Eren without Mikasa and there was no Mikasa without Eren. They always came in a package—never being able to separate them. Maybe it was an Ackerman thing that caused Mikasa to be so extremely attached to Eren but I realized that wasn’t the case. She just… fell in love with him. And thought that such a love was unrequited.”
“So you mean to say that Miss Ackerman killed the man she loved for so long?”
“She needed to do it. But if I’m going to be honest, I feel like she’d rather sacrifice the world to save Eren.”
“If what you’re saying is true then… it seems her killing Mr. Jaeger is a big factor to her current condition. The toll of killing her supposed beloved is too much for her which often results in having an unhealthy coping mechanism. Since Mr. Jaeger has been a part of Miss Ackerman’s daily routine, him suddenly being gone forever is too much for her to bear. And her being the reason for his demise doesn’t seem to help her case.”
Armin could only slump in his seat, pinching the bridge of his nose to keep himself from lashing out. He wanted so badly to blame Eren and his self–sacrificing tendencies. But as much as he wanted to punch the living shit out of his best friend, he knew the reason why he did what he had done.
But the fact still can’t ease the fueling irritation he had with Eren. If he was alive, Armin knew Eren would let him beat him up for doing this to Mikasa.
“Can she… still get better…?”
A pause.
“It will be a long, long road ahead, Commander.”
“You’d burn a hole in that scarf if you keep on staring at it.”
The voice immediately broke the ravenette out of her solitude and upon seeing the familiar mop of blonde hair from Armin, Mikasa couldn’t help the small smile forming on her lips.
“Good thing I know how to sew.”
Grunting, Armin would sit down next to his childhood friend, back slumping against the tree Mikasa leaned against.
“The others wanted to visit you but they have matters to attend to.”
“That’s fine. Duty calls and they need to be busy.”
Armin would nod, letting the cool, gentle breeze of the wind lightly brush past them—their hair flowing with its current before his cerulean hues looked back at the Ackerman girl.
“And what about you? How’ve you been doing?” questioned Armin, which urged a small chuckle from Mikasa.
“I think me attending therapy by your request already answers your question, Armin.”
“Mikasa—”
“He’s everywhere. Everywhere I go I’m always reminded of him. When I go shopping for necessities, when I do basic household chores, even when I wake up I always think he’d be there and everything would be fine.”
There was a moment of silence between the two and Armin helplessly stared at Mikasa, whose eyes began to get a bit misty from the memories she had with the boy who sought freedom—the same freedom that took his life.
“Sometimes I wonder if I chose a different answer instead…”
“What do you mean?”
“Back when we were at Marley, before Eren left us… he asked me what he was to me. And I was scared. I was scared of my own feelings, my own selfishness. I thought maybe it wasn’t right if I told him the 𝘁𝗿𝘂𝘁𝗵. I didn’t know what he’d think. I was afraid it’d drive him away. In the end, I told him he was family…”
Armin’s eyes widened at the revelation. That night, the night before Eren suddenly disappeared. The night they all had the time of their lives getting drunk and celebrating as if war wasn’t ahead of them. As if there was no impending doom that would take everything from them.
“Looking back at it now, it looked like he was begging. Like he was begging to be taken to a different direction. If only I wasn’t… if only I wasn’t so scared.”
Reminiscing about the events of that night, Mikasa couldn’t help but grip the hem of her skirt tightly and by the looks of it, it looked like she could easily rip it off.
“I want to be by his side…”
A broken sob ripped from her and Armin didn’t think twice to engulf his friend in a tight hug—the pain of seeing Mikasa in this state while he was also in the middle of trying to move on from Eren’s death was far too much for him. But he could only imagine what Mikasa was going through. Especially when it was her who killed Eren, her 𝙗𝙚𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚𝙙.
“𝘏𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘢𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨.” Armin thought to himself but bit his tongue to keep him from saying anything, remembering Eren’s pleas of keeping the truth of his own selfish but mutual feelings towards their childhood friend.
“I know. I know you do.” He answered instead.