Work Text:
*uuuuuuugh**uuuuuuugh*
"OJ? Are you OK?"
OJ laid in bed, with his cork still on. His face was tinted green. As he kept groaning, he stared at Paper with a look that said "no".
"Honey, I do not feel so well."
"I see..."
"I thingh it was Tissues sneehzing on me a few dayh ahgo. Whaever the fuch he has spread to me. I swear to Ghod, how did Yinyang even fuching deal wih him? He had tah alwayh be fuching sich or somehing, righ?"
He sounded horrible.
"OJ, honey, you look and sound awful. I need you to try and rest.
"Fuch it, I'm going to the office. I'll just worh this off."
The glass of orange juice slowly stood up from bed and hobbled over to the door before his husband immediately stopped him.
"You're not going anywhere today."
"B-But who is gonna tahke khare of the hotel?"
"NOT YOU! YOU ARE GONNA STAY RIGHT HERE IN THIS BED. You're taking a sick day!"
OJ, genuinely upset, hobbled back to bed and sat back down on the bed, standing upright. He got comfortable and bundled some blankets around his glass.
"I'll make you some chicken soup while you lay down."
OJ, not really happy that he couldn't go to work today, turned on the TV with his remote.
It was a rerun of a game show where all the people seemed to be having fun. They were healthy.
OJ changed the channel and on came some love mystery drama or something.
"I'm not sure what to do here, Sachel. The detectives will find us soon!"
"Baby, all you need is to have me with you, by your side. They'll never get us! You don't have to worry a thing."
They then kissed as OJ changed the channel once again.
_________
"Instructions... dump soup in bow plus one can water, put in microwave for one minute thirty seconds..."
Paper placed the bowl in the microwave, closed the door and set the cook time to 1:30. When it started, Trophy walked into the kithcen.
Oh god.
"Sup bitch."
"I would appreciate not being called that."
"Yeah, yeah whatever. Anyway, where's you're *husband* OJ. I need him for something!"
"He's sick. I have to take care of him, and he is not to leave the bedroom."
"Aw man! I really needed him for something!"
Paper grew suspicious
"For what, exactly?"
"Um... I was gonna ask him for a hundred bucks to g-"
"FOR WHAT?"
"Uh... for Groceries! Yeah!"
"Can you actually GET groceries for me? No one else is gonna do it and the ones who probably would are on that stupid inanimate insanity 3 thing."
"Um I don't know..."
"How about 150. OJ would do this but he's obviously not going to."
"DEAL!" Trophy felt elated. Paper took out his wallet and gave him alot of money and told him to be back in an hour.
As Trophy was handed the money, his boyfriend Cheesy walked in to do something gay idk
"Where are you going, baby?"
"The grocery store."
"Can I come? I need a few things."
"Sure!"
As they both walked out the door, Paper said goodbye.
"Later, cheese kisser!"
"OH MY GOD SHUT UP!"
The front door slammed shut.
*beep*
The microwave was done. Now time to take out the soup and...
"ZAAAHHH!"
The bowl was hot.
_______
After giving the soup to OJ, Paper told him about Trophy getting groceries. Apparently, he was also bringing Cheesy along with him.
"Ah you mahd? They'll not geht anything on thaht fuching list!"
"Well, no one else would agree!"
"Whahtevehr, juhs khall them and shee whaht they're doihn right nowh."
_______
Trophy parked his car at the Grocery Store, in which he parked crooked. He got out along with his boyfriend Cheesy and they waked in the doors. Cheesy got a shopping cart.
"So, we need to get a few things for the hotel. Mic wants chips, Soap wants *ugh* cleaning supplies, OJ wants soup, Bomb wants carrots, Salt wants TV dinners, Pepper wants a 'pap-a-ya?', Tissues needs cold medicine..."
"We need to go to the snack isle first then."
As they walked to the snack isle, Trophy immediately darted off somewhere else. He came back to the cart with protein powder and some granola bars.
"Was that on the list?"
"I'm just gonna get these because I'm running low! Besides, babe, we have enough money to get all the shit they wanted!"
"Fine. If we still have enough money."
They got the specific brand of chips Microphone wanted, because if they got store brand, she would throw a tantrum.
Now it was onto the canned food section, where they go OJ's weird soup.
"I *soup* you think this joke is funny, huh? Better yet, it's a laughing*stock*!"
Trophy giggled at Cheesy's pun, which made them both blush.
They headed to the produce section, where Trophy attempted finding the Pap ay ah. They could not find it, so instead they got her a Pineapple. Close enough.
--------
It had been nearly 2 hours since Trophy and Cheesy left to get groceries. Paper was getting agitated while OJ was throwing up because he was sick.
"How lohng ah they tahking?"
"I have no idea. I need to call them, its been an hour forty five."
"Hello?"
"OH SHIT CHEESE IT'S PAPER-uhh hi paper!"
"Where are you?"
"Driving home! Why are you asking?"
"I TOLD YOU TO BE BACK IN AN HOUR! ITS BEEN ALMOST TWO!"
"Look man, we're almost at the hotel. I need to hang up now as I am driving. We got all y'all needed!"
Trophy hung up.
"I hope to GOD that they got everything right."
They did not.
Trophy and Cheesy walked into the hotel with the grocery bags and put them on the couch. Paper walked over as he was socked to see what Trophy and Cheesy had got, or not gotten.
They only got half of the list. Trophy had bought protein shit and Cheesy bought junk food. When asked why, he replied with a shitty pun before slapping his knee.
"Why did you buy moldy bread?"
"Wait the bread was moldy? I thought it was just a different type of bread!"
"WHY WOULD BREAD BE GREEN?"
"It's festive!"
__________
"Dhid they ghet the groceries?"
"No, they did not."
"Buh I sah them walk home wit the bags"
"OK they did, but they only got crap."
OJ looked over at the TV
"I think I'm feeling behttr. I might be able to worhk by tomorruh. I just wan to saih thank yh foh taking chare of me. It means alot and it mahkes me love you more."
OJ looked back at his fiancé, who was blushing.
"No problem, Honey!"
"We're never letting trophy get groceries ever again, though!"