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“Why won’t you let me kiss you?”
“Why should I?”
Kiyomine snapped, his teeth gritting. “Damn you, Shorty! We’ve been together for God knows how long!”
“We’ve been together for five years, Kiyomine. Don’t over exaggerating,” Takara stated flatly as he sorted some photos he’d taken yesterday, not even bothered lifted his head toward Kiyomine.
Kiyomine clicked his tongue, veins popped up on his forehead. “This damn brat!” he muttered.
They went silence for a few seconds. Takara was still busy with his work. Kiyomine watched him divided the photos into some groups. He sighed. “What am I to you?” he asked suddenly.
Takara stopped his work, finally faced him. “What?”
Kiyomine locked his eyes onto Takara’s as he crawled slowly toward him. “What am I to you?”
Takara fluttered. Kiyomine moved closer and closer into him, erasing the gap between them. They were face to face, noses barely touching each other. Takara felt his cheeks warmer and warmer, and he didn’t need mirror to tell he was blushing.
Kiyomine still intently staring his eyes, face unreadable. Then he placed his lips by Takara’s right ear. So close that Takara could even feel his warm breath creeping on his neck. “What am I to you?” Kiyomine whispered, and Takara felt a shiver running down his spine.
“Ki, Kiyo- ,” Takara stammered, lost for word, but Kiyomine didn’t budge. “Ergh… a friend? Housemate?”
A pause, then Kiyomine snorted and pulled his head away. Takara suddenly could breathe again, when did he start holding his breath? he never knew. Kiyomine stood abruptly and turned to the door.
“Where are you going?” Takara followed his movement with his eyes, face still puzzled with the sudden occurrence.
“Gym,” and without any other word, Kyomine swung the door open and slammed it afterward, leaving Takara with his confusion.
***
Takara woke up in the morning found himself alone on his overly large king size bed. No trace of Kiyomine. He hasn’t back yet. Takara grabbed his phone, checked the screen, and sighed. No call, nor message. Kiyomine sulked, he knew it, he just didn’t know why. Kiyomine could get angry over a very trivial thing, just like a kid. Well, Kiyomine would get over it sooner or later anyway. Whatever, he would come home eventually.
That was what Takara thought, but until over five days Kiyomine hadn’t come home, Takara started worried. Takara couldn’t contact him at all. Kiyomine’s phone was off. When Takara asked Kiyomine’s classmates, they said Kiyomine didn’t even come to the campus. Takara also checked the gym, but he wasn’t there either. He wanted to ask Reiichi senpai, but he was in Paris. Takara stuck, he couldn’t find Kiyomine anywhere. He began to panic.
***
“He’ll be back, don’t worry.” Mutsumi handed Takara a glass of hot cocoa. “What do you want to eat for dinner?”
“I’m not hungry.” Takara stared his glass blankly.
Mutsumi sighed. She placed herself beside Takara, hand stroking his hair. “You need to eat. It doesn’t matter whether you hungry or not, you still have to eat,” she said softly.
Takara shook his head meekly. He was still eyeing the glass but didn’t have any intention to drink it.
“Do you know why he left?” Mutsumi asked, still with her motherly tone.
“How should I know?”
“You should know.”
Takara silenced.
Mutsumi smiled. She took the glass from Takara’s hands and put it on the table. Then she gripped Takara’s hands softly. “Takara-chan, tell me what happened.”
“I’m not really sure myself,” Takara hesitant.
“It’s okay, just tell me.”
“Kiyomine asked me a question. He asked what he was to me.” Takara’s cheeks blushed as he said the sentence, reimagining Kiyomine whispering the question into his ear.
“And your answer?” Mutsumi asked, noticed the red color flooding Takara’s face.
“Friend, and uhm, housemate.”
Mutsumi sighed. “No wonder,” she muttered. She stared at Takara’s eyes and found ignorance in them. Well, he’s still just a kid anyway. “Takara-chan,” Mutsumi’s grips tighten, “do you really only think of Kiyomine as a mere friend or a housemate?”
“I… I…” Takara stammered. His face blushed even harder. What was Kiyomine to him? He never thought about it before. Kiyomine was someone important to him, a precious person, but what was he exactly to him? Even Takara knew the boundary of friends, no friends sleep on the same bed, no friends hug or cuddle each other, so what are they exactly? It almost looked like they were… lovers? Takara flushed because of his own thought.
But, Kiyomine never stated what they were himself. Did he think of Takara the way he did? What if he didn’t? A slight of disappointment struck Takara. “I don’t know, Mutsumi, I don’t know.” He answered weakly.
Mutsumi patted Takara’s head gently then stood. “I’ll make you beef stew,” She said as she walked toward kitchen.
***
“Fujishima? Fujishima!”
Takara snapped out of his thought. In front of him was Natsume-senpai, his colleague, staring at him with a worried expression. “You okay? You look restless these days, do you have a problem?” He asked, handing him a cup of coffee.
Takara smiled weakly then shook his head. “No, I’m fine.” He carefully placed his camera beside him before he took the coffee from Natsume’s hand.
“You sure you’re fine? You look a bit pale.” Natsume pressed his palm lightly on Takara’s forehead. “Hmm… seems like you don’t have a fever, but you should be careful, it’s nearly winter. Are you cold?”
“I’m all good, senpai. I’m used to an extreme heat or cold.” Takara replied, recalling his days in Africa.
“Yeah, you’re a one tough brat anyway.” Natsume laughed as he ruffled Takara’s hair. “Alright, let’s finish our jobs and go home.”
***
“So…” Akari said, fingers stirring the straw in her ice tea glass, “I heard Hosaka disappeared.” Another pause, she sipped her drink, “is that true?”
Takara nodded, eyes vacant. He was with Nanase and Mutsumi when Akari called him an hour ago, asking him to accompany her shopping in Shibuya. Mutsumi usually disliked the idea of Takara shopping with Akari, he would only end up hauling Akari’s shopping bags, but this time she agreed, hoping that Takara would get his appetite back if he with her. Didn’t work, though, he only stirred his ice cream for the last fifteen minutes.
“What happened?”
“Dunno.”
“Did you guys fight?”
“Hmm,” Takara mumbled unsurely.
“Didn’t you guys fight all the time? What’s the difference this time?” Akari spooned her last piece of blueberry cake to her mouth.
Takara didn’t reply, hand still stirring his ice cream. Sometimes Akari couldn’t get the relationship between Takara and Kiyomine. It’s such a miracle they could get through the last five years together. They fought all the time, shouting and barking to each other, throwing and slamming anything on their reach, and when you think they would start killing each other, they would hug and cuddle like there was nothing happened. They both sure are idiots.
“Aren’t you going to talk?”
Takara sighed. He dropped his spoon. Now that he had gathered his mind, he pitied his poor unrecognizable ice cream. “Kiyomine asked me what he was to me.”
Akari’s movement halted, her eyes widened. “He did!?” Oh, it’s getting interesting. “And your answer?”
“A Friend, and a housemate.”
Oh you Idiot, brat.
“I didn’t know what to answer, I’m not sure what he was expecting.” Takara breathed out. “Kiyomine never told me what am I to him either.”
Ah, he’s right. Akari put her chin on her palm, elbow settled on the table. Kiyomine was childish and Takara was too dense. Now that Kiyomine asked him this question, he forced Takara to think further about their relationship. However, it was a childish act, he knew that Takara couldn’t be asked like that, and when things didn’t work as Kiyomine expected, it would only piss him off even more. Gosh, these boys are dumb, both of them. “Just tell him the truth. Tell him what you really think of him. What is he to you anyway?”
No replied, but when Akari noticed red inked Takara’s face, she gasped. Did he think of him as…
“Fujishima?” a voice cracked Akari’s thought.
Akari would get annoyed, normally, in this kind of tense situation? Really?! Who the hell… then she stopped. A tall bespectacled guy was hovering over Takara, his thick curly hair as dark as his shirt, a camera dangled in front of his chest, his jawline was firm, and even with his loose t-shirt, Akari could see his well-built biceps. “Oh, it’s really you. What a coincidence.”
“Natsume-senpai?!"
“Hi, I was going to call you when I saw you from the café window.”
“Oh? Is there a problem, senpai?”
“Oh no, no, just wanted to check you actually. You didn’t look well last time and I was a bit worried, but it’s good to see you hang out with your friend.” Natsume smiled as he bowed his head a little to Akari. Akari bowed back, fluttered and felt awkward.
“Ah, this is my high school friend, Akari.” Takara patted Akari’s shoulder lightly. Then he turned to her and said, “This is Natsume-senpai, my colleague.”
“Hirazawa Natsume.” Natsume extended his arm.
Still with her sudden awkwardness and not-so-Akari-shyness, Akari took the extended arm and gripped it. “Mochizuki Akari.”
Natsume smiled and Akari was choked on her own breath.
“Well, may I join you?” Natsume asked them, a cheeky grin on his face.
“Yes, please,” Takara replied.
YES, YOU MAY! Akari thought.
***
They chatted for about two hours, talking about random things from movie, art, until the latest politic issue. It was fun. Natsume turned out to be an intelligent yet humorous person, and it’s nice to have an active talker companion, Takara’s mind had no time to wander off.
Akari was starting to get excited with their current topic – fashion, when her phone rang mercilessly. She groaned, reluctantly checked the screen of her phone and “Oh shit!” she saw Mutsumi’s name displayed on the screen. She forgot her work got new schedule. She peered the hanged clock on the café wall. Half an hour late, Mutsumi’s gonna kill me!
“Ugh, gotta go.” Akari stood. “See ya, Fujishima.” She hastily darted to the door but halted mid-way. Hesitantly, she turned her back to Takara and Natsume. “And, uhm, see you too, Natsume-kun.” Then she dashed away.
“Such an interesting friend you have there.” Natsume said after Akari had gone.
“Yeah.” Takara laughed.
“So, do you have any other plan?”
“No.”
“Good. Would you mind accompany me walk around?”
“Sure.”
***
The day was getting dark when Takara and Natsume walked out from a book store. Violet clouds with deep crimson layers and amber streaks dominated the west sky. The street was not as crowded as usual, only some busy looking guys who were rushing through and a group of teenagers. The weather was cold and windy. Takara felt his hands getting numb.
It was fun, really, but after Akari left, Takara’s mind had not enough distraction. Even though Natsume was a talk active person, Takara’s mind still had time to wander off. Furthermore, it was a bad decision to walk around the street, it reminded him of Kiyomine. They used to walk around the street together. It made Takara thought of Kiyomine every time he saw someone he thought quite resembled Kiyomine’s figure, and every time he realized it wasn’t him, his heart shattered little by little.
“Fujishima? Are you okay?” Natsume shook Takara’s shoulder, worry clearly written on his face. “You looked like a walking zombie just now. Is there something bothering you?”
“I’m fine, senpai,” a weak reply, but at least Takara managed to fake a smile. “Sorry, but, can I go home first?”
“Sure, I’ll walk you home.”
“No, senpai, it’s alright, I can go home by myself.”
“No, I’ll walk you!” Natsume insisted. Like hell he’d let him go alone in that condition. Natsume knew there was something off with Takara these days, and if Takara didn’t want to tell him about it, he wouldn’t force him, but at least he had to make sure Takara could go back home safely.
“Senpai, please, I can take care of myself, just leave me be.” Takara pleaded, and he meant it. He wanted to be alone right now. No, not really alone, to be honest, he wanted to be with Kiyomine. He wanted Kiyomine. He missed him. And Kiyomine was all he needed.
The cold weather pricking Takara’s eyes, making them hot, and he felt his visions getting blurry. Takara didn’t want to blink his eyes, he was afraid it would release his tears, and the least thing he wanted to do was to let Natsume sees him crying, but holding the tears back only made his vision blurred even more. However, Natsume already grabbed his hand, and it was a futile effort to shake him off. Takara couldn’t say a word either, he felt his throat clogged because of the attempt to hold back his tears.
“Shorty!” a voice ceased Takara and Natsume’s movements. There was a tall black figure under the tree opposite them, walking toward them slowly but somehow menacing. Takara gasped, his heart pounding, even under the veil of shadow, he could tell whose figure was that. It belonged to the man he was looking for this entire week, the man he missed so much he could hardly breathe. It was Kiyomine. Kiyomine was right in front of him, or, was it just an illusion? Like when he thought he saw Kiyomine when he walked around Shibuya with Natsume, but turned out it was someone else, and Takara’s heart would shatter once again?
“Oi, Shorty!” The man called him again, and it was Kiyomine’s voice. No, this time Takara sure he wasn’t imagining thing, it really was Kiyomine.
Kiyomine stopped right in front of them, eyes glaring at Natsume, making him jerked and unconsciously let go of his grasp on Takara. Natsume wasn’t a coward, actually he was a delinquent when he was in high school, but there was something eerie about the guy in front of him. “Fujishima, who is he?”
Kiyomine smirked. “Right, who am I?” He asked with a mocking tone. “Tell him, Shorty, who am I? what am I to you?”
That question again. Takara was speechless. He didn’t know what to answer, his mind was blank. He couldn’t think of any word, he’s afraid if he says another wrong answer, Kiyomine would leave him again. He didn’t want Kiyomine to leave him. Not again, not anymore.
“I don’t know!” Takara shouted finally. “What answer do you want? What do you expect?” He couldn’t hold his tears anymore and let them melting, flowing swiftly on his cheeks, his breathe shaking and his hands trembling. “What am I to you either? You never stated it yourself, what am I supposed to answer?”
There was a silence after that, only the sound of Takara’s sob could be heard, but Takara couldn’t care less anymore, he felt his whole body’s shaking and he couldn’t control the flow of his breathe.
Kiyomine smirked, and without any word, he pulled Takara away from Natsume’s side, catching him to his embrace. “Stay away from my boyfriend!” it wasn’t a mere sentence, it was a threat.
Cocky bastard, Natsume thought, but he could feel Kiyomine wasn’t just an ordinary brat, no ordinary brat could have such menacing aura, even when he just stood still, and it would be too much trouble to deal him. Not just that, after hearing what Takara just said, Natsume could more or less grasped what was the problem between those two kids. So, being the wise man he was, he turned around, and left the two boys alone, mumbling “… possessive watchdog…” under his breath.
After Natsume out of sight, Kiyomine realized how tight Takara was hugging him, as if once he let go of his hands, Kiyomine would disappear. Takara was still shaking and Kiyomine could feel his shirt began to soak, despite that, Kiyomine found himself smiling. He stroked Takara’s hair gently with one hand, and circling his waist with the other.
“You stupid Kiyomine,” Takara voiced, barely audible, as he buried his face on Kiyomine’s chest, “where have you been?”
Kiyomine placed his lips on Takara’s hair. “Were you looking for me?” he murmured the words while softly kissed the other boy’s head.
“I was.” Takara tilted his head up, his eyes stared at Kiyomine’s. “I thought I was going crazy.”
Kiyomine smiled, he put his hand on Takara’s chin and tilted his head a little bit more. He kissed Takara’s forehead gently, and then his eyes, and his nose. A pause, then the last thing he saw before he closed his eyes was Takara did the same. Softly, he placed his lips onto Takara’s, no rush, but no hesitation. He gently brushed their lips against each other. It wasn’t their first kiss, but maybe it was their first real kiss, and Kiyomine felt like he was drowning, drowning in their kiss, drowning in the taste of Takara.
“You…” Takara whispered as they parted, he was blushing, beautiful scarlet on his pale cheeks, “don’t leave me again.”
Kiyomine smiled and hugged him. “Next time I leave, I’ll take you with me.”
***
Epilogue:
“Seriously, where have you been these last few days?” Takara asked as he nibbled a bar of white chocolate. There were a pack of chocolates, cakes, and other kinds of food on the table in front of him. “And what’s with these chocolates? You ran away from home, but you brought back souvenirs? how nice.”
“I didn’t run away,” Kiyomine flopped himself down onto the couch on their living room, “I was kidnapped.”
“What?!”
“When I was walking home from the gym, my grandfather’s people kidnapped me, they knocked me off and forced me to get in the car. I lost my phone when I struggled. The moment I came to my sense, I was already on the plane with my grandfather then he dragged me all over Europe.”
“That… was extreme.”
“Reiichi was in Paris, so that old geezer forced me to accompany him.” A pause, then Kiyomine’s face turned mischievous. “But it was worth it, who thought you would be so defenseless and let me kissed you.”
“YOU!” Takara stood abruptly, face flaming red. “That will never happen again!” He yelled and ran into their room, slamming the door loudly.
“He said that, but he didn’t deny when I said he was my boyfriend.” Kiyomine grinned as he gnawed the chocolate Takara left behind.