Chapter Text
As much as you love the brothers you had a bigger problem at hand. When you returned back to the human world the 2nd time, you were really bummed out about being alone. Like who were you supposed to hang out with now? Solomon? Even though he is teaching you how to use magic now, you were still upset with him for suggesting murder. Sure, everything worked out in the end, but he should have known you would put others before yourself. Like, if worse came to worst and you had a say on how you would go, you would have traveled to an active volcano and yeet yourself into it just for the sick reference. What better way to destroy a vaguely magical ‘ ring ’? So anyway, your relationship with Solomon is shaky at best right now. So what was a girl supposed to do to fill the void in her heart? Why adopt a dog of course! And adopt a dog you did.
However what you didn’t plan on was the brothers making a surprise visit to the human world and that they wanted you to stay with them during their stay, however long that would be. It's probably good that they showed up when they did; everyone knows one dog is the gateway pet that leads to having even more dogs, if they didn't show up you would most likely have adopted at least another dog so your current dog wouldn't feel lonely. More dogs was not necessarily a bad thing, there were always at least two dogs in the house growing up for the majority of your early life. With short periods where there was only one. You didn't want to think about that fact of life. The important problem now was how you would manage your time between your found family and your actual family. You didn’t think Lucifer would allow you to have your dog with you, even if you considered him a dog person. Especially given the fact it wasn’t a small dog. So you were planning on sneaking it in, assuming you could keep the secret at least for awhile until you wore down Lucifer on the idea. However, after years of dealing with his brother’s constant shenanigans he seems to have developed a sixth sense for trouble and seems to know you are up to something. Suspicion only made worse by the gaps in time where you just disappeared without any real explanation on a frequent basis and would just play dumb about. You wish he would look the other way and let you cause the trouble he already knows you are up to. The amount of time it took you to travel each day was really eating into the time you could be spending with the brothers during their limited time here in the human world.
You were about to head out to secretly care for your dog when you heard a conversation pertaining to you. You had a little wiggle room before you absolutely needed to leave so you thought you would listen in on them.
“It has to be a secret lover!” you heard Asmo exclaim “Why else would she leave without telling anyone?”
“Stop it Asmo! I don’t want to hear it” Mammon replied
“Why not? It’s only natural that she would have someone in her life. I bet she is quite the heartbreaker.”
“MC isn’t like that, Asmo.”
“Can you two keep it down? I’m trying to read here.” Satan interjected. You decided that you heard enough from them. That you should probably shut down this conversation before it got out of hand, but not before teasing them a little before you left. You casually walked in and spoke up.
“ Oh my , curious of my body count, are you?”
“MC! We uh…”
“Relax, I'm not mad. Actually I find it weirdly flattering that you think I'm just out here, breaking hearts left and right. Though I don’t see why you wouldn’t just ask me about it instead of using your imaginations. But now I'm curious, how many people you guys think I've been with. I’ll let you know the actual number afterwards but I just want to know what you guys think. Let’s start with you Mammon.”
“Three…” Mammon mumbled looking away from you, though you could see a hint of red on his cheeks. ‘ How adorable’ you thought ‘ I’m about to end this man .’
“What a modest estimate Mammon. Do you actually believe that I wonder? Or are you just in denial at the thought that I could have been in a lot of… intimate relationships?”
“Tsk, Like I care who’ve you been with. I mean I was your first.”
“But not in the way you hoped huh?” You grinned down at Mammon who seemed too flustered to retort. You turned to Satan who at this point you could tell was pretending to read. “You want in on this conversation Satan?”
“No”
“Alright then, then I guess that just leaves us with you Asmo. Do I even want to know what wild number you have in mind?” You say turning your attention to Asmo. He looked you over and seemed to be giving it some actual thought before blurting out his answer.
“At least 15”
“Hmmm” the sound you made was higher pitched than you meant for it to be. You were trying very hard not to laugh. “Is that what you think? That’s a more conservative number than what I thought you would say, given who I'm talking to, but at the same time… Asmo, we know each other!”
“Yeah and?”
“Well in any case I guess it’s time to reveal the truth. The one who was closest to the real answer was…” you made some noises as fanfare “Mammon! Yeah wooo! And the real answer is absolutely zero!” Your answer seemed to get the attention of all three of them. “What’s with all the shocked faces? I never sought out to be in any sort of actual relationship and no one has ever really shown any interest in me as far as I'm aware.” you paused for a moment deciding to stir the pot a little “Until recently…” You were talking about the brothers when you said this but the fun thing was they wouldn’t know that. You were going to be as misleading as possible just to see how they would react. “Anyway I should be going, I don’t want to keep them waiting.”
“Who exactly, MC?”
“Someone who's been very dear to me since they entered my life recently.”
“Like a friend, right MC?” Mammon asked but you didn’t answer you just grinned. “Like a friend, right MC?” He asked again
“You aren't wrong I guess.” you replied mischievously “Although, we are closer than just friends though.” This wasn’t a lie. You and your doggo were closer than friends, you were family.
“So like best friends?”
“Stop being so dense Mammon!” Asmo chimed in, “Obviously I was right!”
‘ *buzzer noise* WRONG!’ You thought to yourself
“So MC” Asmo continued “Tell us about this mystery person in your life? Are they cute?”
“Really guys, I really should get going” you say trying to stall so you could think of ways to describe your dog without letting them know you are actually talking about one.
“No Fair MC! You can’t just drop something like this on us and not give us the juicy details.” Asmo whined
“You are not gonna let this go if I don’t are you? I’ll keep it brief then. Let’s see um… He’s super cute and, in a way, reminds me of you all except a bit more behaved I guess. Not much of a conversationalist though, which is a bummer but when he looks at me with those big ol’ puppy dog eyes of his, my heart melts.” As you say this you wonder if you should have been more subtle with your hints. You were practically giving away the answer. While you didn’t mind them knowing about your dog but it would complicate things if you wanted to sneak him in undetected. “Anyway I gotta go.” you say and as you turn around you nearly bump into Lucifer.
“What were you four talking about?” He asked, casting a suspicious look on all of you. You were not sure if he had caught wind of your conversation or if that sixth sense for detecting trouble was kicking in due to the brief moment when your plan popped into your head. You glanced back behind you at the boys and back to Lucifer.
“Well isn’t it obvious? We were talking about my obvious, yet secret, real life human boyfriend! You wouldn’t know him. He goes to a human university in Canada, plus he’s a secret, so ya know. It is what it is.” Your humor seemed to be wasted on him. “Well anyway I got somewhere to be so I’m just gonna go past you.” You say, trying to slink away past him.
“MC” Lucifer's commanding tone stopped you in your tracks.
“Do you think I am lying? Sure, part of what I said was a joke, I admit that much. But, it's essentially what the conversation was about." You motion to the boys "ask them yourself if you don't believe me. They will confirm I was talking about a boy. I am running late to meet up with said boy so I must go." You take your leave.
Of the three demons in the room during your talk, only Satan picked up on the fact that you might not actually be talking about another human but he wasn't about to tell Lucifer this. Asmo was absorbed in his own little world and Mammon was irked at the concept that some human dude was getting close to you. Before Lucifer had a chance to press the issue, Mammon grabbed Asmo and dragged him out of the room.
"Come on Asmo Let's go."
"Let go Mammon! You are going to damage my skin!"
Once out of range of Lucifer Mammon released Asmo.
"What do you think you are doing Mammon you idiot?"
"We should spy on MC"
"Spy on MC?"
"Don't you want to know who she is seeing Asmo? What if he's a total scumbag?"
"You mean like you? I guess it would be interesting to see what kind of guy MC is into though..."